“You’re the sweetest man I’ve ever met. You take care of me without even realizing that you’re doing it. You’re the first man who’s ever treated me like I was something special—”
“Oh, sweetheart, you are so special—”
“You’re—”
“Okay, enough.” He kissed my nose and then grinned at me like a goofball. “I get it. You like me.”
“I do. Really a lot. I didn’t know you until Violet left or I would have liked you before that too.”
He shook his head, stepping away. “But that’s just it. I wasn’t this person with Violet. I’m only this person with you. It’s you, Bella. And I’m scared of what that means.”
“Why?”
“Because my life and Vi’s life are planned out. We’re supposed to get engaged soon. She and my mother already discussed wedding stuff.” Oliver ran his hand through his hair again and glanced up at the ceiling.
I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. “She broke up with you, Ollie. Technically you’re not hers anymore.”
He grimaced. “I’m supposed to be getting her back. That’s the plan.”
“Who’s plan?” I barked.
He looked at me, waiting.
I shook my head, feeling the fire burn in my heart. Ready to make my play. “Whose plan are you following? You’ve had this law school-lawyer-Violet plan for the past five years, and you’ve never once even thought about straying. But guess what?”
It was hypothetical and he knew not to answer.
“You strayed. You’re here with me. Now’s your chance to figure it all out.”
He pressed his lips together. “I had it figured out. The plan was—”
“Stop with the plan. Your plan tanked. You need a new one.” I closed the space between us, needing to touch him, to let him feel that what I was saying was out of love. “Make a plan for what you really want. If you don’t want to be a lawyer, then don’t be one. If you don’t want Violet, then let her go.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple. It’s not easy, but it’s simple.”
He crossed his arms. “Well, what about you? What are you going to do?”
“Me?” I squinted at him, not sure if he was changing the subject to get out of thinking about his own issues or because he really was curious about my plans.
“Yeah, you. You tell people you want to go into broadcast journalism, but it’s obvious to me, and probably anyone you tell, that you’re not excited about the idea. So, Miss-Your-Plan-Tanked…what’s your plan?”
I lifted my chin and mirrored his stance. “I’m not one for plans. But if I did have one…”
He ran his hands up and down my arms. “Tell me.”
“California.”
He nodded and smiled. “San Diego.”
“I want to see the world. I know that takes money and I’ll have to make some, but I could just as easily get a job on the West Coast as I could here, right?”
“Of course.” His voice cracked. “You have a wanderlust. It’s another thing I…”
When I shot him a look, he stopped mid-sentence. Love about you, I wanted him to finish. I wanted him to say, yeah, my plan crumbled but who needs plans anyway?
Of course, he didn’t say either of those things. That fantasy couldn’t happen with the man standing in front of me. Ollie didn’t have it in him to throw caution to the wind. He hadn’t been conditioned that way like I had, to roll with the punches. He hadn’t spent nights by candlelight when the electric was turned off. He hadn’t had to spend weeks at a time sleeping in his car with his parents when the door got padlocked. Everything in Ollie’s life had gone according to plan, and the plan never failed.
He stammered. “I…I…”
I touched his shoulder. “It’s okay. Don’t freak out.”
He kissed me. “I’m afraid to let go of the future I’ve designed.”
I knew what he was saying. He didn’t want to let go of his dream of being a lawyer, of being with Vi. I couldn’t be upset since we’d only agreed to a night. I could tell that our feelings were getting muddled and we were getting confused.
I let him off the hook. “Just because we had this weekend doesn’t mean that your plan can’t happen. Violet, you, the city, the job.” I gulped, my chest constricting like it was under a hundred bricks.
“Doesn’t it though?”
“You can fight for her.” I tilted my head, curious about his reaction to my words but unable to read him. “But you have to promise me that Violet’s what you want, if she even agreed to take you back. If not, it’s not fair to her.”
