* * *
They had to stop, Meena thought as she reached for Guy’s shirt to pull him in tighter. She’d thought that this could be a simple test, to see whether her fantasies were based on reality or entirely constructed in her mind. But as soon as he had touched her, pushing her hair behind her ear and cupping her jaw, she’d known that this was so much more than that. This was her giving in to every temptation of the past week. Every time she had fantasised about this man had led them to this moment.
But they had to stop. She hesitated, and it was enough to break the spell. Guy lifted his head and looked at her, his expression as shocked as she felt by what had just happened.
‘I...’ he started, and she was touched to see that he was as affected by the kiss as she was.
‘It’s fine,’ she interrupted, speaking quickly. ‘I’m sure it was just nostalgia getting the better of us,’ she added, trying to explain away what had just happened between them, though she was still feeling drunk from it. The last thing that she needed was Guy thinking that she thought that a relationship between them would be a good idea. How could it be, when she didn’t even know who she was? When being around Guy made her act in a way that meant she didn’t even recognise herself?
Guy stared at her for a beat longer than was comfortable, as if he didn’t believe what she was saying.
‘Nostalgia,’ he repeated.
‘Or curiosity. Maybe both,’ she added quickly, aware that she was rambling. ‘We should just forget about it,’ she added, hoping that they could finish this conversation before she died of embarrassment.
That kiss had been hot. Seriously hot. But also seriously confusing. Because her and Guy were in the past. Were meant to be in the past. He had made that completely clear from the minute she had forced him to confess that they even had a history. He had made it abundantly clear that he had no interest in rekindling what they had once had. Well, until he had kissed her.
She had seen his expression when they had talked about how she had never come to him in Australia. It didn’t matter that she had been in a coma at the time. He had been hurt, and it was perfectly evident from the expression on his face that he hadn’t forgiven her. Couldn’t forget. Probably never would, if he hadn’t by now.
And she didn’t want to be with him either. Couldn’t be with him. She was still trying to find out who she was. Who she had been. She had thought that being around Guy would help with that. That he could fill in those parts of her past that she couldn’t remember herself. But she had been wrong. Because, when she was around him, she barely recognised herself. In the past fifteen minutes, she had done things that she had never done before—or probably had, but she didn’t remember. And that was the point. The way she reacted to Guy was so unlike her that she couldn’t deal with it. She didn’t need that reminder that there were vast parts of herself that she just didn’t understand.
‘So,’ Guy said, edging away from her subtly, just enough that her breathing could slow to a normal rate, and pulling his arm back from around her waist, crossing it over his body. ‘These turtles...’
They sat on the beach for hours, the silence between them becoming more and more strained as the time passed. By the time the sun began to rise and she realised that the hatchlings weren’t going to appear, the atmosphere was so charged that she was surprised neither of them had spontaneously combusted.
It would be better tomorrow, she told herself. The sunlight would wash away the memories of that kiss, they would climb into her little boat and they would leave what had happened on the island safely on the island.
CHAPTER EIGHT
HOW COULD HE have been so stupid? Guy thought to himself as Meena navigated them around the coral reefs and away from Le Bijou. Since the first moment he had laid eyes on her again he’d known one thing above all else—he could not get involved with her. He would not be in a relationship again. Not with her, not with anyone. He had already proved that a relationship with him brought nothing but pain and danger, and he wasn’t going to put anyone else at risk.
In the time that they had been apart, he had turned into someone who no longer deserved Meena. He had to protect her more than anyone because their shared past and her amnesia made her vulnerable. It had been unforgivable of him to forget that last night. He should never have let himself kiss her, however tempted he had been. It only went to prove his point. He knew that getting involved with her would only ever lead to her getting hurt, and yet he’d done it anyway. He’d kissed her, knowing that he could never be with her. If she hadn’t stopped him, God only knew how far it would have gone before he’d come to his senses. If he’d been able to. He’d never been one for self-control around Meena before.
And now she wouldn’t even meet his eye. She was the one who had written the whole thing off as curiosity or nostalgia, but she didn’t entirely mean it. That much was clear from the way that she was avoiding his gaze. The way that she had jumped a mile when his hand had brushed hers when he’d helped her pack away the tent. In the strained silence between them now, as he looked out over the water, or up at the clear blue sky, or anywhere but into her curious brown eyes.
Well, this was the final part of the environmental survey, so as long as she approved the permits he could be off the island and back in Sydney in just a matter of days.
He was blindsided by the wrench that he felt as he had that thought. A pain that reminded him of the heartbreak he had felt those years ago when he had said goodbye to Meena before. Back then, he had at least been able to tell himself that he would see her soon, when she flew out to Australia to continue her research. But she’d never come, and his heart had cracked and then broken for good. And, when he’d turned to drink and partying to numb the pain, someone had died.
