“Bye Caleb.”
And just like that she was gone.
I wanted to drop to my knees on the pavement. Instead, in a daze, I stumbled back inside, needing answers from the one person who might have them—Rebecca.
~ CHAPTER 41 ~
EMMA
Instead of jumping to conclusions in my own mind, I’d instead approached the woman in Chancy’s Claw with the boy named Caleb. I’d simply told her my worst fears. “I know Caleb Mills—the singer. He’s in town. Does this boy belong to Caleb Mills?”
I swallowed, staring at one of the most beautiful faces I’d ever seen. The woman at my table had dark, silky hair, and aqua eyes like the ocean on a clear sunny day.
“Yes, ohmigod.” She stood from her chair and looked as if she might hug me. “I saw Caleb in a video that’s gone viral. I knew he was in the area from that. I needed to see him. This is Caleb Junior, his son. How do you know Caleb?”
I swallowed. “He’s a friend.”
My chest felt like there was a clamp squeezing my heart. It was hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to move, hard to act normal.
“Do you know how I can reach him? I don’t have his number. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.”
“I know how you can reach him.”
She sighed in relief. “Thank you. Oh my God, thank you.”
I gave her a polite smile.
This woman was an angel. Sweet and kind and stunning. And she had Caleb’s kid. I guess I was a decent actor—because while on the outside I somehow managed to remain calm and stable, on the inside, I was crumbling into a million broken pieces.
It was too good to be true. This whole time with Caleb; it was just too good to be true. I was stupid for letting myself fall in love with him. We did have an expiration date. And she was standing in front of me.
“Does Caleb know he has a son?” It was the one question that mattered.
The woman’s expression changed—became almost defensive. “I’m not sure if that’s your business. Can you just tell me how to reach him?”
I guess she had a point. Maybe it wasn’t my business.
“I can do you one better,” I told her. “I can take you to where he’s staying.”
~ CHAPTER 42 ~
CALEB
Emma left and I had no choice but to go inside and face Rebecca. I stomped up the stairs, careful to be extra loud, not caring if I woke up her kid.
Dani was in the kitchen now. Thank Christ—because I couldn’t do this alone. I hadn’t seen or heard from Rebecca since the day she broke my heart and left me in the rain. I couldn’t even look her in the eyes as I went for the fridge and grabbed a beer off the inside shelf. I popped the bottle-cap off with the heal of my hand, a trick Luke taught me when I was sixteen, and watched as the small piece of metal fell to the floor. I thought only of Emma’s art and our first kiss in the shed.
I glanced back up, searching for Dani’s comfort. Her face looked a little green. “Did you see the kid?”
“Yes. So?”
“Did Emma see the kid?” my cousin pressed.
What the fuck? My gaze shifted to Rebecca. I stared hard at her for the first time since she’d come in the door. In almost four years, she hadn’t changed much. She was still equally beautiful. But I didn’t feel the same rush of warmth run through me that looking at her face once had aroused in me.
The boy. She’d lain him down on the couch. He was asleep. Peaceful and still. I stalked around the room to see him better. The first thing I noticed was that he had our family’s same chestnut brown hair. Same nose. Same chin. My throat went dry. My knees felt like buckling. There was a picture of me when I was around this boy’s same age that my parents still had hanging in their living room. This boy looked exactly like me.
I didn’t know what to say. If I should scream or cry or demand answers. I didn’t even have to ask the question—was he mine? Because I knew in my heart, without doubt, that this kid had Mills blood running through his veins.
He was one of us.
He was mine.
I had a son.
~ CHAPTER 43 ~
EMMA
Caleb: Where are you?
Caleb: We need to talk about this.
Caleb: Please, Emma. I had no idea.
Caleb: This changes nothing for me. I will come over to your house if you don’t respond to me. Please, Emma.
Me: Don’t come over.
His texts stopped after that last one of mine. Every ounce of me wanted to pick up my phone and dial his number. To hear his voice and let him explain. I knew Caleb hadn’t known he had a son. I knew this was just as much of a surprise to him as it was to me. But I also knew what it was like to grow up without a father. To always wonder why that person never showed up for birthdays or holidays or graduations. To always wish they loved you enough to just... stay.
That cranky little boy that looked like Caleb—I took one look at him and a piece of me loved him just as fiercely as I loved his daddy. I couldn’t take away his one chance of having the family I never had.
Me: I’ll come see you in the morning.
Caleb: Okay. Thank you. Let my hoodie keep you warm tonight.
As much as I wanted to take his stupid hoodie and throw it out onto the front lawn—because, well, damn that hoodie—when I got ready for bed that night, I wore it. I wore it and I let myself fall asleep thinking of him.
***
In the morning I felt numb. I showered, brushed my teeth, and straightened my hair. Then I did my makeup. And for the first time since Caleb told me not to wear foundation over my freckles, I wore foundation over my freckles. I covered every last imperfection. I got in my car and I drove the short distance over to his rental. I knocked on the door when I could have used my code to get in.
Rebecca answered.
