“Once she was gone, you decided to give up on any long-term relationship. There hasn’t been a single woman since whom you’ve shown any interest in for more than a couple of dates. Other than Wilson, who we know is a friend and you use her to keep other women at bay, to keep anyone away who might challenge your heart. She uses you, too, for maybe the same reason.”
Her words were true, but that didn’t make them easy to accept.
“Have you talked to her, Blake? Listened to her side of the story?” his mother asked.
“I don’t need to hear her story. It’s all there in those pages.” He pointed to the dining room table. He’d been hiding them from his mother, not knowing the subject was the very reason she’d flown four thousand miles to see him in person.
Katherine Thorn looked where he pointed. Blake yanked the towels back. Pages flew into the air, fluttering like broken memories sliding into place.
“We both know newspaper accounts don’t tell the whole story,” his mother said.
“They may not, but her note says it all.” Blake lifted one sheet and dropped it in front of his mother.
“She was seventeen, Blake. And so were you. If you’ve read this, you’d know the headline is just sensationalism. It’s not the whole story.”
No one knew the whole story. Not the newspapers, not Ellie, not even his mother. Only he and Alexis knew what was going on, and Alexis could no longer tell her side.
“I think you should talk to Ellie.”
“No,” he stated. “If she wanted to talk, she could have told me. She had plenty of opportunities.”
“Didn’t she try to tell you and you walked out on her?”
“How do you know this? Did you talk to Ellie?”
She shook her head. “You’re easy to read, Blake. I’ve known it since you were a child. But you’re no longer a child. You’re an adult, and you should act like one.”
“What do you want me to do? I trusted her. I told her things I haven’t told anyone. Yet she didn’t tell me about something this important. She told you at the risk of not being considered for a job. Why would she keep this from me?”
“Would you have given her a chance?”
“No.” He was emphatic.
His mother sat still. She didn’t have to tell him that he had his reasons.
“But she did something for you that you should be grateful for regardless of whether you two have a future.”
“Yeah,” he said with a grunt. “What’s that?”
“She taught you that you can feel again. Losing Alexis was an accident. Nothing more. It was a combination of wrong circumstances that resulted in an accident. You lost your girlfriend and Ellie lost her father.”
Blake looked up. “She lost her father?”
“He was driving the car. He had a heart attack, and she couldn’t get control in time to stop their truck from hitting yours.”
Blake was stunned. “And we were fighting.” He spoke under his breath, not realizing his mother would hear him.
“You and Ellie?”
Blake shook his head. “Alexis and me.”
His mother didn’t ask what they were fighting about. It was the other man. Alexis was pregnant. Not with his child, but with someone else’s. She chose to tell him that night, in the dark, in the car. Tears had run down her face. And then the accident happened, and he knew nothing until he woke up in the hospital.
“Blake, it’s your turn.” She stood up. “You need to talk to Ellie—now.”
“All right. I’ll talk to her,” he agreed, wanting this conversation to end.
“Now.” She looked at the door.
Blake glanced at it, too.
“I have some shopping to do,” she said. She kissed him on the cheek and started for the door.
“Mother.” Blake stopped her. “How did you find out? You flew all the way here to have this conversation with me?”
“Not exactly. I’m on my way to Seattle to see my sister. And I need a birthday gift for Helen.”
“But you decided to stop here?”
“It gave me a chance to see the store and the bay.” She glanced at the windows and the water in the distance. Blake knew there was a message between the lines. She was here to see him, and the bay had nothing to do with it. Even though she was on her way to his aunt Helen’s, San Francisco wasn’t a layover. There were direct flights from New York to Seattle.
“Did you and André have a discussion before you boarded the plane?”
“André and I speak regularly. He’s in New York. It would be strange not to talk.”
Blake didn’t ask anything else. He went to his mother and kissed her on the cheek.
“Say happy birthday to Aunt Helen for me.” His mother and aunt always spent their birthdays together. She went to Seattle for his aunt Helen’s, and in February his aunt would fly to New York so the two women could visit, shop, go to a Broadway show or take a long weekend together.
Katherine Thorn nodded and went through the door. Instead of closing it, she left it standing open. Blake expected Ellie, but she didn’t appear. Grabbing the doorknob, he looked toward the elevator. The hall was empty except for his mother waiting for the doors to part. Blake let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders dropping. He wasn’t ready to talk to Ellie. He wasn’t sure he would ever be. His heart was hurting, and he needed time for the bruises to heal.
But his thoughts were cut short when he spotted Ellie sitting on the floor at the opposite end of the hall near the exit stairs. He’d know her anywhere, know the curve of her back, the shine of her hair, the tilt of her head and the hammering of blood that coursed through his system at the thought of her.
Ellie looked at him with huge eyes that said she hadn’t slept in the same number of days he hadn’t.
“Come in,” he said.
* * *
“I’m probably the last person you want to see or talk to,” Ellie said.
“You’re at the top of the list,” he replied.
