by Andrea Smith
“Are you sure? I… don’t want to ruin this for you guys.”
“I’m sure, Liv,” Emmett said. “And, by the way, it’s not just us guys. It’s the band, and you are part of Wasted. Once we cut this demo, we can’t lose you.”
My heart was back to that painful ache. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Dammit, I was here only to sing, not get my heart involved. I hoped he hadn’t noticed, but the way Emmett was looking at me that moment…
“Okay, I’ll be here,” I blurted quickly.
“That’s my girl,” Emmett said, tossing me a wink as he walked away to his truck. Coop waited until after his truck pulled away.
“Thanks, Liv. It’s all going to work out, I promise,” he said and turned to walk to his car. I was still holding the car handle in my hand.
“Great,” I muttered as I walked around and opened the passenger side door, tossing the handle into the back seat. I straddled the console in the middle to finally land in the driver’s seat.
I definitely needed a better car. I mentally put that at the top of my list of stuff to buy if we did become successful after the demo. I put it right below getting Emmett’s Gibson out of hock. I was humbled beyond words at his total faith in me. There was no way I would disappoint him or the rest of the band.
Chapter 18
Emmett
I had not an ounce of sleep last night. The fact that Stacie texted me repeatedly, bitching me out for not contacting her, didn’t help matters. I would’ve turned my damn phone off had I not needed it to set my alarm.
I’d come damn close to blocking her, and finally threatened to do so if she didn’t leave me the fuck alone. That had done the trick, at least for now.
As I tried to drift off into an undisturbed sleep, I found my mind wandering to Olivia, and wondering what was up with the chick. She had acted so strangely cold yesterday at practice. I was pretty sure the graphic recollection of literally catching me with my pants down with some random groupie giving head hadn’t served to give her a favorable impression of me. Especially given that I knew Stacie had already tossed a few poison pills to her about me. Ah, the world according to Stacie Coulter. I could only imagine the fantasy world she’d created for Olivia.
I wondered why I even cared. It wasn’t like I needed Olivia’s approval about how I lived my life. If she only knew that I was the reason she got to be a part of the demo we were about to cut, maybe she’d have a more positive impression of me. Hell, I needed to stop obsessing about it. My only concern was that it might be affecting the chemistry of the songs we shared vocally; at least that was what I told myself. It was all about the music.
I heard Coop out front, blasting the horn on his van. I grabbed my bag and guitar case. Another text from Stacie buzzed my phone, just as I was about to shove it into my pocket. I glanced quickly to read her text.
Despite the fact you’re a bastard, good luck today.
I was sure the only reason she wished me luck was for the money. The more I made, the more she got. I shoved the phone into my pocket, shaking my head.
Coop opened the back of the van and I slid my bag and guitar inside. “This is it man, the fucking dream we’ve dreamed of,” Coop said as he slapped me on the back.
“What will they say about this high school drop- out now?” I said out loud. Yeah, I knew I was counting my chickens before they were even hatched, but I had a good feeling about this. The band was going to make it. No one dedicated themselves more than we did. If it wasn’t for the fact that I might’ve knocked up Ace’s little sis, my path would be a golden slide.
We merged onto I-69 for our two-hour trip to Indy. I saw Wayne’s van coming up behind us. I knew Olivia was in that van and I had to wonder if she would become a permanent part of the band after we cut the demo.
Did she even want to be part of the band?
“Coop, what the hell was up with Liv yesterday,” I asked, hoping to get more into her head. She seemed closer to him. And to tell you the truth, it bothered the fuck out of me. And I didn’t know why.
“Ah, nothing. Probably worried about her mother. She should know by now; Katie can handle it.”
His eyes went back to the road, but I had a feeling there was more. But I didn’t want my mind cluttered with shit as I was mentally preparing for the rest of my life with this demo. I had already screwed things up by getting Stacie pregnant. And what made it worse; I couldn’t remember a damn thing.
We had about an hour to go, and the van was quiet. I think we were all in our zones. This day could be everything or …nothing.
I was envisioning my future. There I was with the perfect song, singing in front of thousands of people who worshipped Wasted. I closed my eyes and when I turned to sing into the mic, it was Olivia’s face I saw singing next to me. As we sang the song, for those three minutes, I forgot we were in front of thousands of people. It was all about me, and her, and the lyrics.
I had no idea why I was feeling this way. I needed to stop, because I doubted she would stay with the band long term. She seemed to have a lot of personal issues that had things goin on in her head and, that, I didn’t need.
While Coop did the driving and Slade kept track of the map, I pulled out my pad to write down some lyrics that had just come to me.
The life we want will wait for us.
I can see it in the morning dusk.
I see your face in every dream.
And I don’t know what it means.
My life is mine, but this I wonder,
Where will you be, when it’s all over.
Why do I care where you’ll be?
For whatever reason, it’s all I see.
A hope like you, cannot be true.
You’ll fade away like morning dew.
But when the night comes and I’m all alone,
It’s once again you, I feel is home.
My life is mine, but this I wonder,
Where will you be when it’s all over?
