by Alex Silver
Jake heaved a sigh, “I’ll go talk to him.”
“I’ll fix breakfast,” Caleb said.
“Sounds good,” Jake said.
They left. I stood awkwardly in their living room by myself until restlessness forced me into action. Then I wrestled the couch bed back into the frame and put the living room to rights. I figured it kept me busy and Elliott might prefer not to have the visual reminder I’d spent the night in his home. With the furniture restored, the last trace of my presence was the empty pizza boxes so I stacked them together and brought them to the kitchen.
“Do you recycle these?” I asked.
“Compost, just stick it under the bin for now,” Caleb pointed to the cabinet under the sink. I found a small compost bin inside.
“So, that was an interesting wake up call,” I said, shifting from one foot to the other.
“An old friend of his made that quilt for him,” Caleb said, non-committal.
“Oh.”
“He doesn’t have much in the way of sentimental objects,” Caleb added. “But you had no way of knowing.”
“He hates me.”
“He resents you. If it makes you feel any better, he used to think the same way about me.”
“I doubt that.”
“It’s true. Elliott can be possessive when he cares about something. He showed it by treating me like shit when he thought I was the world’s biggest slut. He got past it for me and he’ll do the same for Jake and you.”
“So what, he’s just being overprotective of Jake? That’s his problem with me?”
“I think it’s a big part. All he knows about you is that you broke Jake’s heart when he was a teenager. And never got in touch after.”
“Because he dumped me first.”
“I’m not judging, I’m sure you both did the best you could under the circumstances. But what Elliott got out of the story was that you threw Jake away when he became inconvenient. The same thing Elliott’s family did to him.”
“It’s not the same.”
“No, but that’s not how he sees it. If he gets to know you, it will change his perspective. Try to relax and give him time to come around. The guy I hung out with last night is nothing like the person Elliott thinks you are. He’ll see that too if you let him.”
“Well, I’m glad one of you doesn’t think I’m a home wrecking cock-tease with no morals.”
Caleb shot me a look, “I get why you’re upset. Try to remember that he’s hurting? Whatever your intentions here, Jake is Elliott’s link too. He depends on that connection. And your presence took it from him. So try to understand where Elliott is coming from?”
Ouch. Caleb was right. But the reprimand stung. Reminded me I could still be a spoilt brat sometimes. I was beyond lucky that Jake had agreed to give me a second chance. But my second chance came at a cost.
One that Elliott was paying. So I needed to acknowledge that and cut Elliott some slack in what had to be a difficult situation for him.
“You’re right. I’m frustrated that he won’t extend me the benefit of the doubt. But I guess I would feel the same in his shoes. I’ll try not to antagonize him.”
“Good, now, help me set the table?” Caleb patted my shoulder, and it surprised me with how good it felt. Like he accepted me into his family without question. Even when I acted like an impudent punk.
“Sure.”
Chapter 6
Elliott
I resisted the urge to bury my face in the quilt Mrs. Stevens had made for me and sob. Try to absorb some faded trace of her presence still clinging to the warp and weft of the soft fabric. It hurt to see Aaron curled around Jake. And the fact they’d chosen this blanket intensified my reaction to the sight.
I missed my old landlady. She’d taken on the role of a surrogate grandmother in the years since I’d met her. I’d had to put the quilt away after her death, a few years ago. The reminder of my loss too painful to bear.
Emotion choked my throat and the last thing I needed right now was the torrent of fresh grief holding her gift brought with it.
“El?” Jake said my name from the doorway. I hated how uncertain he sounded. How uncertain I’d made him. I was acting like a toddler. I swiped the tears from my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t draw attention to my crying.
“Yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
“It’s still your room too,” I said, and yeah, I sounded bitter.
“Sure, but you’re allowed to have privacy.”
“I don’t want privacy from you.”
“Okay.”
Jake let himself inside and closed the door behind him. He didn’t approach me though.
“Are you angry with me?” I asked. Stupid question. I’d screamed at his boyfriend and acted like a jealous asshole. Well, I was a jealous asshole, it turned out. And insecure too.
“No one is angry with you, Elliott,” Jake said, “I’m worried about you. And you’re right. I should have told you last night. When I said I wanted to take you to bed and hold you. That was all I meant. That I wanted to give you whatever comfort you needed to feel safe. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear.”
“I know that’s what you meant,” I said. It was true, but I couldn’t meet his eyes. How did I tell him I’d had nightmares last night?
That our fight in the lobby had bled into my dreams? Melded with the memories to create some horrifying visuals I only half remembered in the light of day. I knew Jake would never hurt me on purpose, but still. It was hard to untangle the vivid nightmares from reality sometimes.
“What you said, implying that I only wanted to use you, why did you say it?”
“I was mad.”
“At me?”
“At Aaron.”
“He did nothing wrong, Elliott.”
“He’s taking you away,” I said. But I bit back the rest. The accusations that Jake was letting him. The fear he loved Aaron more. That I would always be second-best.
“Can you tell me how you feel? Because when I asked, you said you wanted me to be happy. Well, this is not making me happy. I hate seeing you hurt, Elliott. But I want this to work. Without hurting you. Or is that not an option?”
