She sagged in his hold. He lifted her, one hand on her lower back, the other between her shoulder blades. She clung to him, arms and legs linked around him. He carried her to the walk-in shower, twisted the knob, and kissed her while the water warmed.
The spray caressed them, washing away the dirt and blood of the night’s failures. He backed her against the tile wall. Held there with his hips pinning hers to the surface, he ran his hands over her body. Every sensory detail became necessary. He trailed his fingertips from the tender column of her neck to the edge of her breasts. Before the night ended, he planned to memorize all of her.
Steam rose around them. More of her oranges-and-spice scent invaded his lungs. He buried his nose against her neck and drugged himself on her. Lust rose, replacing the tenderness but not erasing it. It was still there, guiding him, but the need to join their bodies couldn’t be ignored. A tilt of his hips lined up his cock to her opening. He clamped his mouth around the delicate length of her neck and drove forward.
He groaned around the flesh in his mouth. For a heartbeat, he couldn’t move. A sensation of rightness overwhelmed him. He’d lived for over a thousand years and had seen the best and worst life had to offer, but nothing compared to the utter ecstasy he felt in his mate’s embrace.
“Harley, my precious flower, I love you. Now and always.”
A soft sigh escaped her mouth, stirring his hair. She squeezed her inner muscles over his length. “Then show me so I’ll never forget.”
Her choice of words bothered him, but he pushed away the morbid thought. There was no way she could know their sad fate. He released the gentle grip of his teeth on her throat and moved. A slow retreat followed by a hard push tore a gasp from her. Liking the sound, he repeated the motion. Her body gripped his dick. He shuddered, tried to hold on to the sensation, but it slipped away. Faster he moved, the need to feel more growing with each thrust.
Harley dug her nails into his back, locked her ankles over his ass, and welcomed his savage claiming. She kissed his neck, nipped his jaw, and finally yanked his mouth to hers. Her groan fed his hunger. He swallowed the sound and fucked her harder. Each push tore a breathy gasp from her. He shortened his strokes and resisted the urge to slam home. He kept up the teasing, barely sinking half his length inside her needy body.
“Calan, please.” She squirmed over the head of his cock. “I need you.”
Her plea became one he couldn’t resist. He drove forward on a rough thrust. Her muscles tightened around him. Ripples danced along his erection. He withdrew and plunged deep, not allowing her orgasm to take hold.
He brushed his lips over her ear. “I like how you need me.”
“Yes, always.” Harley turned her head to capture his gaze. “Show me more.”
The look in her eyes was one he wanted to remember always—love, passion, devotion. He kept his focus on her face and added a rolling press. He repeated the full stroke, hitting her every trigger point, and watched the orgasm rush over her face. Her eyelids fluttered, but she held them open, letting him see her pleasure.
“Please.”
Her whispered word skipped through his mind, and he let go. On a grunt, he spilled his seed into her, filling her up, giving her everything.
Their joint release lasted forever, but not long enough. The waves eased. The jerking of his cock slowed. When the moment ended, they wrapped their arms around each other and held on tight.
She made good on her promise. He felt her love. It wrapped around them, linking them together.
Too damn bad it wouldn’t save them in the end. Nothing would.
Chapter Thirty
Calan listened to the ordinary sounds of Harley moving around the bathroom. He savored them. The door opened, filling the room with steam and her sweet fragrance. He dragged in one last deep breath of oranges and spice, then turned and faced her. The time had come to tell her the truth. He’d considered leaving while she showered, but he couldn’t. His honor wouldn’t allow him to slink away like a coward.
Dressed in a fluffy white robe three sizes too big, with a towel wrapped around her head and rosy cheeks, she was beautiful. He could’ve envisioned the same scene playing out over the centuries. Today would be the last she held his mark. Sadness gripped him. He pushed the emotion deep.
She slipped trembling balled fists into the pockets of her robe. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s time for me to go.”
Harley took a single step into the room. “Are you going to tell me the real reason I couldn’t voice my feelings last night?”
He stared at her and couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“Calan, please. You asked for my trust. I gave it to you. Now you must trust me.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I made a mistake binding myself to you.”
Her brows pinched. “Excuse me?”
He motioned to her hand shoved into her robe. So many times last night, he’d been tempted to trace the design, imagine what it would look like completed. He’d resisted. He didn’t need the image of their incomplete bond to haunt him more than it did. “I shouldn’t have started the mate bond with you.”
Blinking rapidly, she stepped back. He saw the sheen of moisture in her eyes and locked his jaw. The temptation to open his mind to hers and yank away her anxiety grew with each passing second.
“You lied to me? You don’t love me?”
Calan was by her side before he thought better of it. “I do love you. I always will, but I acted rashly. I should’ve waited until the curse was transferred back to Dar.”
“Why?”
He cupped her face between his hands and waited for her to touch for him. She didn’t. He couldn’t blame her. Still, the loss of her comforting caress hurt.
“I must break our bond before my siblings succumb to madness. I’d thought only they bore the curse. I was wrong. I do too.”
The parallel to what Dar had done to her became clear. They’d both damned her, the two males in the world she should’ve been able to trust with her life—mate and father.
