When I don’t answer, Ethan reaches out and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “You don’t have to decide right now, love. You know how strongly we feel about you and you know how far we want to take this. Given what’s happened between us tonight, I know we’re meant to be together. You have to decide if you want us at the same time or not. Of course, you can decide to continue this journey with either one of us, but it wouldn’t be the same.”
Holy shit. I’m insanely attracted to both of these guys and the fact they want to see me again didn’t even cross my mind. I mean, after all, they’ve seen me fully naked. Under lights, may I point out. If they wanted to bail out, they would’ve done so. Instead, they want more. A lot more.
The blazing desire I read in their eyes is firing up my insides. “Can I take some time to think about it?” I’m really not sure if this is the question to ask two hunks who have laid their cards on the table like that, but I need some room to mull this over. Preferably when they’re not looking at me like they are right now. I’m ill-equipped for this situation. I’m usually the one watching other women get all the attention. I so need Maggie’s advice right now. I’m not sure if two men have ever made this type of outrageous proposal to her, but at least she’s been with way more guys than I have. She can guide me. “If that’s okay,” I add hesitantly when I realize I’m just standing there worrying at my lower lip.
“Of course,” they both answer in unison. Their disappointment is unmistakable. Guilt washes over me.
It’s one thing to fool around with two men, it’s a whole other thing to take them up on their offer. Everything about tonight has shattered my conservative upbringing to pieces. It’s a lot to take in. There’s nothing straight and narrow about this night. Can I really handle more or should I play it safe and call it quits while I’m ahead?
CHAPTER 19
Delilah
After a restless night, I stand barefoot in the small kitchen, still in my pink nightgown with little smiling black-and-white cows printed all over it. It’s a little childish, but it’s one of my favorites. I’m hugging a huge mug of piping-hot coffee drowning in a pool of hot milk. I added some Baileys because I need the comfort.
My roommate Jackie is the one who taught me this trick. She says one shot is the best comfort drink on the planet. She’s right. For good measure, I added two. I know it’s still super early, but trust me, I need this.
The streets are still deserted and considering I relish sleeping in on weekends, this feels so strange. It’s not like I want to be up at eight o’clock on a Sunday morning when I didn’t go to bed until five-thirty. I wouldn’t exactly call two and a half hours in bed beauty sleep. I tried and I tried, but it was impossible for me to get some shuteye. How could I after last night? My heart is still thundering from my debauched evening with two sexy-as-hell hunks. I’m still not sure how this could have happened to a girl like me. I would’ve been grateful for one of them. But two? At the same time? If my breasts weren’t so sore from them fondling me so passionately, I’d be tempted to believe it was all a wet dream. If the security guard hadn’t knocked on the door, God knows what I would have been willing to let them do to me. I shiver at my own boldness.
My body has never felt so alive. It’s not only my boobs that are still humming from last night. Every spot where their fingers brushed against my skin still tingles—especially my ass and my pussy. Ethan’s hands felt huge when he flattened them over my soft belly, while Xander’s large hands felt so strong every time he stroked my thighs before coaxing me to open wider. My response to their confident control blows my mind. I still can’t believe how willing I was to please them by following their commands. Although this is the first time I’ve been with such domineering men, it felt good, natural even.
I actually came twice in a matter of minutes. I shake my head at the thought. I chew on my lip, thinking of my little intervention in Piper’s office a few days ago. After last night, it’s like everything I said to Katrina and Piper about how I feel about sex is a big fat lie.
As I remember my time with Ethan and Xander, a slow slide of desire takes over me. God, they’re real men. They sure did a good job of sharing me. I’m still dazed by the way they took over all of my senses—each in their own way. I didn’t know people did those sorts of naughty things… together. Don’t get me started on how turned on I was by how focused they were as I dissolved under their eyes. I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind. They made me feel so gorgeous and so incredibly desired. Last night was more than a night of firsts. It’s the night I became a woman.
