by Susan Ee
We’re at war.
On the verge of an apocalypse filled with monsters and torture in a nightmare world.
And I’m standing here, a moonstruck teenager pining for an enemy soldier. What am I, crazy?
This time, I’m the first to turn away.
13
The vault in my head feels full, and my churning emotions need a break.
I wander deeper into the store, away from Raffe. In the dim area before the store gets really dark, I find a display platform to sit on. It’s bright enough for me to see but dark enough to be just one of the shadows if anyone else is watching. Sometimes, I feel like my whole life is lived in this twilight space between sunshine and darkness.
I sit and brood over the fallen racks and broken pieces of our old civilization. When I get tired of that, I look into the dark part of the store. I can’t see anything but keep imagining things that may or may not be moving. But then, as I look around, I do see something.
Behind a tilted sign near a sea of shoes and several fallen mannequins is a small flashlight. It’s on, but it’s weak, casting more shadows than light.
I put my hand on the soft fur of Pooky Bear and debate whether to run away or to investigate. I don’t feel like running to Raffe, so I hop onto my feet and walk quietly in the direction of the flashlight.
Before I can get there, someone steps into the light.
It’s Paige. She’s still in her oversized T-shirt that hangs crookedly off one shoulder and falls past her knees. Her tennis shoes are almost black with dried blood.
The dim light hits the hollows of her face, emphasizing her skeletal features beneath the stitches and casting long shadows from her hair onto her neck. She walks toward the mannequins like she’s sleepwalking. She looks mesmerized by something on the floor.
I take another look at the mannequins and realize that one of them is a man.
He’s lying on his back on top of the scattered shoes with his head and shoulders mixed with mannequin limbs, as if he collapsed onto them. One pale hand stretches toward the fallen flashlight while the other clutches a scrap of paper over his chest. He must have died of a heart attack.
Paige kneels down beside him like she’s in a trance. She’ll see me if she looks up, but she’s too preoccupied with the man. Maybe she smells people now the way a predator might smell prey.
I know what she’s about to do.
But I don’t stop her.
I want to. Oh, Christ, I want to.
But I don’t.
My eyes burn and sting with tears. This is too much for me. I want my mom.
All this time, I’ve been thinking that I’m the strong one, that I’m making the hard choices and carrying the weight of responsibility for my family on my shoulders. But I realize now that the toughest choices, the ones that will haunt us for the rest of our lives, are ones that my mom is still sheltering me from.
Isn’t that what happened when the Resistance caught Paige like an animal? I was still trying to feed her soup and hamburgers while my mother already knew what she needed. Wasn’t she the one who took Paige out there to the grove so she could find a victim for her?
I can’t even look away. My feet feel leaden, and my eyes refuse to close. This is who my sister is now.
Her lip curls, flashing the tips of her razor-grafted teeth.
I hear a faint groan. My heart almost stops. Did that come from the man or from Paige? Is he alive?
Paige is close enough to be able to tell. She lifts his arm up to her mouth, showing all of her razor teeth.
I try to call to her, but what comes out is just a puff of breath. He’s dead. He must be. Still, I can’t look away, and my heart pounds in my ears.
She stops with his arm in front of her mouth, her nose crinkled, and her lips drawn back like a growling dog.
The piece of paper the man is still holding is now in front of her face. She pauses to stare at it.
She pushes the man’s hand out to get a better look.
The skin of her nose straightens, and her mouth closes, hiding her teeth behind her lips. Her eyes warm as she stares at the paper. Her mouth begins to tremble, and she moves his arm back onto his chest. She leans away from the man.
Paige puts her hands up to cradle her head, swaying gently back and forth like a worn-out woman with too many problems.
Then she spins and runs off into the darkness.
I stand in the shadows, my heart slowly tearing over what she’s going through. My baby sister is choosing to be human against all her new animal instincts. And she’s doing it at the cost of starving to death.
I walk over to the man and bend down to see what he’s holding. I step around high-heeled shoes and makeup jars to reach him. He’s still breathing but unconscious.
Still breathing.
I sit down shakily next to him, not sure if my wobbly legs will hold me up.
His clothes are dirty and worn, and his beard and hair are scraggly, as if he’s been on the road for weeks. Someone once told me that heart attacks can last for days. I wonder how long he’s been here.
I have the craziest urge to call an ambulance.
It’s hard to believe that we used to live in a world where complete strangers would have given him medicine and hooked him up to machines to monitor his condition. They would have looked after him around the clock. Absolute strangers who knew nothing about him. Strangers who wouldn’t have even rummaged through his stuff to steal useful items.
And everyone would have thought that was perfectly normal.
I lift his arm to see what’s on the paper he’s holding. I don’t want to take it out of his hand, because whatever it is, it must have been important enough for him to get it out and grip it as he’s dying.
It’s a torn and stained piece of paper with a kid’s crayon drawing. A house, a tree, a stick figure adult holding the hand of a stick figure kid. Scrawled along the bottom in shaky block letters are the words ‘I Love You, Daddy’ in pink crayon.
I look at it for a long time in the shadowy light before I put his hand back down gently on his chest.
