Lilac

by Reid, B. B.

  I loved meeting the people who connected with our music. Just not so much when I wanted to choke Braxton while fucking the shit out of her. It was all I could think about. We were playing with fire, but they pretended it didn’t burn.

  Ten minutes later, I was shaking hands and signing T-shirts. Another half-hour and I was waving them out the door. I turned to Braxton the moment we were alone.

  Well, mostly.

  “Good job,” I told her once I had her attention. I wanted to say more, perhaps something less condescending, but my lips wouldn’t move.

  The blank look she gave me told me she wasn’t flattered. “I didn’t do it to impress you.”

  My smirk I failed to catch made her eyes light up like a Christmas tree—if that tree were on fire. “Nonetheless.”

  Sighing, she turned to walk off. “Get fucked, Houston. I’m busy.”

  I studied the curve of her ass as she stormed for the door.

  She was heading back to the buses, and I swallowed the urge to follow her. I wondered if she could read my thoughts or simply felt me watching her, and that was why she peeked over her shoulder at the last minute.

  The cold look she gave me before disappearing through the door had the opposite effect she intended.

  I had two choices at this point.

  Get a grip or get a groupie.

  I followed Braxton to the open door, leaning my shoulder on the jamb as she spoke to one of the roadies. He pointed her in the direction of the buses, and she took off, unaware of the chaos around her as the crew tore down and prepared to load our equipment in the cargo trucks.

  Meanwhile, there was another crew with a replica setting up in Dallas for Monday night’s show. The label had greedily packed our schedule to squeeze every penny they could, knowing it would be the last they would make out of us. Negotiations were already in the works to buy back every one of our masters, even if it bankrupted us.

  The moment I was sure Braxton was gone, I found Rich, who was talking shop with one of our stage techs. The roadie, seeing the look on my face, scrammed mid-sentence. Rich looked confused until he noticed me.

  “You really need to work on your people skills,” he preached for the thousandth time.

  As usual, I ignored him.

  People rarely saw a good person when you were too nice. All they saw was a mark.

  “Did something happen between you and Braxton?” I got right to the point.

  Rich’s silence said it all, but I still wanted to hear him say it. “Do you really want to do this right now? Right here?”

  “Yes or no, Rich?” He shrugged before looking off and keeping his mouth closed. The last time Rich was this stubborn he’d lit a match to his life and was still trying to clean up the mess. Braxton’s defiance was spreading through my camp like an incurable disease. She needed to be stopped. “Have it your way.”

  I started for the tunnel that Braxton had just disappeared through.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” Rich called out. When I didn’t stop or turn back, he rushed after me until he reached my side.

  “If you won’t tell me, I’ll make Braxton.”

  “Are you serious right now?”

  “As a fucking heart attack.”

  “Fine! All right!” he yelled, making me stop in my tracks halfway through the tunnel. “We fooled around, but we didn’t have sex, so just leave her alone. You’ve done enough.”

  Had I?

  I thought I’d made myself clear, but every move I made, the three of them found a way to outmaneuver me.

  I moved Braxton to another bus, and they followed her.

  I fucked her, knowing Loren was too proud and Rich too cautious, and Braxton somehow convinced them to act outside of their nature. I know because she’d done the same to me.

  Fucking her hadn’t been planned.

  Wanting more was the most shocking surprise of all.

  When I reached the end of the tunnel and burst through the security door, I found an even bigger problem on my hands. Braxton’s bus was being towed away as she stood on the side with everything she owned at her feet.

  Again.

  “What the hell happened?” Rich wondered out loud. I didn’t respond, knowing it was rhetorical since I’d been with him. He repeated his question to Braxton the moment we reached her side.

  “Bus broke down. Something about the radiator. They’re towing it to the nearest shop to see if they can get it running again by morning.”

  Xavier spotted us and quickly made his way over. I already knew what he’d say before he even spoke. “So here’s the deal, Braxton’s bunking with you again until we get the rig fixed,” he announced in a way that brooked no argument. “And before you ask, I’ve already checked. There are no extra bunks anywhere else. The crew is doubled up as it is.”

  Xavier, Braxton, and Rich all paused, waiting for my reaction. I silently weighed the pros and cons before deciding the damage had already been done. I needed time to rethink my strategy.

  “Let me know when the bus is back in commission.”

  Taking Braxton’s elbow, I pulled her toward our bus. The silver lining was that now I might get a good night of sleep. The moment Braxton occupied a room, the air changed, making the people inside feel lighter on their feet. Sometimes she had me thinking I could fly. It was hard to forget that, even when she was gone.

  Even after you pushed her away.

  I didn’t worry about her bags, knowing one of the roadies would grab and store them on our bus, but Rich didn’t seem to want to take any chances. He was just as eager as me to get Braxton settled back in with us.

  “You do know both of my feet work, right? I’m capable of putting one foot in front of the other,” she sassed.

  She never. Fucking. Let up.

  Neither did I.

  I smiled down at her right before I let her go, only to haul her over my shoulder. Her surprised yelp and cry of outrage had every head in the vicinity turning our way. They watched her being carried back to our cave where she belonged. I even caught some of the house staff recording on the sly. Our roadies already knew not to pull that shit. Xavier was already on it, though, handing out threats of injunctions like it was Christmas.

