by Keri Lake
The thought of him lying in darkness, uncertain but hopeful, pierces my heart. I turn to kiss the inside of his palm, and I guide his hand from my face to my breast. “This isn’t a dream.”
“It is. My dream.” He leans forward, taking my breast in his mouth, and his fingers dig into my hips, as I roll them back and forth along his shaft.
I tip my head to the sky, tears in my eyes, reveling in the feel of him inside of me, his hands on my skin, his taste in my mouth, and his scent filling my head with the sweet memories of the man I’ve craved for too long. My body rejoices at this man’s touch. His flame rages through me, igniting the embers that have solemnly burned for him in his absence, and I feel wild and reckless. A girl with the power to tame fire. I let it burn through me to smoldering ash and wreckage, glutting myself on his destruction. Sweat beads across my skin, cooled by the regaling breeze that dances around us.
When his eyes meet mine again, there’s a plea trapped in their stormy depths. Intensity and agony. Muscles drawn tight, teeth clenched, brows winged up in a cross between pleasure and pain. A silent imploration that pulls at my womb, and when I thread my fingers through his hair, drawing him into my body, it crashes over me like a tidal wave. I can damn near hear the hiss of steam as I surrender to him. My belly tightens, fingers curled into tight fists, and every breath arrives in shallow pants that leave me dizzy.
Hips bucking beneath me, he crushes me against him, and the thundering sound of his climax echoes around me, through me. Those deep masculine grunts send a tingle up my spine, and light explodes behind my eyes as I cry out, my whole body taut and trembling, contracting around him, while I grind my hips, milking every second of this.
Spent and out of breath, I let him pull me atop of him, as he lies back against the rock, and his arms wrap around me like a cage, from which I never want to escape.
The doubts and fears that’ve torn through me for months relent just enough for me to feel safe again. At home in his arms.
The dark tunnel swallows me, as I pad quietly toward the cage bars. Only a sliver of light shines down from the hatch, illuminating the figure who stands with his back to me.
Head tipped back, Cadmus seems to bask in the single light, before sensing my approach, and when he turns to face me, he’s wearing a frown. “Cali? What are you doing here?”
My heart both aches and soars at the sight of him. “I came back for you.”
“For me?” He lowers his gaze, drawing my attention to the distraction of his hands rubbing together. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I couldn’t leave you alone here.”
A quick glance over his shoulder, and he shakes his head. “It’s dangerous. Those faceless things are down here.”
On a step forward, I curl my fingers around the bar. “I know. I won’t let them hurt you this time, Cadmus. I promise.”
Ice cold fingertips glide down my temple, and he tips his head, his green eyes rapt on my face. “Do you love me, Cali?”
Through a shield of tears, I nod. “I care about you very much.”
“Then, why did you leave me?”
The question stabs my heart, the ache burning in my lungs. “Cadmus, please.”
“Shhh.” His eyes also fill with tears, his jaw hardening, while he brushes his thumb across my lips. “Stay with me,” he whispers. The chill of his skin hits the back of my neck, as he slides his fingers around my nape and tugs me closer. “Please stay with me.”
“I can’t.” With a grip of his arm, I try to pry his hand loose from my neck.
His hold tightens, pressing me hard against the bars of the cage. The sad eyes from before turn cold and dark, brimming with anger. “Stay with me. Stay with me!”
I jolt upright on a gasp, my whole body trembling, chest cold and heavy. Eyes wandering the small, confined space, I search for Cadmus, momentarily confused by the scent of fire and the warmth across my skin. The open sky above me, where stars twinkle beside the crescent moon.
Pressing a palm to my forehead, I choke on a sob, swallowing back the misery of my dream, and snap into focus. Turning to my side shows no sign of Valdys, and a twinge of panic settles over me. I twist around to find a figure hunched against the rock wall behind me, curled into himself, naked and shivering.
With a frown, I push to my feet, cross our small camp that’s set away from the others, and crouch down in front of him.
