“I won’t kiss you,” he said instead. His voice was raspier than normal. The same sexy, southern drawl I heard when he sang came out thick as he spoke. “I won’t kiss you, not when you have a boyfriend.”
I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.
And guilty.
He brought his lips to my neck, against my skin, and the guilt went forgotten for the moment. He whispered, “But the second you don’t have a boyfriend, I promise I will be all over you.”
Caleb broke away from me, as if he hadn’t just been kissing my neck, and he climbed into the driver seat of his Hummer. With my body and my mind still spinning, he started the car. He rolled down the window.
“Bye, Emma.”
I said nothing back. My words were lost.
That was it. He drove away.
Dumbfounded, head spinning, and slightly sick to my stomach, I walked back inside the restaurant. I think it was time for me have a very serious, probably long overdue, talk with Nick.
~ CHAPTER 23 ~
CALEB
Not kissing Emma had taken every ounce of self-control I possessed. As I drove from her town of Kill Devil Hills north toward Carova, I rolled down all the windows to let the air slap me in the face. But it didn’t clear my mind of her.
After I passed through a few towns, the road eventually changed to sand. We’d rented two monster Hummers because you had to have four-wheel-drive to drive on the sand portion. The others had left the restaurant in the first Hummer before me. Growing up in the middle-of-nowhere Tennessee my family used to have a four-wheeler that I would drive across our land every chance I could. That was, if Luke or Ollie or my dad wasn’t already using it. Driving the Hummer reminded me of those carefree times.
About thirty minutes later I reached our rental. I think Dani had booked the biggest, most extravagant house she came across. It was nice and all, but I felt about a million miles away from Emma. I know I’d be stewing in my own head until an appropriate amount of time passed, and I could send her the text message I’d promised her.
I grabbed my bags and Luke’s from the truck. I brought them inside and dropped them on the floor. Seemed that was the same place Ollie’s and Dani’s bags had ended up. The four of us together had grown so accustomed to having our road crew with us wherever we went—picking up after us, cooking for us, dragging our bags around—I had a feeling we’d all be in for an early wake-up call.
“Guys,” I yelled, my voice echoed through the house.
No one answered.
It took me a minute before I realized they must have gone out to walk on the beach. I welcomed the moment alone and went to pick out a room. I found a big one with a king bed and a master bathroom. Then I collapsed on the bed.
Sometime later I sent Emma a text.
Me: Hey
Wow—I wasn’t winning any awards with that text. A few minutes passed and she hadn’t responded. I tried to think of something else to say to her that was appropriate.
I’m thinking of you.
No, I had to keep it in the ‘friend-zone.’
Me: Have you been to the off-road part of the Outer Banks before?
There. Simple enough. Appropriate.
But no response came.
I took a shower. I watched four episodes of a new show on Netflix. I paced around my damn room. I tried to write more lyrics.
Fuck.
This girl was maddening. In the span of a few hours, she put me through hell all over again fearing the worst. I kept thinking she might be with Nick—falling in love with him at this very moment. She’d told me they hadn’t slept together yet. But all I could picture was her doing that with him. It wasn’t until almost one in the morning when my cell phone buzzed, alerting me to a text.
I nearly fell out of my bed lunging for my phone.
Emma: Hey. No, I haven’t actually. Which seems crazy since I’ve lived here my whole life.
Haven’t what? It took me a minute to even remember what my original text to her had been—that was how much time had passed. Oh…she hadn’t been to the off-road portion of the Outer Banks. I thought about keeping our conversation causal. But fuck it. Talking about sand wasn’t what I cared about.
Me: You had my stomach in my shoes all evening.
Emma: I’m sorry. Something came up.
Me: I hope everything is okay.
Emma: It’s fine.
A thought occurred to me. Maybe something happened with her mom. Well, now I felt like an asshole for assuming something else all evening. I got out of bed, staring at my phone, wishing I was better at this. Another text from Emma came. And with it a pin for an address.
Emma: Want to meet in the morning in Duck for donuts?
The place she wanted to meet at was about halfway between the two of us.
Breakfast...it seemed awfully innocent. But I was elated she wanted to see me again so soon, and I would always take whatever she wanted to give.
Me: Yes. What time?
Emma: 8 too early?
Me: No, I’ll be there. It’s supposed to be chilly tomorrow. You should wear my hoodie to keep warm. Just a suggestion.
Emma: You would like that?
Me: I would love that.
I could have texted her until the sun came up. But the longer we kept going the more I felt like we shouldn’t. If she were my girlfriend, I’d never want her texting another guy at one in the morning. For as much as it pained me, I had to cut off our conversation.
For her own good.
For my own.
Me: Goodnight, Emma
Emma: Goodnight, Caleb
~ CHAPTER 24 ~
CALEB
Inhaling deeply, I could smell the salt in the air. The morning sun reflected off the windshield of the mint green Volkswagen Beetle, circa 1980-something, that had just parked in the spot beside my Hummer. I stood on the sidewalk, wearing my leather jacket once again. This time out of necessity because I stupidly hadn’t packed any other jacket. Chilly had been an understatement. It was downright cold this morning, cold enough to see my breath.
