by JD Jones
Chapter Seven
Rita could not shake the image of the stranger in the shadows no matter how she tried to occupy herself. He was an enigma. An unexplained presence in her mind that almost seemed to belong there. That was what intrigued her most. The stranger seemed to belong as much as anything else she claimed as her own. How could that be? He was a stranger.
She tried sweating him away with her gardening and then thinking him away with the designing of the dining room. Still, the image persisted just at the edge of her mind. Not fully in and not fully out. He was part of her thoughts without being intrusive or predominant.
Supper time came and went without Paul being there and she found even more time to herself as she sat and sipped her evening coffee and dwelt on the presence that captured her imagination. Maybe the strange figure was some kind of knight in shining armor come to rescue her from the life she had fallen into. The idea appealed to her sense of romanticism but depended on her acknowledging that her life was not what she wanted it to be. She was not ready to do that yet. So it stayed a dream and a sweet sideline to the real world she lived in.
It was late when Paul came home. Another business trip. But she had stopped minding his being away any more. Now that she had the mysterious figure to dwell upon, she didn't think she would mind being alone. It was kind of like not being alone with him watching her from the edge of her mind like that. Strange. That was the only word to describe her life. Even her thought life was turning strange on her. She smiled a deep smile of satisfaction to herself as she allowed the darkness of sleep to envelope her. Maybe the stranger would reveal himself tonight, she thought as the cloud of sleep closed over her.
Paul laid quietly beside his wife knowing her thoughts as she drifted off to sleep. He made no mention of it to her. He could not be sidelined right now. He was thirsty. His deals of late required him to be so busy, he was neglecting the thirst at times. Kul had warned him to not be so distracted. Lying beside his wonderfully full wife made him realize just how thirsty he really was. He could actually hear the blood flowing through her veins and arteries. In the darkness the pumping of her heart was like a flashing neon sign to a drunk looking for his next drink.
He resisted the urge to hug her and partake of her for even a little. He had made himself the promise that he would never resort to that. There were plenty of others he could drink from. But with the sand so thirsty in him at the moment he was coming closer than he wanted to needing her blood for himself.
He listened to her breathing until her breath came in long, drawn out releases. When he knew she was fully asleep, he roused himself slowly and gently from their bed. He may not need her blood but he needed someone's. The thirst was starting to ache in his stomach. It had been three days since his last partaking. He was sure he could not wait until morning. Morning was not a good time to approach people, anyway. Night time was better. People expected to be approached. They expected relationships and meetings and companionship. All the things that were conducive to getting someone alone and having a drink.
Paul walked the streets. He did not want his car out around town. A shiny, black Lincoln garnered too much attention. Besides the bar he was headed for was only five blocks away. He always found someone there. Usually one of the women there were more than glad to come outside with him. After a good, long drink, he could send them back inside unaware they had even been outside with him. He was getting good at the eye thing. In seconds he could establish contact and create a trance in most people. It was working out well for him in things other than business lately, too.
He had slept with a pretty blond the night before. He had not partaken of her for reasons of his own. He wanted to see if he could enjoy another woman sexually without needing her blood. It had become harder and harder to get excited with Rita lately. Her suspicious and wary nature was a turn off. He had enjoyed the blond woman immensely. She had been very reluctant at first. She was married and afraid her husband would find out. After looking into his eyes, he had convinced her to stay the night. She had also proven to be quite an uninhibited partner, doing things with him he had never done with Rita. She had peaked his interest and he now wondered about what other women might have to offer him.
When he sent her home in the morning, she was scared about going home to her husband so late and smelling like she had been working in a whorehouse all night. She had asked if she could use his shower and he had laughed and told her to get out. He had suggested she keep a change of clothes in her car from now on if she was going to play the late night bimbo, but she didn't acknowledge him because she was cussing him in loud echoes up and down the hotel hallway.
