but don’t do good – just do evil.
Mind your judgements are never fair,
for that won’t get you anywhere,
and to me you would be untrue.
THEOPHILUS
I’ll do just what I have to do.
It’s only right to do your will
if I’m to be restored in full.
[At this point the bishop sends someone to look for Theophilus]
BISHOP
Pincher, can you leave instantly
and find Theophilus for me?
His powers I must now restore;
I acted foolishly, I’m sure
when I tried to take them away.
He is such a fine man, I say,
I don’t know what came over me!
PINCHER
My lord, it’s true, I do agree.
[Pincher the servant speaks to Theophilus, who replies:]
PINCHER
Who’s there?
THEOPHILUS
Say who you are, at least.
PINCHER
The bishop’s clerk.
THEOPHILUS
And I’m a priest.
PINCHER
Theophilus, my lord, I ask
that you should not take me to task.
The bishop is asking for you
and wants to give you back your due,
your living and your whole stipend,
and so you should rejoice, my friend,
that’s the right thing for you to do.
THEOPHILUS
The devil take both him and you!
I should have been the bishop, me!
But I invested him. Folly!
We quarrelled when he took the throne,
and then he tried me to disown.
Well damn him then, for all his hate,
and his whingeing that won’t abate!
But still I’ll go, give it a trial.
PINCHER
When he sees you, he’s bound to smile
and say that it was just a test
of faith. Then he’ll restore the rest,
and be your friend, just as before.
THEOPHILUS
But he’s got mass-priests by the score
whose lies have all blackened my name.
The devil take them, all the same!
[The bishop rises when Theophilus comes in, and restores him to his office, saying:]
BISHOP
Sir, I am glad to see you here.
THEOPHILUS
I can fend for myself, I’m sure,
I haven’t dropped off, anyhow!
BISHOP
Dear sir, I want to give back now
what I deprived you of, and make
amends, and beg you now to take
your office back. Take it from me,
you are a worthy man, I see,
so what I have belongs to you.
THEOPHILUS
You know your paternoster too,
better than those you’ve said before.
Now, I suppose, score upon score
of peasantry and hoi polloi,
will come in hundreds to enjoy
my favour? Well, I’ll make them kneel!
It’s fear, not honour that appeals.
I’ll treat them with a fine disdain.
BISHOP
Theophilus, what can you mean?
Dear friend, think just of good to do!
Come, look inside your lodging new,
your residence is next to me –
our wealth and all our property
we shall hold jointly evermore;
we must be friends, of that I’m sure.
What’s mine is yours, what’s yours is mine.
THEOPHILUS
Indeed, sir, that seems very fine.
[Now Theophilus goes out and quarrels with his companions – starting with one named Peter]
THEOPHILUS
Peter, d’you want to hear what’s new?
How fortune’s wheel has turned for you?
The hand you’ve drawn is really bad –
hold on to what you’ve got, my lad –
you won’t get my job after all,
the bishop thought he would recall
me – so no thanks to you, I fear!
PETER
Theophilus, what’s this I hear?
Not threats? Why only yesterday
I asked him to recall you straightaway,
because that seemed both right and fair.
THEOPHILUS
Oh yes, you made a slip-up there,
in getting me ejected then.
In spite of you, I’m back again.
You never gave a thought to me!
PETER
But sir, I swear vigorously
I wanted you for bishop when
the former bishop died, but then
you said you didn’t want the job,
you were too much in awe of God.
[Theophilus shifts his attention to someone else]
THEOPHILUS
Thomas, Thomas, you’ll feel the pain
now I’m your seneschal again.
You’ll have to pull your socks up now,
give up your nonsense anyhow.
I’ll be the worst taskmaster yet.
THOMAS
Theophilus, I could just bet
you look as if you’ve drunk a bit.
THEOPHILUS
What, insults too? Oh well, that’s it
You’re out tomorrow! Good riddance!
THOMAS
In God’s name! Are you in a trance?
I love you and respect you too!
THEOPHILUS
Thomas, I’ll spell it out to you:
it’s up to me who stays or goes.
THOMAS
You’ve become very bellicose!
Leave me and speak to me no more.
THEOPHILUS
Thomas, you try my patience sore!
You’ll sweat and plead, my little man,
before I’ve finished, that’s my plan.