  Once we boarded our bus, I set Braxton on her feet, and she looked around like she was seeing it all for the first time.

  “Welcome home,” Rich said sappily.

  I rolled my eyes while Braxton’s back was still turned.

  Looking over her shoulder, she smiled at him in a way that implied they shared a secret between them.

  Jealousy was an ugly thing, and mine was about to rear its head. I didn’t like them having a thing.

  “Thanks.” She looked around again. “Where’s Loren?”

  He’d disappeared again after the meet-and-greet. I knew he couldn’t have gone far since we weren’t sticking around. The drive from Denver to Dallas was too long, and after his latest stunt, I wasn’t taking any chances.

  “He’s around.”

  Whenever Loren wasn’t getting his way, the social butterfly tucked his wings and cocooned himself in hate. His absence was his way of punishing the world for not appreciating him enough.

  The crestfallen look on Braxton’s face told me it was working flawlessly. For once, she didn’t try to hide it, meeting both of our gazes before disappearing inside the bedroom. The sound of the lock sliding into place echoed through me.

  I turned to Rich.

  He was watching the closed door at the end of the hall like he was debating whether to go after her or not. Feeling my stare, he turned to me.

  “Find him.”

  “Are you sure you don’t miss it?” I asked our assistant. She’d just finished slipping me the weed I sent her to find.

  “For the last time, Loren. No.”

  Danielle, formerly known as Daniel, stormed off, swaying her hips paid for by me—so to speak. Her insurance company had refused to cover her surgery because it hadn’t been “medically” necessary.


  And there lies the problem with our inherited human nature.

  We only bothered to take care of one another when it was too goddamn late.

  I was trying to talk myself into going back to the bus when Rich found me. The look on his face told me that I was pissing him off, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I knew he was just as fucked up about Braxton and Houston screwing, but he and I had different ways of handling our problems. He dealt with them. I didn’t.

  Simple.

  “Are you really going to do this now?” he asked me as he came to stand in front of me.

  “Do what?”

  “Sulk and pout and make everyone around you as miserable as you are.”

  I nodded once just to piss him off more. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  “What Houston did was fucked up, but you’re no better than he is. You weren’t playing fair either.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Arizona. You told Braxton about Emily.”

  I’d forgotten all about that.

  To make him feel better, I chose to pretend I hadn’t. “Good fucking thing for you that she was asleep. Close one, huh? Are you planning to tell Braxton that you’re already married, or are you waiting to knock her up first and put a ring on her finger? Bigamy is illegal, you know.”

  “I wasn’t going to tell her anything because it wouldn’t have mattered.”

  I heard the “but” at the end of his statement and waited for the other shoe to drop. The longer he took to spit it out, the more guilt I read all over his stupid face. “So, what changed?” I finally pried, keeping my voice casual.

  At least I have weed.

  “Let me guess,” I drawled when he said nothing. “You fucked her too?” I felt my heart beating out of control as I waited for him to admit it.

  “She kissed me.”

  I balled my fists and put all my focus on not using them on my best friend. “And?”

  No way that was all they’d done. Rich had stayed with her for the rest of the drive up to Denver. I just assumed they’d been playing Scrabble or something since they were both Houston’s doormats.

  “We didn’t have sex.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “Not all of us kiss and tell. Now come the fuck on. Time to go.”

  I smiled even though he’d already turned away, and it wasn’t entirely forced. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” That made him stop in his tracks. “I didn’t think you’d cheat on your wife, fuck behind your best friend, and screw over your other best friend. Good job growing some balls, man.”

  “Fuck you, Loren.”

  “You did, remember? You’re just mad that I didn’t want seconds.”

  Rich stormed off, and I smirked as I watched him go. Maybe now he’d finally give up this dream of us being friends again. The next time I was in L.A., I’d be sure to spit on Calvin’s grave. He hadn’t been from Portland like us, hadn’t grown up with us either. We didn’t owe him shit.

  Sometime around one in the morning, I moseyed back over to where the buses were parked. Even high as fuck, I still noticed one missing.

  Best couple of grand I’d ever spent.

  I woke up much earlier than I liked for a Saturday morning. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to the rocking of the bus that told me when we were back on the road. I didn’t leave the stateroom last night even after Loren made his presence loud and clear. I didn’t want to allow him to take his anger out on me—even if it wasn’t entirely misplaced. Guilt didn’t mean I had to be his punching bag.

  By now, he and Houston probably knew what I’d done with Rich. I didn’t think that Rich would kiss and tell, but something had tipped them off. It was hard not to remember the thrill of Rich fucking my mouth and the power I felt when pleasing him.

  Some have a natural instinct for sex. Some need to be taught to let go. The rest spend their entire lives fucking and never quite get it.

  Anyone who knew what to look for would see right through me.

  I’d been taught that sex outside of the marriage bed was a sin for which there could be no forgiveness. It contradicted the teachings of a merciful God, but my parents had been adamant. I’d burn in hell for all of eternity.

