“Yeah, well…Charlie made it sound like it was important.” I looked in her direction and she gave me the I-don’t-know-what-he’s-talking-about expression.
“She said you were having a bad day.” Cam walked into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of water out of the fridge. “So I decided to ditch my date and hang out with the two of you. I was at the store picking up wine right around the corner when I received Charlie’s text.” He opened the plastic water bottle and took a long swig.
His gaze shifted from me and then to his sister. Charlie and I exchanged glances as well.
“Are either of you going to tell me what happened? Or are we going to all just look at each other without speaking.” Cam always had a way of getting straight to the point. He never had been one to beat around the bush.
“You aren’t going to believe it. In fact, if I hadn’t seen it firsthand, I wouldn’t have believed it if someone told me.” I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief.
I recounted my day minus Charlie seeing me naked in the shower and kissing me on her couch. I told him about my long run and lunch with his sister. He raised his eyebrow when I spoke about our time together. I knew he suspected something was going on between us since he had texted me the third wheel comment.
“Then we went to see my mom at the library.” Before I could begin the vivid details of seeing my mother in another man’s arms, Charlie interrupted my thoughts.
“And we ran around the revolving door until I almost puked!” Her comment drew a chuckle from her brother. I knew what I said next would fade the humor quickly.
“And then we saw my mom…kissing a man that wasn’t my dad.” Cam sat on the sofa next to Charlie, and I sat in her armchair while narrating the details I wished I could forget.
“Wow. That’s crazy. I’m sorry, man.” Cam’s expression of disbelief was apparent as I watched his eyebrows draw together.
“So now I can’t go home. I’m not ready to talk to my mom…or my dad, for that matter. Would it be all right for me to crash at your place for a couple of days?” I asked him the question, but rather than maintain eye contact with me, he glanced in Charlie’s direction. I know they are twins, but is he really sending her a telepathic message?
I swung my eyes in Charlie’s direction, she appeared emotionless, unaffected by the question I had asked. In fact, she didn’t even bother to turn toward me at all. She was held in a weird hypnotizing stare with her brother until it broke, and she gazed down at her feet.
“Tonight is fine, but since I had to break my date with Tessa for this evening, I will need to make it up to her tomorrow to stay in her good graces.” He winked at me then. “So I will need my apartment to myself if you know what I mean.”
“Cameron, gross. We both know what you mean.” A gagging sound escaped from Charlie and then she stuck out her tongue. “I guess Louis will just have to crash on my couch tomorrow then.”
Even though I had already turned her offer down a little while ago, she successfully trapped me in a situation that I couldn’t say no to. So I simply smiled. “If you’re sure that’s okay.” I feigned a happy expression, but I was a little annoyed that she was going to get exactly what she wanted.
“Of course it’s okay. It will be fun. We can eat popcorn and watch Netflix.” Her lips tugged slightly up at the corners of her mouth, and I could tell she was trying to stifle the I told you so from coming out.
“Cam, you aren’t really going to ditch me for some random girl and leave me to an adolescent slumber party, are you?” Maybe if I explained to him that I was having inappropriate feelings for his sister, he would disagree with the arrangement Charlie had come up with. I only thought about that for half a second and realized how awkward that would be for each of us. I guess I would have to go along with this arrangement and do the best I could to keep my distance from Charlie. Although I knew that was going to be extremely difficult considering even when we weren’t heavy with passion, we couldn’t seem to keep our hands off each other.
9
Charlie
My brother was so incredibly good at reading my signals. I loved him for that. He knew my secret, and I was so happy I had elected to tell him. Cam had accused me of crushing on Louis. Maybe that was right. Maybe the feelings I had were nothing more than what a girl feels over her teenage crush. No, that wasn’t it. I felt elation and happiness. I had all kinds of feelings when I was with him. I was totally in trouble.
Tonight I had to share Louis with my brother. I couldn’t wait to have him all to myself tomorrow. I had become so familiar with his touch, as innocent as it may seem; sometimes I felt like I couldn’t relax until he touched me. He held my hand and kissed me. And I don’t just mean the times our mouths kiss. I was able to take in those cleansing, healing, deep breaths when he kissed my temple or my head, or anywhere his lips touched. I felt like I couldn’t inhale enough to take in the amount of oxygen my body required until he was near me. How will I ever be able to survive without him? Now that I know I can breathe adequately only when he’s with me, how will I live without him? All humans require air to live. This is a fact. I know this to be true, because I am a nurse.
What didn’t make sense was how I could survive when he was gone. My lungs couldn’t have possibly taken in enough air. Now I realized that, before, I wasn’t even living. Sure, I worked and spent time with my family, but my heart was dead. My life was empty. He left a void in me that was not capable of sustaining life. My life finally felt like life again. He’d been gone for five years and then brought me back to life in a matter of a few days. I don’t want him to leave.
I didn’t even mind sharing him at this point. If I could be near him, I could continue to live. I could continue to breathe. My heart could continue to beat. I hadn’t fallen in love with him. I didn’t fall off a cliff. I jumped. I crashed, collided, and plowed into love with him. A fall can be graceful. This was a head-on, impulsive, traumatic, bone-breaking impact. It happened without any warning. It was like a train wreck. I never saw the collision coming.