I drag him as carefully as I can until he’s lying flat on the carpet instead of on the pile of mannequins on the tiled floor.
There’s a backpack nearby that I also bring and set beside him. He must have taken it off when he started to feel bad. I rummage through and find a water bottle.
His head is warm and heavy on my arm as I tilt it for the water. Most of it spills out around his lips, but some of it trickles into his mouth. His throat reflexively swallows, making me wonder if he’s completely out.
I put his head down, making sure there’s a folded jacket to cushion it. I can’t think of anything else to do. So I leave him to his business of dying.
14
I find the most normal clothes I can for Paige. A pink shirt with a sparkly heart, jeans, high-tops, and a zip-up sweater. I make sure everything but her shirt is a dark color so she won’t be seen at night. I also make sure that the sweater has a big enough hood to shadow her face in case we need to go unnoticed.
For me, it’s black boots, black jeans, and a maroon top that will hide the blood that’s bound to stain it. I just hope that blood will be someone else’s instead of mine. I might as well dress postapocalyptic practical. I also grab a down jacket that’s as light as a . . . I put it down and pick a dark fleece jacket instead. I’m not in the mood for angel reminders right now.
Raffe has found a baseball cap and a dark trench coat that covers his wings. He looks good in a baseball cap.
I mentally roll my eyes at myself. I’m such a dork. The world is coming to an end, my sister is a man-eating monster, there’s a dying man in the store with us, and we’ll be lucky to survive another night. And I’m here drooling after a guy who doesn’t even want me. He’s not even human. How messed up is that? Sometimes, I wish I could take a vacation from myself.
I shove his coat and cap into my backpack with more force than necessary.
By the time we get out of the store, the angels are gone. Raffe moves to hold me for flight.
I step back. ‘You don’t have to. I’ll catch a ride with one of the locusts.’ I have to force the words out. The last thing I want to do is be in the arms of a scorpion-tailed monster.
But Raffe has made it all too clear that this – whatever this is that we may or may not have between us – is a nonstarter. He’s made it clear that he’s leaving. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that trying to make someone stay with you when he doesn’t want to is a recipe for heartbreak. Just ask my mom.
I clench my teeth. I can do it. So what if it’s utterly creepy to walk into the arms of a nightmare creature with a needle-sharp stinger that almost killed you? A girl’s gotta have some scrap of pride, even in the World After.
Raffe watches me as if reading my thoughts. Then he looks at the locusts. His lip curls as he assesses them, his eyes scanning from their thick legs to their insectile torsos to their iridescent wings. He looks at the curled stingers last.
He shakes his head. ‘Those wings are so flimsy I wouldn’t trust them to carry you. And those overgrown nails – you’d catch an infection if they scratched you. You can ride one when they improve on the design.’ He steps forward and, in one smooth motion, lifts me into his firm embrace. ‘Until then, you’re stuck with me being your air taxi.’
He takes flight before I can argue.
There’s a wind blowing from the bay, and it’s pointless to try to hold a conversation. So I relax my muscles and tuck my face into the curve of his neck. Maybe for the last time, I let his warm body shelter me.
As the sun sets, I catch a few fire glows below us, probably hidden campfires that got out of control. They look like tiny candles in a shadowy landmass.
We have to land four times on the way south to avoid being seen by angels. I’ve never seen so many in the air before. Raffe tenses every time we spot the flying formations.
Something serious is going on with his people, but he can’t get anywhere close to them, much less get involved. With every passing minute, I can feel his urgency to get his feathered wings reattached so he can dive back into his world.
I try not to think about what will happen in my world when he does.
Eventually, we fly over the Resistance headquarters – otherwise known as Paly High. It sits like every other deserted group of buildings, with no indication that it’s anything special.
In the parking lot, every car faces the street so it won’t have to do a U-turn to get out. Assuming Obi’s escape plan has been executed properly, the cars are gassed and ready to go, with keys in the ignition.
As we descend, I see bodies hunched behind tires and trees and lying out in the open like the dead. A few people scramble here and there in the moonlight, but they look the same as people moving everywhere else in the World After. Obi has done a nice job of training people not to bring attention to their headquarters, even though the camp must be overflowing now that they’ve rescued the Alcatraz refugees.
We circle above the grove across the street from Paly. The moon is rising in the twilight shadows, letting us see without being seen. There’s still enough light to see a few shadows scattering into the bushes as we come down. I’m surprised there are people out here at dusk, considering how spooked everyone is of the monsters in the dark.
When we land, Raffe lets me go. The night air feels cold on my skin after being held by him for so long.
‘You stay here out of sight,’ I say. ‘I’ll see if I can find out whether Doc is here or not.’
‘Not a chance.’ Raffe reaches for my backpack and pulls out his trench coat and cap.
‘I know it’s hard for you to wait while I scope out the situation, but I can handle it. Besides, who’s going to watch Paige?’ As soon as I ask this question, I know it’s the wrong thing to say. You don’t tell an elite soldier to stay behind and watch the kids.