He scoffed, looking at me sideways. “You never did think we were right for each other.”
I shrugged. “I don’t want this weekend to change your life if you don’t want your life changed.”
“It already has changed my life.”
I felt my cheeks warm.
Oliver looked down at me, a tight grip on my hands as his eyes searched mine. “Do you think that you could every love someone like me?” he asked.
Of course, I wanted to answer. Of course, I could love someone who cherishes me, who makes me laugh, who makes me feel better about myself than I ever had, whom I want to be around. But I didn’t say any of that. There was no way to have that conversation without him letting Vi go, and he hadn’t indicated that he wanted to do that.
“That’s not a fair question. And that’s a big word you’re throwing around.”
He turned away and started pacing. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Maybe last night wasn’t the best idea.”
He stopped and charged me, grabbing my shoulders, his eyes smoldering into mine. “Last night was the best idea. Please don’t say that.”
My eyes filled with tears, and I draped myself around him. We stood in the living room, holding each other. “I’m sorry I’ve confused you.”
“I’m not used to it.” He chuckled, and I smacked his back and sniffled into his shirt. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I let her go?”
I squeezed him tighter. “Ever since I met you, you always seemed to be on autopilot. Everyone else spent college figuring themselves out, what they wanted to do, where they wanted to be. You never entertained anything outside of your little box.”
He pulled back. His lips twisted and his eyes darted around the room. “I entertained you.”
I smiled. “You did. I’m definitely outside of your box.”
“I love your box, Tar.” He smirked. “Especially being inside it.”
“Ew, Ollie.” I slapped him on the arm. “We’re being serious here.”
He chuckled, then grabbed my hips. “I’m going to love your box all night.”
“You are? You’re staying?” The knots in my chest loosened as my thoughts went from the complications back to the sex.
He nodded. “That’s one thing I’m not confused about. I would definitely love to stay with you until the morning, if you’ll have me.”
“How about this? I’ll have you as long as you want to be here.” I started unbuttoning his shirt.
“Perfecto,” he whispered into my ear. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more.”
“This is enough.” I gave him a quick kiss. “And perfecto is Spanish, smarty. It’s perfetto in Italian.”
He pulled up my dress and grabbed my bare ass. “This is perfetto, Bella.”
“Ha.” I twisted away from him and headed for the bedroom, Oliver on my heels.
Through most of the night, Ollie and I made love to each other as if it were our last time. Maybe it was. He’d asked me if I could love him, and the answer I’d held back was yes. But as a way to protect myself from the heartbreak that I was sure to feel in the morning, I tried to remember that he was Vi’s. It was hard to do when he was moaning my name.
I could let him go if I had to, if he wanted me to, if Vi wanted me to. I could force myself not to love him.
But even though I knew I could, it was t
he last thing I wanted to do.
Chapter Eighteen
Oliver
Saying goodbye to Taryn on Monday morning was the worst. Or so I thought until I got back to my apartment to find Josh waiting for me, which actually was the absolute worst.
He was sitting at the kitchen table eating his cereal when I walked in. His hair was a mess, like he’d just woken up, and he glared at me. I held up a hand to stop him before he started. “Don’t say anything.”
He dropped the spoon into the bowl. The resulting clang made me jump. “What would I have to say?”
He’d already yelled at me via text all weekend. I thought maybe he’d let me off the hook. “It’s all been said. My answers are ‘okay,’ ‘I know,’ ‘you’re right,’ and ‘you’re wrong.’”
After tossing the bowl into the sink, he followed me into my room. “You better not fucking ever talk to me about how much you miss Violet again. I’m done with that shit.”
I rummaged through my drawers, looking for something to change into so I could go to bed. We didn’t have women’s studies until late afternoon, and I was looking forward to six solid hours of sleep.
But Josh was relentless. “I tried. I tried to tell you not to fall into her trap. She got you, Ollie. Now what are you going to do when Vi comes back? You’re going to tell her you’re with her roommate?”
