Her lungs shriveled to the size of Tic Tacs, and she had the feeling of tumbling off a cliff into thin air. Somehow, she managed to find her voice. “There’s no way you could know that unless—”
“I came to see you?” Condemnation burned in his eyes. His voice took on a reflective quality. “Two days after I got back to the states, despite the fact that you dumped me, I came.”
Guilt gnawed at her gut as her mind whirled like a tornado. “I thought you were dead.”
His voice was as unyielding as the packed snow on the Black Diamond ski trail in February. “No, by that time, I’m pretty sure word had gotten out that I was still alive.”
She shook her head, trying to explain. “Yes, I know. But before that, I thought you were dead. Sadie, my assistant—”
“I know who Sadie is,” he cut in. His voice was frigid, exact. “I met her today, remember?”
“Quit interrupting me!” she sneered, jerking a hand through her hair. “I’m trying to tell you why I was on a date.”
His eyes glittered with a hard amusement as he sat back and folded his arms over his chest. “I’m listening.”
She drew in a breath, her chin going high as she pushed out the words. “Sadie, whom you met—” she enunciated the words, giving him a scathing look— “was worried about me. She set me up on a date with her cousin. The date had been set for a few weeks by the time I realized you were still alive.” She sighed heavily, throwing her hands up in the air. “Anyway, I don’t know why I’m trying to explain myself to you. We weren’t a couple then.”
“Exactly. Meaning you have no right to keep throwing Felicity in my face.” He smirked. “Not to sound like a broken record, but you dumped me, remember?”
Her stomach hardened with the gloom of that knowledge. “Yes, I did,” she said quietly. Because you’re a coward! her mind screamed. “It was the biggest mistake of my life,” she uttered.
He cocked an ear. “I’m sorry? I didn’t catch that.”
“Never mind,” she mumbled, waving a hand. Maddox had come back for her! She felt the ridiculous urge to jump up and pump a fist in the air. He’d come for her and saw her with another man. The one time she went on a date and Maddox happened to stop by at the same time. Cruel, stupid, idiotic fate! She looked at him, her eyes lingering on the lines of frustration carved over his features. A smile tugged at her lips. “For the record, my date that night was a total disaster.”
He flinched in surprise. Then, a smile pulled at his lips, giving her a glimpse of those adorable dimples. “I’m glad.”
Time seemed to stand still as warmth spread through her. She felt such a deep connection to Maddox that, for a split second, she could almost believe the two of them had never been apart.
But they had been apart. They were still apart.
She frowned. “I felt you there. I went to find you and came across the yellow calla lilies. Why did you leave without saying anything to me?” A lump of emotion lodged thick in her throat. “I thought I was imagining things, that the calla lilies were a cruel coincidence.” She hesitated. “I assumed that because I’d broken it off you didn’t want anything else to do with me.” Her eyes misted as she gave him a wan smile.
He placed a hand over hers. “Nothing could be further from the truth.” He exhaled a long breath, his eyes going murky. “The truth is, I was a mess at that time—inside and out.” He chuckled dryly. “I looked like a half-starved, yard chicken.”
“From your imprisonment and torture in Syria,” she uttered, the horror of it causing a shiver to slither down her spine. She couldn’t imagine what Maddox had been through.
“Yes.” He paused, swallowing. “When I saw you with that other guy…” His voice hardened as he released her hand. “I wanted to rip him apart limb by limb.”
She flinched, the darkness in him scaring her a little. There it was—the undercurrent that Maddox managed to keep hidden most of the time with his charm and wit. Still, it was there. Could she live with that? The dark side of things Maddox dealt with on a daily basis?
He forced a smile. “I figured it was better for both of us if I left. In retrospect, us being apart was a good thing. It gave me space to sort things out.”
She gave him an intense look. “And have you? Sorted things out?”
He looked surprised. “Yeah, I mean, I’m working on it.” He grinned, becoming his charming self once more. “I’m like the Sistine Chapel, a work in progress,” he teased.
