"Gods, he's got a wonderful ass," someone said from behind him while a hand squeezed his buttock, startling him.
He turned around, glaring at the second man who smiled an almost toothless smile and licked his lips in anticipation.
"Yeah, young meat," a third voice said.
Hakeem was surrounded by four men – four bandits who stared at him with open lust.
"Leave me alone," he muttered, trying to push past the first man, disgusted.
"What's your hurry?" the man retorted, blocking him. "Stay and play with us. If you don't have money, you can pay us with your body."
Hakeem fished in his sash and threw the half-empty purse at the other man's feet.
"Here's all the money I have. Now let me pass," he said impatiently.
But two men grabbed his arms while the leader picked up the purse and checked the contents. He tutted and tsked shaking his head at Hakeem.
"That's not enough to pay for passage."
"This is a free road! There is no fee to use it!"
"This is our road and there is a fee. Let's have some fun, guys."
Hakeem struggled vainly against the four men who dragged him to a nearby clearing and threw him to the ground. They ripped off his clothes and gagged him with his own sash, shoving the fabric down his throat and almost choking him so he wouldn't alert anyone passing on the nearby road. Then as two held him and a third was on the lookout, the leader lowered his pants.
Hakeem screamed when the man entered him, the gag barely muffling his pain. If he'd thought Leonel had hurt him, this was much worse. He could feel all the pebbles and rocks against his back while all four abused his body, beating him to keep him still. His eyes filled with tears and his vision of green leaves blurred into a dark wood that held him prisoner. He lost track of time and soon his voice left him as he panted and shivered under the men's uncaring hands. They left him naked and sprawled out as they left, sniggering among themselves.
Hakeem rolled to one side and spat out the gag, trying to catch his breath and stop the tears. He moaned in pain, hurting everywhere, but mostly in his lower parts. He wished Kilig was there to curl up against him and be gently rocked to sleep.
The air cooling down and the sunlight slowly fading sent a shiver through him, which forced him to move. He sat and looked around, but his clothes and travel bag were gone with his purse and his weapons – except the silken noose they hadn't bothered unfurling from his wrist. He slowly rose and limped back onto the road, on the other side of the log. He walked under the stars well into the night until he reached the next inn.
Knowing he didn't have the money to pay for a room, he went to the stables and crumbled to sleep on the hay near the couple of horses that would hopefully keep him warm. He hadn't eaten all day, but he wasn't really hungry. He passed out.
***
Kilig woke up from a dream in the dead of the night. He opened his eyes and stared at the darkness around him, wondering why he'd dreamed of tearing Hakeem apart with a fury unknown to him. He had literally torn him to pieces and the head had kept staring at him with wide green eyes.
Kilig breathed slowly to calm his racing heart. He couldn't believe his dream had showed so much hatred for the man he'd loved unconditionally until five days earlier. When had his love turned to anger? Maybe it was just a dream, since now that he was awake, the bed felt awfully empty. He missed Hakeem's warmth, and Hakeem's soft lips, and his lover's body.
His heart calmed down, so he closed his eyes again. The thought of Hakeem wouldn't leave him, but not the awful final fight or the wounded puppy look, he could see Hakeem's trust in him and how he'd offered himself at the beginning of their relationship, and wondered what had happened to both of them since.
Maybe I changed, I idealized him, I made the same mistake I did with Saif, thinking of him as someone he wasn't... Or maybe he changed, his feelings changed... He couldn't really tell whose fault it was, but in five years their relationship had evolved into something he didn't like. He shouldn't have left so quickly, but he couldn't see himself still living with Hakeem after the second cheat.
Then sleep won him again and this time he had a very romantic dream of him wooing Hakeem in a palace that looked very much like the Genn palace in Godwalkar. Both wore princely clothes, as if he were the Emperor and Hakeem a prince of his own...
When he woke up again the sun was up and he felt fine. No more dreams of hurting Hakeem – Saif's son was out of his life, he better move on.
***
A kick woke Hakeem. The innkeeper glared at him with his beefy arms crossed over his chest.
