“Can we go lie on the couch?” she asks, her voice weak. Standing, I gather her in my arms and carry her to the couch. “Why is there a pillow and blankets already here?” she asks when I put her down so her head is on the pillow. Sitting next to her on the couch, I cover her with the same blanket I was using.
“Well, I was afraid I wouldn’t hear you if something happened,” I say as I push the hair away from her face. “I promised my mother that I would take care of you.” The lie comes out before I can stop it. My mother had no say in where I slept. She left the house as soon as she came out of the room. I just wanted her gone so I could be alone with Olivia. I listened at her door, and when I didn’t hear anything, I walked in and turned off the overhead light, then switched on the small lamp on the nightstand. Situating myself outside her room, I sat with my back to the wall, and waited until she came out and climbed into bed. Once I heard her soft snores, I went to my bathroom and took the fastest shower of my life. After I finished, I checked on her again, then decided to sleep on the couch since I’d have to set my phone alarm for two hours to remember to wake her. It rang quietly once, but my eyes were still open. I got up and walked over to her. Checking on her, I felt like a creep watching her, but I just stared at her, wondering what in the fuck was going on with me. Until I heard her yelling.
She swallows while she looks at me, and I walk to the fridge to get her a bottle of water.
“Here,” I tell her as I open, then hand her the bottle. I walk to sit down on the couch beside her feet. She swallows a couple of sips. “How is your head?”
Looking down at her hands, she says, “It almost feels like I have a little headache.” She takes another sip, and I wait a couple of minutes.
“You feeling any better?”
She nods. “Yeah, it was a nightmare.” When her head shakes, a tear escapes, but she wipes it away.
“It’s only normal, darlin’,” I tell her softly. “Yesterday was crazy.”
“It was a weird one,” she says, looking at me. “I was standing in my apartment, but it was trashed, and then suddenly, I was standing in this room. But it was trashed, too.” She leans over to set the water bottle on the coffee table. “It’s fine. It was just a dream.”
“It was,” I say softly, wanting to cup her cheeks with my hands. I want to sleep with her in my arms so she can feel protected and safe.
“Is it okay if I sleep here on the couch?”
I want to tell her that she should sleep in my bed, but I don’t want her to think that I want anything. So instead, I just nod. “Sure, darlin’.” She turns to her side and closes her eyes.
“Thank you, Casey,” she says softly, and I don’t answer her because I don’t trust the words that would come out of my mouth. Instead, I get up and walk back to my bedroom to grab another pillow. When I walk back out, she’s already snoring softly.
When I decided to build this house, I knew my vision. I built it from the ground up with my own hands. I did have help, but I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into this house to make it exactly like I wanted. It was the same as my parents’ but with a modern touch. The family room, unlike my parents’ house, has high ceilings, and when you turn, you can see the railing to the second floor. The couch we are sitting on was custom made. I wanted a huge U-shaped one with huge pillows to face the fireplace with a big-screen television over it. Even though I barely watch television, I bought a ninety inch.
I’m about to put my pillow on the other end of the couch when Olivia whimpers in her sleep. I stop and turn. Walking back over to her, I look down at her, and the whimpers stop. She rolls over to face the other way, and when I turn to walk to my side, she whimpers again. Walk away, Casey, I tell myself. Nothing good is going to come from this. Just walk away. But when she whimpers again, I do what I shouldn’t. I lie next to her and put my arms around her like I’ve wanted to do all night.
Her back rests against my chest, and when she whimpers again, I whisper, “I gotcha, darlin’.” I’m expecting her to open her eyes and turn around, but instead, she just sinks into my arms. So in the middle of my living room, I fall asleep with her in my arms. I wake during the night more times than normal, but when I feel her beside me, I go back to sleep. I get up before she does, leaving her on the couch as I go to the kitchen and start the coffee for her. Looking at the clock, I see it’s almost six a.m.
I’m about to text my father when I see my mother coming up the back steps. I walk over to the door and open it. “Morning,” she says quietly, but I put my finger to my mouth, then point over at the couch from the kitchen.
“She had a nightmare and didn’t want to sleep in the bedroom,” I say. My mother’s face fills with concern. “She’s fine now.”
“I came over so you can go do your things,” she says, taking off her shoes. I stand here, trying to come up with a reason not to leave her. My mother puts her hand on my arm. “It’s okay. I have her.”
After I nod at her, I walk back to my bedroom to get dressed. I’m hoping that Olivia is awake so I can see she is okay, but when I walk back out after getting dressed, I see she’s still sleeping. My mother is sitting on the couch reading a book. “Can you text me when she gets up?” She just smiles at me, so I head out the door and make my way over to the barn.
Walking into the barn I had renovated six months ago, I find the concrete floor spotless, and the sound of my boots clicking wake a couple of the horses up. “Morning, fillies.” Entering the kitchen right in front of the office, I start the coffee for everyone, then walk over to my office to turn on my computer. Another thing I did when I took over was make everything digital. No more handwritten notes, and no more writing contracts down—everything had a paper trail. Moving back to the kitchen, I fill a white coffee cup and take the first sip. Walking back to my desk, I make the work plan for the day so the guys know where they are needed and what needs to be done. After that’s printed, I put it on the clipboard in the kitchen. I hired five more people since I took over from my father after I put in more stalls and have more horses here than before. Each farm has a purpose. This one is for training, and one is for mating. I opened one for lessons and that one is taking off through the roof. I also have one that specializes in rodeo training. I keep my mind as busy as possible and try not to look at the clock every two minutes, wondering if she’s up, and if she’s not, is that normal.
