“This Ralf of yours sounds like my kind of people.” Aunt Leena said thoughtfully. “But where is he? Why didn’t he come with you back to the island?” I steadied my gaze on my hands and thought about how I would say the words that I needed to speak. “We were leaving to go meet with his countrymen. Our plan was to go to his homeland, across the ocean,” I hoped that my former intentions did not hurt her in any way.
“We were crossing through a wooded area when a band of men set upon us. I never saw them, but Ralf went after them without a thought to himself. That’s where I got the shot to my leg and that’s where Ralf was…” My voice trailed off. I could not say the word ‘killed.’ My mind, my heart, and my spirit did not want to believe the reality.
“We will sing the funeral songs for him tomorrow,” Aunt Leena reached across the flat plane of the table for my hand. “As the father of your baby, it is the very least that we can do for him, and for you.” I looked up at her, eyes flooded with tears and my grief shattered apart. “I will not ask you any more of him until you are ready.” She promised and true to her word, we spent the rest of the night together. I told her of the town, of Daffyd, Sibbe, their children, of Archard, Eadlin, Aethyln, and even Eadhbert. Aunt Leena listened attentively, pausing only to curse Eadhbert for his atrocities. That night was one of the best of my life. It was a night when I finally felt what motherly love was like. A night where my voice mattered to someone, and one where someone mattered to me. It was the first of many to come.
************
I spent the next month reintegrating back into society. Ravene and I were inseparable. After all, there was so much time that we needed to make up for. I couldn’t help but feel that our time was limited, but cast that feeling off, seeing it as nothing than regret trying to manifest itself in other ways. Leena also spent as much time with us as she could. Our family was whole once again. We all promised that the mistakes of the past were over, that the future was all that mattered.
My pregnancy passed without incident as well. I grew large very quickly. Aunt Leena, the Island’s most experienced midwife, checked me weekly and wouldn’t let me be until she was assured that all was well. By the time I was close to the birth, I could barely move without difficulty. I waddled instead of walked and was so round that I could not rise from my bed without the aid of someone else. By the end, I was so swollen, so tightly stretched that I wanted nothing more for the occupant of my body to be out and see an end to my constant discomfort. Little did I know, I did not have long to wait.
SIXTEEN
A great storm was brewing when the first labor pain hit me. I woke with my stomach stretched tight due to its unruly occupant and the absence of room. There had been cramping in my groin and in my rectum, along with the occasional back pain that had woken me up periodically through the night. Aunt Leena was up and came to check on me.
“I keep getting sharp pains,” I told her for what seemed like the thirtieth time.
“It’s normal,” Aunt Leena assured me, and I trusted her. What she didn’t know about childbirth could fit through the eye of a needle. “That’s just a sign that your body is getting ready.” She said joyfully while handing me a cup of red raspberry leaf tea that she promised would help calm me and ease my sleep. “It won’t be long before we meet them.” She said as I laid back down. Even though she insisted on staying, I told her that I was fine to go back to sleep on my own. In truth, I wanted to be alone, to stretch out, and try desperately to find a way to get comfortable. It was impossible, though. The heaviness of coming rain thickened the air. The oppressive humidity soaked me in a thin layer of sweat. Fully awake, I went to roll onto my back when a sudden surge of fluid rushed from between my legs and startled me awake. For a moment, I had thought that I had wet myself, but then I realized it was something else entirely.
“When your water breaks, your baby is soon to follow,” Aunt Leena said months before as her face was flushed with excitement. I had had no idea what to expect, having never given birth before. I hadn’t even assisted in many deliveries. My work came afterwards when it came time to check on the health of both the mother and baby. Aunt Leena explained what would happen honestly, leaving nothing to the imagination. Bringing life into the world was something that she cherished, seeing that her own child had not survived. Remembering that moment, my breath caught, and I groaned uncomfortably from the pressure gripping my lower body. Leena must have been close by because when I moaned, she suddenly appeared at my side.
“Your labor has started,” She announced without laying a finger on me. “We need to get you on your feet.” She urged me and held out her hands to help me up. “You need to walk. Giving birth will be a lot easier if you can walk as much as possible before the baby comes. The walking helps your muscles to relax and will make it easier when you need to push.” She grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet. Holding on to her, I started to walk in circles around our home. “Go and fetch Ravene for me.” She called to someone outside and the sound of feet taking off across the ground followed immediately.
There was a flurry of activity around me as I walked around the perimeter of our home. Soon, the heat inside was too much to bear. “I cannot take this heat anymore,” I shouted and promptly went outside. The air was not much cooler than it was inside but at least there was a breeze that blew, cooling the moisture that beaded up across the flesh of my arms, chest, neck, and face. The sound of someone running caught my attention and I looked to the right just as my sister ascended the last of the steps to the rock balcony that stretched outside of our front door and provided an ample view of the island below.