"What are you doing in my stable, beggar?"
Hakeem couldn't respond immediately, still dazed and confused by where he was and what had happened. Then his sore body reminded him of the previous day's assault, and he slowly sat up, squinting when his face ended up in a ray of sun. He heard the innkeeper gasp.
"What happened to your face?" Now the man sounded worried. Hakeem felt the big hands pull him to his feet and keep him upright while leading him outside. He let the innkeeper take him to the inn where they put a blanket on his shoulders and gave him some food. They'd probably taken pity on his sorry state.
After they helped him drink some broth, he finally managed to explain what had happened, where he'd been attacked and what had been stolen. The innkeeper and his wife exchanged a glance and shook their heads.
"Those damn bandits," the innkeeper muttered. "I wonder if the Emperor will do something about them."
Hakeem asked them if there was any kind of work he could do for them to repay them for the food, shelter and maybe some coins to reach Darantasia which was not too far by now.
"You're too weak to stand, my poor boy," the innkeeper's wife said. "Come, I'll help you wash and give you clean clothes, then we'll talk about it."
It turned out the couple had lost a son – younger than Hakeem – so they took pity on him and helped him to get back on his feet.
Hakeem's heart ached more than his body, especially at night when he often cried in his cot, wishing Kilig was there for him. He wondered if he should turn back and go to Rahul and Winged Stephen, asking them to find Kilig for him. But he was closer to Darantasia than Godwalkar by now, and had no money. He must reach the city, earn some coins and go back to Godwalkar, possibly with some merchant so he wouldn't be attacked again – and even if he was, he wouldn't be alone.
He could buy new weapons and act as bodyguard on the way back. He was sure there would be noblemen wanting to meet the Emperor who might hire him in their personal guard. He was gloomy when he left the inn, though. He thanked the innkeeper and his wife, who even gave him a hooded cloak since it was a cloudy day, and left, his heart heavy.
Would he ever get out of the well of desperation he was sinking into? Or was that the right punishment for what he had done? Maybe taking a chastity vow wouldn't have been that bad after all. Not that he thought he had sinned, but he certainly deserved some kind of punishment... When would it end? Could he find Kilig and make things right? Would he ever be happy again?
***
"You're a natural born fighter," Kyler said, bowing his head at Kilig who had blocked his blade with the twin swords.
"Thanks," Kilig said, still panting from the fight. He lowered the weapons and glanced at his teacher, Falcon, who was grinning from ear to ear.
"I'd say you passed the test," Kyler continued. "You're now ready to be a mercenary, or a guard or whatever other warrior job there is to do."
Kilig took a deep breath and relaxed, putting away the twin swords.
"I'd rather use just one sword, though," he said. "But I'll need a northern straight blade to fit in, is that correct?"
"Yes, sabers show you come from the south, and you don't want that up here. They'd eye you suspiciously and wouldn't hire you, especially since you have dark eyes and hair, which is rarer up north."
"But he can grow a beard like a real warrior," Guisarme teased. She'd been watching
the duel from the other side of the armory with Falcon and both had joined Kilig and Kyler for the conversation. Kyler translated for his cousin who rolled his eyes.
"What?" Kilig asked, puzzled.
"Up here you're not a real warrior if you don't grow a manly beard," Kyler informed him with an impish smile. "So you can stop shaving right now and you'll be just fine."
"Oh." Saif's bearded face flashed in Kilig's mind. He'd enjoyed Hakeem's clean face for five years, but maybe it was time to be like his first love. He was almost Saif's age now, so why not. "Fine with me."
"Yikes," Guisarme said, wrinkling her nose. "If I think how clean-shaven you were when I first met you... you looked half-blood for your lack of facial hair!"
"Well, that was twenty years ago, Guisarme, you can't expect me to stay the same like you. I am completely Human after all," he replied with a smile.
She blew him an affectionate kiss and winked, making him chuckle.
"I'll take Kilig to buy his sword," Kyler announced. "See you both at lunchtime."
"Why, is it a men's thing to buy a weapon?" Guisarme challenged.