At eight thirty, I get a text telling me that she’s up. They are making breakfast and I should head over. I don’t know what I’m expecting when I get there, but when I walk in, I don’t see her. My heart speeds up, and my eyes go around the room five times before my mother says, “She’s getting dressed.”
The back door opens behind me, and my father comes in. “Mornin’.” He walks around me to my mother and bends to kiss her lips. “Sweetheart.”
I’m about to go to her room when I see her walk around the corner, and my chest does something weird. I rub the middle of my chest, thinking maybe I have indigestion. She wears yoga pants with a pink sweater. Her hair is high in a ponytail, but the ends are curled. Her face is free of makeup, just how I like it. “Morning, cowboy.” She smiles, but it’s a fake one, and I have to say I hate it.
“Mornin’, darlin’,” I say. I wait for her gaze to meet mine again, but instead, she looks at my parents.
“Is there anything I can help with?” she asks my mother, who just shakes her head.
“I can set the table.” Olivia walks over to the plates. “I wonder if Kallie is coming today?”
“She’ll be over in a bit. She had things to do,” my mother says. I walk into the kitchen to help Olivia set the table. I ignore the look that my mother and father give me when I do this, and no one says anything when we eat breakfast. The three of them talk, but I don’t even know what about because all I think about is what will happen when she leaves. A knot forms in my stomach, so I get up as soon as I’m done and put my plate away.
“I have to go,” I tell them. Looking down, I try not t
o look at Olivia, but I fail and glance at her before walking out the back door. Walking back to the front of my house, I get into the truck and head deep into my property. I have this sudden energy, and my mind is going all over the place. Stopping my truck, I go over to a pile of wood that needs to be cut. This should help to clear my head. I slide on the gloves sitting on top of the ax and then take a piece of wood. Moving it into place, I raise the ax over my head and swing, splitting the wood into two pieces. I do it over and over again until my muscles scream, but my head remains more confused than before.
I wipe the sweat from my forehead when I hear another truck approaching. “There you are,” my father says when he gets out of the truck.
“Yeah, here I am,” I say, grabbing another piece of wood. My chest is heaving from the exertion.
“Do you want to talk about what’s gotten into you?” he asks, and I just shake my head. “It might be better if you do.”
“Nothing to say, Dad. What do you want me to say?” I ask, taking another piece of wood and swinging the ax to make the cut.
“It’s okay to be scared, son,” he says while I toss the cut pieces of wood into the growing pile.
“I’m not scared,” I say. I’m really not. Confused maybe, but not scared. “Why would I be scared?”
“Well, you almost lost her.” Those five words cut me to the core. The five words I tried not to think about since I walked into that room. Those five words could have changed my world forever.
“Everyone almost lost her.” I look at him. “Kallie, Mom, you.” I point at him.
“This is true, and we would mourn her, but you …” he says.
“But nothing, Dad.” I throw the ax down. “She’s just here until it’s safe to go home, and then she’s going home.” Just saying the words causes my stomach to burn, and I get that feeling again in my chest. This time, though, it’s followed with dread and pressure. “I need to finish this,” I say, and he doesn’t say anything more to me. He walks back to his truck, and only when he’s gone do I roar out in frustration.
Chapter Nine
Olivia
Last night when I woke and I was clinging to him, he brought me to the couch. When I saw that he was sleeping on the couch with me, I almost sobbed. This man is sleeping on a couch because I’m the bitch who made him not safe in his house. Lying there in the room with him, I felt my heart calm down, and the nightmare didn’t seem so scary anymore. I suddenly felt so safe, knowing he was there, and was able to fall asleep. When I opened my eyes this morning, I don’t know why I was expecting to see him. I also don’t know why it bothered me when I didn’t see him.
“Good morning, beautiful girl,” she says from the kitchen while she cooks breakfast.
“Morning,” I say, getting up, trying not to do it too fast so my head doesn’t spin.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she asks, and I just smile at her. The last thing I want to do is worry her again. “I was scared that you would wake up when I covered you up.”
“You covered me up?” I ask, and I need to walk away as my stomach starts to flip.
“Well, the blanket was off you a bit, so I just made sure you weren’t cold.” I look at her while she smiles as if she just did what everyone else would do. Not once did my mother ever cover me for anything. She would leave me sleeping on the couch and have someone else carry me to my room and tuck me in, and even at that, the people did it because they were paid to do it.
“You are one of a kind,” I say, smiling softly at her. Getting up off the couch, I fold the blanket. “Kallie and Casey are really lucky.” I pick up the stuff to put it away. I don’t know where, but I’ll at least take them to the room I’m staying in.