His heartfelt words startled me into looking up at him, “he hurt you.”
“That’s why you don’t like him? Because Aaron hurt me when we were teenagers?” Jake sounded incredulous.
“Well, yeah. I thought I would get over it. But he’s just so…”
“So what?”
“Spoilt? I guess? Like he expects everyone to just accommodate him? And he’s ruining everything.”
“El, he didn’t mean to hurt me. Didn’t I tell you why he left the way he did?”
“You said he attended a prestigious, expensive boarding school. And he thought he was too good for you so he dropped you as a friend. And then when he realized how much more powerful he is with you as his link he used you to advance his career.”
Jake shook his head.
“That is not quite how it happened,” Jake said. “He told me he loved me. And I freaked out. He interpreted my response as a breakup, or a desire to take a break. That happened when he was still in the hospital after getting Cereflux injections.
“Then his parents told him they were sending him away to boarding school, he never wanted to leave. But he did because they didn’t give him a choice. And with the way the other kids at our school treated him after his emergence, I suspect he wanted a clean break.”
“But he still cut you out of his life.”
“He did it to protect himself. I don’t blame him for it.”
“I do. He had everything handed to him.”
“In some ways that’s true. His parents took care of his material needs. But I think you might find he has more in common with you than Caleb and I when it come to parents.”
“His parents still wanted him,” I left unsaid that mine hadn’t.
“His parents didn’t even go to the hospital to see him while he was wa
iting for surgery.”
I blinked at Jake. That didn’t fit with my mental image. My parents signed away their rights as soon as my telepathy came in. Aaron’s had paid for a fancy education. How could Jake compare the two?
But at least my mom had rushed to the ER to visit me when my emergence hit. Sure, she hated what it made me, but my wellbeing had concerned her before that. If Jake was telling the truth, Aaron didn’t have even that much from his family.
“They kept him.”
“They kept up appearances. After everything came out about SPIRE, Aaron called them. His Mom chewed him out for getting involved with SaFE and causing her social embarrassment by being in the news as a psion.”
“Oh,” I said. And it changed things. At least a little.
“I get you don’t know him, and this is all new and scary, but can you give him an honest chance? I’m not saying you have to love him and accept him into our family overnight. And if you two never become friends, then that’s okay too. We can work around it. But please attempt to get to know him before you pass judgment?”
“Sorry,” I dropped my gaze again. There was little else I could say. I hadn’t given Aaron a fair chance. It was the truth. I’d paid lip service to wanting Jake’s happiness, but when it came down to it, I reverted to my old habits. Pushing people away to protect myself. And being a judgmental dick toward Aaron. The same way I’d written Caleb off when we were younger.
“No need for sorry. I love you, Elliott. You don’t have to apologize for how you feel.”
“No. But I’m sorry I was a dick to Aaron.”
“Well, you can tell him that. Can we talk about how you’ve been coping these last few months?”
I shrugged. I hated talking about my mental health. It was the reason I refused to see a counselor. But Caleb had been dropping hints I should consider an appointment for a while now.
Ever since the nightmares worsened. When Jake moved out back in June. I sighed.
“I hate talking about it,” I said. Huh, I hadn’t meant to be honest about it, but it might be for the best.
“I know you do. If it would help, Caleb and I would go with you to the first couple sessions to support you. Or not. Whatever you need. And if it’s talking about the bad stuff that bothers you, can you find a way around it?”
“What, you think I should lie?”
“No, but you could find someone who won’t push you for painful details at the first session.”
I sighed, “eventually they all ask for the painful details, Jay. It’s sort of their job.”
“I guess I’m not sure how the whole thing works, but you scared me last night. I hate knowing you’re hurting and being unable to help.”
“You can’t fix me.”
“You aren’t broken.”
“I am, though. A normal person can spend an evening out without losing his shit.”
“Any telepath would have struggled with the amount of input you got last night, El.”
“Maybe.”
“Definitely,” Jake said. His tone brooked no argument so I let it go. He was right anyway, much as I was loath to admit it. I changed tack.
“I threw a tantrum about Aaron touching my things. Is that normal too?”
“I mean, I’m not a thing,” Jake pointed out, with a lopsided smile. He stepped closer, so his warmth radiated at my side. I sensed the way my aura wanted to twine with his.
“I meant my blanket,” I said hefting it onto the bed, but I returned his smile.
“Sorry about that, I didn’t realize it was special,” Jake said with true remorse.
“Mrs. Stevens made it for me.”
Jake brushed his fingers over the material, I wished it was me he was touching. So I braced myself for rejection and asked for what I wanted.
“Hold me?”
Jake took me into his arms as though he had been waiting for an invitation. He held me so tight it made it hard to get a breath. But the ferocity of his embrace erased my doubts and fears, at least for a moment.
And while my breaths came hard, the tension in my chest eased and I could breathe again. Like he could squeeze away my insecurities. He couldn’t—I had to overcome them on my own. But knowing his strength was there for me to draw on helped.
Jake bolstered our link. Reinforced the bonds between us. I might give consideration to looking into counseling again. Or at least medication to help with my panic attacks. With Jake here, I felt more balanced than I had in months, strong enough to ask for help.