The memory made him chuckle to himself as he walked along the now deserted street. He sensed a cat somewhere off to his left and a couple of dogs in the back yard of another house he passed. Otherwise all was quiet around him. Not like when he had been in the city. Homeless people made easy targets. No one around to witness the partaking and they were found pretty much everywhere during the warmer weather.
As he made the last few hundred feet to the entrance of the bar, he thought again about his situation with Rita. He loved her. No doubt. But he was having difficulty believing she was necessary for his life if she was not going to support him. He could not imagine life without her but he was living mostly without her now, hoping she would come around and be the wife he needed her to be.
He definitely did not need her to be dreaming about other men. That was totally unacceptable. Even if she had no idea who the other man was, any man was unacceptable. He might get to a point where he didn't need her any more. Part of him was afraid he was moving in that direction. But he'd be damned if he was going to let anyone else have her. If anyone was going to make Rita happy, it was him. If she could not be happy with him, she would simply not be happy. That was all there was to it.
Inside the bar Paul saw several women who struck his fancy. But he was not there to enjoy their company. He needed only one thing from them. Their blood. Sweet and innocent. He liked partaking of new women each time. It was like going to bed with a different virgin each time. He was known to the people in the bar, so he always had to get the woman to go outside before him and then he would meet her outside later, so no one got the idea he was with other women. It would not do for him to have a tarnished reputation in the community. He would not allow it.
He saw a woman that reminded him of Rita, except she excited him physically when he looked into her eyes. He wished for an instant that this was just a strictly sexual need he came to assuage. They talked briefly and then she went to another table as he had instructed her with his stare, unbeknownst to her. Ten minutes later, she got up and walked out the door. Paul waited another ten minutes, finished his beer and followed her out the door.
She was waiting in the shadows behind the building as he had bid her to do with his stare. She was like putty to his hands and her smile, as he wrapped his arms around her and began the partaking, was so much like Rita's that he could not help but notice the similarity. She fell limply into his grasp and readily gave up the life force he desired of her. To anyone looking deep into the shadows they would have appeared as an amorous couple in the throes of a wild moment shared between two clandestine lovers trying to stay out of view from prying eyes.
Bored with the now familiar process of partaking of their blood, Paul began thinking about the mysterious stranger invading his Rita's life. He still struggled with the knowledge. He had no problem understanding that Rita was a healthy woman and would look at other men occasionally. That was normal. But her dwelling on this strange figure at the edge of her dream was very disturbing. Why was she so obsessed with this man? Every time he asked himself why, he came up with the same answer. She was wanting to get rid of him. It just made too much sense. She was dreaming about another man and wishing she had another man instead of him. In her dream she was running from him. He was no psychological genius but he figured that meant she wanted to get away from him. Dwelling on the mysterious
stranger gave her a dream to aspire to. A man to take her away from him. An unknown man. Any man.
Paul was getting worked up thinking about his wife's impending departure. For two days he had thought about very little else. He was obsessed with her obsession. She was his obsession and he wanted to keep her with him.
In the darkness behind the building, he felt the rush of the woman's blood diffusing through the sand of his body as it melded with hers. It was being welcomed by the Sand itself. He felt the connection and enjoyed the release of energy as the blood was transformed from its human plane existence of life force into the Sand plane form of liquid energy.
He felt the woman in his arms responding like she was giving herself to him in the throes of sexual union. Kul had explained that for the woman it was like having the most intimate sexual union ever. She felt a bonding at a soul level that fulfilled her like no sexual coupling could ever do. That was why he had changed to partaking mostly of female victims lately. His mind could not wrap itself around giving such an experience to a man. Seemed almost perverted to him. He didn't want some man thinking of him in those terms. Even if they did not really know why they had those feelings. It just bothered Paul, so he avoided partaking of any males unless it furthered his business deals.
The woman was moaning like she was having an orgasm. Paul was always amused that his partaking had such an effect on women. That was why he had allowed the blond in his bed without partaking. He was curious if he could be turned on or turn her one without the partaking effect. The experiment had proven to himself he was still very much a man.