Ellie felt a coldness go through her. She knew coming to Blake’s condo with Katherine Thorn wasn’t a good idea. First the owner of the foundation where Ellie worked showed up unannounced and wanted to meet with her. She didn’t want to discuss Give It to the Girl. She was there to talk about Alexis Ferrell and Blake Thorn. Ellie didn’t ask how she knew that she and Blake had been seeing each other.
Even though Ellie had explained that Blake was aware of who she was and that he didn’t want to see her, the older woman had insisted she accompany her. And now she stood in front of Blake, feeling as naked and vulnerable as a high school student called to the principal’s office.
“Blake, I’m sorry. I really wanted to tell you.”
“Then why didn’t you? Why did you let me tell you all about the accident? You cried. I thought you felt sympathy for me, when all the while you were sitting on a secret.”
“It wasn’t like that.” She had felt sympathy for him.
And for Alexis.
She’d also remembered her father, and knew if she told Blake her part in the tragedy, she’d lose him. He was so hostile toward the people in the other car. Everything about the accident was their fault. They were on the wrong side of the road. They caused a head-on collision.
“All right, Ellie.” He stood across from her, his gaze and his body as hard as marble. “How was it?”
Ellie swallowed. Blake hadn’t asked her to sit down or offered her a drink. On the table was a bottle of water and a glass. Ellie took the seat opposite it.
“I didn’t grow up in San Francisco,” she began. “I was born here, but we moved to New York State when I was young.” Blake had never asked where she was from. Few people did. They assumed a California girl was a California girl, and people from the state never wanted to live anywhere else. “My family lived in the town next to the one where y
ou grew up.”
Blake folded his arms and remained standing. She wished he’d be more relaxed, more ready to listen. His stance indicated distance, closed-mindedness and an unwillingness to believe anything she said.
“I took ice-skating lessons and I was on a team. We practiced every morning and every night when a competition was coming up.” She paused, hoping she’d get some indication from Blake that her words were getting through to him.
She got nothing.
“My father was driving.” Ellie’s voice cracked. She knew what she was about to say, and the words had begun to choke her. “We were also arguing.”
“About what?” Blake spoke, making her heart beat even faster than it was already.
“Me driving. I had a learner’s permit, and I was allowed to drive. I wanted to, but he said no. The argument is trivial now. At the time, it was important to me. I wish I’d been driving. If I had, we wouldn’t be here.”
How many times had Ellie replayed that night and the possible outcomes a single change would have made? They wouldn’t have been fighting, and the sequence of events wouldn’t have resulted in the death of a teenage girl. And, Ellie told herself, she wouldn’t be in love with the man standing in front of her.
“My father had a heart attack. We had one of those old vintage trucks. He loved it and spent hours every weekend maintaining it.” Tears threatened as Ellie remembered working with her dad, rebuilding the carburetor and learning what a timing belt did. Conversations they had had on the way to her ice-skating lessons came back to her. Seeing him sitting on the bleachers, watching her as she went through her routines or fell on her butt when she miscalculated a move, made her proud and happy that he was her father.
“He fell sideways. One arm went through the big steering wheel, and his foot wedged the accelerator down. I grabbed the steering wheel when the car started to veer across the road, but I was restricted by the seat belt, by his heavy arm and by his weight. I didn’t know it then, but he was already gone. I pulled at the wheel, but all that happened was the truck veered to the right.”
Ellie could not go on. She held the tears at bay, but they were in her throat and she refused to shed them.
Finally Blake moved. He went to the kitchen, returning with a bottle of water. After twisting the cap off, he handed it to her.
She took a sip.
Blake moved the water glass and bottle from the coffee table and took a seat in front of her.
Ellie saw the darkness under Blake’s eyes. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. Try as she might, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. They looked at each other for a long time. Ellie’s heart fluttered. She raised her hand to smooth the frown from his brow. Blake caught her wrist before she could touch him. She pulled her hand free and leaned back.
“I didn’t mean...” Ellie stopped. She didn’t know what to say. She understood that he didn’t want her to touch him. She should be grateful he allowed her in the same room with him.
“Blake, I’m sorry.” The words sounded hollow, inadequate for the depth of grief she’d caused. The fact that Blake wasn’t responding was disconcerting to her. “I know I should have told you who I was when we first met, and I wanted to, but it didn’t seem like the right place. Later, I wanted to be with you, and I knew if I told you it would be the end of us.”
Again she waited for him to say something. But he withstood her scrutiny. Ellie’s shoulders dropped in defeat.
“The least you could do is say something, but I see you’re so angry with me that speech is beyond you. I truly am sorry, Blake.”
Ellie stood, moving around the table so there was at least ten feet between them. She took one final look at the man she loved. She knew she’d never see him again. Turning around, she went to the door and opened it. Refusing to look back and be humiliated any further, she went out and closed it behind her.
Ellie walked slowly to the elevator and punched the down button. Obviously Katherine Thorn had expected a different outcome would ensue. The car was gone when Ellie reached the street. She walked to the condo’s entrance and got into a taxi. She didn’t go home, but called Judi and agreed to meet her.