“Valdys?” Taking caution, I place my hand against his shoulder, and he startles at my touch. A force slams into my chest, knocking me backward, and he scrambles over me, fist drawn back.
Holding my breath, I await the most excruciating pain of my life, one that will surely break my bones, perhaps even kill me. “Valdys!”
Dilated pupils shrink with his dawning clarity, and his brows lift in horror, as he stares down at me. “Cali?” His fist falls away, and he retreats back against the wall, clutching his skull as he pulls his knees up. “Oh, fuck, what am I doing? What did I do?”
“Hey.” Swallowing back the urge to throw up, I clamber to my knees and crawl toward him. “It’s okay.” Wrapping my arms around him, I feel his whole body tremble against me, and his massive arms engulf me as he pulls me into him.
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“It’s okay. It was just a nightmare.”
He burrows his head against my neck and pulls me tighter, as if he would pull me through his ribs if he could. “When I close my eyes, I see them. Hunting me in that place. I can’t sleep.”
“Come lie down with me, Valdys. Please.”
“I’m afraid to be near you, Cali. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”
“You won’t. I know you won’t.” Stroking his hair, I leave a kiss on his forehead. “Come, Valdys. Let’s lie down.”
As I try to move, I feel his grip tightening, his muscles quaking, as if he’ll crumble to dust any second. This strong and formidable man, one I’ve watched kill those mutations without hesitation, shakes like a child in my arms. And what’s worse is, I can’t erase this for him. No amount of affection, or care, will shadow the horrors he sees behind his eyes. Any more than he can keep me from hearing Cadmus’s screams, when I close mine. Only time will heal these wounds.
“I love you, Valdys.”
He stares up at me, the stormy gray in his eyes softening to a gentle rain. “There is nothing in this world that I love more than you.” Nuzzling back into my neck, he kisses the crook of my collarbone. “I love you beyond love.”
We are broken pieces, stitched together by the pain of our losses. I don’t know if we’ll ever be fixed again. The only thing that’s certain is the uncertainty that awaits us. Moments like these, when we close our eyes, and the images from our past remind us how fleeting life can be. How, in the shutter of an eye, the universe can change.
How quickly the world will take what’s given.
Yet, we carry on, with bruised hearts and torn skin, because we love, and that’s what gives us purpose. Air gives us breath. Food gives us strength. And love gives us hope.
In a world of monsters, love makes us human.
There’s something about sunrise over the desert, the way the cactus plants and mountains stand as silhouettes against a burnt orange sky. A single, brilliant light burns in the center, casting its rays down on the world like a blessing from the heavens. My mother always said that God appears to those who wake before dawn, and as I lie sprawled across Valdys, I find myself pondering the possibilities. After all, only a miracle would give him back to me in this world, and a part of me wonders when he’ll be taken again. Ripped from my grasp before I’ve even had the chance to enjoy these moments with him without the guilt.
Valdys shifts beneath me, his stomach flexing beneath my arm, and with a smile, I tip my head back, watching him climb out of his slumber. The sharp lines of his jaw beg for a kiss, and as I lean forward, he starts, his grip tight around me. Blinking a few times, he looks around, until his gaze falls on me, and he lets out an easy
breath.
My body slides over his, as he pulls me atop of him, crushing me against him, and he threads his fingers through my hair.
“I don’t know what I did right to wake up to your face this morning.” His deep voice rumbles in my ear as I lie against his chest. Hands sliding over my skin, he touches me as if he needs proof that I’m here with him now.
“If I believed in God, I’d call this His blessing.”
“You don’t?”
“I don’t know. My mother always told me God loves unconditionally. If that were true, then why take so much? My father, my mother, Bryani, Roz, and Cadmus. Everyone I’ve ever given a damn about, including you. Why did you have to suffer for love?”
He bends his arm behind his head and stares off, looking thoughtful. “I don’t know. I guess that’s the nature of it. We love knowing that it can be taken away. And when it is, I guess we stay hopeful that it’ll return to us somehow.”