"Warrior women buy their blades from different blacksmiths," Kyler reminded her. "And there aren't many in Havenstock. So you're stuck with Kurtwood, while I'm going to explore all the other blacksmiths with Kilig until we find the sword with his name on it!"
"Is there such a thing up north?" Kilig wondered.
"Not really." Guisarme chuckled. "It's their way of saying they'll find the blade that perfectly fits your hand and body weight."
"Oh, I see."
Still a little puzzled, Kilig followed Kyler into the cobbled streets of Havenstock. By now he dressed like a northerner, with a short tunic and breeches, and had bought a warm winter cloak with a hood for those rainy or snowy winter days that were fast approaching. Kyler guided him through the maze of streets and alleys to a couple of blacksmiths.
The first one had only broadswords, and they were too heavy for his tastes. The second one had one blade that he really liked, weighted like his old saber, but had expensive workmanship on the hilt that only added value for a parade. It was not a war weapon and Kilig was afraid it would break in a real fight. The third one let him try a couple of swords, and even if he could find twin swords to fight like Falcon had taught him, he chose just one that looked perfect – right weight, right strength and right price too. And the leather scabbard was free.
Kilig proudly wore his new sword and exchanged a satisfied glance with Kyler as the left the blacksmith's workshop.
"Where will you go now?" Kilig asked. "I'm assuming your visit with your cousin is almost done."
"Yes, we're going to move around the Empire a little," Kyler answered. "Would you like to come with us?"
"I don't want to intrude in your relationship more than I already have."
"You're not intruding and we're not a normal couple. Guisarme is the most unromantic woman that ever lived and I'm half-Fajrulo, so... it's not really love."
"What does that mean – the half-Fajrulo thing?"
"Fajrulo don't fall in love. They're dragons, so they don't have Human feelings. I'm also half-Sila, so I do have some, but I've never really fallen in love. I grow fond of people, but love..." Kyler shook his head, thoughtful.
"You're not missing much," Kilig said sourly. "Lots of pain for a moment of passion."
"Well, I've never felt passion either," Kyler retorted. "You should be grateful you have felt both. I know it hurts, but you've been happy for some time. You can't be happy every day of your life, and your feelings are what make your life interesting to me."
"How is it interesting to go up and down between extremes?" Kilig asked, a little jarred.
"I've never tried those extremes. I will never experience them. My life is pretty flat and boring compared to yours."
"Trust me, you don't want to feel the pain of abandonment, or the anger of cheating or..."
"I don't feel the rush of passion either, Kilig. I've never fallen head over heels for someone. I've never lost sleep thinking about someone. I've never wished to curl up in a bed with someone and spend the rest of my life in that room with that person."
Hakeem immediately sprang to mind – curling up against him and staring at him with adoring green eyes. Kilig sighed.
"Maybe I'm not made for relationships either," he muttered. "I can't stay with the same person all my life."
"You've been a loner for most of your life. You need to get used to people. You have few and faithful friends, and that's enough for you. Maybe you don't need a steady lover."
"Can you believe I don't need sex either?" Kilig said. "Those one nights that go nowhere – I'm not interested in that anymore either."
"Because you're comfortable with yourself. Trust me, that's not something everybody can do. Some people hate themselves so much, they need to be with someone else, or they don't feel complete. You're stronger. Love yourself and you'll be just fine."
Kyler winked. It felt strange to hear such wisdom coming from such a youthful looking man.
"Kyler, how old are you?" Kilig asked.
"I'm forty, like you, but will live a lot longer." Kyler grinned. He knew he still looked in his early twenties, like his cousin.
"Wow. Well, thank you, Kyler, now I feel like a dumb Human again." Kilig smiled.
Kyler chuckled and patted his back. "You're not," he assured. "You're actually one of the smartest I've ever met. But you're humble enough to ignore it."
"Thank you." Kilig averted his eyes. He appreciated the compliment from an all-powerful half-blood, but it didn't make him feel much better. He still felt some kind of guilt for quitting on Hakeem. Everybody around him seemed to be in some form of relationship, but he was relieved about being on his own again...