[But Theophilus now repents, and goes into a Lady Chapel and says:]
Alas, odious wretch, what will become of me?
Earth, can you bear to feel the weight I put on thee?
I gave up my true God for vain apostasy,
and took as lord a prince of purest misery.
God I renounced – I can’t conceal it any more,
I threw away the balm, the fruit I chose was sour,
I signed away the deed and perished in that hour
and now my soul will have to pay the debt for sure.
O God, what will you do with this unhappy knave,
whose soul is bound for fiery hell, the devil’s slave,
where devil’s feet take vengeance for my sin so grave?
Earth, swallow me! Hide me! Nothing more can me save.
Lord God, what can such a foul, wicked creature do,
despised by God and all the world, and by men too,
betrayed and trapped in fiery hell by demons who
will torture him with fire for ever and anew.
Alas, I once was full of pride and ignorance
when I rejected God for one small lucky chance,
the riches of the world which so did me entrance,
have cast me into hell, damned me without a glance.
Satan, full seven years I’ve complied eagerly,
the wicked songs you made me sing so merrily
I’ve sung; but I committed many a felony;
in hell my flesh must pay for all that misery.
Souls must be loved, but for mine no-one had a share.
I dare not ask Our Blessed Lady for her care.
Some seeds don’t grow, when they are sown amongst the tares,
and thus my soul – and hell awaits my last despair.
Alas, how stupidly I’ve served and I’ve been served,
and what pains now for me and my soul a
re reserved.
To ask Our Lady’s help is more than I’ve deserved,
yet she might serve to save my soul if her I’d served!
In dirt I’m dyed, and in the filth and in ordure
I’ll die as I have lived – in dirt then, I’ll endure
enduring hell; God lives. But I shall die for sure;
devils will surely beat me direly at death’s door.
In heaven or on earth there’s nowhere I can hide.
Alas, what place on earth would now take me inside?
Of being damned always in hell I’m terrified;
no paradise for me, though, since God I denied.
I dare not call on God nor on His saints depend,
since I have offered all my service to the fiend.
The devil has the pact and covenant I signed;
I got my riches, but I must have been quite blind.
I dare not call on God, the saints I cannot name,
nor on Our Lady full of grace, to whom all fame
is due. But since in her there is no hint of blame
I’ll turn to her for help in spite of all my shame.
[And now follows the prayer which Theophilus directed to the Virgin Mary:]
Queen of the skies
Virgin most wise
Lady full of grace
from whom virtues arise,
to you my heart flies;
deliver us apace,
we gaze on your face
with sweetest surprise;
fountain, fair place,
of noblest race
may your Son hear my sighs.
From sweet service of you
they seduced me, it’s true,
tempted thoroughly,
by the foul devil who
(evil through and through)
cast a spell over me.
Lady, set me free,
for your charity
is pure, and can do
wonders, or my body
will be in misery
when hell claims its due.
Sweet Lady Mary
my heart change for me
so that I serve you,
or I’ll never be free
from all my misery.
Take my soul, too,
which deserves death, it’s true.
When the devil comes to
take me, have pity,
and help my soul through.
Body’s pain is fair due
for the soul’s liberty.
Lady of charity,
Maid of humility,
our salvation you bore
which from death set us free,
from pain and cruelty,
now and for evermore.
Praises on you I pour
Lady, blessings and more,
now I know verily!
Lady, let me be sure
I’m not damned evermore
to hell’s eternity.
Hell’s gates are open wide
to welcome me inside
for my soul’s wicked sin;
I should be terrified
if I now should be tied
and if I were shut in.
Lady, homage I bring
look upon me within,
in spite of all my pride
for your Son, yes for Him,
don’t let devils deride
or hell be satisfied!
You are like a pane
of glass; light comes again
all unbroken through.
You a virgin remained
though into you God came,
a bride and mother too.
O most shining jewel,
Lady, tender and true,
hear my prayer and my pain,
keep my body and soul
from the fires so cruel,
let me love you again.
O Queen full of grace,
bring light to this place
and the dark drive away!
Into favour me raise
let me work all my days
to please you every way.
I’ve been too long astray
on the paths of dismay.
Still the demons of hate
want to take me today.
Lady, to you I pray
keep me from this disgrace.