I’m still lost in my thoughts when a hand taps my shoulder, jolting me in surprise. “Holy crap,” I shout. Shocked, I pirouette around, spilling some of my coffee on the floor. “Shit,” I say, looking at the mess. I look up at the woman who caused this accident. “Jackie? I didn’t even hear you come in behind me.”
“Of course it’s me, love. You do remember I still live here?” She laughs. My roommate is staring at me. Her short brown hair is a mess—like it always is when she wakes up. Today she’s wearing her I’m Still Hung Over. Must Be Sunday! yellow nightie. She has a quirky one for every day of the week. “And by the way, good morning.” She smiles.
“Good morning,” I parrot.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, love. In my defense, I did call out your name a couple times, but you were lost somewhere out there.” She gesticulates in front of her.
“Really?” God, I’m in more of a daze than I thought I was.
“Really. It’s the weekend, you shouldn’t be this jumpy.” My roommate walks to the fridge, gets on her tiptoes and reaches out to grab some paper towels to clean up my mess.
Jacquelyn Milner lived in New York for three years. She was in the U.S. on a work visa. She was a junior architect at the same firm as my cousin Maggie. They became very close and kept in touch even after Jackie moved back to London. When I got my position at Harrow Sloane Arts, Maggie immediately contacted her friend and luck would have it that Jackie was looking for a new roommate, since the French teacher she lived with for a year was going back home to Normandy.
“Weren’t you staying at Nathan’s for the entire weekend?” I ask.
“I left you a voice message and sent a few text messages. I even stuck a Post-It note on your bedroom door.”
“I’m so sorry, Jackie. I was too tired to even bother checking messages. I just wanted to crawl into bed. As for the Post-It note, I don’t recall seeing it. Not even this morning.”
“Maybe it fell.” She squats to the ground to wipe the spilt coffee.
“Possibly.” I know I was still walking on clouds last night when I got back home, but surely in daylight it would be impossible to miss a yellow piece of paper stuck on my door. Oh, well. “Let me help you,” I offer, dropping my cup of coffee on the kitchen table.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.” In a few seconds she’s taken care of my mess. She walks to the bin and discards the wet paper towel before returning to the sink to wash her hands.
I feel so guilty being this clumsy and having someone else clean up after me. “What happened? Why did you end up sleeping in your bed instead of your boyfriend’s?” I ask.
“Nathan’s ex-wife called at about midnight—while we were in the throes of passion, believe it or not—because Michael, his sixteen-year-old son, got in a fight after spending the night drinking too much at a bar. Nate’s ex was so infuriated that her son broke so many of her parenting rules she summoned my boyfriend to be by her side. She needed backup because clearly being pissed drunk in a bar when you’re underage isn’t a good thing. Nathan had to go on daddy duty and I decided to come home. Michael is spending the day with him and will be staying at Nathan’s place the entirety of next week so Nathan can keep a watchful eye on his son. A part of me understands—I was a teenager once and my mom loves to remind me how I gave my parents a hard time of it. Maybe I’m being a little selfish, but another part of me is a little frustrated at
always coming second after my boyfriend’s teenage kids and their frequent tantrums.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I sympathize.
She shrugs. “It’s not your fault. I guess that’s what you get for dating a man of a certain age.” Jackie is twenty-seven, so three years older than Maggie and I. Nathan is nearly twice her age. He’s a fifty-year-old architecture professor who is originally from Australia. He married a Brit many years ago and even after the divorce he never went back Down Under. Jackie has been dating him for eight months now. Although she doesn’t say it, everything about her suggests she’s madly in love. “Let’s forget about it.” She waves in front of her. “On a different note, your hair is absolutely fabulous.” She reaches and plays with a strand that has come loose. “I was blown away when you sent me that selfie, but seeing you in person…” She lets her words trail off. “Wow, girlfriend, wow! I can ascertain that those photos don’t do the transformation justice.” Even through my tiredness, I beam at her comment.