‘Her pets can babysit.’ He puts on his coat, carefully shifting his shoulders until the wings settle beneath the fabric. He slips on the backpack for good measure. His feathered wings are wrapped in a blanket and strapped to the pack, looking like an ordinary bedroll. His demon wings can mold themselves to his back, but the pack hides any unusual bulges that might catch someone’s eye.
Everything about this situation makes me nervous. Raffe is walking into a camp full of hostiles. Paige shouldn’t be so close to people who wanted to tear her to pieces. And the last time I saw Obi, he had me arrested.
There’s also a part of me that doesn’t want Raffe eavesdropping on people. Of course, I’ve repeatedly trusted him with my life, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s one of the enemy. Any minute now, we might have to choose our loyalties. When that happens, I’d be an idiot to think we’ll be on the same side.
But my instincts tell me that out of all the things to worry about right now, that’s low on the list. My sensei always told me to trust my instincts, that my gut knows things my brain doesn’t and can figure things out faster.
Of course, my instincts have told me things about Raffe that haven’t panned out. My cheeks warm at the thought of what happened with him earlier today in bed.
He flips the collar on his coat and buttons it all the way up to cover his bare chest, then puts on his cap. Even though we had a warm day, the October night is chilly enough that he won’t look suspicious. California nights can easily be twenty degrees colder than the days.
‘Stay here, Paige. We’ll be back soon, okay?’
Paige is already busy quieting her locusts and hardly seems to notice us. I don’t like leaving her, but I can’t take her into camp either. The last time she was here, the frightened Resistance people lassoed her like an animal, and who knows what they would have done if the locusts hadn’t attacked. I can’t expect the angry villager attitude to have changed since then.
As soon as we start moving, I feel eyes watching me. I keep looking around, but I don’t see anything. On the edge of my vision, though, I see shadows shifting.
‘Locust victims,’ whispers Raffe.
I’m guessing this means that they haven’t been accepted into camp. I don’t think they’re dangerous, but I rest my hand on Pooky Bear, taking comfort in the soft fur. Then I take a deep breath and continue through the dark grove.
15
The school grounds are quiet and seemingly deserted. I guesstimate that there must be a few thousand people here now. But you’d never know it.
Obi has done such a great job of setting up the refugee camp that even the new people follow the rules. They know not to walk out in the open. The amount of trash here is no greater and no worse than trash floating anywhere else in Silicon Valley. The entire campus is so quiet that I’d almost be surprised if I saw anyone here.
But once we get close enough to the buildings, we can see the dim lights glowing inside. The windows are covered by blankets and towels, but some have been put up sloppily, letting light and motion slip through the edges.
I step up to a window and peek through a crack. The room is jammed with people. They look reasonably well fed, some almost clean. I don’t recognize them – they must be the Alcatraz refugees. I look through another window and see the same. With this many new people, the whole place must be filled with chaos and confusion.
I see a guy through one window who comes into a classroom with a bag of food. He passes it out, and it’s gone in no time. He puts his hands up and says something to the people still reaching out to him even though the food is gone. There’s an argument, but the man slips out of the door before it can get too heated.
The lucky ones gobble up their food as fast as they can while the others watch with an intensity that’s uncomfortable. The crowd mills around, churning until a whole new group of people stand in the prime spot near the door, probably waiting for the next batch of food.
‘What are you doing?’ asks a harsh voice.
I spin around to see two guys in camouflage holding
rifles.
‘Just . . . nothing.’
‘Well, do your nothing inside where the birds can’t see you. Weren’t you listening during the orientation?’
‘I’m looking for someone. Do you know where the twins are? Dee and Dum?’
‘Yeah, right,’ says the guard. ‘Like they have time to talk to every teenage girl crying for her lost puppy. Next thing you know, you’ll be asking to see Obadiah West. Those guys have a whole camp to run. They don’t have time for stupid questions.’
I can only blink at them, probably convincing them that yes, I was planning on asking some stupid questions. They point us to the nearest door.
‘Get back to your assigned room. Someone will be bringing food as soon as they can, and you’ll be shipped to a nice hotel room when it’s dark enough to hide the envoy.’
‘Hide from what?’
They look at me like I’m nuts. ‘The angels.’ One gives the other a look that says duh.
‘But they can see in the dark,’ I say.
‘Who told you that? They can’t see in the dark. The only thing they can do better than us is fly.’
The other guard says, ‘They can hear better than us too.’
‘Yeah, whatever,’ says the first guy. ‘But they can’t see in the dark.’
‘But I’m telling you—’ I stop when Raffe taps me on the arm. He nods toward the door and begins walking. I follow.
‘They don’t know that angels can see in the dark.’ I forgot that I know things about the angels that maybe other people don’t. ‘They need to know.’
‘Why?’ asks Raffe.
‘Because people need to know that angels can see us if we ever try to’ – attack them – ‘hide in the dark.’
He eyes me as if he read my thoughts, but of course, he doesn’t need to read my mind. It’s pretty obvious why it would benefit the humans to know the angels’ powers.
Raffe walks beside me up the steps to the doors. ‘You can talk until your lips fall off, but it won’t do you any good. These are foot soldiers. Their job is to follow orders. Nothing else.’