“Yvaine!” Ravene hissed and rushed over to me. “Danae told me that your labor has started. You shouldn’t be out here!” She took a hold of my wrist and felt my heartbeat for a few moments. Next, she placed her hand against my forehead and peered into my eyes. “We will need to examine you.” She said as she pulled me to my feet and ushered me inside.
“There you are!” Leena charged towards us as soon as we stepped foot inside. “Where were you?” She chastised me. It amused me that she had been searching for me but had not to think to look just outside the entrance.
“She was outside cooling off,” Ravene answered for me and ushered me over to a chair to sit down. “The humidity must be getting to her,” Ravene added, clairvoyant as always.
“She needs to walk!” Leena shouted but Ravene shot her a look of warning. A look that worried me for a moment.
“It’s okay for her to sit for a spell if her labor has just begun,” Ravene said back. “You are the one that told me that when I was giving birth to Runa.” She reminded our aunt who had been rushing in a frenzy due to the excitement of what was happening. “We need to examine her first before we do anything,” Ravene said that she would need to examine my womanhood to see how I was progressing before anything could be decided. Taking my hand, they led me back to my pallet that someone had the courtesy to change the linens and scatter straw across the surface. Laying me down, Ravene, Aunt Leena, and Danae, her maidservant, gave me a thorough examination.
“She still has hours to go before she can deliver,” Ravene said. Leena agreed with her. “You have not dilated much, but that will quickly change. Expect the pains to increase as you dilate and if they get to be too strong, we can give you something to take the edge off the pain.
“I don’t want to take anything if it is going to affect my baby,” I protested as my hand went protectively to the over-extended stomach whose tenant was now turning somersaults inside.
“What we have will not hurt them in any way. Eweln crafted the formula.” Ravene assured me. “I took it when I had my children, but we will not force it on you if you don’t want it.” She added and motioned to me to get to my feet once again. “But you need to be up walking.” She said and gave my arm a tug and brought me to my feet effortlessly.
The next hours were a mixture of emotions. When the labor pains hit, I had to stop and brace myself on whate
ver I could find, whether it be an object or human being. The first pain knocked the wind out of me, leaving me shocked that something so beautiful could hurt so badly. The first pain was nothing compared to the ones that followed. The contractions came in waves, sapping my strength, leaving me wanting it all to be over each time the force and the pressure increased. In between contractions, I walked or rocked from side to side while Danae massaged my muscles, whispering prayers to the Goddess for a safe delivery. The full length of the day had passed, and the moon rose high in the dark, pitch black sky when the need to push was upon me.
“Another storm is brewing,” Danae said matter-of-factly, as she wiped my brow with a cool cloth.
“And it’s getting more humid,” Ravene added, sniffing the air as she sensed its change.
As to prove them both right, thunder boomed and crackled in the distance while the smell of rain grew stronger. Aunt Leena and Ravene led me over to my bed as the first drops began to fall. Helping me down, Aunt Leena immediately ordered me onto my hands and knees.
“This will help you push.” Aunt Leena stood behind me, ready for the next phase to begin. The need to push was undeniable and once they had agreed that I was ready, Danae and Ravene stood at my sides as I bore down the first time.
Giving birth to my children was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. Each push left me panting, exhausted and drained, and certain that there was nothing left in me to use to help me through it.
“Yvaine, the head is crowning!” Aunt Leena shouted as excitement buzzed through the air. “Give me a couple more pushes to get the head out and deliver the shoulders.” I did as she asked, staring into Ravene’s eyes who held my hand and kissed my face during the labor process. She helped me keep time as I breathed and panted my way through what I can only describe as the torture of my body splitting in half. A scream started in my belly and tore from my throat as I bore down and pushed the shoulders of my first child out.
“It’s a boy!” Aunt Leena’s thickened voice sobbed. My child roared, announcing his arrival to the world as thunder clapped loudly off in the background. There was a long moment of rustling behind me while I knelt. Everyone worked as I took a moment to breathe, thinking that the worst of it was over, and to wait for the delivery of the placenta.
“Where is my son?” I asked, wanting nothing more than to see and hold my child. Danae appeared before me holding him in her arms and a joy-filled tear slipped down my cheek. She had bathed him clean. The pink, rosy little creature swaddled in a nest of blankets looked just like his father. From the moment that I lost Ralf, I was positive that I would never see his face again. Yet, there it was. Ralf’s face was right there in our son’s. Our son, with his eyes clenched shut, screamed a Viking battle cry as his little body quaked and quivered within the confines of his swaddling.
“Ranulf,” I announced his name without hesitation. Through the duration of my pregnancy, I had not settled on names for my child but now that he was born, so fragile and yet so strong, his name had come without a second thought. “His name is Ranulf, in honor of his father.” I could barely say the words. The only thing that I wanted to do at that moment was to cuddle and cradle him in my arms and tell him how much his father would have loved him. The chance to do so would have to wait because my other child decided it was time to be born.
A pain, sharper than the ones before, struck me as the intense pressure from wanting to push gripped the lower half of my body.
“Ooh. Do these pains continue after the child is born?” I glanced at her as the pain stole the breath from me once more. At that moment, I was ignorant that a second child was ready to meet the world.