Yesterday morning seems like a lifetime ago. With everything that’s happened to me in the last few hours, my metamorphosis is almost forgotten. I bring my hand up to my disheveled bun. “Oh, thanks. I love it as well. I’m not sure why it took me so long to have the guts to go for it. I’m so happy Piper inspired me to take a chance.”
“Speaking of your colleague and considering you partied your face off last night—and into the wee hours of the morning—to the point where you didn’t bother to check your messages, do I even have to ask how it was at Hush? Was it everything I promised and then some?”
“Piper couldn’t make it. She’s having big relationship problems. She called me at the last minute to let me know she was too depressed to go out because her boyfriend abruptly moved out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. So what did you end up doing last night?” Jackie asks.
“I went anyways. By myself,” I add just in case it’s not clear.
Jackie’s eyes widen. “Seriously? You didn’t barricade yourself at home all night in front of the telly eating takeaway and drinking too much wine like you do every Saturday night?”
I laugh. “Trust me, had Piper not pushed me, I would’ve ended up repeating my comfortable routine, which I seem to be quite attached to since I moved to London.” Actually, I used to do exactly the same thing in New York.
“I’m impressed.” Jackie nods.
“I guess since I finally had the guts to go for something more dramatic with my hair, I figured why not go all the way and be courageous enough to step into a lounge as a single lady?”
“Well, if you have to give up your training wheels, Hush is definitely the way to go.”
“That’s exactly what Piper said. She also connected me with a friend of hers—a bartender.”
“What’s his name?”
“Jeremy Spiviac.”
“Jeremy is absolutely delicious,” Jackie coos. “He’s such a nice guy and he’s so freaking hot. Between you and I, he’s also a formidable lover.” She winks. “I mean the beg-for-more kind of romp.” She’s grinning wide now.
Okay, too much information. “Thanks.” I guess. “I’ll keep that in mind. He’s taken now. He’s seeing someone.”
“Pity.” Jackie curls up her lips in disdain.
“It helped a lot to know that I wasn’t going to be alone even though I was there unaccompanied. If anything, I knew someone had my back.”
“So how was it? It had to have been quite the night since I was home at one o’clock and your room was empty.” She asks.
“So much happened, it’s hard to put it into words.”
Jackie walks towards the cupboard, swings it open, grabs a coffee mug and walks back towards me. “Lucky for you today is Sunday and I don’t have anything better to do than to listen to your story. You’re hungry?” I shake my head. “Good. Let’s forfeit breakfast for now so you can focus on giving me the goods.”
“Oh, okay,” I mumble.
“You’re going to sit yourself down”—she drags me by the arm all the way to the small kitchen table—“I’m going to top up your cup of coffee, pour myself some and you’re going to spill your guts, young lady.”
Two cups of coffee and an hour of me talking is all it takes for Jackie to know everything. Well, almost. I start with my exciting morning at Gideon’s, then move to what I wore, recount the highlights of my conversation with Piper, veer to the trepidation of walking inside Hush by myself and end it with a vivid description of the vibrating energy running through the air at the lounge. I stop right at the point where cocky Xander offers me a drink.
Jackie soaks in every one of my words. “I’m not surprised. Hush never fails to deliver. They always have an insane DJ and the guests are always up for a good time. I’ve had many, many, many wild nights of partying—and after-party fun—there before things became serious with Nathan. It’s a great place to hook up with some of the hottest men in the city who, in my humble opinion, are a cut above the rest. The fact that most tend to be wealthy is a bonus.”
“I agree. I was nearly delirious from the drool-worthy eye candy.” I laugh.
“So who did you connect with that kept you out so late?” I blink at her, surprised. “And before you attempt to lie, remember I shagged Jeremy. Many times. One text message is all it would take to find out the truth.” Damn, she’s good.
“I did meet someone, but it’s a lot more complicated than that.”
Jackie draws her eyebrows together. “You lost me. You either met someone or you didn’t. How complicated can it be on the first night?”