He bent down and kissed the woman hard on the mouth as she screamed her enjoyment of what he was doing to her. She was bucking and gyrating in his arms like every nerve ending in her body was on fire. He drank deeply of her and imagined how Rita would dance for him if he ever allowed her the privilege. He saw Rita in the face of the woman he was kissing and swore that he would never let her go without a fight. He was a man after all. He had his pride.
The woman ended her gyrations meaning her orgasmic delight was subsiding. Paul continued to drink, gorging himself on her blood and filling himself with her essence and energies. He could smell her fluids as they leaked from her womanhood. He fought the urge to reach her there and fondle her wetness. He felt his own excitement grow at the realization of what he was doing to her. His breathing increased in depth and rapidity and he forced himself deeper into her flesh with his Sand grasp.
She moaned more loudly at his deeper depth of intrusion into her flesh and he continued kissing her so that her moans were smothered by his mouth being over hers. She was gyrating again and falling into a trance like state of fulfillment that bore a strong resemblance to a drug induced stare. Her body movements were uncontrolled and involuntary. She was responding to his imbibing of her life force with a release of her own protective instincts. She was giving all herself to him. She was holding nothing back. She was willing him to take all of her. And the pull on his own ego was powerful.
He was so enamored of his affect on her body as he partook of her blood that he intended to take her over the moon again just for being such a close resemblance to Rita. He drew her up into the climactic sphere of sexual release again and she moaned with increasing volume as her body responded to the increased stimulation. Her hips were once again gyrating in tandem with some unseen force stimulating her womanhood.
“Paul!” Kul tried to get Paul's attention. “Stop! You're going too deep. You'll mess up her internal organs. Stop! You're taking too much blood. You're hurting her permanently.”
Paul did not hear. His mind was fuzzy with the effect of his control of the woman in his arms and the problems of dealing with Rita's mysterious stranger. He wanted to do something. He wanted to force Rita to be with him, but his sensibilities refused to allow him that simple answer. Rita had to choose him and forcing her to be with him was not the same. He could not respect her or himself if he had to resort to making her stay with him. On the other hand, he could not abide her leaving him either. The paradox angered him. He wanted what he wanted. He would not be denied. He could not let that happen. Rita would be his. All of her. And this woman would be his. All of her.
Deeper and deeper he drank of her life force. When she climaxed in his arms again the woman had no idea it would be her last time ever. She was not even aware that she had enjoyed it so well. Paul enjoyed it for her. He drank and drank until she had nothing left to give him.
Empty, he dropped her lifeless body to the pavement behind the bar. That was what he did with women he was finished with, he smugly thought to himself, meaning Rita if she chose wrong. He was not only satisfied but he was ecstatic. The partaking at such a deep level had a mutual effect on him, too. He looked down at the wetness seeping through his pants and the bulge that now discomforted him. He laughed softly to himself as he realized that he had never been so satisfied with a woman as he was right then. He had finally gotten a woman to give herself totally to him. That was the feeling he wanted. Total and full abandonment. Hers. Rita's.
Looking down at the crumpled, lifeless body at his feet, he blew her a kiss. She really had taken him places he had never been before. How many times had a woman said that to a man and never been able to adequately do it? Well, he had finally met a woman who kept her word.
Rita was going to keep her word, too, he vowed to himself. She was his. She would stay with him forever. Or else. Or else her parents would mourn the loss of a child. He didn't need her. He realized that now. He just wanted her. She would want him or else. He made that decision and knew he would not retract it. She would be his one way or the other. No one else would have her. Especially some mysterious stranger in her dreams.
He looked around quickly and saw that he was alone. No one saw him. Good. He had to get home. Moving with the shadows, he made his way back to his house. Rita was still asleep. He changed and laid there beside her remembering his experience with the woman behind the bar. Never had he felt such a release of sexual energy as he had when she gave up her spirit to him. Blood energy. Fluid energy. And then her spiritual energy. He had totally consumed her. She had totally given herself to him for the sake of the sensation he was giving her. He chuckled in the dark. She had literally let him screw her to death, even though he had not physically penetrated her.