Why do I care where you’ll be?
But anyway, it’s all I see.
I looked over the lyrics and knew exactly what inspired them. But that’s all they would ever be. Lyrics.
“How much further to the motel?” Coop asked Slade.
“About two miles.”
We were checking in first before heading to the recording studio to practice. I was ready to stretch my legs. Though I was nervous as shit, I couldn’t wait to get there and give our best performance ever.
Wayne’s Van pulled up next to us and we headed into the lobby of an obviously run down motel, but it was the best we could do given the funds we had available after paying for the recording fee up front.
The place stank like ass and, though I knew it wouldn’t bother the guys, Olivia probably would not want to stay. As she got out of the van and looked around at the cracked stucco row of rooms, she made no bones about it.
The girl was getting more chill in my eyes every day. A babe who could just be one of the guys. That’s, how I needed to keep seeing her, but I knew she would always be the inspiration that fed my lyrics. I just wasn’t sure why she affected me in such an inspired and creative way.
She saw me watching her. She smiled over at me and another lyric came to mind.
Your sweet smile is what I need
It’s your approval I feel is for me.
And if that’s all I’ll ever have of you
I will tell myself, it will have to do.
Chapter 19
Olivia
The place looked like a dump, but I wasn’t about to complain. I just gave Emmett a smile and went in to find the restroom.
After two hours of driving with a full pot of coffee floating in my bladder, I was about to explode. I couldn’t sleep the night before. Mom was on a tangent over something that happened over twenty years ago. I swore she lived more in the past than the present, but that was all part of the
disease. It wouldn’t be getting any better.
She was furious about me leaving to cut this demo. I tried to explain to her that it was only for one day and that I’d be back tomorrow.
“You’re gonna get yourself in trouble, girl,” she had said to me.
“Mom, I won’t be getting into trouble. You need to let it go… about what happened to you and my… father.”
“They ain’t good for nothing. All those women up there, screaming. Once they get a taste of that, it becomes addictive. They can never walk away, unless you tell them you’re pregnant. Boy, watch um run then.”
“Did I ever tell you about the day I found him,” she continued as I was packing.
“No, Mom, you haven’t,” I said, not really listening at that point.
“Yep, I showed up, had you in the car–and guess what?”
I grabbed my head in frustration. “What, Mom?”
“He was married with two other children. Can you believe that? He ran out on us, but married another woman and had morechildren. Oh, the life we could have had, Olivia. Did you know he put me in jail that day? Yep, placed a restraining order on me, too.”
It was the same old story, time and time again. Her one summer with the band, Shots Fired, and the hot affair she had with the lead singer, Zak. It was this that kept me from falling for a guy in a band. I mean, yeah, I hoped to meet this son-of-a-bitch someday and give him my two cents. But then, he was probably some washed up burn-out by now anyway. She really needed to get over this Zak guy. It was like he just left her yesterday, and maybe in her mind, that was exactly how it seemed.
I found the nasty bathroom next to the front desk–and it was literally a desk with a man who smelled of sweat and peppers. A fly-tape hung above him, coated with the carcasses of flies that had long passed, but a couple still struggling to escape.
Lovely.
Emmett was paying for the rooms and looked up when I came out of the bathroom.
“Olivia, here’s your key. I got you your own room. The guys and I will slum it in one,” Emmett said. It was literally a key, not one of those key cards.
“Thanks, what do I owe you?” I asked, not expecting him to pay for my room as well.
“Don’t worry. It’s covered,” he said and went to help the guys unload our bags. I followed him, grabbed my bag from Wayne’s van and found my room. I needed a shower before we left to go to practice one last time. Coop had booked us a warm-up room for the day before we actually recorded to ensure all the instruments were tuned and ready. Wayne’s van smelled like Doritos, and because there was no AC, I now smelled like sweaty Doritos.
“Ok, we have one hour, guys… and gal,” Emmett said, looking at me. Do whatever shit you need to do, because we are leaving in thirty minutes.”
The guys headed to theone room they were sharing and, within ten minutes I had showered and changed in my room, which was right next to theirs. I was still working through the damp tangles of my hair when someone knocked on the door. I looked through the peephole. Emmett?
“Hey, what’s up?” I said cracking the door open just a bit.
“I hate to ask, but can I use your shower? Ace just plugged up the toilet, and the smell…”
I laughed. “Yeah, sure. I’ve already used it,” I said and moved back allowing him inside.
“Thanks,” he said walking past me toward the bathroom, lifting his shirt up as he did so to remove it. I couldn’t help but stare. Even with all his tats, I could see how defined his back and chest were.
I quickly tore my eyes away when the shirt hit the floor and he saw me looking at him from the mirror. I grabbed up my phone and pretended to call my mom.
He was out in five minutes, only wearing jeans and rubbing his hair with a towel. And once again, it was hard to look away.
“Everything okay at home?” he asked, thinking I really did call my mom.
“Umm… yes, it’s all good,” I lied.