Addie wasn’t ready for him to get playful. She needed more answers, needed to understand the man he truly was. “So, after you saw me with my date, you high-tailed it to San Diego?”
Wariness seeped into his eyes. “Yes.”
She leaned forward. “When did you start dating Felicity? The day you got back?” She cringed inwardly at the jealousy in her voice. Even to herself, her feelings weren’t making sense. One second, she thought she could never be with Maddox. The next, she was irate because he’d found another woman. Maybe she was the one who needed counseling!
He rubbed his neck, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. Then he gave her a perceptive look, his eyes sparkling with laughter. “It really sticks in your craw that I’m with Felicity.”
The taunting edge in his voice made her want to slap him. She drew back. “On the contrary. I don’t give a flying flip who you date. Like I said this morning, I feel sorry for her,” she sniffed.
The corners of his lips pulled down. “I’m glad you brought that up. I wanted to ask you about that.” He scooted close and leaned in, closing the space between them. “What do you mean? Why on earth would you feel sorry for Felicity?” His eyes moved over hers in that leisurely way that made her blood pump faster. He was so close she could feel his warm breath on her face. Her breath caught when he trailed a finger down her cheek.
“Maddox,” she protested.
“Huh?” His finger moved to her neck. With tantalizing lightness, he skimmed her collarbone lingering on the throbbing indention at the base of her throat. Then he wrapped a finger around one of her curls.
He brushed her lips with his. “What do you mean?” he implored.
Delicious tingles circled down her spine. Geez. How was she supposed to think clearly with him this close?
“Because …”
He kissed the side of her mouth. “Hmm?” he murmured, his lips moving to her ear.
She closed her eyes, anticipation singing through her veins, as he trailed a string of soft, shivery kisses down her neck.
All Addie could think about was Maddox and how he consumed her heart and soul. Finally, she couldn’t stand it any longer. She took his face in her hands and pulled him closer. When their lips connected, fire leapt through her veins and sizzled through her with a tantalizing persuasion that zapped her strength, melting her to him. Her heart soared infinitely higher than the altitude they were flying as his lips explored hers. His hands tumbled through her hair with an eager intensity that left her breathless.
When the kiss was over, he pulled back, giving her a quirky grin. “You were saying about Felicity?”
The comment was a frigid splash of water dashing all residual desire as she stiffened. “You’re such a jerk.” She moved to get away from him, but he caught her arm.
“You love me and you know it,” he laughed.
Yes, she did love him, but a thousand armies couldn’t drag it out of her. Her eyebrow shot up. “You certainly have a high opinion of yourself, Bama boy.” No one could rile her faster than Maddox. She stopped, a thought occurring to her. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“The kiss? Yes, I enjoyed it very much.” His eyes danced. Lightly, he fingered a tendril of her hair. “Thanks for initiating it … again.”
Her eyes rounded as she lightly slapped his arm. “I’m such an idiot,” she groaned. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t kiss you again.” Her brows furrowed. “Not while you’re with her,” she spat.
He laughed. “Felicity?”
“Yes.” Addie scooted back and clamped her arms over her chest. “You shouldn’t be kissing me either. Unless you enjoy being a two-timing snake.”
A deep, warm bubble of laughter left his throat. “You’re really cute when you’re jealous,” he teased.
She flinched. “I’m not jealous,” she countered. “Just concerned about your behavior towards Felicity.” Even as the words left her mouth, she felt like an idiot. Concerned about his behavior towards Felicity. Really?
He brought his lips together and held up a finger, his voice holding a hint of mockery. “It’s nice of you to be so concerned about a woman you’ve never met.”
“Yeah, I’m altruistic that way. Just call me Mother Teresa,” she quipped.
He gave her a boyish grin that turned her insides to warm caramel. She couldn’t help but smile back. She straightened her shoulders, pulling in a breath. “Okay, are you going to tell me about your thing with Felicity? When you started dating her? How serious it is?” Her heart tightened a little at that. She couldn’t stand the thought of Maddox being with another woman.