“You think the ones we love will return?”
“Not in the sense that they’ll rise from the dead.” He brushes his fingers across my cheek as he stares down at me. “But I think we’ll see them in unexpected ways. We’ll hear their voices and see their smiles. Their memories don’t have to die.” Gaze roaming my face, he pushes the hair from my eyes. “As for you and me, I don’t think God knows what to do with us yet.” Wearing a smile, he leans forward, planting a kiss to my lips. “Probably better just to enjoy what we have now.”
With a nod, I nuzzle against him once again, staring off toward the sunrise and holding him tighter than before. We lie like this for a while, until the camp begins to stir below, moving about as if packing up. Valdys and I dress and make our way back down the rock, to where Wren and Rhys meet us at the foot of the mountain.
“There’s a community my Papa told me about out east. It’s supposed to be like Szolen, but … better.” Wren hands Valdys and I a tin cup of warm coffee each. Heat leaches into my cold palms as I hold it and steal a quick sip. “You’re welcome to come with us.”
I can’t deny the magic of walking through Szolen, even if the place was tainted by my experiences at Calico. If a place like that exists without the horrors, I’d be a fool to decline. “I thought you didn’t like Szolen?”
“I didn’t like the principles of the place. The idea that they’d keep others out. That we weren’t free to come and go, as we pleased.”
“How do you know for certain this place is any different?”
“I don’t. But it’s worth checking out.” She rubs her hand against her stomach and glances back at Rhys. “It’s not just about me anymore.”
Staring up at Valdys, I search his eyes for any hesitation, any reservations about these people, and though he looks pensive, as always, he doesn’t seem troubled by the offer. “What do you think?”
He strokes his hand down the back of my hair. “As long as I get to sleep beneath the stars, beside you, doesn’t matter where it is.”
With a smile, I nod and turn back to Wren. “I guess we’ll head east, then.”
We find Titus sitting beside the fire, his eyes lost to unseen thoughts, and as Valdys heads off to check on Atticus, I plop down beside him. “Are you okay?”
A slow and solemn nod accompanies his tight-lipped expression.
“I had a dream about him last night.” I rub my hands together for distraction, the agony of seeing Cadmus alone in that tunnel tugging at my heart. “Every time I close my eyes, I hear him screaming, while those things drag him away.”
“He didn’t feel much pain.” Titus clears his throat and sniffs. “Settled down pretty quickly.”
There’s some comfort in that, though I don’t think that’s why Titus is telling me this. I think he needs to hear it himself. To believe the words, so that he, too, can lay it to rest in his mind.
“I guess we’re going east. Some community like Szolen, but better.”
Letting his gaze fall to the ground, Titus shakes his head. “I’m not going.”
The news is a punch to my chest, rendering me momentarily speechless.
“Talked to Atticus last night. Think we’re going to stay back.”
“And do what? Roam the desert?” It’s anger getting the best of me, frustration at the thought of having to leave him behind, too.
“Just don’t see myself settling down in some make-believe town like that.”
I get it. For those of us who didn’t grow up in the world of our parents, who never knew the conveniences of that life, it seems frivolous. Like stepping into the pages of a book that we’ll eventually have to set aside for our reality.
But I’ve grown tired. Tired and weary of a world that constantly requires payment for survival. Sacrifice for its time. For once, I’d like to wake with some small measure of security, even if it’s only temporary. Even if the idea of paradise is only an illusion.
Still, I’ll miss my friend. My protector for all those months when I could hardly force myself to get up and face the day ahead. Without Titus and his unyielding belief that Valdys was still alive, I might not have lasted so long.
Taking his hand in mine, I run my thumb over the rough, calloused texture of his skin. The hands that have killed for me, and for some reason the thought brings tears to my eyes. “You have to do what your heart tells you. Always.”
“You’re going to be okay, Cali. You have Valdys now.”