I slammed the drawer shut. “Jesus fuck, Josh, can you just be a friend for a second? I already have two parents.”
His shoulders dropped and he rubbed his forehead. Looking back up at me, he shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to watch you self-destruct.”
“I’m not self-destructing.”
“You’re abandoning everything you worked for, everything your parents worked for. All the effort you put into your relationship, all the sacrifices, all the years, down the drain. For what? A weekend of sex?”
“Watch it.” I scowled, putting a hand in his face. “It wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like?” he asked.
As I pulled my plain white T-shirt over my head, I plopped onto my bed. “I like Taryn, Josh. I’m not fucking around here. I like her a lot.”
“What about Vi?”
“I love Vi.”
He stared at me.
“I know,” I huffed. “But isn’t it possible to love two women? Two very different women for very different reasons?”
Shrugging, he sighed. “Hell if I know. All I know is that you can only be with one.”
“Believe me, I’m aware.”
“What are you going to do?”
I thought about his question and had no answer. “I don’t know. Things with Taryn are new, fun. I’ve known her for years, but I never really knew her. She’s amazing and free, like my opposite, you know? No plans, no money, doesn’t care, and takes nothing too seriously.”
He nodded. “And she’s beautiful.”
Pushing back the twinge of jealousy that Josh had been with Taryn too, I continued, “But Violet? She’s been with me from the start. My best friend. She knows everything about me, and we planned a life together. Our families are close. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”
Josh cringed. Even though he hadn’t been serious with anyone since high school, he was all I had by way of male friends, and I needed his advice. I prayed that he’d tell me what to do. He didn’t though. Instead, he stated the obvious. “You have yourself a dilemma.”
“Aware,” I answered. “Help me.”
“Even though you went against my advice and let Taryn get her claws in, Violet broke up with you. Maybe you’re making more of this love triangle than you should.”
I sat on the bed. “Maybe.”
Josh moved to the door and flipped off the light switch. “My advice is for you to sleep for a while. I’ll wake you up for class and it will all seem better later, okay?”
Sleep. That sounded like my best bet at the moment. I closed my eyes, alone for the first time all weekend. If Josh didn’t know what to do, then I certainly wouldn’t be able to figure it out. Not today.
* * *
I thought it was only minutes later when my phone alarm woke me, but I’d been asleep for a few hours. I smiled as I read Taryn’s text.
Taryn: I hope you’re having a nice day, Nerdilicious.
I texted her back.
Me: Not as nice as yesterday. What are you doing, Bella, besides being gorgeous?
While I waited for her response, I checked my email. The one unopened message glaring at me from my inbox made my heart speed up.
Harvard Law School. My palms started to sweat as I clicked it open and read it.
“Josh!” I yelled, as I scanned the email again.
His footsteps thumped to my door and he flung it open. “What’s up?”
“I got into Harvard. They accepted me early.” I read the email out loud, and added, “Holy fuck.”
His jaw dropped and he grabbed the phone, reading it himself. “You know what that means?”
“That I’m going to law school?” Although I was proud, sort of, bile built in my stomach. Shit. Now I’d have to be a lawyer.
He laughed. “Yeah, that. But it also means that we’re skipping class tonight and going out.”
I fell back on the bed, exhausted from my weekend with Taryn. Also, I was hoping I’d see her again tonight, maybe sneak over after class. But Josh moved around the room, high-fiving me, congratulating me. I’d been neglecting him since Violet left, and maybe I needed some guy time, without the girls on my mind.
“Alright. I’m in,” I said.
He made a weird noise of joy and then left me alone. I grabbed my phone again and started to text Taryn about Harvard, but I stopped myself before I sent it. I wasn’t ready to talk to her about Harvard. The conversation was only a reminder of the end of whatever we’d just started.
