by Alex Silver
“You assumed he planned to move back in with us after the training, huh?”
“Yeah,” Elliott looked crestfallen.
“Well, that might be his plan. Or maybe he hasn’t thought that far ahead yet. We’ll have to discuss it. And Aaron gets a say too.”
“But he isn’t part of us,” Elliott jutted out his jaw.
“He’s part of Jake. So, that makes him part of us. And I think it will be hard for him too. Tonight is like a test run. To see if we can live under one roof in peace.”
“I don’t want to sleep with Aaron.”
“Jake does.”
“Yeah.”
Elliott’s expression darkened further, and he withdrew even more. I sighed. I didn’t mean to go there tonight. The whole point of the evening was to have fun. I always enjoyed the thrill of getting to know a new person. But Elliott wasn’t like me. And now I’d screwed up his night when he’d been looking forward to it all week. Not just the dancing either. He’d missed one-on-one time with Jake.
“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to sleep with you too,” I tried to cheer him up.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry, El. I understand this isn’t easy. Can you forget about the big picture and just enjoy a night out with Jake?”
“Yeah. I can manage that much.”
“If it’s too much, text me. I can send Aaron home early, all right?”
“Yeah.” Elliott agreed. He acted subdued for the rest of the evening though. And he stopped fussing with his appearance, like it had ceased to matter.
When Jake and Aaron arrived, Jake hugged and kissed me first, then Elliott. And El was bitchy about it. He could get like that sometimes. Giving Jake greedy devouring kisses that had Aaron staring at them.
I almost chastised him for being an ass and flaunting his claim on Jake for the evening, but Aaron didn’t look upset. He looked turned on. Well, that made four of us.
To be fair, El looked amazing wrapped around Jake. But still. I cleared my throat pointedly and Elliott drew back.
“You ready?” Elliott chirped, still clinging to Jake’s arm. All traces of his earlier sullenness erased now that Jake was here.
“Uh, yeah,” Jake agreed, sounding dazed. He gave Aaron a quick peck on the lips before Elliott hauled him toward the door.
“Have a good time, boys,” I called after them.
“But not too good,” Aaron put in, I high-fived him.
When the door clicked shut a beat of silence followed. It was only Aaron and I now.
“So, movie?” Aaron asked, he bounced on his toes.
“Sure, did you guys eat or are you hungry?”
“I could eat.”
“I didn’t make dinner, so pizza all right?”
“That depends, are you as boring as Jake?”
I laughed. The last time we ordered pizza left a bad taste. Elliott found a vegan pizzeria. Cauliflower crust and some plant-based cheese smothered in tomato sauce that might have redeemed it if not for the raw garlic flavor suffusing it. Yuck. And Jake’s aversion to flavor divots—his words—meant there was nothing interesting on top of the cheese-like-substance to distract from the bland. So we had reasons for our long separation, pizza and I.
“Nope.”
“All right then, favorite topping?”
“Pepperoni.”
“Oh my god, that’s almost as bad as plain cheese. So boring,” Aaron said with a dramatic gesture.
“Okay then, what’s your favorite?”
“Pineapple. And black olives. With or without sausage and anchovies. The most unloved of toppings, I know.”
“That sounds disgusting.”
“Yeah, I get that a lot. Jake won’t order a pizza with me anymore. He disapproves of fruit on pizza. I tried to tell him he might lose his Italian card for not knowing tomatoes are a fruit…”
I laughed, Aaron gave a comical shrug and fiddled his fingers. He seemed nervous.
“Well, I can throw something together if you’d prefer, or we can each get our own small pizza.”
“I don’t want to make extra work, two pizzas is fine.”
“I’ll call and place the order then, you can grab a drink and make yourself at home. Everything in the fridge is fair game.”
Aaron hesitated, but then he ducked into the kitchen. I pulled up the information for an old favorite pizza place and ordered.