My life was impure.
In filth and ordure
for too long I have been.
Lady, spotless and pure
do grant me your cure,
and heal me again;
with your treatment divine
make my heart free of pain
with the love that endures.
Most beautiful queen
dazzle me with your gleam
lead me into your care.
The fiends wickedly
caught me up, and I’ll be
torn asunder one day.
They are torturing me
Lady, I can be free
if your Son will but say!
Lady to you I pray –
you know I’ve gone astray –
don’t give them victory.
All the world’s in your sway
hide my poor soul away
where no devil can see!
OUR LADY
Who are you? And what brings you here?
THEOPHILUS
Have pity on me, Lady dear!
I am the wretch
Theophilus, whom men reject,
and whom the devils want to fetch.
I come to pray
to you, My Lady, and to say
that I can never get away
from agony
with Satan who so torments me.
Once, long ago, you smiled on me,
O queen most dear.
OUR LADY
Your babbling I don’t want to hear!
Out of my chapel! Out of here!
THEOPHILUS
I do not dare!
Rose, eglantine and lily fair,
you who the Son of God did bear,
what can I do?
I’ve bound myself up like a fool
with the devil, who’s angry, too!
I’ve no idea,
so I cannot cease in my prayer,
sweet Lady, blithe and debonaire,
most honoured Maid,
lest my soul is to be displayed
in hell, and there forever stay,
with Satan’s crew!
OUR LADY
Theophilus, I once knew you!
You used to be my servant, too,
so now, believe!
Your covenant I shall retrieve
which you made when you were naive,
I’ll find a way.
[Our Lady now goes to retrieve the covenant made by Theophilus]
OUR LADY
Satan, Satan, come out, I say!
If you’ve come to the world today,
to battle for my cleric – nay,
this cannot be!
Give his covenant back to me,
you’ve gone too far in villainy.
SATAN
Out of my hands?
I’m hanged if you’ll get that covenant!
I got his job back for him, and
he swore that he’d take my command
quite willingly,
granting body and soul to me.
OUR LADY
Then I shall smite you mightily!
[And now Our Lady takes the covenant back to Theophilus, saying:]
My friend, your covenant I bring,
although it was a close-run thing
and you nearly beyond saving.
Hear what I say:
go to the bishop, no delay,
give him the covenant today
to read aloud
in church, before a mighty crowd,
so other good men are not cowed
by such deceit.
A man whose love of wealth, whose greed,
bet
rays him is shameful indeed.
THEOPHILUS
Lady, I will!
Body and soul are swiftly killed
by fruits of seeds sown in evil,
I see that now!
[Theophilus now goes to the bishop and gives him the covenant, saying:]
Sir, hear me now, I pray, listen,
I come to you despite my sin!
and you shall know
just what it was oppressed me so.
I was cast naked in the snow
by poverty.
The devil lies in wait, and he
took my soul off most wickedly.
I ought to fall.
But Our Lady, who loves us all
turned me from the path infernal,
from the road where
I was wandering in despair
towards the devil, waiting there
in darkest hell,
the one who’d made me turn as well
from God, and all good works repel
just for his sake!
The covenant I had to make
was sealed so that it could not break.
It hurt, alack,
I thought my very heart would crack;
but then Our Lady brought it back,
God’s mother dear,
whose virtue shines out bright and clear.
Father, I beg you, don’t forbear
the text to read.
so other men are not destroyed
and from the true path led aside
by such treason.
[The bishop reads the covenant and then says aloud:]
BISHOP
Hear me, for Christ the Virgin’s Son,
of what Theophilus, good sirs, has done,
and hear me well!
For he was tricked by the devil,
– this is all true as the Gospel,
so mark it, too!
It’s only right I should tell you
so listen, and that’s what I’ll do.
‘All those who hear this covenant should learn
how I, Satan, caused Fortune’s wheel to turn;
Theophilus by his bishop was spurned,
who took his wealth and none of it returned.
At this outrage, Theophilus went angrily
to Salatin, and raged despairingly,
and said that he would do homage to me
if I’d restore his wealth and dignity.
He’d led a holy life thus far; again
and then again I’d tempted, but in vain,
till he came begging to me in his pain.
He did homage, and got his wealth again.
The Dedalus Book of Medieval Literature Page 19