He wondered if it would have been any better if he had been in bed with her and doing the same thing. Another chuckle escaped his lips. He stifled it to keep from waking Rita. It would not do to have her wake up right now and ask why he had such a pressing erection going. Still, he thought he might have to try the penetration partaking until death thing sometime. It sounded too good to pass up.
“Careful.” Kul warned him in his head.
“I was careful. No one saw me with the woman and there's nothing to link me with her death. She died from having no blood. How could they blame me even if they did connect us? They have no way of proving that I extracted her blood. Anyone that tries would be laughed out of court.” Paul was getting better at directing his thoughts in his head.
“Just be careful. That's all. Too much attention in any way can become dangerous. People figure things out despite the logic of situations.” Kul explained.
“Okay. I'll be careful. I won't do it around here any more. I noticed that you didn't seem to mind her dying.” Paul challenged his mentor.
“It's dangerous. Very fulfilling but also very dangerous to call attention to us in any way.” Kul cautioned.
“Understood. It is not my normal activity.” Paul defended his actions. “I won't make a habit of it.”
“I hope not. And you need to get this thing with your wife under control before it derails you. Your distraction is not good. Fix it or move on. I know you accepted our deal so you could stay with her but if she can not handle you as a success, then you need to move on and forget her.”
“I'm not going to forget her.” Paul answered. “She'll either get with the program or she'll be movin
g on.”
“Good.” Kul left it at that.
All Kul could do was warn the young man. The choices were all his. He wanted to guide him, not control him. Paul had to make his own decisions. Any coercion would move Kul closer to getting Paul to do things against his will. Kul needed Paul to be totally willing for what Kul had in mind. Besides, a little wanton killing would be fun until the time for Paul to finish his tasks for Kul.
John and Kathy walked side by side in the cool of the Mist. They could have met anywhere. John had grown used to the Mist while building his relationship with Marcie over the past couple months. He was comfortable there. Meeting Kathy in more familiar territory, places they had shared as man and wife, might have proven too emotional.
John lazily swirled his arms inviting and exciting the myriad display of sparks from the contact made with the energized entities of the Mist while they slowly strolled among the roots and soft earth of the woods where the Mist resided. As was usual in the Mist and most the other planes, Kathy was naked now and John found her beauty even more exciting than when she was physically alive in the human plane. Kathy had explained that when she left her physical body, she was made perfect in every way for her existence in the plane of Mist. She was explaining a great many things to John of late. She was so excited about her new surroundings, she wanted to share everything about it with John. He enjoyed her company so much he really didn't care what she talked about as long as she came and talked to him.
She still urged him to date other women and seek out a new wife every chance she got but she was not as adamant or enthusiastic about it as she had once been. Not that she didn't want him to move on. Just that she sensed he was dealing with the moving on thing and needed time to make it happen for himself. He was no longer opposed to the idea and agreed that he would start looking around again when the opportunity presented itself. He had even taken to letting her know, in a joking manner, when he thought one of the campers in the campground was good looking. The relationship between John, Marcie, Emil and Kathy had grown to an entirely new level since John got his feet back under him and stepped back into the things of his human plane.
“You have no idea how much bigger or more magnificent the universe is after death, John.” Kathy explained.
“Is it bigger or just seem that way because more of it is open to you?” John asked.
“Both.” Kathy answered him. “We see such a small part of the world and the universe in our human existence. We confine ourselves to only the things we can explain and touch.”
“Humans are easy, huh?” John chuckled.
“Not really. Humans are extremely complicated. Maybe it's because they are, that they think everything else is supposed to be. I don't know. But humans have a way of making simple things inaccessible simply because they are not willing to see how uncomplicated it really is.”