***
Hakeem reached Darantasia and found the public baths. He was glad to sit in the pool of thermal water for some time, trying to relax his stiff muscles. His bruises were gone, but he still felt bruised inside. He missed Kilig and only wanted to hide somewhere and die.
He washed and shaved and finally noticed a man staring at him from the other side of the square pool – middle-aged, balding and clean-shaven with deep black eyes that seemed to look through Hakeem as his fleshy lips slowly curved into a lustful smile. Hakeem held his breath, looked around, but there was nobody next to him, so he was the obvious target of the man's lust.
He glanced at his toned body half hidden by water and wondered. Maybe he could have a good meal and sleep in a soft bed for a night. He looked back at the man, who rose and walked to him through the pool. He wasn't handsome, but he was clean and had all his teeth, unlike the dirty bandits, so Hakeem could bring himself to let the man touch him.
"Hello, handsome. My name is Allan and I run a special house here in town where we provide young men for nobles' pleasure... Are you by any chance looking for work?"
"Oh! Uh... actually, yes. Do I get food and shelter?"
"Absolutely. Two meals a day, and the nights... depending if you have company or not, you can have all kinds of beds."
The man sat next to him in the water and his hand waded towards Hakeem's crotch.
"There are certain things I won't do," Hakeem said, staring ahead and trying to ignore the exploring hand underwater.
"Of course." Allan pulled out his hand and lay back against the pool border. "You can make more money with men, but we do have wealthy female customers as well, if that's your thing."
"That's not what I meant." Hakeem looked at him. "I will not be passive at this time."
"Oh, that's perfectly fine," Allan assured him. "I'm sure we'll find plenty of men ready to give you a lot of money to simply adore your body for a few hours. And suck you dry. You might have to suck once or twice as well..."
"That I can do. But I will not kiss and will not give my ass away." That belonged to Kilig. If he was going to sell his body, he might still protect some parts of it – and not only because he'd been abused recently.
Allan offered his hand with a grin. "We have a deal, then."
Hakeem shook it with a nod. They got out of the pool and dried themselves, then Allan noticed he only had the clothes he was wearing.
"Is that all you have?"
"I was robbed of all my possessions on my way here." Hakeem shrugged. "These clothes are courtesy of the innkeeper who allowed me to get back on my feet and reach the town. I will have to send them back eventually..."
"I see we need to re-clothe you, then. Come, I'll buy you a meal, then we can go to the dressmaker."
Allan put one arm around Hakeem's shoulders and guided him outside of the public baths.
***
Kilig thanked Falcon for the hospitality and the lessons, and left the Governor's palace with Guisarme and Kyler.
"Where will you go?" he asked the lovers.
"Probably back south, Kyler misses his overlord," Guisarme said.
"No I don't," Kyler promptly replied.
"Yes you do." She blew him a kiss and smiled. "What about you?" She turned to Kilig again. "Where are you headed?"
"I'm thinking east. I could go back to Godwalkar via the former Blackmore Kingdom," he replied.
"Oh, Kilig," she chided. "Not a pilgrimage to Saif's house for fifteen years is it?"
He smiled ruefully and shook his head. "I don't think so. Not a pilgrimage, no. But I want to go that way and see where Hakeem grew up..."
"That makes more sense." She nodded twice. "I'm sure you'll find Hakeem waiting for you in Godwalkar – if you're ready to forgive him."
"I don't know about that," he muttered. He didn't hate Hakeem, he wasn't even angry at him anymore, he simply didn't care. Guisarme's stare was jarring, she seemed to imply that their great love couldn't be over. He should just forgive and forget. And he wasn't ready for that.
Kyler found him a caravan of merchants headed for Xendaria who were hiring bodyguards, so Kilig was given a horse and set out for the east, wondering what lay ahead. Hakeem's face and body were slowly fading out of his memories and he felt serene for the first time in years. He could finally see the future again – it was a lonely future, but he wasn't afraid.
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