I’d driven Emma’s car before. Despite its age, it seemed like a decent enough car, but today there was a change. She had a ‘for sale’ sign up in the window. Why Emma would want to sell her car? Did she need the money?
I lost my train of thought as she opened her door and stepped out into the sun.
She had on my hoodie.
It looked better on her than it ever had on me, that was for damn certain. It was a little baggy, but the image of her wearing it turned the cold morning warm. I couldn’t help the smile I know filled my face. She was so sexy it physically hurt me. I wanted her to be mine and not anyone else’s.
“Have you been waiting long?” she asked.
“No,” I lied. “I just got here.”
It had been twenty minutes. I’d been up at the ass-crack of dawn, too excited to sleep.
“You’re selling your car?” I nodded toward it as she stepped on the sidewalk beside me. “How come?”
She shrugged.
She had on more makeup today. It covered her freckles. If I were more than a friend to her, I could comment on that. But I wasn’t and felt it would be impolite to tell her I didn’t like it.
“I noticed there were several other Duck Donuts,” I commented.
“They’ve expanded. But I wanted to come here because it’s the original shop.”
Inside there was a line. And if these donuts tasted half as good as the store smelled, I’d be happy.
Emma was quiet as we waited. Very quiet. “I’m going to get a dozen so you can take the rest home to your family,” she said minutes later as we neared the cashier.
“What about your family? They won’t want any?”
“No, we are all doing a plant-based diet. Don’t tell anyone I’m cheating. My mom is really serious about it. Most days I am too. But not today.”
I decided right then that something was off about her. Something had her a littl
e down. I wanted to hug her, in the middle of the line, but I didn’t.
Flustered from my thoughts, I didn’t realize she was about to pay for our donuts. “I can pay,” she said with a half-smile.
“I’m not going to let you.” At first, I was playful in my tone, but when I realized she was serious, I repeated my words more firmly. “I won’t let you.”
The cashier looked from Emma to me, her eyes uncomfortable over our small disagreement.
“You left me too big of a tip yesterday,” Emma argued, digging in her bag. “I’m using your money.”
“No, you aren’t.” I already had my credit card out, and the cashier took it from me and swiped it before she had a chance.
Emma grunted, leaving me to watch as they prepared the donuts. I followed her a second later once I had my receipt. I swear, every other moment we’d been together we’d always clicked easily. And now suddenly it wasn’t easy.
Why?
I swallowed hard.
Those same thoughts of her falling for Nick crept into my head. Of her and Nick together...naked...in bed. He was faceless in my mind, but that didn’t make the images any less haunting.
If Emma and I were about to part ways on these bad terms, terms I didn’t even understand, then I was about to make the biggest fool of myself on her behalf. I would drop to my knees and beg her to pick me over him if I had to. That was how crazy about this girl I was.
But she’s wearing your hoodie, I told myself. She wouldn’t have fucked Nick last night and then met me the morning after wearing my hoodie.
Right!?
Emma grabbed the box of hot, fresh donuts from the guy behind the counter. The three of us—me, her, and the box—stepped back outside into the cold. She could have walked back toward the parking lot, but she kept to the left, toward a boardwalk area that overlooked the sound. The water here was calm, a contrast to the ocean on the opposite side of the island, and fog lingered above like a blanket.
There was a wooden bench built into the decking that she headed for. I followed her and we sat down together. I should have let her pay. Her silence was not worth my pride.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I just didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’m not feeling great.” She set the box aside on the bench and pulled her knees up to her chest. She had tears in her eyes, and it crushed me seeing her in any amount of pain. This wasn’t just a lack of sleep.
I stared at the water, wondering how I could make her feel better as only her “friend” when all I wanted was to pull her against my chest right now.
After another moment of hesitation, I decided I didn’t care what was appropriate and what wasn’t. I took off my jacket, draping it over her shoulders. Because it really was too fucking cold for just a hoodie. And I put my arms around her. Her knees dropped back to the ground and she leaned into me fully. “You’re so damn sexy in all my clothes,” I muttered. “I’m going to end up giving you everything.”
That got a small chuckle out her, which I relished in the sound of.
Now I was shivering, but it didn’t matter. And it especially didn’t matter when she kind of shrugged off my jacket so that she could work her arms around my waist, her head against my chest. She held me so tightly, as if she were trying to keep me warm too.
“Can you take me for a drive in your car?” she whispered against the material of my shirt.
Yes! “Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere.”
Shit. I had her hand in my hand, the box of donuts in my other hand, pulling her along in the direction of my car so fast you would have thought I was about to get laid.
I had no expectations for that. It was simply the promise of getting to spend an unknown amount of time with her that had been me so excited I was shaking. But maybe that was just the cold.