Aaron grabbed a can of soda and wandered into the living room where I already had our movie queued up on the screen. He flopped down. Fidgeted, put his feet on the coffee table, paused, put them on the ground. The guy was antsier than Jake’s little cousins on a sugar high.
“So, pizza should be half an hour,” I said.
“Great.”
“Want to start the movie or do something else until it arrives so we don’t have to pause?”
“Like what?”
“Chat? A game? Both?”
“We can play a game, I guess.”
I quirked a grin, and said with my usual flirtatiousness, “don’t want to chat with me, Aaron? I promise I won’t bite—that’s El’s thing.”
Aaron blanched, “oh, god, I don’t think I want to learn that much detail.”
“Sorry.” And I was, I had wanted to put him at ease, not make him more uncomfortable.
“No. It’s okay. I…” Aaron shrugged. And I felt bad for him.
“It’s weird sitting here with me while Jake is out with Elliott?”
“Yeah.”
“You guys were high school sweethearts, right?”
“Yeah. He’s been my best friend since kindergarten.”
“Did Jake tell you Elliott and I were friends in grade school too?”
“Yeah. He mentioned you lost touch when Elliott’s abilities came in.”
“Yes. His family didn’t take it well. We attended the same high school, but we didn’t reconnect until university. And now we’ve been together for six years, give or take.”
“That’s a long time.”
“El is my family. Jake is too. He’s been with us for four years.”
“I know. He told me.”
“Does that bother you?”
Aaron bit his lip, his foot shaking. Kid could not hold still. I wanted to grab him to interrupt the nervous energy. But I resisted the urge, no way was I going to touch him when he looked like he was on the verge of bolting as it was. Twitchier than El when he was looking for an escape route. With Elliott the nerves ran deeper, less obvious to a casual observer.
“Not exactly.”
“But you don’t like it either.”
He shrugged. I sighed.
“Let’s be real. Before SPIRE, Jake lived here. You know that. We want him to live with us again once you complete your training. And we have a guest room. We could turn it into your room if you wanted.”
Not my finest moment, blurting out an invitation for my metamour to move in with us without discussing it with Jake first. But it was a weird situation. Jake lived with us first. He and Elliott were my forever if I had any choice in the matter. And I got that Jake’s new job with SPIRE required him to live on site during his training period, but it was not an ideal situation.
Jake moving in with Aaron on top of all the insecurities with him rekindling his old relationship was wreaking havoc on Elliott. And I wasn’t loving the new status quo either. I missed Jake.
Elliott missed Jake and resented Aaron for stealing him away from our happy home. So unconventional as it was, living with the new metamour seemed like the best alternative.
“You mean all of us living here? Together?”
“Yes. So we all see more of Jake.”
“Sure. And what, he’d just go back to sleeping in your bed? You’d relegate me to an extra roommate?”
“No. Jake would decide where Jake sleeps. He’s your partner too, I get that. We would see what works for everyone.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“It would be a change,” I said
. And it would. But not coming home to Jake sucked. And Elliott missed him more than I did. I would rather know he was in Aaron’s bed down the hall than not have him at the dinner table every night. Or at least most nights.
Aaron sighed.
“We’ll figure out something that works,” I said, patting Aaron’s knee. He didn’t seem to mind my touch last week, so I took a gamble it would be okay now that he seemed a little more relaxed. He forced a smile for me and put his hand over mine, accepting the touch.
I didn’t mind his aura either. But I sort of had a thing for sampling auras. Unlike most psions, I savored the prickly pang of incompatibility as it brushed along my skin. The delicious array of sensations excited me. From the sharper repulsion of the most incompatible to the sweet perfection of meshing with another person so close I couldn’t differentiate self from other. The latter was what I had developed with Jake and Elliott.
El never got the nuance in it, he hated incompatible touches. That was his prerogative. And enjoying the occasional aura incompatibility to spice up my sex life was mine. Not that I wanted anything beyond friendship with Aaron.