He studied me for a moment, quirking a brow and I seriously thought he saw through everything about me and had my soul under his microscopic stare. He moved towards me, and I could see droplets of water on his colorful art.
“Are you nervous about tomorrow? Because I seriously think you’re gonna do great.”
I took a deep breath. “I hope so. I just don’t want to let the band down. You guys have worked hard for this, and I respect all of your hard work that I just happened to luck into, ya know?”
He sat down beside me and gave it some thought. “Yes we have, but the truth is, we couldn’t do this, we couldn’t be here, right where we are right now, without you. Please, don’t ever sell your contribution to Wasted short. You have put the icing on the cake with your signature style, babe.”
God, I wasn’t sure if his words, which were totally sincere, made me feel better or worse. I felt so fucking good that he thought I was just that talented, but the other part of me was a bit paranoid because this group was depending on my contribution to get this demo in the hands of the right labels, and I couldn’t forget the fact I still owed him his guitar back.
My silence had drawn his attention. He was trying to read me. He looked into my eyes, and truthfully, I could see everything my mother must have seen and experienced with… Zak. As much as I wanted to throw myself at him for his wonderful and supportive words, I still held back because I was determined never to let that happen to me. It was a recipe for disaster.
I needed to put things in perspective. Now was the time I womanned up here and did my best. “Hey, let’s do this,” I said and grabbed my purse heading outside the motel room to Wayne’s van. Emmett was pulling his shirt on when he came out, jumped into Coops van and off we went.
It was the next day–recording day. Emmett and I were bringing it in with the last chorus.
Words that drift in and out;
Promises that never count.
Hate that starves this raging heart;
Finish what we’ll never start.
We were just inches apart as we sang the last chorus into one mic. It wasn’t even planned that way, but somehow, once the lyrics took over, it also took over us. We never sounded better. My heart thumped with pride. I felt the adrenaline rush as it coursed through my veins, along with something else. Pure pride at what we’d accomplished, no matter what the outcome. I’d opened my heart with this song, and I’d given it every fucking thing I had. My biggest fear was that I didn’t want to disappoint Emmett. How strange was that? Nothing else mattered. Contract or not, I just didn’t want him to think I hadn’t given it my all.
I opened my eyes as the music faded and found that Emmett was looking into mine. The mic was the only thing between our parted lips. It was if time was standing still in this moment, and there were just the two of us in the studio. It wasn’t until the sound guy in the booth came on through the intercom and said, “That’s a cut.”
Coop was the first to speak. “Dudes and Dudette, we fucking nailed it, man. It was mother-fucking golden! No shit.”
Wayne and Ace high fived each other and yelled something I couldn’t recall, because I was still looking into Emmett’s eyes and down to his lips. Finally, I broke the trance with a smile. “It was fucking epic. I felt it in my soul. Don’t laugh, please,” I said and his eyes lit up. He had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen. I was getting swept away and had to move.
“Liv, your voice is something I can’t even explain,” Emmett said and gave me a fake punch to the jaw. “You’re alright, babe.”
I felt myself warm under his praise. “Thanks, but it’s your song. Your words.”
Coop left the recording booth first and got all the details we needed to now try and promote Raging Heart.
“Hey y’all, now that the worst part is over, I’m starving,” Slade said and Ace pulled out his phone to call Katie.
Coop sounded pretty excited after we left the
studio and grabbed some burgers before heading back to our motel. I knew I needed to call home and check on Mom. I hadn’t called the night before and I was tense, hoping everything was going well. I worried whenever I had to be away from her.
“Hi, Katie, how’s mom?”
“She’s…fine,” Katie replied hesitantly.
And that concerned me. “How fine?” I asked.
“Now don’t worry, Liv. It’s just that she’s locked herself into the bathroom and won’t come out until you or somebody named Zak comes home. I don’t know who this Zak is or I would call for help. But I think it’s gonna be okay.”
“What the fuck? Why in the hell is she doing that?” I questioned, my voice louder than intended.
“Listen, really don’t worry about it. I’m able to unlock it with a hairpin. I’m just letting her have her way for a bit. I’ve seen this behavior many times at the nursing home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I assure you, I have it under control. She seems to be ‘sun-downing’ as they say, and I will get her through this. And hey, Ace told me how great you guys sounded today. He’s sure you’ll get a record label.”
I knew she was trying to change the subject to allay my worry over Mom. I smiled. “We did. The guys are very talented,” I said and then there was another knock on the door. “Tell Mom to behave. I’ll be home soon.”
“I’ll do it. No worries,” she said just as I heard somebody tapping on the door to my room again.
“Thanks, Katie.”
I opened the door, and the minute I did, Emmett picked me up and swung me around and around.
“Emmett? What the hell?” I asked, totally taken by surprise.
“You are not going to believe this,” he said and I was looking down into his eyes. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist.
“We got a record label. Coop just got a call from Harvey, our rep? There’s a guy named Gordy who wants to sign us with Concord Records! He’ll be buying out our contract with Harvey!”
“No fucking way!” I shrieked. “What! Just like that?”