“Like what?”
“Take the whole God explanation for one thing.”
Kathy was exuberant and playful and so straight forward. Not that she was not those things before. But she was not the same Kathy he had married. She was but she wasn't. She was different. Her body was more perfect, not that John had ever thought that would have been possible. So was her mind and her attitude and her understanding and her … well … everything. There was no hesitation in her life any more. That was the only way John could explain it to himself. She was fully and unalterably Kathy now. No holding back. No trying to be anything else. Just pure, perfect Kathy. John did not think it possible but he believed he loved her more now than he did when they were married.
“Listen up, John. I'm talking here and you're day dreaming.” Kathy admonished him.
“Sorry. Tell me what you have learned about God.” John found her details about God or, the Creator of Life as He was known in the other planes, fascinating. She was unraveling the complexities imposed by an organized religious system that was more concerned with controlling citizenry than revealing the pure manifestation of a supreme being.
“First off, the whole God thing came about because man wanted to lump Him into a category and define him in a way that made them feel in control. The Creator of Life really has no name that can be uttered or even pronounced in the human language or by the human tongue. So, calling Him God was man's idea, not the Creator of Life's. Secondly is His whole presence thing. I know I didn't study much about God or go to church much as a kid but what I did learn was that he was some kind of old guy sitting on a big, white, stone chair or throne or something. That's not even close. He has no human image, really. I mean we see what we want to see or rather, he shows us what He knows we are looking for. Nothing more or less. He's really more like a huge cloud that wisps in or out with varying degrees of clarity and opacity. He's everywhere because he is everything, really. Like, if one grain of sand on a beach was intimately connected to every other grain of sand around the entire earth, that would only be a small part of the covering of the Creator of Life.”
“Wow!” John was impressed. If not with her revelation, at least with her enthusiasm for the subject. “What about the Jesus thing.”
“Wow! Are you kidding? This is going to knock your socks off.”
John couldn't help but smile. The few times he had tried to talk about religion with her when she was alive in the human plane, she had changed the subject. Now, she was the one initiating the conversation about this Creator of Life.
“There are three of them, Creators, and they do all think alike just not like you think. At least not like Emil thought when he was in the human plane. He says most humans think of God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Well, it's close but also misleading. It's a wonder anyone ever learns anything about the Creator of Life in the human plane.”
“You're going to have to explain that. You can't just leave me hanging here.” John urged her onward. Like he could have stopped her anyway.
The Creator of Life is in charge of everything. He actually created everything. All things come from him. He is actually the blood energy all living things share.”
“Blood energy? You mean there is blood in the entities of the other planes?”
“No. There is blood energy. Without the blood energy life dies. In the human plane the physical body dies and the blood energy is transferred to whatever plane the person chooses. Blood energy is a collective energy that belongs to the whole plane where it resides. That's why touching the blood is so dangerous. Mess with it and you're messing with all of life in that plane.”
“Wow!” John could think of nothing else to say. The Blood was important in the religious teaching of the human plane but never explained like that.
“The Creator of Water is the connecting energy between the blood energy and the spirit energy. Blood, Water, Spirit.” Kathy recited the oft quoted mantra of the Mist people as they explained to him again and again how they collected fluids to increase their energy levels in the Mist.
So, if there is a Creator of Life and He is the Blood energy, a Creator of Water and He is the Fluid energy, then there must be a Creator of Spirits or something over the spirit energy.” John reasoned out before Kathy explained.
“Every person in the human plane is endowed with a spirit or heart energy that contains the essence of who they are as an individual. The blood is the collective living force of the entire plain and the water is what connects all the individual hearts of the plane as a collective force. Affect one life force and affect them all.” Kathy explained. “Oh, the third one is called the Creator of Heart. Blood, Water, Heart.”
John Nodded.
“You seem to be getting along very well inside the Mist.” John allowed.
“Emil has helped a lot and Marcie, too. I had no idea how much I could cram into my life before. I am still learning all the things I can do.”