He fell somewhere within the compatible spectrum for me. Pleasant, but not the addictive silken sweetness of Elliott. Or the siren song of Jake’s solidity and strength.
“I think you’re right. I expected seeing you guys with him to be hard. But it turns out the only thing hard about watching him kiss you and Elliott is my dick.”
I snorted, “I noticed you seemed to like Elliott’s little display.”
“Yeah, not the reaction he was going for, I don’t think. But I am okay with this. With sharing him, I wasn’t sure I would be. But I am. I get the impression you are too?”
“Yep. I’m not the jealous sort. I like to see Jake happy. And I am glad you want to get to know El and I. Give us all a shot at making this new family dynamic work for everyone.”
Aaron nodded, his expression pensive. I snagged the game controllers with my TK to give him space to think things through. He was part of Jake’s life again. So Aaron agreeing to commit to working out the dynamic between all four of us went a long way to easing my concerns. But he was also right about Elliott’s reticence.
Elliott insisted he was fine with Jake and Aaron. But all evidence pointed to him not accepting Aaron. Trying to push him away or ignore him. I understood where it was coming from. And I had hoped getting to know our new metamour would help ease the tension.
Over six years of being in an open relationship, none of Jake or my other lovers had upset Elliott. Not like Aaron did. Elliott was content to know they existed, learning only the barest details. And that worked for us. Jake and I shared more details about secondary relationships between the two of us. But everything was different with Aaron. He and Jake had a history.
It left Elliott intimidated. I worried he was going along with the situation out of a fear of rejection. But El was a big boy, he would have to bring up his issues on his own, or hold his peace about it. Much as I wanted to make it easy for him, this wasn’t something I could fix.
Elliott needed to work through his feelings and decide where he stood. And then we could figure out what it meant for us. I only hoped he didn’t let it fester for too long. Or become so big and overwhelming that it tore us all apart.
Chapter 3
Elliott
Vibe was hopping tonight. It had been a while since the professional dancers had been my friends. But the bouncer still remembered me. And Thomas was here, still looking out for his boys, even if they differed from the ones I had known. It gave me a sense of familiarity with the place.
It was getting late though. Jake was drunk. And tired. We should go home. But his hands felt wonderful on my body. And the music transported me.
It was magical. Out on the dance floor—safe in the circle of Jake’s arms—I could be free. He wasn’t the best dancer, not the most graceful. But he fit against me.
Moved with me. Let me lead and I loved that about him. Loved how safe he made me feel even in a crowded club. He gave me the confidence to surrender to the beat without fear.
I didn’t want to leave. Lose the moment of intimacy between us. I hadn’t had him to myself in so long. Months. And for months before that he’d been distant and withdrawn. Caught up dealing with his own insecurities.
I wanted to reconnect with him. Feed the connection—the link—between us.
“Want you so bad,” Jake said.
Jake’s breath tickled at my neck when he leaned in close. And he reeked of booze. I didn’t mind that for once. But I also wasn’t sure about the direction the night had headed either.
I had not been drinking. I only did that at home. Because the fuzzy headed buzz of alcohol in public nauseated me. Left me vulnerable. Jake ground against my ass with a new urgency and in a flash I didn’t want to dance anymore. And it didn’t seem quite so safe.
“Home?” I suggested, pulling away, creating space.
Jake blinked like I’d confused him, then shook his head and gave me an affable grin.
“Yeah. You driving?”
“We’re taking a cab,” I said. Because I was not driving, and he was drunk. Without the pleasant buzz of music and Jake’s aura to distract me, I sensed the club now too. The effects of a night spent in close quarters, with my link right there boosting my pathetic telepathy. And Jake was no longer dampening the effects for me, his buzz interfering with his stabilizing influence as my anchor.
The crowded club meant touching people if I wanted to dance. And touching people meant getting snippets of readings from them. Lust. Desire. Sex and touching. Thoughts that were not my own inundated me in a constant deluge.