Aaron still seemed like a threat to my happiness. It might be possible he didn’t have to be one though. If I let him into my life, we might succeed at coexisting. Regardless of anything else, we had one very important thing in common, Jake was one of the most important people in our lives. That spoke to Aaron’s character, right?
I never regretted agreeing to keep our relationship open, but I didn’t like the reality of sharing Jake with Aaron. That might have more to do with seeing Jake less since Aaron re-entered the picture.
I hadn’t gotten jealous like this when Jake had engaged in hook ups before. And Caleb’s extracurriculars didn’t bother me either. Because before Aaron, I was the one they both came home to. I was secure in my place with them. Until now.
Now Jake returned home to Aaron in their stupid SPIRE apartment. And I hated the separation. If Caleb had his way, and we all lived together, I might not resent Aaron’s presence as much. It was worth at least trying.
Chapter 7
Caleb
I expected breakfast to be awkward. I could tell Aaron did too. He must have adjusted every piece of silverware a dozen times as he set the table.
I finished prepping the potatoes for hash browns and pulled out the electric griddle to make a mountain of pancakes. Elliott and Jake both liked them with berries, which we had in the freezer. I relished the easy distraction from the surrounding turmoil.
“Can I help with anything else?” Aaron asked. Guy was like the energizer bunny, would not stop moving.
“You can make the coffee,” I said. More to keep him occupied than because I welcomed the help. I liked being in control of the kitchen. Not even Jake and Elliott interfered in my domain. But Aaron needed to feel included, so I gave him instructions for brewing a pot of decaf.
Elliott and Jake were taking a while. But I guess that meant they were talking it out. That had to be a good sign. It still left me eager to check on them. Make sure Elliott was all right after his near breakdown upon finding Aaron in our living room this morning.
“What do you think they’re saying?” Aaron asked. He flitted around the table and adjusted the place settings yet again.
“Who knows? I hope they work out whatever had Elliott in such a snit, but we’ll find out soon enough,” I said. “Why were you guys sleeping out here, anyway?”
“Jake decided finding me in his bed would hurt Elliott.”
And it would have. I should have realized that sooner. At least Jake had corrected my sleep addled oversight.
“Well, considering how well he took you using his blanket, I can only assume he would not have liked me offering you our bed either.”
“Yeah. I guess, if our positions were reversed I’d feel upset too. I mean, Jake went from living with you guys to seeing you a few times a week.”
“It’s a big change,” I said.
“I took it for granted that I get to spend more time with him. And it’s been great for our link and figuring out the whole SPIRE thing. But I realize it’s been hard for you guys and it must be hard for Jake too.”
“It’s temporary. But yeah, it’s hard. Hence I suggested a solution to the issue.”
Aaron chewed on his lip for a long time before he blurted, “I don’t think living here will work.”
“No? Care to explain?”
“It’s too small. We need more separation between the bedrooms. And I mean, I get that all three of us want to live with Jake. But much as I liked hanging out with you, living with Jake�
�s other boyfriends after meeting you twice is too much to consider. Jake assures me that Elliott won’t murder me in my sleep, but still…”
I laughed at the ridiculousness of the mental image of Elliott slipping into Aaron’s room to murder him. That wasn’t Elliott’s style at all.
“He’d be much more likely to ambush you on your way to the bathroom than kill you in your sleep, if it’s any consolation.”
Aaron chuckled, “okay, but I’d still be dead, so, not my idea of a stellar plan.”
“Fair point. So, you’re saying what?”
“We keep hanging out as often as possible until SPIRE training ends. Then consider looking for a new apartment together, so we’re all on even footing.”
“That sounds reasonable,” I agreed.
“For what it’s worth, I’m enjoying getting to know you. And, in all honesty, the fact you cook and clean up after yourselves ranks you better than most of my previous roommates. I was the only one who ever cleaned up after himself at our university digs. Well, and Albert until he moved in with his girlfriend and ditched us. But I digress, the point is, I agree living together is the best option. With the caveat that Elliott and I need to get past whatever bad blood he has toward me first.”
“Then we’re on the same page,” I said. Humming to myself as I flipped a batch of finished pancakes onto a plate. I handed it to Aaron to bring to the table. He took it with alacrity. And we settled into an easy pattern. I cooked and arranged small tasks to keep his energy directed while we waited for Jake and Elliott to emerge from the bedroom.
Chapter 8
Jake
The towering stack of pancakes on the table clued me in that Caleb was overcompensating for the tension between Elliott and Aaron. He and Aaron were waiting for Elliott and I.
Aaron fidgeted. Caleb shot Elliott a concerned glance. They both must have reached for the coffeepot with their TK at once because it shot toward the table like they had hurled it from an invisible cannon.
The projectile carafe collided with the food, sending pancakes tumbling across the table. Hot coffee splattered everywhere, sloshing through the wreckage. At the same moment, I felt the shift in their abilities as they tried to stop the impact. The conflicting forces on the coffee pot caused it to shatter, exploding into a spray of liquid, shards of broken glass and pieces of cracked plastic.