My blood boiled. At least today, with my hair and makeup at their best, I felt a little more prepared to face this beautiful woman. She’d made love to the man I love. She knew him intimately in a way I never would get to experience now. It hurt—it hurt like a slap in the face seeing her answer this door.
“Oh, hi. You’re that waitress. Um, Caleb’s sleeping right now. Caleb Senior, that is. I can tell him you stopped by if you want.”
She hung on the door, blocking my entrance. I understood this woman now. She was the ‘kill them with kindness’ type. Like sweet tea with honey—it tasted delicious, but drink too much of it and it would make you sick to your stomach.
“Move out of my way or I will physically hurt you.” I meant it too. I wasn’t going to let Caleb leave this town without saying goodbye.
Her eyes widened. She stepped aside, and I started walking up the stairs to the second level. He wasn’t there but Dani was. She sat on the carpet, playing with Caleb Junior. “He’s upstairs,” she said to me. “I destroyed that room, by the way.”
Destroyed what room? I kept moving, heading upstairs, passing a room that looked like a tornado had rolled through it. Was that paint on the carpet? I didn’t care.
I went for the rod-iron spiral staircase. Somehow, I knew that was where Caleb would be. I took the steps slow. Sure enough, he was sitting, staring out the windows, alone in the reading room. Our reading room.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Hey.” The moment I was next to him, he reached for me and kissed my lips. A vulnerability I’d never felt, seemed to leave him and wash over me.
I didn’t kiss him back. Not fully. I breathed him in for one small moment, before I brought my hand to his chest and gently pushed him away. He obliged, backing away at my hand’s request. “I—” he started.
I put one finger up, stopping him before he could start.
“I need to talk, and I need you to listen.”
He nodded, his jaw tightening. He brushed his hands through his dark hair. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, like he knew exactly what I might say. I’d never seen him show emotion like this and it felt like an ice pick in the che
st.
“Your son is adorable. He looks just like you. I knew he was yours almost the second I saw him. Did you care for his mother?”
He breathed out. “Yes.”
“Did you love her?”
“Yes.”
“Then maybe you can love her again.”
“Emma—”
“Let me finish. I know what it’s like to grow up without a dad. And it sucks. I think you need to give that boy a fair chance at having a normal family. You loved his mom once, maybe you will love her again.”
“That’s the most ridiculous fucking thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t just shut off my feelings for you and decide to be with her.”
“Yes, you can. You have to at least try.”
I was holding every emotion I felt inside locked up tight. I stared forward and kept my composure.
“I’m glad you weren’t my first now,” I said to him. “I’m glad we didn’t cross that line.”
He sucked in a breath. I was certain he would call me a liar. And then kiss me and prove to me I wasn’t able to tell him goodbye. But he didn’t.
“Is that how you really feel?” he asked.
“Yes,” I lied again.
“Then I guess I’m glad I didn’t take that from you either.” His voice was thick. “Rebecca told me little Caleb’s grandma is a big part of his life. And he’s having a hard time being apart from her. So I guess I’ll go back with them to Tennessee tomorrow.”
I breathed out, a sinking feeling eating me alive. “Yeah, I understand.”
“Does that make this goodbye?”
“Yes. It’s goodbye.”
I couldn’t help the tear that slipped from one of my eyes. The words ‘I love you’ were on the tip of my tongue. But saying them would have been selfish and would make this even harder than it already was.
“I have your hoodie in my car if you want it back,” I said instead.
“Shut up about my fucking hoodie, Emma. You know I never want it back.” He turned into my space and wrapped his arms around me, tightly, holding on like this was our last hug ever. I fisted my hands around the material of his shirt, burying my face against his chest. Inhaling his familiar scent, it took all my strength to not start sobbing against him. “Bye, Caleb,” I said to him. I pushed him away. And then I turned, leaving him in our glass box, climbing back down the spiral stairs.
~ CHAPTER 44 ~
CALEB
I hadn’t seen my house in Tennessee in months. I hurled my duffle bag into the bushes as I approached the front door. Half of the clothes in my bag would have reminded me of Emma, simply because I’d worn them around her at one point or another recently, so why would I want them in my house? Rebecca was on my heels, holding little Caleb in her arms. One airplane ride with the two of them, and I’d quickly learned that she didn’t have the first clue about how to be a mother. Which was perfect since I didn’t have the first clue on how to be a father.
“Don’t you want your bag?” she asked me.
“Nope.”
I unlocked the door and let them into my home. Rebecca had never been here. I’d bought it long after she’d left me.
“Wow,” she whispered, taking in the grand front entrance. “It’s beautiful. I’m proud of how far you’ve come.”
Proud? I really didn’t care what she thought of my accomplishments. “I’m going to go take a nap. You and Caleb can have whichever room. Except mine.”
“You and I aren’t going to sleep in the same room?”
“No.” Did she honestly expect us to just jump into some kind of relationship? After the way she tore out my heart, and subsequently failed to tell me I had a kid at any point over the last three years?