I sighed, unspeakably weary at the reminder that one of my favorite activities drained every bit of my mental reserves. We needed to leave. Before I had another stupid panic attack. My heart raced and my breath hitching and I needed to be strong.
Jake was too drunk to deal with me losing my shit in a crowded club. But screw logic, the familiar heat of panic washed through me like a rising tide. It started in my chest and flowed up into my face and extremities, leaving me shaky and clammy and nauseated.
Pull it together. We only needed to get outside to the cool night air. The cab. Home.
Aaron was at home though. His presence was the reason I stayed out long past the point when, on any other night, I would have suggested heading home. Because my weak telepathy was leaving me scraped raw. And that tipped me over the edge into clingy mess territory.
“Jay?”
He blinked at me, slow to realize that I was close to hyperventilating. So frustrating. I hated being like this. Weak.
“You okay, El?”
I shook my head. Jake took charge then, steering me toward the exit. Away from the crowds, pounding music, pulsing lights.
Outside. Cool air felt good against my skin. His hand on my back offered warmth, comfort and connection. With him there I didn’t need to be hypervigilant. I leaned against a patch of bare bricks half a block from Vibe and bent double to focus on my breathing.
Jake stood between me and the world, rubbing soothing circles on my back. He understood not to talk while I was like this.
I breathed. Just breathed. I could handle walking to find a cab. I could keep it together until we got home and then Jake and Caleb… except it wasn’t just them. Aaron was there too. And thinking of him seeing me falling apart put me right back into panic mode. I groaned.
“Hey, hun, look at me?” Jake sounded worried, “what do you need?”
I gritted my teeth and shook my head.
“Can I take you home? That usually helps.”
I shook my head again.
“Do you need me to call Caleb?”
“No,” I snapped. His hands, so welcome a moment ago were irritating now. I shoved him away, and he took a step back. He took his concern, worry, pity with him. And his warmth, comfort, love. I moaned into my hands, hating my stupid broken brain. And my stupid, weak telepathy and
just everything that made something as simple as going out dancing with my boyfriend fraught.
Breathe. Just breathe. Aaron didn’t have panic attacks. Jake wouldn’t have to babysit him. He wouldn’t shove Jake away for trying to help either. I gasped for air. I needed to breathe, but it was so hard and I…
“Elliott?”
I looked up at Jake and he appeared troubled now. Or was I imagining the note of panic in his voice? Projecting? Oh shit, don’t let me project my fucked up thoughts at him now of all times. Tonight was supposed to be fun.
“Honey, breathe with me, please?” Jake tried to coach me through my breathing exercises. and I tried. I did. I tried to match my breathing to the calm count he recited for me. His voice steady and soothing. I tried. But I couldn’t catch my breath and my vision was tunneling, and I thought I might pass out.
Jake touched me again, and I was too overwhelmed to react. He did something to our link.
“Stop,” I gasped. And he did.
“You need to breathe, Elliott. I won’t touch you, but I’m here, and I need you to breathe with me…”
I closed my eyes and tried to focus on his voice. The soothing presence he was pushing through our link. Breathe in. Count. And out. Count. Nothing else. All that mattered was forcing air into my lungs and then letting it back out. Slow and steady. Easy.
When I steadied enough to open my eyes again Jake was standing in front of me, watching over me with concern.
“Better?”
“Yeah,” I said, with a forced rictus of a smile.
“Can I hug you?”
“Yeah,” I said. It hurt he had to ask permission. But I appreciated that he did. And pressing against the warm planes of his chest soothed me.
“I love you,” Jake whispered in my ear. He rubbed my back and I let the hug stretch longer than I should have given we were on the street. It was late, anyone could be out here with us. The thought sent a jolt of fear through me because I had let my guard down in the middle of downtown in the wee hours of the morning. Not cool.
“You’re safe, El, I’ve got you,” Jake interpreted my sudden tension correctly. I kissed his neck where my lips were already resting against his skin and then pulled away from him with reluctance.