After her third margarita, Ellie felt a lot better. Everything Judi said was funny. When the music began, Ellie was the first one on the floor, dancing. She had no partner, but that didn’t matter. She felt like moving. She wasn’t going to let Blake Thorn ruin her night or her life. The fact that he didn’t return her love was something she could get over.
“I think we should leave,” Judi said when Ellie gained a partner.
“Not yet. I’m having fun.” Ellie danced. She knew Judi disapproved, but as her friend, she would protect her. The music got louder, and while her drinks were replaced with nonalcoholic punches and soft drinks, Ellie still took to the floor with every song.
Until...
Suddenly she wanted to cry. Leaving the dance floor, she returned to the table where Judi was standing. The jukebox was playing the song that had been on the radio that night. It kept playing after the truck hit the car. Metal crumpled, radiators hissed and rain beat down, but “Endless Love,” playing on an oldies station her father enjoyed, continued despite the chaos that began in her life at that moment. Her father told her he loved that song because it was the one he and her mother danced to at their wedding. And when Ellie was born, he knew there was such a thing as endless love. Ellie bought into the romance of it. She even had the song on her phone.
But of all the songs in the world, why was that one playing when he died?
Returning to the table, Judi looked at her and stood.
“I’d like to go home now,” Ellie said.
* * *
Blake paced the floor after Ellie left. Her story was sorrowful, but he would not be moved. She should have told him who she was ages ago.
He stopped pacing and walked to the windows. The curtains were open and the sun had set. Lights from boats winked back at him. The distant hills looked like spangled stars instead of houses across the bay.
Talk to her, his mother had said. Blake hadn’t done that. She’d talked to him, but he found it impossible to utter more than a few words. He hadn’t even said he was sorry when she told him her father died.
Blake’s uncle had died, and his cousins came to live with them. The six boys were reared as brothers, but Blake still remembered the nightmares and crying episodes of his grieving brothers. He couldn’t imagine life without his father. How much would he have missed without his dad to talk to, to learn things from?
Ellie must have missed out, too. She was an ice-skater. If she practiced twice a day, she had to be good. The accident had changed her lifeline just as it had altered his.
She wasn’t totally at fault. Really, she wasn’t at fault at all. A teenager arguing that she wanted to drive was normal. How many arguments had he had with his dad? Blake couldn’t count them, but he knew some of them had occurred in the car, while his dad was at the wheel.
The outcome of his and his dad’s differences could not compare to Ellie’s loss. Blake felt he should have said something, been more compassionate.
He went back to pacing the floor. What else could he do? When he reached his bedroom, papers lay wasted about the small writing table and floor. On the edge of the chair facing the bed lay the ring box, with the diamond he’d planned to present while on his knee.
He sneered at it, then picked it up and opened the blue velvet lid. A large blue diamond, ringed with multifaceted white diamonds, caught the chandelier light, reflecting prisms of colors up at him. Blake could almost imagine it on her finger. It reminded him of the shoes she’d worn their last night together, the ones encrusted with pearls and stand-up butterflies.
He snapped the box closed and dropped it on the table. Closing the box, however, didn’t close that chapter of his life. It had taken him ten years to get Alexis out of
his system. It would take longer for him to purge all the feelings he had for Ellie, if that were even possible.
Chapter 11
The security office was on the third floor. Blake hadn’t checked in with the teenagers in a couple of days. He’d barely spoken to anyone for longer than a casual greeting. His conversation with Ellie came back to him time and again. He was aware of everything she’d said, every gesture of her hand or movement of her head.
Blake felt as if he had a photographic memory when it came to her. He was in love with Ellie. He even had a ring in his pocket, ready to ask her to spend her life with him. Then that piece of paper had fluttered to the floor.
All the memories of the past ten years had come back to him, and he had lashed out at her. Ellie wasn’t the cause of the accident. He was the wrong one. She’d left his condo and refused to take his calls. Blake couldn’t blame her. He’d been a jerk and needed to apologize to her. Like his mother said, they needed to talk. Actually, Blake needed to talk. Ellie had tried, but he hadn’t been ready to listen. He was ready now, and even if Ellie wasn’t ready, he needed to see her.
He’d tried the conventional method, the phone. Since that hadn’t worked, his only course was to try her office. She couldn’t refuse to talk to him there. Blake wouldn’t force her to talk, but he would look her in the eye and tell her he was wrong.
By the time he reached the security office, he had a plan. He knew he had to talk to Ellie, and he had to tell her the full truth. He had to tell her that he believed the accident wasn’t her fault. It was no one’s fault. He pulled out his phone and called the offices of the Give It to the Girl Foundation. Darlene, whom he’d met at the gala, answered the phone and told him Ellie wasn’t there. She was taking a few days off.
His optimism fell, but he opened the door and went into the behind-the-scenes office. Will Jerome sat at one of the computer screens, his concentration intense.
“Will.” Blake said his name, and the young man jumped as if surprised.
“Oh, hi,” he said, his expression instantly transforming into a smile. “I was just checking the shoe department. I think I saw someone I knew.”
Love in San Francisco ; Unconditionally Page 16