She shakes her head. “I’m the lucky one. Now go wash up, and I’ll call Casey to come for breakfast.” I nod at her and bite my tongue when I want to ask about Casey. I walk away, trying not to think about how different our lives have been. When this whole thing blew up, my mother made one phone call to tell me not to reach out to her until it blew over. She didn’t rush to my side, and she didn’t send a lawyer for me. She did nothing, which just made me cement the decision to cut her out of my life. It’s just me, I think to myself. I can be okay with just me.
I put the stuff down on the bed and take my phone out. I make the call that I don’t want to make, but I do it anyway. I have to get out of here, and the sooner the better. The call goes straight to voice mail. “Detective Gonzales, it’s Olivia Young. I was wondering if you could call me back please. Thank you.” I put the phone down beside me, and I’m about to get up when the phone rings. I see that it’s an unknown number, so I don’t know if I should answer it, but it might be the detective.
“Hello,” I say, my voice soft and quiet.
“Ms. Young.” His voice sounds like he just woke up. “It’s Detective Gonzales.”
“Hi, Detective,” I say. “I’m sorry if I woke you.” I close my eyes. “I didn’t even think about the time difference.”
“More than okay,” he says. “Is there something you need?”
“I was wondering …” I start to say. “I’m coming back to LA tomorrow. I just want to know how safe it is.”
He exhales a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie to you. There have been no more break-ins at your place, and with the man arrested yesterday, I don’t think the threat is there anymore.”
I exhale the breath I was keeping in. “Perfect,” I say even though I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad with his answer. “Well, I will touch base with you once I’m home.”
“That sounds good,” he says, and I disconnect, tossing the phone on the bed. Heading to the bathroom, I wash the tears off my face that I didn’t even know were there, and the whole time, I can hear my mother’s voice.
“Stop with the tears, Olivia. Tears don’t help anyone.
You don’t depend on anyone but yourself, Olivia; therefore, you can never be let down.
Never let them see your weakness.”
Breakfast is weird, and when Casey says nothing to me the whole time, I have to think it’s because we’re all invading his space. But by tonight, I’ll be gone, and his life can go back to normal. As I watch him walk out of the house, I think I breathe a sigh of relief. But then the minute I can’t see him, my heart speeds back up. My eyes roam around the room frantically, looking around to make sure I can see everything in case someone comes to us.
When Kallie comes in an hour later, Charlotte leaves. “Why does that face scare me?” Kallie asks while I laugh.
“Maybe because I haven’t put on makeup in five days.” I try to joke, but my heart gets heavier, knowing that I’m also leaving my best friend behind.
“We went to Cabo last year.” She points at me. “And you went ten days without makeup,” she reminds me. I try not to think about how empty my life will be without her, but it’s fine. It’ll be okay. Maybe not right away, but eventually, it’ll be okay.
“The detective called me this morning,” I say, and she just looks at me, waiting. “Okay, fine, I called the detective,” I say, lifting my hands in the air. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter who called who. What matters is that it’s safe to go back home now that they caught the guy.”
“I don’t know, Olivia.” She blinks away her tears.
“I can’t stay here forever, Kallie,” I say, blinking away my own tears as my stomach sinks. I feel like I’m going to be sick. “It’s time that everyone gets on with their lives.” I try not to think about Casey and him getting on with his life. He’ll go back to being the hottest bachelor in town, but this time, I won’t be stopping him from dating.
“Everyone is getting on with their lives with you here.” Her voice is soft now, but then it rises just a touch. “Is it Casey?” she asks, getting angry now. “Did he say something to you?” She shakes her head. “Fuck him, you can stay with us.”
I laugh. “No,” I tell her. “He didn’t say anything to me. I swear.” I hold up my hand like Scout’s ho
nor.
“I don’t want you to go,” she finally says. She wipes away the tears coming down her face, and I don’t even bother hiding mine anymore. “I mean, who is going to help you with taco not Tuesday?” She mentions the time I tried to make tacos, but the turkey meat I bought got stuck to the pan, and it was crunchy when you bit into it. “Who is going to make you watch reality television?”
“We can FaceTime,” I say. “My life is there. My home is there.” I try not to think about how I’ve never called anywhere home.
She takes me in her arms, and I try not to sob. “I’m not dying.” I try to joke with her. “You know I can come visit, and you can come visit.”
“Where are you going to stay?” she asks, and I shrug.
“I haven’t stayed at the Four Seasons in a really long time.” I smile. “I thought I would stay there until I got a new place.” We let each other go, and I get online and book my flight home. The whole time, I ignore all the emotion coming out of me.
She doesn’t say anything to me, and we just hug each other. When Jacob picks her up an hour later, she looks at me. “I’m going to come right back, so we can spend the night watching movies.”
I nod, and when she closes the door behind her, I head to the bedroom. Taking my luggage from the corner of the room, I set it on the bed and open it up. I start packing my things. I fold all my clothes, trying not to think about tomorrow. I’m so inside my head that I don’t hear the back door open, and I don’t hear him stomping his boots on the floor. So when I hear his voice, I jump.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I look up to see that his shirt is almost see-through from the sweat. His face is red all over, and his pants are filthy. He looks like he just ran through the mud.
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