* * *
Taryn
When I returned to Mill Street from my Monday classes, I ran a bath in hopes of relaxing after the exertion of the weekend. Sighing as I eased into the hot water, I couldn’t remember ever feeling better. I texted Ollie from the tub and smiled at his response. Then I’d shut my eyes and let myself doze off.
I woke when the water was cold. The bathroom had grown dark as the sun set through the window. With a shiver, I stood and stepped out of the tub, drying myself off. I wrapped the towel around me and went back to my room.
It still smelled like Oliver—like his soapy scent mixed with sex and vanilla. I’d have to wash the sheets. As soon as I tossed my phone on the bed, it glowed, the special ringtone paralyzing me.
Violet.
My heart raced as I reached for it. Vi’s smiling face stared back at me.
I picked up the call. “Vi?”
“Oh my God, it’s so good to hear your voice!”
She sounded perfect. Happy. Adorable. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her and her positive presence in my life. I pushed the flashes of my memories with Oliver out of my mind. “Yours too,” I answered. “How are you?”
“I’m great! How are you? I miss you so much. I have so much to tell you.”
“Me too,” I lied. I didn’t know how I’d ever be able to talk to Violet again. “What time is it there?” It was close to nine in New Jersey, so in Europe, it must have been the middle of the night.
“It’s eight.”
I scrunched my face. “Eight? Where are you?”
“In Chicago.”
I dropped the phone. I heard her voice as I scrambled to get my wits about me and pick it up. She talked loud and fast. “I wanted to come back a little early, but I could only get to Chicago. I’m taking a flight to Newark tomorrow. Thought I’d surprise Ollie.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I cursed myself and Oliver. “Oh?”
“I miss him so much, Tar. I don’t know what I was thinking when I called things off. I mean, I know you aren’t his biggest fan, but he’s my soulmate. My forever.”
I pressed my lips togethe
r and fought tears. “That’s great,” I squeaked. The pain was so intense, like I could feel my heart snapping into little pieces. “So you’ll be back tomorrow?”
“Yep. Make sure to clean up and get rid of all your men.” She laughed.
“Ha ha.” My voice quivered.
“Have you seen him?” She sounded like she wanted to run here from Chicago herself. “How is he?”
I gulped. “He’s…great.”
“He’s not seeing anyone?”
Thoughts of our weekend, of the past seven weeks, filled my mind. My head pounded as a tear fell down my cheek. For a split second I thought about telling her, “Yes, he is! Me!” But it wasn’t my place to do that. I couldn’t ruin my best friend’s forever. I knew going into the weekend that Oliver wasn’t mine. Maybe we’d gotten a little carried away, but I had to be strong enough to follow through. I’d been tough all my life—now wasn’t the time for me to wuss out.
“Oh no, he is.” Violet said, mistaking my silence for an affirmation. “Who is she?”
I cleared my throat and lifted my chin. I could do this. “Sorry, we must have a bad connection. No. He’s not seeing anyone.”
“Thank God. I thought I’d messed up beyond repair.”
“Vi?” I gulped, hating that my voice shook, that my face was wet with tears. “Are you sure about Ollie?”
“I know you don’t like him…” she started.
If she only knew…
“…but yeah, I’m sure. I only needed some time apart to see that. I’m glad I still have a chance.”
I squeaked out, “Okay.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
“Sure.” I stared at the ceiling, my body suddenly exhausted as I sank into my mattress. I wished it could swallow me up.
This was Violet, my best friend, and I’d betrayed her terribly. I told her I couldn’t wait to see her again. After some small talk about her flight plans, we hung up. Then I cried into my pillow.
In the middle of my pity party, Rachel called inviting me to The Study with her sorority sisters. “Are you up for a cocktail?” she asked.
I took a deep breath and stood, looking into my mirror. Staying in my room and crying made me feel defeated, and I hated it. I’d have to power through. A drink sounded like a good way to do that.
Breaking the Plan: Mill Street Series #1 Page 16