Before I realized it, I found myself smiling. And not the demure smile of a respectable girl. This was a smile so wide that it hurt my face. My lips stretched as far as they could without cracking. I was in love with Louis.
“Yeah, I know you got your way.” I could hear Louis talking to me, but I watched his expression as he witnessed the smile that ran from one side of my face to the other.
“Charlie, don’t be too girly at your slumber party.” I heard my brother say next. “No painting each other’s toenails and giving each other facials.”
“How would you know what happens at a slumber party, Cam?” Louis questioned my brother, but I remained on the cloud floating near him.
“That’s what Claudette and her friends would do,” Cameron answered as if his response was completely obvious.
“And what did you do at slumber parties Charlene?” Louis calling me by my given name snapped me out of the euphoria I was basking in.
“You already know. You were there. I was always with you and Cam.”
The guys and I rode to the lake and parked close to the shoreline. The sound of crickets and frogs sang loudly in the thick air. The humidity left a thin cloud on the lake, and I could smell the patchy fog. It had the same smell as fresh rain and left moisture on my bare skin. The guys carried the canoe from the bed of Cam’s truck to the edge of the water while I was immersing my senses in my surroundings.
I held the flashlight. I had forgotten how dark it was during nighttime canoeing. The three of us climbed in and pushed off from the sand. Louis and my brother grabbed the oars and began to paddle us toward the center of the lake. I remained seated in the middle of the canoe while Cam took a spot at the bow and Louis sat behind me. I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel him looking at me. Even though it was dark, I know he could see me. He could always see me.
There was a small amount of water in the bottom of the canoe where my feet were submerged, and I
suddenly felt something pinch my toe. “Oww!” Then there was a continued burning, stabbing, pain biting at my toes. My scream caught the guys’ attention.
I turned the flashlight back on that I had clipped to the belt loop on my shorts and shone the beam toward my feet. And there, swimming in the small amount of water, was a crawfish near my foot. I quickly picked up the crustacean by its tail and tossed it in the lake.
“You have ruined all women for us, Lean Bean,” Cameron said through his insufferable laugh.
“What do you mean?” I wasn’t sure what precipitated that comment from my brother, so I exchanged looks with both men in the boat.
“You are never the damsel in distress. You don’t need us to kill bugs. You don’t scare…ever. You will pick up a snake, or a frog, or a crawfish without it bothering you. You don’t care if you mess up your hair or get dirt under your fingernails.” I was unsure if he was paying me a compliment or stating things unfavorable about me. “You are every guy’s dream. Right, Louis?”
Louis simply shrugged. He didn’t even respond with words. Not even one word. Not even a syllable. Not a sound. He didn’t feel the same way about me that he used to. He didn’t need me like I needed him. He clearly thought he could live his life just fine without me. I shouldn’t feel sad, but I couldn’t help it. My hope had vanished. Sure, he had said we were only going to be friends, but I guess part of me thought that we would take things slow and let our friendship evolve into something more.
I swallowed down the bile creeping up my throat and resumed my position facing forward. That suffocating feeling returned, and I couldn’t breathe…until I felt a hand rub my back. Then I was able to fill my lungs with life again. Louis realized what his reaction did to me, and he was trying to comfort me. I could take in air again.
I intended to swivel in my seat so I could turn around and look at him, but hidden in the darkness of the night, something flew over my head. Correction. Something dove from the sky toward my head. “What the hell was that?” I said as I waved my hands around my head.
“I think it was a bat,” my very matter-of-fact brother said.
“Nah, I think it was a hawk,” Louis offered.
“Whatever it was, why did it drop from the sky and plunge toward my head?”
“You’ve seen the vampire movies.” I don’t know why, but my brother’s response drew laughter out of me. Not a feminine giggle, but a roar of side-splitting hooting. My two favorite guys joined me in the fit of snorting and cackling merriment, and I realized there was nowhere else I would rather be. These two boys I once knew had grown into men, but they were still my best friends. They are my happiness. They were my life.
10
Louis
We dropped Charlie off at her apartment and drove toward Cam’s place on the east side of town. My best friend remained quiet. This was not unlike him. He had always been one to take everything in before responding. He liked to weigh things carefully in his head before forming his thoughts into words, which was ironic considering how quickly he responded to a text message. I guess it was more difficult for him to say the words rather than tap them out on his phone. I knew he was alone in his head with his thoughts, so I just waited.
“So what’s going on between you and Charlie?” He kept a tight grip on the steering wheel and focused straight ahead while he asked me.
“We have decided to be friends again,” I said in the hopes that satisfied his curiosity.
“That’s good.” He responded curtly and promptly returned to the solitude of his own silence. Several moments passed by before he finally asked what was really on his mind. “Do you still love her…you know, like you did five years ago?”