“There is usually cramping and pain when the placenta is coming it’s not like while you’re pushing out a child.” She said tenderly, laying a cold, wet rag over my forehead. “Don’t fret, though. You’re just delivering the placenta.” Another sharp pain gripped my lower body and I screamed as the pressure built up once again.
“Aunt Leena,” I could hear Ravene as she moved to stand at my feet. “I think you need to examine her. The last time I saw this was when Agna, the gardener’s wife gave birth to twins.” I watched as Aunt Leena shot Ravene a glance and lowered her head to inspect me. Her freshly washed, clean hand slipped into the most intimate part of me and probed. Her surprised eyes widened, and she shouted for more hot water and more fresh flannels to be brought.
“There is another child. And it’s coming fast.” Aunt Leena said excitedly, coaxing me as my body struggled against the intensity of the pain and the unbearable pressure. “The head is crowning.” She said not even a breath later. “Yvaine, I need you to push. I think this one is determined to not waste a single moment.” Bearing down, I pushed as hard as I could until another scream tore from my throat. “The head is out. I need you to give me one last push to deliver the shoulders.” My body was drained of all that it could give, and I sat panting, body covered in a thick layer of sweat from the hard physicality of giving birth and from the humidity that permeated the cave. “Yvaine, you cannot give up now.” Ravene pushed the hair back that stuck to the side of my face. “Just one more and then it is all over.” She promised me, kissing me on the cheek. “We can do this together.”
And we did. With Ravene’s hands on me, I found a small reservoir of strength and used it to deliver my daughter. Once the umbilical cord was cut and another maidservant had wiped her clean, Gweneth was brought to me, just as her brother was. She was quiet and serene with no need to greet the world with ferocity in the way her brother did. In all my life, I have never seen anything as beautiful as she was at that moment. An hour later, with the placenta delivered and taken away, I lay quietly on a freshly made up bed, cradling my children in my arms. There are no words to express the amount of love that a parent has for their child. Love like that is limitless, without barriers or boundaries, and absolutely unconditional. I looked at each one now sleeping cradled against me, supported by my arms that were propped up with pillows.
“They are beautiful.” Ravene sat next to me, her eyes dewy as she gazed down at her niece and nephew. Tenderly, she reached out and touched the tip of Gweneth’s nose with complete adoration.
“You did it.” Leena approached us, wiping her freshly washed hands, her mouth stretched impossibly wide with pride. “For your first delivery, you did amazingly well.”
“Ranulf and Gweneth.” I breathed, touching their little noses with mine and kissing their sweet, delicate foreheads. The fact that I had just given birth to twins left me both awed and grateful. The Goddess had given me back Ralf two-fold. Two precious, breathtaking little souls that would carry a part of his heart forever. “They make me feel…complete,” I said, looking for just the right word to describe exactly what I felt.
And they did. We were our own little family, the twins and me. I made a promise to them that they would never doubt the fact that I loved them and that I would be a kinder, gentler, more open parent that my own had been. A part of me also regretted that their father had not lived to see this moment. He would burst with joy and would have spent the next several days announcing their arrival to everyone in the near vicinity. That was what kind of man that he was.
“You need to think about getting some sleep, Yvaine,” Ravene told me, breaking the train of my thoughts. I started to protest, telling her that I wanted to spend more time with my children, but she cut me off with very little effort. “Don’t worry about them. Leena and I will watch over them until you wake up.” Ravene took them, giving Ranulf to Leena and taking hold of Gweneth herself. I slept knowing that my children were safely born, my body exhausted, pushed to limits that I didn’t know that I possessed and excited about what the future had in store.
************
My children grew quickly, and they grew strong. From the beginning, Ranulf was inquisitive, bold, semi-wild, and absolutely unafraid of everything. Gweneth was quiet, intelligent, structured, and reserved. The two of them were close, even
as newborns lying together in their cradle. At night, I would watch them sleep as they held each other’s hands, their little chests rising and falling in unison. They were the joy of my life. There wasn’t a moment when I let them out of my sight. Brawyn, Ibira’s husband, fashioned a vest-like contraption that allowed me to carry one on my back and one on my chest. When I went to the market, I brought them with me. The people were enraptured by them. Even people who hadn’t spoken to me in over ten years stopped to admire them and offer bits of parental advice. My children were instrumental in my fully integrating back into society. The Islanders and I silently agreed to let the past stay in the past and not let it dictate the future. The children were also my comfort when my easy life shattered yet again.
************
The twins were four years old when Ravene developed a short, dry cough that gradually grew deeper, wetter, and violently shook her already slender body with each spasm. We were sitting outside her home, watching our children play together when another round seized her. She was speaking when it struck mid-sentence. I held her as she spasmed with each cough. It worried me tremendously at how she struggled to catch her breath in between them. Once the fit had run its course, Ravene lay back, resting against the side of her house, body weak and exhausted. I looked at her, concerned because I knew a cough like that was serious.
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