“Maybe I need a nap after that flight from Hell,” Rebecca decided. “I’ve been doing this for three years. You’re only on day one. Here.” She handed me the boy, who clearly did not want to go to me. “Welcome to parenthood. Wake me up in an hour.”
Well, fuck.
Rebecca wasn’t kidding around. She left me and little Caleb, dragging her luggage upstairs. Not knowing what to do with him, I brought him into my kitchen in search of food. “Are you hungry?” I asked the boy.
“Yes,” little Caleb said through some fresh tears.
“Would you like some ice cream?”
“Yes.” He calmed down quickly. I sat him on my kitchen counter. And then the two of us ate mint chocolate chip ice cream straight from the carton. That made him happy. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe he would grow to like me with a little time and attention. And ice cream—that couldn’t hurt.
After that, I showed him my backyard. He was particularly interested in my pond and the lily pads growing around the edges. We even found a frog. I thought about calling Emma and telling her. My hand was in my pocket, clutching my phone the entire time I entertained little Caleb.
***
The next couple days were easier than expected. Having little Caleb around made it easy to stay busy. When I was busy, I wasn’t thinking about Emma. The boy needed everything—a bed, toys, and new clothes. Having a task in front of me helped.
But the second I lay down in my bed each night, it was like a repeat sucker punch straight in the gut. I couldn’t shake Emma from my mind. When I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I’d see her face. When I stretched my arms out in my king-sized bed, I missed her body next to mine.
Two nights—two fucking amazing nights!—was all I got to spend with her. It could have been a thousand and it still wouldn’t have been enough. On night seven, I caved and called her.
The phone rang. And rang. And rang.
“Hi, this is Emma. Leave a message,” said her voicemail. Damn, it was really nice hearing her voice. Such a momentarily distraction that I forgot to end the call before the message began recording. “This is Caleb,” I stammered like an idiot. “Um, yeah, sorry I called. Didn’t mean to. It’s been a long week. Longest week of my life. Not sure why I’m still talking. Just so you know, I was thinking of you. I’m always thinking of you. And I’m still talking apparently. And not hanging up. And—” The recording cut off on me.
Shit. What a terrible message. I flipped over on my stomach, feeling like I could vomit after that embarrassment of a call.
~ CHAPTER 45 ~
CALEB
Things weren’t magically getting any better with Rebecca. It had been another week and we were basically roommates. I cornered her one morning, needing some answers, needing to know what the hell I was torturing myself for. “How come you never told me I had a son?”
She had her toothbrush in her hand, on her way to the guest bathroom, trying to get around me. “That’s a complicated question.”
“No, it’s not. Seems pretty simple to me.”
She huffed. She’d never been good at telling me her true feelings. That was why when she broke up with me, it had been such a blind-side. “I was scared, okay,” she answered. “I was pregnant, and I was scared.”
“Did you know you were pregnant when you broke up with me?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“No. I didn’t.”
I still didn’t understand. None of this made any sense. “So why now? What made you come looking for me now?”
I couldn’t even tell if she wanted to be here, in my house, dating me now. Emma told me to try with her—to try to be a family. But neither Rebecca nor I were trying. It felt like wasted time. “I needed somewhere to go, okay. Jesus, Caleb. My mom got a new boyfriend and wanted me and little Caleb out of her house. I saw that viral video of you. I saw you were in some town called Kill Devil Hills. And I just got on an airplane.”
I wasn’t sure what viral video she meant. I tended to avoid social media like the plague. “So you weren’t ever going to tell me I had a son?”
“No. I wasn’t.”
What the fuck? I felt heat rising inside me. I couldn’t even talk to this woman. She stared at me with hollow, blue eyes. “Do you even want to be a family?” I asked.
> It took her a moment to answer. “Now that we are here, in this house, with you—yes. I want to try.” She took a step closer to me. One of her hands softly touched my chest. Second nature wanted me to push her hand away, but I stayed still. And when she moved to put her lips on mine, I froze and let it happen.
I let it happen for about three seconds before I wanted to drop to my knees in agony. It felt—wrong. A younger version of myself would have given anything to kiss Rebecca again. Now that I had her in front of me, all I wanted was for her to disappear again.
I pulled away from her, without an explanation, and I stalked down the hallway for my room. I couldn’t be around her. I slammed the door behind me.
The room was spinning. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t fake this ‘happy family’ a minute longer. I picked up my phone, calling Emma. I was longing for her in a way I’d never longed for anyone in my entire life.
Again, she didn’t answer me. “You’ve probably moved on,” I said to her voicemail recording. “Really our time together was only a small moment in the grand scheme of things. So I get it if you’ve already found someone else to love.” I said the l-word out loud when I never had before to Emma. “But I’m going to regret for the rest of my life letting you tell me goodbye. I should have—”
The line cut out on me.
“Motherfucker,” I cursed out loud. And called her a second time.
When the recording picked up once again, I really spilled my guts to her.
“I should have held you closer, kissed you longer, and told you exactly what I was feeling. Emma, if you’re feeling half as miserable as I am then please call me back. I love my son, but I...”
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