  Whore.

  Sinner.

  Doomed.

  How else could I rationalize dropping to my knees for Rich less than a day after spreading my legs for Houston?

  I loved every moment.

  Being with Houston and Rich had bared more than just my body. I hadn’t felt free until I let them touch me, hold me…use me. I had an agenda when I agreed to do this tour, and now there was something in it for me.

  If I truly had a sickness, I hoped I never found a cure.

  This time I wouldn’t be left alone. The three rock stars sleeping on the other side of the door wouldn’t use my body and then blame me for enticing them. They wouldn’t run into the light and beg for salvation. Houston, Loren, and Jericho had no interest in being saved. It was in the darkness that they thrived.

  My thoughts were too chaotic to lull me back to sleep, so I dragged myself from the bed and relieved my bladder. With only one eye barely open, I shuffled out of the bedroom as quietly as I could. The last thing I wanted was to wake the prom queens. The windowless bunk area was still dark despite it being morning and filled with the loud snores of a slumbering bear.

  Rich.

  Now that I was back on the island, I planned to invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones. Otherwise, I had a year of sleepless nights ahead of me.

  I made it three more steps before I was stopped by a muscled arm lined with thick veins that shot out and blocked my path. The passage was narrow and the arm long enough for the strong, talented fingers to connect with my empty bunk. Staring back at me were eyes so dark that in the shadows of his bunk, I could only feel Loren watching me.

  He was the last person I expected to find awake before dawn.

  Houston was usually the early riser. My theory was that he used the quiet time alone to plot how to make the rest of our lives hell.

  Leaning forward, the faint glow of the LED lights activated by the dark allowed me to see Loren’s tired eyes. I wondered if he’d been up all night and if it was for the same reasons that plagued me?

  I’m so sorry.

  I couldn’t tell him that, though, because Loren was too used to getting his way. I owed him nothing.

  “Are you going to let me through? It’s too early in the morning for your shit, Lo.”

  Loren stared at me for several heart-pounding moments before moving his arm. I thought I’d gotten off scot-free when that same arm hooked around my waist and proved me wrong.

  I was lifted off my feet before I could tell him to let me go. I was then dragged inside the bunk and the darkness surrounding him.

  I didn’t fight him when he placed me on the mattress next to him. Even with all the custom modifications they’d done, the bunks were narrow, and Loren took up a lot of space.

  There was nowhere for me to go.

  Spooning me from behind, Loren trapped me between his naked body and the wall. Who the hell slept in the nude with other people sleeping less than five feet away? All he wore was his medallion.

  “Sorry, were you going somewhere?” the sarcastic ass finally spoke.

  With sleep adding an extra dose of gruffness to his voice, my reaction was the same as drinking fine liquor. My belly warmed, and I was drunk instantly. If I were standing right now, I’d be swaying on my feet and then lying about the cause to keep my dignity.

  “Yup.” Before I could push his hand away, his arm tightened around me, and I knew it wasn’t a reflex. By now, he knew my natural instinct was to fight even when I didn’t want to. “Do you mind?” I snapped. It was obvious he wouldn’t let go.

  “Actually, I do. I’ve been staring at this fucking ceiling and listening to that whore snore all night,” he griped, referring to Rich. “I was finally drifting off when your rude ass
stomped through here like you wanted to be noticed.”

  “I was not stomping.”

  “But you wanted to be noticed?”

  I didn’t respond. Whatever I said, he’d find a way to twist it. Unfortunately, my silence spoke louder. I couldn’t see Loren’s face, but I knew he was smug.

  “Jericho is not a whore,” I whispered and immediately felt lame. It was the only thing I could think to say with his footlong spreading my ass like a bun. I wanted to see for myself if he was truly as long and thick as he felt.

  Please, God, no. It wouldn’t be fair for Loren to be this cocky and back it up.

  Houston was big.

  Rich was bigger.

  Statistically, one of them had to have a little dick, right?

  “Defending your boyfriend while you’re spooning his best friend’s dick? Real classy, baby fawn.” I rolled my eyes at his insistence on using a nickname that didn’t make any sense. I’d asked him a dozen times to stop, but he was determined to claim me any way he could.

  Was Loren that desperate to have me or using me to provoke his friends? Houston wanted them to keep their hands off, but he never banked on me being the problem. Men never do. It’s why women made better spies and were ten times as lethal.

  Rather than waste time explaining that Rich and I weren’t together when he already knew, I decided to kick him while he was already down. Loren’s mind might be sharp, but my claws were sharper.

  “Jealous?”

  I waited and waited for a response that never came. Had he finally fallen asleep? I tried to peer over my shoulder, but he held me too tight.

  “Loren?”

  “I don’t answer stupid questions.”

  Don’t head butt him, Braxton. “No. You only ask them and then throw a tantrum when you don’t like the answer.”

  Loren tucked his face inside my neck with a tired exhale that I felt in my bones. I hated myself even more for being the cause.

  As if he could hear my mind turning, he said, “Go back to sleep, baby fawn.”

  This time I found myself smiling at the nickname. I hadn’t broken him, after all. “I thought we had an agreement?”