Now he was back here, feeling more of that pain, and wondering whether it was possible for him to be any more broken.
* * *
Meena looked over her reports, desperately trying to keep her head in the present and stop her thoughts drifting back to last night on the beach. She was a professional. She had a responsibility to her position to give this environmental survey the consideration that it deserved. She couldn’t let her personal feelings for the applicant, or her memories of the area in question, colour her judgement.
Despite all her hopes, no turtles had hatched last night. She’d been keeping an eye on the spot every day since she’d seen the tracks which looked like they were leading to a nest. Legally she had to wait a week to excavate the nest and find out what had happened. Maybe she’d missed the hatchlings somehow? But she knew that she hadn’t. The nest hadn’t produced any live young.
It had been the last certain thing that she could think of to delay this development. If there were turtles nesting on the beach, producing live hatchlings, she could have used that to put a stop to it, or at least stall for more time. Without it, what did they have? The bleaching to the coral might be enough, perhaps. But, perversely, her successes with reviving reefs elsewhere made that argument weaker. And she wasn’t sure that her bosses would consider that enough of a reason to reject the applications.
She would try, though.
She drummed her pencil on the draft of the report as she thought it over, but her mind wouldn’t leave alone the memories of last night. When she closed her eyes, she could see Guy’s face, bent towards her, the second before his lips met hers. She could smell the salt of the sea and the unique scent of Guy as their bodies had pressed together. She could feel the soft, cool cotton of the blanket beneath her bare legs, and hear the gasp of their breath as they’d broken off the kiss.
Memories. All real. And the sensations were so close to those that she had dreamed that she could no longer write them off as mere fantasy.
They shouldn’t have done it. It was clear to her that Guy did not want a relationship. And she couldn’t see how she could let someone into her life when she was still so unsure of who
she was. When she had so many unanswered questions about her past. There was no chance of her being able to commit to another person—or of wanting to—when she did not even know herself.
No, last night was a mistake, and they would be foolish to repeat it. But they had both known that it was foolish last night and that hadn’t stopped them.
She added a couple of lines to the report and then considered the options on the screen in front of her. Accept or reject. There was no grey area where this computer program was concerned. If she rejected the application, Guy would not get his permits. He could appeal the decision with revised plans, or he could forget the idea of building on Le Bijou altogether.
He had hinted last night that that was what he had wanted.
She shook her head. She couldn’t let that influence her. This had to be based on the facts. The evidence. The science.
* * *
Meena looked up at the sound of the heavy knock on her office door and started when she saw Guy standing there. His face was drawn into hard lines, and she swallowed, nervous for a moment before she squared her shoulders and stood, refusing to let him intimidate her.
‘Guy, what a—’
‘What the hell is this, Meena?’ he asked, brandishing a piece of paper.
She couldn’t actually read it, with him waving it around, but she didn’t have to be a genius to work out that he had received the email formally informing him that his planning applications had been rejected on environmental grounds.
‘You tell me, Guy.’
‘You rejected the application? Why?’
‘The information is all there in the report. The potential harm to the environment of Le Bijou is too great. I couldn’t approve the development.’
‘But we’ve been working together on this, Meena, and you never suggested...’
‘I never suggested what, Guy? That the application might not be successful? If that were the case then we wouldn’t bother with a report at all. We would just rubber-stamp the application of every billionaire developer who happened to take an interest in our country.’
‘Take an interest? What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘I didn’t mean anything. What do you think it means?’
‘I think it means that you’re angry that I’m back. That I’ve chosen to develop an island that used to mean something to us. That you’re letting our personal relationship cloud your judgement.’
Meena placed her hands on her hips. ‘I wasn’t aware that we have a personal relationship,’ she stated, angry that he could accuse her.
‘You know what I mean,’ Guy said, grinding the words out. It was clear that he was as angry as she was. But she would not let that make her change her decision. ‘Our history,’ Guy continued. ‘Our history on Le Bijou—that’s why you rejected the application.’
Meena crossed her arms, not bothering to try to assuage her anger.
‘You are accusing me of being unprofessional. It is not acceptable to come to my office and make those sorts of accusations. If you have a complaint, you can make it in writing,’ she told him. Adding, ‘To my boss,’ to make her point. Guy was the one bringing their relationship into this. It had never been a part of her decision-making process. She’d only ever been thinking of Le Bijou, she told herself, and what was best for the ecosystem there. Never about him.
‘Fine. I’ll do that,’ he said, turning for the door.
Meena was about to watch him walk out—storm out—without either of them mentioning that kiss on the island. Fine. It clearly meant nothing to him. But that wasn’t the only thing that had happened that night. They had talked. Specifically, they had talked about the fact that Guy wasn’t even sure that he wanted this development to go ahead.
‘Guy...’ she said, and he paused at the doorway. His shoulders dropped slightly, some of the tension leaving his body, and she guessed that his initial anger was fading along with the adrenaline that had no doubt fuelled his outburst.
