She took a sip of the hot chocolate. The flavors danced over her tongue. Whipped cream was on the tip of her nose. Beck swooped in and kissed it off. Then his lips settled firmly over hers, persuading them apart. Ashni sighed and melted into him and his kiss.
“Sage must be responsible for many romances,” he murmured, kissing his way down her neck and igniting a whole different set of shivers.
“Your turn,” she said breathlessly holding out the drink to him.
“You keep it,” he encouraged. “I intend to take full advantage of any future whipped cream malfunctions.”
He smiled, but worry still squatted in his gaze.
From the moment she’d seen the positive pregnancy test, she’d bravely told herself she could raise a child on her own, and she could, but tonight she admitted to herself she didn’t want to.
But she didn’t want to marry Beck because of the baby.
And she had no idea how to move forward.
“Beck, I don’t know what to do.”
She heard the fear in her voice and hated it. She wanted to be strong. Independent.
“Let’s just enjoy the night,” Beck said. “Together.”
“It’s not that easy,” she said seeing all the obstacles ahead, but Beck was Beck. In the moment. One problem at a time. One event. Then the next. Total focus.
*
Beck felt like he could breathe again as they continued to walk down Main Street. He no longer felt like he was sitting on an unexploded bomb, and yet he sensed Ashni was holding something back. But then, so was he.
But he wanted to savor this moment of peace, and hopefully it would keep him from doing something stupid like marching her to the courthouse first thing Monday morning. Or buying her a gigantic ring tonight.
His steps slowed outside the jewelry store.
“Beck.” Ashni’s voice was a whisper of sound, but he knew what she meant. He squashed down the disappointment. Too much. Too soon. But it felt too late.
“But I want to buy you something,” he insisted. Of course he pushed. It was the Ballantyne way. “A celebration of the baby.”
“The baby we spent years trying not to have?” Her jaw angled in challenge.
“Don’t say that,” he said urgently. “Every child should be welcome. Our child will be loved and very welcomed.”
He couldn’t wait to tell his family. But he wanted to tell all of them together with Ash. At the Ballantyne Bash. His cousins could play their game, and his granddad might still head to Denver, but he and Ash and their child were real, enduring. His.
“Our child will be,” she said firmly. She looked into the store. “Okay, something for the baby. No ring.”
“Yet.”
Her lips firmed, and the softness of her gaze hardened.
“Ash, I want to spend my life with you. You know that.”
She crossed her arms. “You always changed the subject when I brought up marriage.”
“You didn’t exactly bring it up,” he pointed out, even as guilt pricked. She’d hinted, and by the deeply skeptical look she leveled at him, he was busted. “I love you too much to lose you.”
“Huh?”
He felt like the biggest idiot standing outside a jewelry store with a sidewalk sale on western-style charm bracelets and belt buckles and other assorted rodeo-themed ware priced to sell, and about to spill his guts.
“I watched my mom get married and divorced four times. Four.”
Ash had been there for the last one, which had lasted less time than the one before. “I hated it. I hated her for being so stupid and the men for being so wrong. I didn’t want that for you and me.”
Ashni sighed. “I know,” she said. “But you never talked about it, and I guess I took my cue from you. I didn’t think that would happen to us. You always seemed so invincible. Confident.”
He’d never shared his doubts with her.
And she hadn’t told him her concerns.
And they needed to do better. Starting now.
“You were always my safe place,” he admitted like the biggest knuckleheaded cowboy. If Bodhi could see him now, he’d never stop laughing. “You’re magic. I didn’t want to ruin that,” he admitted. “And I wanted you to think…” Oh. God. This was hard. “That I could handle anything. Be your hero.”
Ashni swallowed hard and blinked a few times. Damn. He’d made her cry again. “We need to handle joys and problems together,” she said softly.
He nodded too choked up to speak.
“Pick something special for the baby, Beck.” She propelled him inside the store and then walked a little way down the street and stared up at the moon.
Feeling undone, Beck entered the store and tried to pull himself together. He’d been in a lot of jewelry stores over the years. But this time, it was a big deal.
He walked straight to the engagement rings. When he’d researched online, he’d familiarized himself with what he should be looking for and designs he thought Ash would like. He didn’t want to rush his choice, so he made an appointment for tomorrow—rodeos were pretty consuming, but he wanted to find Ash a ring to make his intentions clear to her, his family and hers.
He wanted a round-cut diamond in a filigree or antique setting, and the assistant said she would pull together a selection for him to look at tomorrow morning. She even agreed to meet him early, before the store opened.
Then she showed him a few necklaces with Montana sapphires—his favorite stone—and he immediately saw the one he wanted: a delicate half of a gold heart connected to another half of a gold heart by a teal Montana sapphire at the bottom of the higher heart. Each side would remain forever connected yet asymmetrical.
“Unusual,” he murmured, feeling like his hands were so large compared to the delicately wrought piece. “And beautiful.”
“We have a new jewelry designer we are contracting with. This was the first necklace she brought to us. It’s fairly expensive,” the assistant said apologetically. “She’s gaining quite a following and takes commissions within many price ranges. I can give you her card.”