“All right. I’ll tell you what you want to know. But first, you’ve gotta tell me why you feel sorry for Felicity.”
There was no way around it. The elephant in the room was always there. She might as well get it in the open. “Fine, but you go first.” She eyed him, daring him to disagree.
He rubbed his neck. “I started dating Felicity as sort of a rebound thing.” He gave her a sharp look. “I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out for you. Some curly haired vixen broke my heart.”
She shifted, giving him a nervous laugh. “Hah! With hair like yours I don’t think I’d be talking about mine.”
He pumped his eyebrows. “Think of the kids we’d have together—all that hair. Maybe I’d better call my broker and order stock in a gel company.”
Heat crept up her neck as she giggled. “Stop with the side notes and get on with the story already.”
“Hold your horses, woman,” he drawled. “I’m working my way into it.”
She chuckled, tucking her leg underneath her. “What does that expression even mean? What type of horses do you have?”
He flexed his bicep. “Clydesdales, of course.”
Yeah, his muscles were impressive. Too impressive. She forced her eyes to his face, grunting. “More like Shetland ponies.”
He burst out laughing. “That was good,” he said admiringly, sending a warm glow over her.
She made a circular motion with her hand. “Back to the story.”
He sighed. “Oh, yeah. Let’s see … I was talking about my broken heart.” His face pulled down in mock sadness. “It was terrible. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. I wandered the streets, barefoot in ragged clothes, searching for my purpose. Trying to figure out how I could possibly forget about the green-eyed, curly haired vixen who’d bewitched me.”
She rolled her eyes. “All right. I get the point.” Secretly, however, she enjoyed the thought of him pining away for her. She’d certainly done her share of pining away for him.
“Anyway, I met this girl who lives in my condo complex. She seemed nice enough, so we started going out.”
He said it casually like he was discussing the weather. She leaned forward, her heart picking up its beat. “How serious is it?”
Time seemed to stop as his eyes held hers. “Do you really have to ask after our kisses?”
An inexplicable feeling of joy rose in her chest, a stupid grin spilling over her lips. “So, you’re not serious,” she said, stating the obvious.
“There’s only one woman who has claim to my heart.” His expression grew serious. “The question is—what will she do with it?”
She saw the cautious hope in his eyes and wanted more than anything to tell him that she could be the woman he needed her to be. She wanted to be brave, to love him fiercely in the moment. She wanted to come to terms with the high risk of losing him to the constant danger of his job.
How? How could she do it? Thinking he was dead nearly did her in, and that was after they’d broken up. Didn’t she tell herself then that not having him in her life was worse than living with the constant fear of losing him? Now that the moment was upon her, however, she was torn and confused. She clasped her hands tightly in her lap, trying to make herself small.
“Addie?” He caressed her hair, a sad smile touching his lips. “You wouldn’t make a good poker player. Why do you feel sorry for Felicity?” he asked quietly, even though she could tell he already knew the answer.
“Do you want me to say it out loud?” Her heart ached. “I love you,” she admitted. A tear rolled down her cheek. “I never stopped loving you.”
Lightly, he brushed the tear away, his thumb lingering on her cheek.
“I wish I could tell you that I could be that woman, the one who will stand by your side—” her voice choked “—the woman who will give her whole heart, not knowing if you’ll come back when you walk out the door in the morning.” She gave him a pleading look. “The truth is, I’m not sure that I can.” Panic fluttered in her stomach when she saw his anguished expression.
“We’re back to square one, huh?”
The hurt and accusation in his tone tore at her heart.
Her voice went hoarse. “I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m just trying to be honest about my feelings.”
He nodded, his lips clamping into a thin line. “I appreciate your honesty,” he clipped.
She could feel a wall going up between them.