Inside my car, once I started driving, I noticed a physical change in her. She relaxed. She smiled. She even ate a donut from the box.
I drove north.
When she finished her donut, I reached out and took her hand in mine. We drove like that. And nothing else in my life had ever felt so right.
~ CHAPTER 25 ~
EMMA
Yesterday had been the worst day of my life. The only shining moment had been when Caleb came walking into Chancy’s Claw. Which was telling on so many levels. In the time that had passed since, so much had happened that I felt like an entirely different person today.
And now, as Caleb drove me north and held my hand tight, I thought about telling him everything. The test results from the geneticist came back. Luce and I both had my mom’s cancer genes. Combined that with our family history, there was something like an eighty percent chance that I’d develop breast cancer in my lifetime too.
The doctor’s recommendation was preventative surgery to remove my breasts, and possibly preventative surgery to remove my ovaries. Those two combined surgeries would significantly lower my chances of getting breast cancer.
Luce waisted zero time signing on the dotted line. She decided she was going to get both surgeries done, and as soon as possible. She didn’t hesitate in the least. She didn’t even seem all that bothered by it.
I had to make my own decision on what I wanted to do. Surgery now. Surgery later. Did I want kids? Did I want to risk having neither surgery? Or only one? And it wasn’t a decision I was taking lightly. In fact, it was fucking devastating. The only person I’d wanted to confide in after hearing the news...was Caleb.
Not Nick.
So that screwed with my head too. I shouldn’t immediately want to run to this guy I barely knew. Not when I had this other guy, aka my boyfriend, who loved and adored me, who’d support me through this. I know Nick would. I could have cried on his shoulder. I could have made love to him, drowning out the pain. I could have asked anything of him, and he would have given it to me.
But I hadn’t.
Sure, I’d gone over to Nick’s place last night. Some part of my brain kept urging me to sleep with him. Just do it. Get it over with. And see if that opened up my heart to him. But the very first words that had popped from my mouth the moment his door swung open and I saw his handsome face were, “I want to break up.”
Shit. I hadn’t known I was going over to his house to break up with him, but that was what happened.
Nick hadn’t been happy. Far from it
There’d been lots of tears. Some hurtful words. And the only thing last night had left me with was an awful pit in my stomach.
Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Caleb to get donuts after all of this went down less than twelve hours ago. Maybe I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be around anyone today.
“Can you stop the car?” I asked.
“Here?”
“Yeah, here.”
Caleb came to a screeching stop on the side of the road. We’d reached the off-road portion and had been traveling for a mile or two through sand. The houses were becoming less and less dense.
“I think you could drive out through the dunes there to the beach.” I pointed at a break in the dunes that looked as if it had once been a path cutting through them. I wasn’t sure if this was legal or if Caleb would risk getting his giant Hummer stuck, but without argument he listened.
He drove to the middle of the beach. Then we left his car and walked until the waves were almost touching our feet.
It was cold, the wind slapping me in the face, and I had no idea what I was doing dragging him out here.
There wasn’t a soul around.
I had him completely to myself.
“Ugh,” I groaned, pulling the hair band from my hair, shaking my messy curls out in the wind.
“Talk to me,” Caleb said. He stood beside me, his hands in his pockets, his shoulders tense, staring at me like he was afraid I was about to break. “Please just talk to me.”
“Can I do something crazy and you won’t judge me?” Suddenly my heart was racing. There was no chance I was going to tell him about Nick.
No chance at all because I didn’t want him to kiss me today. Today sucked. I wouldn’t dare muddy that moment with today.
“I like crazy.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath—damn—trying to work up the courage. “I feel like you have to be a good judge of this. And, well, I need your opinion. Or something. I mean I’ve never had anyone’s opinion on this.”
“A good judge of what?”
“Hold on.” I unzipped his hoodie—his hoodie that I slept in last night when I’d cried myself to sleep. I shook it off my shoulders and handed it over to him.
“I really don’t want this back.”
“I’m not giving it back. Just hold it for me for a moment.” My body started to shake, and my teeth to chatter. I don’t think either were entirely from the cold. I pulled off the plain t-shirt I’d had on underneath. And I handed that to him too. Now I was in only my bra on top, a white lace one, the best one I owned. I wore it today over all others because, well, maybe my bra wearing days were numbered.
“Emma, I don’t understand where this...”
He stopped talking when I pulled off my bra next. He swallowed hard, his eyes taking me in, my body on display for him in the cold, salty air.
“What do you think?” I asked him, gnawing on my bottom lip with my teeth. On a normal day, doing something like this would have been mortifying. But given the circumstances, I was feeling reckless and bold. He was a Rockstar. I bet women flashed him from the audience at every one of his concerts.
He raked his hands through his hair, taking a small step back. “You are... your breasts are... well, fuck, I don’t know what you want me say. Yes, they’re perfect.”
I dropped my bra in the sand but moved my hands over my chest to cover myself.
Never Trust a Rockstar Page 9