“Yes, please, and the necklace. I don’t need it wrapped.”
Beck dangled the necklace from his finger and went outside. Ashni nibbled on a chocolate boot and still stared up at the sky. He smiled. She’d always loved to do that. Often he’d drive them out of whatever town they were staying in and they’d spread out blankets in the back of his rig and stargaze.
“Close your eyes,” he invited.
She did. He carefully fastened the unusual clasp the assistant had had to demonstrate twice.
“Open.”
Ashni smiled. “Thank you.” She felt the precious metal, the stone. “Cool shape,” she said and pulled her phone out of her pocket so she could see the necklace. “Beck, it’s so beautiful. I love it. But it looks expensive.” She worried her bottom lip with her teeth.
“You’re not supposed to worry about that,” he reminded her.
“It’s really unique. Gorgeous.” Her fingers skimmed over the design.
He often bought her jewelry—earrings, necklaces—to create memories. Usually she preferred shorter chains so the medallion or stone would lay just below her clavicles. This chain was longer, and he liked that the lower heart nestled closer to the valley between her breasts.
It was elegant and sexy as hell. Longing and desire rose up so fast and fierce. He didn’t know how to contain that much emotion, that much want.
“I know I’ve been pushy most of this week even as I tried to give you space. And we still have a lot to talk about. I know all that, and we talked about being more communicative with each other and honest about our needs,” he said in a rush. “And, Ash, I really, want to be alone with you. I need to hold you.”
*
Sexual desire and emotions were strange and wild and wicked beasts, Ash mused as she and Beck cut down several streets and back toward her apartment. Was she making a mistake? Probably. But it was hers to make. And tonight, it didn
’t feel like a mistake.
“Beck, I want to be fair.” She stopped at the base of her stairs. “My emotions are all over the place. I have a lot going on here—” she touched her head “—and here—” she touched her heart. “I don’t know the next step for us.” She placed her hands on his chest. He was so firm. His heartbeat steady. Strong.
“We are having a child. That will forever link us, but…” she paused “…if I invite you up, it doesn’t mean things are going to go back to normal,” she cautioned. “That string is cut. I love you. I always have. But this is not the yes you probably want…the yes we are a couple again. The yes to living together or marrying.”
“But it’s a maybe.” Lust and challenge stamped his features, lit his heated blue gaze so that they sparkled like gems. “An open door.”
Statement. Not a question. So Beck. Seize the challenge. Declare victory.
“I don’t know,” she admitted.
Beck’s answering smile was hungry, and Ash felt like he’d already ripped off her clothes, pillaged her mouth and plunged deep inside her as her body liquefied under the heat of his gaze.
“Give me the key, Ash. I’ll unlock the door. Take my chances.”
*
Ashni pulled out a key attached to a blinged-out cowgirl boot, and something inside him snapped. He swooped her up in his arms and ran up the stairs. Her gold sandals fell off, first one then the other.
He unlocked the door, didn’t bother with the lights because the party lights strung up around the patio bathed the room in a gold glow.
He put her back on her feet. His denim jacket slid off her shoulders and hit the floor, and he eased off hers, and laid it on the sofa.
“You said you went to the doctor.” His voice sounded like he’d swallowed gravel. It still hurt that she’d gone without him. His fingers played with the strap of her sundress. Only a bow held it up on each delicate shoulder. He wondered if she was wearing a bra.
“Yes,” she said and hesitated.
“Is it safe for us to…you know?”
Ashni removed his hat and set it carefully on the head of the plush artistic horse that dominated her sofa.
She reached into her cross-body purse and pulled out a square black-and-white photo that she held to her chest.
“Beck, I should have waited for you to see the doctor. I know that. But I was hurt and angry and confused. Everything seemed to be hitting me at once, and I just wanted some peace and space to sort it out. Our life has been so loud with the constant travel, the rush of working in the PR marketing machine of the tour, arranging so many small events with local hospitals, and organizations and sponsors, and then your day-to-day life with competing and the injuries and the worry, and your cousins always underfoot. I never had quiet time to reflect and didn’t realize how much I needed time and quiet.”
“I wish—” He stopped. Of course he wished she’d told him. But what would he have done? The end of the season was always a grind. Chasing money, a position in the finals. The pressure cranked. Nagging pain and injuries accelerated. The physical, mental and emotional toll was tremendous and often knocked cowboys out of the finals and money in the last few weeks.
Don’t make excuses. Let her talk.
He could practically hear Bowen’s voice in his head, counseling him. Bowen had always been the one he’d turned to when he’d had a problem, never his mom. She would criticize, take over, tell him all the things he’d done wrong, generalize his incompetence, blame him and then fix it—never letting him forget she knew better.
So he’d shut her out. Hid most of his life from her.
Like Ash started doing.
“We’ll communicate better,” he vowed. They couldn’t go back, but he could be a better partner going forward.
“I have a picture of the baby,” she said shyly. “I got a couple so you could have one. I know I shut you out, and I’m sorry,” she said in a rush. “But—”
“Show me,” he offered. He could do this. Leave the hurt of the past week where it belonged—in the past.
Ash handed the square black-and-white photo to him.