“I’m so sorry,” she uttered, jumping to her feet and rushing to the bathroom before he could see her lose it.
16
The next morning, on the drive to Barrett Medical, all Maddox could think about was that he’d overreacted. After all, Maddox knew how Addie felt. The reason she’d broken up with him to begin with was because she couldn’t stomach his life as a SEAL. Now that he was retired, it wouldn’t be any different. He couldn’t promise her that when he went into dangerous situations that he’d come back. No one could promise that. Things had been going so well between him and Addie—the chemistry between them set him on fire—that he hoped she would come around. Who was he kidding? He’d known from the minute he stepped foot in Birchwood Springs how this would end. Maybe this was the reality check he needed to cut bait and move on with his life.
Soon, Addie would no longer need protecting, and it would be time to go to the next assignment. Maddox hoped, that when he questioned Brent Barrett and Blanche Richey shortly, he’d get the validation he needed to put closure on the situation. By the end of the day, the authorities would have Brent Barrett in their custody. Brent already had the hard drive, meaning no one had any further reason to bother Addie. Like he promised, Maddox would accompany her to San Diego so she could see Corbin and Delaney. After that, they’d go their separate ways. Despondency settled like glue in his gut. Oh, how he wished things could be different, but wishing didn’t make it so.
* * *
The limousine pulled up in front of Barrett Medical. Maddox looked up at the modern, high-rise complex of glass and metal, gleaming like a self-important jewel in the midday sun. He glanced at Addie’s stony expression. After they’d arrived in New Jersey the night before, they went to a hotel that had two queen-sized beds and got some rest, speaking to each other only when necessary.
This morning, the coolness continued. It was better this way. Maddox couldn’t keep opening himself up to her, only to get shot back down. He reached for the door handle. “You ready?”
She nodded, squaring her jaw. “Yep.”
A couple minutes later, they walked across the shiny, hard floor of the cavernous foyer to the front desk where a suit-clad woman with a cap of straight-blonde hair sat staring at a computer screen, punching keys. When she realized Maddox and Addie were there, she reluctantly pulled her eyes from the screen and shifted her attention to them.
“Welcome to Barrett Medical, how may I help you?” she said in a nasally ton
e. Her words were all the same pitch like she was reading from a script.
Maddox leaned into the counter, resting his arm on the lip at the top as he flashed a conversational smile. “We’re here to see Brent Barrett.”
Her eyes widened. “Your name?”
“Maddox Easton.”
She looked at her screen and began furiously typing. Her fingers paused. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have you listed. Mr. Barrett doesn’t see people without an appointment.”
Maddox figured they’d have to go through a song and dance before getting past the gate keeper. “Brent will want to see me.” He looked the woman in the eye, not flinching.
After a second, she blinked and looked back at her screen.
“Call him and tell him I need to speak to him about Jordan Phelps and PZT.” He watched the woman’s expression to see if it would change at the mention of those two topics. It didn’t. She obviously didn’t have a clue to what he was referring. He might as well have told her he wanted to talk to Brent about gorillas and balloons for all she cared.
“I’m afraid I don’t have the authorization to contact Mr. Barrett personally,” the woman said.
“Then call his personal secretary. It’s important,” he added. He glanced at the metal detectors in front of the elevators. Good thing he’d left his gun in the limousine. Two security guards stood in front of the detectors, checking I.D.s. Maddox had no doubt he could take them both. If the nice way didn’t work, he’d have to do things the hard way. One way or another, he was getting in to speak to Brent Barrett. He forced a smile that felt more like a grimace. “Make the call,” he ordered.
The woman picked up the phone. “I have a Mr. Easton and …” she looked at Addie.
“Adelaide Spencer,” Addie supplied.
“Adelaide Spencer,” the receptionist repeated, “here to see Mr. Barrett.” She made a face. “Yes, that’s what I told them, that Mr. Barrett doesn’t see people without a prior appointment.” She shot them a vindicated look.
The Diehard Warrior Page 15