“Sounds great.”
“It really is. You know the biggest thing I have learned in here?”
“What?” John wanted to know.
“The true expanse of t
he heart.”
“You mean like how much it can love?”
“Oh, that is only a part of what the heart can do. We humans so limit ourselves because we try to stick everything into a neat little box.” She spoke with derision about the human lack of understanding.
“The heart is who we are, not some little organ of the human body pumping blood around. Who we are is connected to all of life everywhere and we do not even know it. Some sit in the woods and sense the living things around them in a small measure of the truth of that connection. Others, like twins, feel each others burdens and sense each other more fully because they allow their love to connect them. Mother's love their children so much they can sense when something is wrong. It's a start but does not cover the full impact love can have.
“Love is of the Creator of Life. All the Creators are love. That's their connection. They love in such a completely unblocked state that their connection is full and eternal. They love so deeply that all things are connected to them. If we humans could let go of our prejudices and hatreds long enough to fully explore the depths of our capability to love, we would be astounded by the connections we would share with one another.”
“Like our marriage?”
“Exactly. You were deeply hurt when I left the human plane because our connection was severed at the loss of life as you understood it. Your joy came back and the hurt went away when you learned the connection across the planes between us.”
“I'm still learning,” John admitted. “The pain is not totally gone.”
“Exactly.” Kathy was excited again. “That same understanding of the love connection between us can also release you to make connections all over the human plane. It should be easier there because you are actually in the human plane and not trying to span the planes with the connection. Water is strong enough to do it but our understanding and dependence upon it is shaky, thereby making it weaker than it actually is.”
“So, you're saying that if I can open up and love others like I love you and Marcie, unconditionally, I can actually make a connection of some special, spiritual level in the human plane?”
“Better. With us there is an emotional attachment. That gives us a strong connection. Love without the emotional attachment is a choice. Choose to love with your mind and it is the way you become. The way you choose to view life. No matter what the situation, your love becomes a force of its own. Not just wishing good for others, actually doing good, meaning good, being good. First in your mind, then in your choices of actions.”
“Like you did when you chose to leave the Human plane. You made a choice that benefited others and exampled a bigger love than emotional love?” John felt the realization even as he spit it out. It was that quintessential moment when the teacher says something out loud they had never thought of before. It just made perfect sense all of a sudden. Perfect clarity on the subject.
“You are definitely grasping this stuff, now.” Kathy beamed at him. “Because you have an understanding of how it works, you should be able to actually connect with whoever you choose to aim your love at in a way that puts you in their head as surely as I am in yours when I want to be.”
“Wow! That is amazing stuff.”
“The heart of each of us is always searching for others to connect to. That's why we need each other so much. We have the capacity to connect to everyone. Think about it. If a human could learn to love everyone and every living thing on earth and understood how love connected us all, that human would actually become connected to the consciousness of the entire earth. He or she would be in perfect communion with the Creator of Life as He orchestrated the daily workings of the universe concerning the human plane. And … if that human allowed that love to blossom with the Creator of Life leading him or her with the connecting power of Water and the full revelation of the Heart of the universe, there is no end to the effect that one human could have on the world.”
“Wow...” John blew out a long stream of air that said he was holding his breath, caught up in the excitement of her explanation.
“What do you think?” Kathy asked.
“That is indeed a fantastic thing to learn.” John admitted.
“I mean about you.” She corrected him.
“Me?”
“Yeah, you.”
“What about me?”
“Think you can learn to love like that?”
“Huh?”
“Love like that.” She repeated.
“Why would I do that?”
“The human who could love like that and reach out beyond themselves would be so connected to the human plane and the universe through the Creator of Heart that that human could go and do anything. Don't you think that would be a great thing to be able to do?” Kathy asked.
John never had the ambition to change the world that Kathy did. Obviously she was looking for a way to get him to continue the idea of fixing the evils of the world that had gotten her dead in the first place. He was not sure that was his destiny or his desire.