Her guarded gaze assessed him, demanding the truth. Although he’d wanted to shield her from the ugliness of his world, he couldn’t. She was as much a part of it as him, and there was no way to ease the reality of their situation. Better she accept their bleak future than hold on to false hope.
Calan gave her the grim conclusion he’d arrived at in the hours since he’d left his father. “By starting the mate bond, I opened a pathway to you. The fairy magic that fuels the curse is alive. It recognizes you and wants the power you can feed it.”
“For the same reason the sluaghs do. I’m still Seelie.”
He inclined his head. It made perfect sense. The Seelie’s strength was what had allowed a magical world to form where none had been. They’d made their own realm and filled it with dragons and castles, everything Harley had fantasized about, but it was no more than a shadow of what it once had been. The Unseelie Court didn’t have the power to sustain it. Harley could. She held both the goodness of the Seelies to breathe life into the fairy realm and the taint of the Unseelies to appease the curse Arawn had placed upon the fairies. She’d become the ultimate fuel source.
“Yes, you are stronger than Dar, which is why it wants you. If the Huntsmen lose their fight to insanity, the curse will rush to me, and through me, to you. I must sever our mate bond to spare you from suffering the punishment meant for your father. Do you understand?”
For a long moment, she only stared at him. Finally she cleared her throat. “Yes, but you’ll mate me again after you defeat Dar, right?”
Calan dropped his hands and turned away. “No, I can’t. I have only one circle to give. You were my one chance, my one mate, my one love. There will never be another.”
Her breath hitched. “So you can’t love me if we’re not mated?”
“I’ll always love you.” He glanced over his shoulder. “No matter what happens or who you end up with, I will be here. I just won’t be your ma
te.”
She narrowed her eyes and glared at him. “What do you mean, who I end up with?”
Calan locked his knees to stop him from going to her and forced his fingers to uncurl. “I hope that once my brothers are free, you’ll find one of them pleasing, maybe more so than me, and give him your love.”
“What if my love has already been given?” She stepped forward. “What if I said those three words you’ve stopped me from uttering and completed our bond right now?”
“Then you’ll have negated my sacrifice. I’m giving you up so you have a chance at life, maybe not the one you or I desire, but life all the same. You can fight the lure of your heritage as you’ve done without me, or you can give one of my brothers a chance at earning your love and being the male I cannot be.” He made his way to the door, each step ripping his heart open.
“I don’t want another mate.”
Calan stepped into the hallway, gaze straight ahead. “Then that is your choice. But at least you have one.”
With that, he closed the door and left his heaven behind.
Chapter Thirty-One
Harley stared at the closed door for a long time before she slid down the wall and huddled on the floor. A crazed laugh escaped.
“I got dumped.”
Worse than that. Her heart got stomped on. She’d given it to Calan the night before, but he’d never felt it. After the first time they’d made love, he’d closed his mind to hers. She pulled her shaky hand out of her pocket and studied the two interlocking circles on her palm.
“Words might have power, Calan, but so does love.”
Harley traced the symbol, his circle, then hers. Tears rolled down her face while her anger built. She wavered between wanting to destroy something and bawling her eyes out. Either extreme would alleviate the pain building in her heart, but she couldn’t give in to them. Calan wasn’t close to bring her back from the edge. She was on her own. Alone.
I don’t want to be alone. I want my mate.
But she couldn’t have him. They’d been damned before they even had a chance.
The room spun, and she swayed. Harley squeezed her eyes shut, but it didn’t help. She teetered on the edge. Insanity waited for her. It’d be easy to just let go. She wouldn’t hurt if she didn’t care about anything. Was that so wrong?
Laughter echoed in her head as if answering her question. The grating sound irritated her, reminding her why she couldn’t slip. Eyes closed and hands fisted, she dragged up the memory of Calan’s eyes, exactly as she’d done in the years they’d been separated. The laughter cut off, along with the pressure behind her eyes. Slow, deep breaths calmed the last of the tremors shaking her frame. Finally, her heart rate returned to normal.
Sanity returned. At least for the moment. And I had better use it wisely. Next time, I might not be so lucky.
No. Time was against her. It always had been. She sat up and went over everything Calan had told her. The nobility of his actions landed heavily on her shoulders. Calan loved her. She had no doubt in her mind, yet he was willing to give her up so she wouldn’t be condemned to suffer. He was giving her another chance at life and love, exactly as he’d said, but she’d never be able to love or mate another man. And without Calan tied to her soul, she’d have nobody to help her be good.
“You need to be a good girl. Can you do that? Be a good girl?”
How many times had her mother asked her that? How many times had she promised to try? Well, she was no longer a girl. She was a woman—a mature fairy. As such, she’d live forever.
What was left for her? An eternity of walking the line between good, evil, and madness, that’s what.
It didn’t matter how she looked at it. She’d never be whole or healthy. The taint Dar had passed on to her was as much a part of her as her platinum curls. She was a monster trapped in a beautiful body. Nothing and no one could fix her.
Harley let the realization settle over her. Honestly, nobody had ever promised her otherwise, not Calan, her mother, Ian, or even the angels.