Beck stared, unable to believe what he was seeing. He’d thought it would look more…he didn’t even know. Blobbish. But he could see a head and a body, and was that an arm?
“Everything looks normal. The organs are forming, and even teeth under the gums,” she said in awe. “The baby is about the size of a strawberry.”
“We’re having a baby,” he said.
“I know.”
He stared at the picture a little longer and then pulled out his phone and took a photo. He didn’t want to hide the news from his family. Not anymore. His cousins were going to be uncles—not technically, but that would be the reality of the role they’d play in his child’s life.
And his mom would be a grandma.
How would she take that?
And Granddad. He’d be a great-granddad. What would their baby call him? Would he feel less alone when he and Ash told him that they were expecting and wanting to settle at Three Tree Ranch?
“I can hear you thinking,” Ash said.
Beck kissed the picture and then put it on the table. His eyes pricked hot, and he blinked several times to try to clear them.
Ash slid her arms around him. For a moment, peace and happiness drifted through him, and then Ash’s fingers played with the snaps of his shirt.
He’d been semi-hard all night, and all the blood in his body seemed to rush south, further taunting his control.
“Ashni, are you sure?” He faced her.
“I don’t want to think any more tonight.” She pulled on her dress’s bows on her shoulders. The shift-style dress puddled at her feet, leaving her only in pink panties and a bandeau-style matching bra.
Thinking was definitely overrated. Beck pounced.
*
He even growled, which woke a primitive side of her that only Beck had ever unleashed. He made her feel powerful and sexy and alive. He tugged her bra off with his teeth and laved one peaked nipple with his tongue and sucked it into the heat of his mouth, while his fingers expertly toyed with her other breast. Ashni groaned her pleasure. Her breasts were so sensitive now, almost to the point of pain, but the bite of pain merged spectacularly with pleasure and she swore she saw pinpricks of light.
“You have too many clothes on.” She pulled frantically at the snaps on his shirt. How was it she was only in panties and Beck was fully clothed? That had to be some sort of crime.
“Where the hell is the bed?”
He’d picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his lean hips, loving how his erection pressed hard against her soaked heat.
“You’ve been creative without a bed before.” She clung to his hewn shoulders and arched her back so that he’d kiss and suck on her aching nipples.
He swore under his breath, and Ashni felt the cork stoppering her aching misery pop. She felt free and laughed even as she rode desperation’s knife edge.
“Hurry,” she urged breathlessly, trying to reach in between their bodies so that she could work off his belt buckle, kissing his mouth and nipping on his lip. His hiss of air cranked her higher.
She loved Beck fast and urgent and a little crazy for her, but she wanted to feel all of him—needed to after the time apart and all of her uncertainty. “Handle,” she murmured against his mouth even as she reached down and managed to undo his rodeo buckles. His Wranglers’ button took even less work.
“Huh?”
“Bed. Handle. Pull.” She had her hands in his hair now, yanking his head right where she needed it. “Yes,” she cried as his lips tightened over her nipple and his tongue and teeth teased it. She was so close. So close. And Beck had barely started.
She’d never been with another man, but she couldn’t imagine anyone In. The. World better in bed or out than Beck.
He understood her moaned commands and pulled the bed down and she was immediately flat on it, bra and panties over her hips and on the fl
oor and then Beck’s body was between her thighs.
He kicked off his boots and shucked off his jeans.
“Inside me.” She tried to haul him up her body. And why did he still have boxers on? She caught them with her toes and tugged down. “Now.”
He laughed and pulled them off. He stared at her glistening core like it was something new.
“Dessert first.”
“Beck,” she protested and agreed at the same time and then his shoulders wedged her wider, making her feel excited and exposed and vulnerable all at once. His tongue slid between her plump, wet folds, and she forgot how to speak. Her orgasm hit shockingly fast, but Beck didn’t stop. He continued to alternate licking and sucking on her clit with stroking her with his thumb while he crisscrossed his fingers deep inside her. Her second orgasm took longer, but hit stronger, and she seemed to float on top of the wave endlessly.
She settled back into her body, with Beck kissing his way leisurely back up to her neck while she trembled and panted beneath him. She tried to urge him where she wanted him, but she lacked strength and coordination and apparently speech.
“I love you,” Beck murmured between drugging kisses. “I’ve missed you.”
Me too.
But she only stared at him, curious as to what he would do next.
He braced himself on his elbows and stared at her so intensely she felt as if his body and soul merged with hers.
Soul mates. She felt like she was standing on a precipice.
He’d been so passionate moments before, but when he slowly began to inch into her body, holding her gaze as surely as he held her heart, Ashni felt as if this were their first time all over again.
Chapter Twelve
Beck walked through a maze of trucks and rigs toward the back entrance of the fairgrounds. The late sun warmed his shoulders. The familiarity of the scene—cowboys preparing for their first event, jawing with each other, some even flirting with the rodeo queens who were already mounted, silk flags unfurled but still by their sides and their hair artfully curled—filled him with a sense of rightness.
Copper Mountain Rodeo.
Marietta, Montana.
Home.
The Cowboy Says I Do Page 16