Then I knew I was going to have to lie to my best friend. I wanted to say no and believe it. I really wanted to know what the answer was and say it out loud. Truthfully, I didn’t know how I felt anymore. I loved her. Oh, how I loved her. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to let her hurt me again, so I should say no and believe it. “No. She is my friend. She doesn’t want anything more and neither do I.”
“Just don’t be completely closed off to the idea. Both of you should just keep an open mind and let what happens happen.” His comment took me off guard. I had no idea why he would say that to me.
“Has Charlie said something to you about me?” Did she confide in her brother how she felt? What does she want from us?
“I know it’s none of my business. But when I stayed out of what happened between the two of you all those years ago, we all suffered. I lost my best friend and you two lost each other. I just don’t want that to happen again.”
I smirked and tried very hard to hold back my laughter. “You are forever the peacemaker…or the meddler. I’m not sure which supersedes the other.”
I wasn’t sure if he wanted Charlie and me to be more than friends or not. But I was sure he wanted all of us to be able to spend time together.
Run today? I read on my phone when I rolled over onto my side while lying on Cameron’s couch.
Sorry. Too tired today. Maybe tomorrow? I hadn’t slept well, and I really wasn’t in the mood. I swear I don’t know how she has the energy to run. All. The. Time.
Okay. See you later. I’ll order pizza for dinner tonight. For some reason, that text sent a smile to my face. I would be eating dinner with her and sleeping at her house. The last time I’d fallen asleep on her couch, I was sitting up, but she was curled up with me. It’d felt amazing. The couch I was currently lying on was not as comfortable. Of course it wasn’t. Charlie’s warm body wasn’t next to me.
That sounds great. Can’t wait. After I hit the send button, I wondered if I sounded too eager. I certainly didn’t want to lead her on, but I couldn’t help but be excited about being with her again.
“Coffee?” Cam said to me, approaching from the hallway, entering the living room.
I sat up and nodded. “That would be great.”
“I’m going to pickup basketball today at one. You wanna go with?”
I contemplated it, but since the blister was still open on my back, I decided maybe it wasn’t a good idea. “Maybe another time. I want the burn on my back to heal a little more before I participate in contact sports.”
“So running, fishing, and canoeing are okay, but no basketball?” he questioned with a lift of his eyebrow.
“I guess.” I shrugged. It had made sense in my head.
“Uh okay. I really hope you aren’t using that burn on your back as an excuse because you don’t want me or anyone else to kick your butt.” He flexed the muscles in his arms, and I couldn’t help but let a chuckle slip out.
“Cam, some things never change. I can still beat you at any sport, anytime. I just didn’t want to show you up.”
“Whatever, we play again on Thursday at six o’clock. You and your burn should be better by then.”
“I might be able to make that work.” That was still a few days away. I was returning to the clinic on Friday and hopefully, I would be cleared to return to my job. But now I didn’t feel so great about going back to work. I missed my job and my co-workers. I even missed my cousin and the landscape business. But I missed Cameron and Charlie more. The realization that I’d be leaving soon started to unnerve me. Plus, I still had to deal with whatever was going on with my mom. I still wasn’t ready to think about that.
I watched Cam tap on his phone. He was probably sending another text message. I didn’t inquire about who he was communicating with. It was probably the girl he was going out with tonight. I couldn’t remember the name he had told me. But given that he didn’t ever date anyone for very long, he probably hadn’t committed her name to memory yet, either.
My phone pinged, and I turned it over to see the screen. It was another text from Charlie. Going to be busy until around three. Wanna come over then?
Sure. See you soon.
“Some of the kids from my school have a soccer scrimmage at ten this morning. I was going to go watch. You feel like g
oing, too?” With Cameron being an athletic trainer at the local high school—the same high school we went to—he knew almost all the student athletes.
“Only if we go out to breakfast first,” I suggested. “And we still haven’t had coffee.”
“I’ll invite Charlie to go with us.” I still found his brotherly inclusion of his twin sister funny.
“She was going for a run. I don’t know that she will be back in time.” He tilted his chin and raised his eyebrow as if thinking, how do you know what Charlie is doing right now?
“She decided not to go. She said she was going to run with a friend, but her friend backed out.” His questioning glare was still aimed at me. “Were you the friend she was going to go running with?”
“She literally just asked me, and I said I didn’t feel like it today. We have been running a few times together, but I would hardly call us running buddies. Besides, I thought she always used to run by herself. She doesn’t even like to talk while she runs, so she’s not very good company.” I wasn’t sure why I was babbling like I was. It sounded like I was trying to cover the fact that I had been spending time with Charlie to her brother. I just figured if I didn’t come up with something to say, that he would see right through me. He would see what his sister did to me. It would be apparent how I felt about her, despite my best effort of denying it to him and myself.
“If you’re explaining, you’re losing.” He grabbed his truck keys from the kitchen counter and motioned for me to follow him.
I pulled my T-shirt back over my head, since I had removed it the night prior. Then I stood and walked in his direction. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I wish you would cut the crap with me.” His body pivoted with a force toward me, the jolt sent me backward a step. “Charlie is my sister, and you are my friend. I wish you two could just find a way to get along. It would be great if things could just go back to the way they used to be.”
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