She let her eyelids drift shut, and the memory of another pair of eyes returned, not pale blue but lavender. The sight of her favorite angel’s face had always filled her with awe. They were all stunning, too gorgeous to be human. Even as a child she’d recognized the angels were the epitome of perfection, an ideology. Yes, they were alive. Not once had she ever thought them an illusion, but they were polished.
Like a perfect gem set on display.
But her purple-eyed angel wasn’t, which was why she’d been drawn to him most. He was also the only one who’d spoken to her as an adult. While the others had comforted and sung to her, he’d sat on the grass with her and told her the stark truth. She just hadn’t realized it then.
“Life is what you make of it. Good, bad, or ugly—it’s the one you’ve been handed, and how you meet its trials determines whether you win or lose,” she repeated his words.
“I was right about you. You are strong enough to meet your challenge, and my sacrifice for you will not be wasted.”
The words spoken in a low drawl drew her out of her thoughts. Her bedroom had been replaced by puffy white clouds. She scanned the vast nothingness, searching for the castle that had always been a part of her childhood dreams or the meadows where she danced with her angels but didn’t find either familiar sight.
With a frown on her face, Harley faced her visitor. Her angel. He sat with one knee bent and his arm propped casually on it, but instead of a flowing robe, he wore jeans and a white tee. She couldn’t help but wonder why.
“It’s because this is an unofficial visit, and one I will likely be punished for,” he responded to her unspoken question.
He could read her mind. She’d learned that years ago. It didn’t faze or upset her. He was her favorite angel. She tilted her head. “Then why did you come?”
For a long moment, he only stared at her. His stark gaze trapped her. She’d never thought his eyes cold, only weary and worn down, as if he’d seen everything and nothing affected him anymore.
He lifted one corner of his mouth, no doubt amused by her assessment. His smirk slipped in the next heartbeat, replaced by a hard press of his lips. “I made a mistake, Harley. One I regret. In my defense, I’d thought myself pious, even righteous. I was wrong, though, and my actions condemned my brother.”
She waited for him to explain more. He didn’t. She leaned forward. “Who is your brother?”
“He no longer has a name.” He glanced away. “At least not any I may utter, nor can I say how I deceived him. I have taken a vow of silence on the matter.”
She accepted the lack of information and didn’t bother asking for more. If he claimed not to be able to explain it, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t lie to her. She instinctively knew that. Maybe she was a fool for trusting him, but she did. She felt as if she’d known him forever.
“Not forever.” His lips curled slightly. “A millennium. I was entrusted with your safety. I took my promise seriously and kept your soul close to me until you could be reborn.”
“So you are my angel.” Harley grinned, and he dipped his head, a matching smile on his lips. “Who coerced you into saving me?”
“I guarded your soul, but I didn’t save you. Calan did. He just didn’t know who he was rescuing at the time.” He dropped a hand to the floor and leaned forward. “His mate.”
She glanced at her marked palm. “Not for much longer.”
Silence stretched. Her angel offered her no comforting words, no hope, not even a shoulder to cry on. Did she really expect otherwise?
No, and that’s why he’s my favorite angel.
She met his assessing gaze. “You said you’d made a mistake with your brother. What does it have to do with me?”
He shrugged in answer.
She sighed. “Can’t say, right? Your vow of silence?”
“Exactly.” His eyes sparkled. She saw the hint of his personality hidden in their lavender depths. Just as quickly as it flared, it faded.
“I came to make sure you remembered what I said to you about your hero.”
She closed her eyes and let her dreams return. All the angels who’d taken turns visiting her had told her to endure because her hero was waiting for her. He’d love, protect, and cherish her. She had found him, and Calan did. She knew, mated to her or not, he’d always do his best to uphold those truths.
“Yes. Calan’s love is real and deep. Never doubt it. That is not what I want you to recall. Do you remember”—he lowered his voice as if his next words were meant to be a secret—“what else I told you about him?”
For the first time, she wondered if what her angel had revealed to her had been a secret. She sat on her knees and leaned close, forehead to forehead, as they’d done in her dreams.
“He would unleash me. Make me more powerful than any other.” Recalling the words only her angel had spoken to her sparked her uncertainty. Harley tipped her head slightly to look into his eyes. “Raul told me the same thing the night he killed my mom. That he would unleash me, not Calan, and it was time to accept my heritage. Raul had even said the angels had watched over me.”
She narrowed her eyes and sat back. “How did he know?”
“I told him.” He held up his hand. “I had to, so you’d run. I could not allow Calan to mate you yet. It was too soon. All the players had not yet been led into position.”
“Players?” She frowned. “You make it sound as if I’m in a game.”
He curled his hands into white-knuckle fists. “Call it a game or a battle, but the fight that has been building for several millennia is nearly upon us.”
“What’s at stake?” By the growling tone of his words, she guessed something precious.
“Everything, Harley. The world, our souls, our future.” He stood. “And now it’s time for you to make the first move. I have done all I am permitted for you, sacrificed what I was allowed, and guided you to this moment.” He took a step back, his ethereal body growing opaque and indistinctive. “Free will, Harley. The choice is yours to make. Pick it wisely.”
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