‘What?’ His voice was still hard, though, the word pushed through a tense jaw and gritted teeth.
‘If you wanted to stop the development...this would be a way.’
She knew that she was taking a risk, saying the words out loud. But she wanted him to know that he didn’t have to fight this if he didn’t want to. He could back out of the development gracefully, without losing face, if he accepted her report and didn’t push back.
He stared at her, a muscle ticking in his jaw. ‘You’ll be hearing from me.’
Guy stalked out of her office and she collapsed back into her seat, trying to control the shake in her hands.
As the sound of Guy’s footsteps faded down the hallway, she pulled up her emails and started drafting a note to her boss, reiterating why she had made the decision to deny the application and backing it all up with evidence. If Guy wanted to fight this, fine. She would treat it just as she would any other application. And that meant defending herself to her boss if her judgement was called into question.
She hadn’t been expecting him to be so angry. Perhaps she should have... After that kiss, maybe he thought that she’d go easy on him. That he would get special treatment. Maybe that was why he had done it in the first place. But if that were the case, he was going to be sorely disappointed. Her only interest here was Le Bijou.
* * *
Guy sat on the deck of his yacht, willing away the shame that he felt at his outburst in Meena’s office. He never should have accused her of being unprofessional. But he had been so shocked when he had received the email telling him that his application had been denied that he hadn’t stopped to think. He had marched straight round to her office to have it out with her.
Would he have reacted that way if they hadn’t kissed the last time that he had seen her? He couldn’t deny that the kiss had affected him. He’d barely been able to think about anything else since it had happened.
So when Meena’s name had popped up in his inbox he had thought, for a second, that maybe she wanted to talk about what had happened that night. He had thought that maybe he wanted to talk about what had happened that night, rather than give in to his instinct to ignore anything that came remotely close to emotional introspection. But then he’d read the message and understood that it had meant nothing to her. That she’d sent him this boilerplate message crushing all his plans for the island without even a single personal word to him.
Well, that told him everything that he needed to know about what she thought about that kiss. Good. He hadn’t meant to kiss her anyway. And if she’d just been satisfying her curiosity then it had meant nothing to him either. There was no reason for either of them to mention the kiss, or their past together.
But he had to fight this ruling on the permits. So he had emailed her boss, knowing that it was a petty thing to do to Meena, calling her decision into question and asking that they reconsider.
When his phone rang, he was only half-surprised to see Meena’s name on the screen. It was inevitable, really, that they would have to speak again in order to sort this out.
‘Yes?’ Guy asked, his voice tart and impersonal.
‘Hello, Guy,’ Meena said, and he winced at the formality in her voice. ‘I’ve been asked to give you a call to see if we can reach a compromise on your application. My boss agrees that we cannot approve your plans as they are and has asked me to see if we can find a compromise. It may mean significantly altering your plans, if you are amenable to that.’
Amenable? He couldn’t believe that just a few days ago he had sat on the beach with her in the moonlight, remembering the first time that they had made love, and had then shared a kiss so intensely emotional that it had been haunting him ever since. And now they were going to haggle over bureaucracy and blueprints. He wondered, not for the first time, if any of this was worth it. If he should just forget his plans completely and go back to Australia, where he would never have
to see her again. Never be reminded of what they had had, and lost, on Le Bijou.
He shook his head, because he knew that was impossible. He’d tried it before. Tried burying those feelings. And it hadn’t worked. That was why he’d come back in the first place. To try to do something different. To do something proactive to sully the memories he had of Le Bijou. And what had he done instead? He’d made new memories. Made it harder than ever to forget.
‘Fine,’ he said eventually into his phone, because he was as determined as he had ever been to get this development built. ‘Tomorrow. My office. Nine o’clock.’
‘I can’t make that, I’m afraid. I’ll be excavating the possible nest on Le Bijou. But I can come afterwards.’
‘No need. I’ll meet you on Le Bijou.’
‘Guy, I’m not sure that that’s a good—’
‘Nine o’clock. I’ll see you there.’
CHAPTER NINE
MEENA WASN’T SURE what to expect when Guy’s speedboat skittered to a stop the next morning. Would it be the fiery anger he’d shown her the last time they’d spoken in person, or the ice that she’d heard on the phone?
Well, either way, she was prepared for him. She had all her red lines drawn clearly in her mind for what would and would not be acceptable to the Environmental Agency. And if she could just find some evidence of live hatchlings this morning, even if they hadn’t made it to the sea, that would be everything that she needed.
That was probably why Guy had invited himself along, she told herself. Nothing to do with what had happened the last time that they’d been on Le Bijou together. He probably just wanted to be sure she wasn’t going to plant evidence or do something else nefarious with the nest.
Falling Again for Her Island Fling Page 10