I wonder if this is how it would’ve been with Cadmus. If he would’ve opted to stay along with Titus, or traveled east with us.
“Don’t beat yourself up over Cadmus too much. Without you, he probably wouldn’t have made it long out here. You gave him some purpose and direction.”
I snort a tearful laugh and squeeze his hand. “You never gave him much credit, did you?” I tease.
“He was my brother. Much as we fought, a part of me died with him. But it’s true. If he was ever capable of loving something in this world, I’m pretty sure it was you.”
Blinking, I look around, trying to keep his words from touching my emotions, but I’m frazzled and frayed. “If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t.”
His lips stretch to a smile, and I can’t be certain, but I think it’s the first time I’ve seen Titus smile, at all. “Well, know this …. He told me, if it weren’t for you, he’d have probably taken up with me.”
A burst of laughter explodes from my chest, imagining Cadmus telling Titus such a thing, and the look on Titus’s face that would have followed.
“I can’t picture that. I mean, a part of me is intrigued, but--”
“No. No fucking way.” He shakes his head and lifts my hand to his lips, kissing the back of my palm. “You take care. Thanks for not giving up on my brother.”
“Thank you for not giving up on him.” I lean in and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his neck, and the tears finally make their escape. “Or me.”
“Not a chance.”
Chapter 37
Wren
The caravan slows to a stop along what used to be Highway 31. Unlike the dry heat where we came from, it’s humid here, suffocating, but everything is green and beautiful, set beneath a baby-blue sky full of white puffy clouds. Surreal in that respect, like a painting I once saw hanging cockeyed in an abandoned home.
We passed small clusters of Ragers along the highway a while back, but haven’t seen one for miles, since. Of course, they’re here as much as anywhere else in the world.
In spite of the view, a quiet thrum of anxiety pulses through me while staring out through the windshield.
Ahead of us, a line of men and women, holding guns strapped across their bodies urge us out of the vehicle. Six glances at me, and then to Valdys at the opposite end of the cab. The two exchange a knowing nod and exit the vehicle. Cali and I file out after them, greeted by a disapproving frown on Six’s face.
A woman with blonde, short-cropped hair steps forward. Lithe in build, she certainly doesn’t look like much of a threat, but the gun she
carries, decorated in bone jewelry from the looks of it, says otherwise.
So much for this place being civilized.
“What’s your business here?” she asks, keeping her eyes on the two Alphas.
“We’ve traveled a long way. Heard about a place that welcomes outsiders.”
“Well, you heard wrong. Any place that openly welcomes outsiders is destined for ruin.”
The disappointment hits my stomach first, mingling with the hunger of not having eaten in hours.
She seems to appraise the Alphas again, her eyes lingering on Six far longer than I like. “Where’d you come from?”
“What does it matter, if you’ve no intentions of welcoming us inside?” Cali asks beside me, her voice just as clipped as the woman now glaring at her.
“It matters whether, or not, you get to leave with a pulse.”
“West of here,” I answer, before Valdys decides to rain hell on Cali’s behalf. “My father told us of this place, but he apparently had it all wrong. If it’s all the same to you, we’ll go.”
Brows furrowed, she tips her head. “Who’s your father?”
“Dead. Doesn’t really matter.”
“Tell me his name.”
“Josef Falkenrath.”
After exchanging a glance with one of the men behind her, whose eyes widen with surprise, she turns back to me, her eyes brimming with sudden intrigue. “Wren?”
“How do you know me?”
She snorts a laugh, and the line of people standing behind her lower their guns. “There aren’t many around here who don’t.” Shifting her gaze from mine, she gives a nod to my left. “You must be Six.”
With a frown, I switch my gaze between her, Six and Cali. “How do you know our names?”
Lowering her gun like the others, she turns her back to me and tips her head forward. Inked across her neck is the signature tattoo of a Calico subject. The others standing behind her follow suit, every one of them wearing the same tattoo.