Do I tell her? She’s looking at me as if to say, Come on, spit it out. After a few seconds of hesitation, I test the waters. “I bumped into this art buyer I know from the gallery and his best friend also happened to be there.” I’m downplaying things and I know it.
Jackie narrows her eyes. “So which one of the two do you prefer?” I really didn’t see that coming.
“Well…” I start, but pause. I lose my resolve to continue. I don’t want this woman to think that I’m the biggest slut in London. I flash her a side glance, still weighing how much I should reveal and what I should guard with my life.
Jackie senses I’m holding something back. Curiosity gleams in her brown eyes. “Someone has a secret. Do tell, do tell,” she singsongs, clapping her hands together like a five-year-old.
“I don’t,” I protest feebly.
“You so do. You’re blushing furiously. Only a guilty soul would sport that shade of red on her cheeks,” she mocks.
“God,” I huff. I fold my lower lip inside my mouth.
“I don’t know what happened, but it must be pretty monumental,” she insists. She’s right, but still I hesitate. “How bad—or should I say how good—was it?” When I don’t answer, she presses, “Nothing shocks me, Delilah. I’ve done it all. If it makes it a little easier for you to open up to me, I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine.” She leans in as if there’s someone else in the apartment. Without realizing it, I start mirroring her. I drop my elbows on the table so our faces are only inches apart. “You might not know this, but the lounge has these swanky and very expensive private rooms you can rent by the hour.” Oh, trust me, I know. She continues before I even have a chance to say anything. “Let’s just say that I’ve been there a few times with some very rich guys and we weren’t watching the telly or sipping on wine while enjoying polite conversation. The only talking that was happening was downright dirty. If you know what I mean.” Do I ever.
That’s my trigger. I’m dying to talk to someone. As much as I love Maggie, I can’t wait any longer. Since she’s in Cali she won’t be up until much later. By then, I’ll have combusted.
“I spent the entire evening until closing time in one of those private rooms with that guy I was telling you about,” I blurt out. Jackie cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow. “And his best friend,” I add. There, I said it. It’s out in the open. I close my eyes, convinced Jackie is
throwing daggers my way with her eyes because of the filth that just came out of my mouth. I’m so nervous I stop breathing. After a few long seconds, I peek open one eye and then the other. Jackie’s face is frozen. I can’t tell if she’s horrified, disgusted or if she’s about to ask me to move out.
To my great surprise she bursts out laughing. As confused as I am at first, I can’t help but join in. When she finally manages to compose herself, she speaks. “Well, you, Delilah Babcock, surprised the heck out of me. I never would have pegged you for a girl who is willing to take a ride on the wild side. What are you going to say next? You shared a kinky and forbidden night with two celebs?” She roars laughing. I’m talking full-body hysteria here. When I remain stoic, she quickly finds her composure. She stares at me, stunned, but after a while I can’t stand it anymore and I avert my gaze. “Who exactly are these two guys you spent the night with?” she asks carefully.
I take a deep breath in. Here we go. “I just know them as Ethan and Xander, but when we were having dinner at the restaurant they did mention that they used to be in this really popular UK boy band. I’ve never heard of them until last night because apparently they never really crossed over to America, but apparently 4Ever used to be a top-charting foursome. Have you ever heard of them?”
All the color drains from Jackie’s face. She clings to her nightgown with one hand and fans herself with the other. Since we’re not eating I know she’s not choking. Can you choke on your own saliva? Nevertheless, I jump to my feet, worried she’s having a seizure or something. “Are you okay?” This is a really stupid question given how much of a visceral reaction she had to what I said, but what else am I going to ask?
Jackie coughs a few times before she’s able to finally calm down. “Have I gone deaf or did you just say you spent the night with Ethan Gordimer and Xander Emerson? The two gods who used to sing with Edward McCarther and Bryan Ferguson in one of the hottest bands to come out of the UK?” She’s shouting at me. I guess she knows them.
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