“Look, Kathy,” John began. “I am not the crusader you were when you were alive. I'm just a campground owner with small ambitions.”
“John. You forget that I know you better than you know yourself. I know that you want to help others, too. I'm not suggesting you go out and take on the evils of the world like I had been planning to do before my physical death. What I am suggesting is that if you open up your love connection with the human plane, you will be able to find another love like ours and maybe even a little deeper since ours was interrupted before we got to fully explore it. Also, you could learn enough about others to help out along the way as you bump into people who need help. That's what connection is all about. Utilizing all the resources of one plane to meet all the needs of every living creation in that plane. Think about it. If every human learned this love connection of the heart, there would be no more poverty among the humans and no more extinction among the animals. Humans would stop polluting their planet and life would increase immeasurably for everyone in a short period of time.”
“Sounds great, Kathy.” John acknowledged her statement. “But there are too many people walking around that would prefer to take advantage of others for that to ever work.”
“Exactly!” Kathy shouted.
John Jumped beside her. She giggled at his reaction. John calmed his heart back down.
“What I'm saying is that if you develop the ability to love to that extent you could change the little part of the earth you influence with your presence.”
“Oh.” John did not sound convinced.
“I'm serious, John.”
“I know.”
“Besides, the more you are connected the safer you'll be.”
“Why? Am I in danger?”
“That black cloud you keep seeing?”
“Yeah?” They had talked about it a couple of times already.
“It exists fully in the future plane. You could see it if you were fully connected.”
“Can you see it?”
“Yes.”
“Then why don't you just tell me about it?”
“Can't.”
“Why not?”
“The future plane is only open to those who are connected to it. It is forbidden to bring things from the future plane to those not connected. Such a breach of the deal would land me in the Place of Chains. I can not risk that. Not even for you, Darling.”
John heard the concern in her voice.
“Is it that bad?”
“Yes.” Kathy answered immediately. “I can tell you that much because you already know that the cloud represents something ominous heading your way.”
“Okay. I'll consider it.”
“I hope so.” Kathy stated flatly. “It would help you a great deal.”
“I just don't understand why anyone would be coming to do me harm.” John argued.
“That's because you have no idea how you are connected to the situation.”
“What situation?” John tri
ed to wheedle a little info out of her.
“Can't say.” Kathy held to her deal with the planes. “Just try it, John. You might find you like it more than you think. And don't worry. You won't end up like your dad, fixing everyone's messed up life.”
“I wasn't thinking that.” John protested.
“You're always thinking that, John. Knowing how to help people allows you to do something effective, not just wave at the problem and pray about it for them. It would also keep you safe.”
“Okay. Okay.” He tried to close down her effort to psychoanalyze him.
Kathy saw his aversion to bring up his father's ministry again. She knew he could not go through life despising the work of his father and learn the true depths of love at the same time. Good and bad water can not flow from the same fountain. John needed to deal with his problem of the ministry activities that kept his father away so often.
“John?”
“Yes?”
“Your father did not wear out because he did good. He got tired and was used up by people because he did not have effective tools to help others. His desire to help was overloaded against his ability to help. He was mired in the traditions of his religious training and experience. Not a bad thing, necessarily, but also not the perfect tool to accomplish the things that were in his heart. He did what he did to the best of his ability using what he knew. If someone had taught him about love and the bigger connection he might have understood a way to help in a greater capacity.”
John laughed.
“Sounds noble to hear you say it.”
“It was noble, John. Your father took whatever bad situation came his way and did all he knew to do to alleviate suffering and pain for others. It was just that he did not have the understanding or the tools to help as much as he would have liked. You do.”
“I do?”
Kathy saw a light of understanding go on behind John's eyes. She knew it was a pain he had carried before she met him. In all likelihood, it was a greater pain for him than the one she had caused him when she left the human plane.
“Yes, John. The question is, what are you going to do with it?”