***
Simon walked home in a daze a few hours later, the quiet of campus serving as an echo chamber for his swirling thoughts. Students were getting ready for exams, and very few of them could be seen walking around campus at night. The only thought that was clear in his mind was Ian’s near imperceptible shake of his head. How could Simon allow himself to shut Ian down when he was trying to talk to him honestly? If the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, then he should have expected the men in white coats to drag him away soon.
He arrived at his flat barely remembering that he had run out on Olivia’s engagement dinner. She was there already, sitting on the couch with some leftover pasta from Cafe Del Sol. She was watching her favorite reality television show again. “I saved you some in the fridge. And I took home some of the cheesecake too. Help yourself.”
“I’m sorry for rushing out like that. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I know what came over you, Simon. Honestly, I don’t know what I expected. This was an important night for me. I wanted you there. And I wanted to talk to you about something important.”
“I’m really sorry, Liv. I know I was being a complete jackass.”
“You were being selfish.”
She was clearly a lot more upset than Simon had expected her to be. “I know. I’ve been selfish with everyone I care about. I’m finally starting to realize that. Especially after I probably chased Ian away for good now.”
Olivia’s eyes were still shooting daggers at him, but Simon knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t be able to resist letting her curiosity get the best of her. “What happened? I saw him running after you. It was all very romantic. I was more upset that neither of you came back to fill me in on what happened!” Simon smiled at Oliva’s dramatic rendition of events, and found himself for the umpteenth time wondering why she never went to acting school.
“I said some stupid things to him. He was about to pour his heart out to me. He chased after me, even when I ran away, and he was about to really open up. And all I could do was be a scared, pathetic, insecure child. I could just hear those words of Margeaux, telling me I’m not good enough for Ian. Telling me I’ll ruin Ian’s life if we end up together.”
“She’s really good at what she does, I’ll give her that. And what she does is manipulate people to get what she wants. You know that, don’t you? You know that she’s jealous because she sees what everyone else sees between you and Ian.”
Simon couldn’t help but frown. “No matter what Ian felt for me, I’ve ruined it all now. The way he looked at me when he walked away tonight. The constant barriers he’s had to face with me. I don’t think I’ll be hearing from him for a long time.”
Olivia sighed deeply, got up, and embraced Simon in a tight, forgiving hug, and slapped a wet one on his cheek, giving him a reassuring smile as she faced him. “Listen up, bestie! I’ll forgive you for bolting from my dinner if you make me a promise.”
“Anything for you, you know that.”
“Okay, you need to promise me that you’ll make things right with Ian! Your knight has mounted his white horse, taken off his armor, and put it all on the line for you! You need to reward him for his efforts and finally make mad, passionate love to him!” Simon giggled at Olivia, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood.”
“Baby, for real. Be honest with him, no matter what fears or insecurities you might have. Immediately. No excuses. You can’t keep going through this cycle with him. He can’t take it any longer, you can’t take it any longer, and most of all, I can’t take it any longer!”
Simon realized how many people he was hurting by constantly trying to control every situation to the point where he took no action at all. His self-preservation ended up being nothing more than self-sabotage. “You’re right, Liv. I should have listened to you months ago. I should have treated Ian so much better than I have. I’ve allowed this stupid insecurity to hurt you, Ian, and Zuko. I could have helped him a long time ago. I should have. And I allowed people like Margeaux and Conrad Riley to intimidate me. I don’t want to hide anymore.”
He frowned, and asked Olivia, “Didn’t you say that you had something important to talk to me about?”
“Oh. It’s a bit of a big deal. Or it doesn’t really have to be a big deal if we don’t let it be. I finally said yes to moving in with Justin. It’s time to get used to it now. But we can still see each other all the time! I’ll probably still be here with you a lot. Unless you get a completely obnoxious new roommate, in which case we’ll just see each other occasionally.” Olivia laughed nervously, and Simon sensed her apprehension.
“I knew it was coming. I’ve been preparing myself for a while now. It’s time, you’re right. We’re both ready to take our lives to the next level. I’m happy for you, Liv.”
Olivia squealed and hugged Simon, planting a kiss on his face. “I’m so excited! I finally get to decorate his flat. It’s so much bigger than ours. We’ll have to get extra copies of all of our favorite movies to keep at his place so that we don’t have to lug things up and down. It’s gonna be great.” Olivia’s eyes shone with glee and excitement, and Simon relished being a part of her happiness.
Simon was happy that Olivia was moving forward with Justin and adjusting so well to the changes in her life. He knew that he would miss her. She had been his safety net since they were children. She was the one who had helped him to come to terms with being gay in high school. She was the one he could count on to listen to his endless rambling about boys. And she was the one who encouraged him to get closer to Ian. Without her, he wouldn’t be who he was. But despite realizing how much he would miss her, he also realized that everything she had helped him to learn made him ready to live without her. He was ready to be his own person and to finally take responsibility for his own happiness.
“You know I’ll always love you. And we’ll probably see each other just as much. Poor Justin will be sick of me in no time. And you know what, since you’re making so many changes, it’s time for me to change some things too. I’m going to speak to Ian tomorrow and tell him everything. It’s time for me to grow up too.”
“Music to my ears! It’s about time that my bestie goes and gets his man!
With that, Olivia and Simon collapsed in giggles on to the couch, sharing in each other’s excitement as they started to talk about what lie ahead for both of them. Barely noticing the hours tick by, and feeling his soul renewed as he drew strength from his strong friendship with Liv, Simon finally went to bed.
Simon could hardly sleep, however. Tomorrow, he was finally going to give in to Ian.
Tomorrow, everything would change.
Chapter 22
Hot Off the Press (Ridgemont University Book 1) Page 26