For Love or Money: A laugh out loud, heartwarming romantic comedy

by Clodagh Murphy

  ‘Probably best not, what with you being my boyfriend’s cousin and all.’ She took a sip of her champagne. Slow down, she reminded herself. Then she took another gulp.

  ‘Suit yourself. You know, most women are gagging for a make-out session with one of my kind.’

  ‘Your kind? Men? Bisexuals?’

  ‘Creatures of the night.’

  ‘Oh, that.’

  ‘Honestly, you wouldn’t believe the number of total strangers who ask me to bite them. You don’t crave the vampire’s kiss?’

  ‘It’s too bitey for my taste.’

  ‘I could be gentle.’ He gave her an intimate smile, his eyes dropping to her lips.

  Lesley gulped. ‘Well, I’ll let you know if I change my mind.’

  ‘Any time. Here, let me give you a top-up,’ he said, nodding to her glass.

  Lesley looked down as he took it from her hand, surprised to see that it was empty. ‘Thanks.’ As he poured her another glass, she vowed to pace herself this time. Slow sips all the way.

  32

  An hour and several more glasses of champagne later, Lesley was back on the terrace, dirty dancing with Scott, his hands sliding over her hips as they ground against each other suggestively. She was quite drunk, but in a lovely mellow way, and she felt wild and sexy and powerful, a veritable goddess of the dance floor as Scott spun her around and pulled her against him. She shimmied her ass against him as their hips swayed together. Then she took her hair in both hands and piled it on top of her head, baring her neck to him.

  ‘Do it,’ she said, tilting her head to the side. ‘Give me a vampire kiss.’

  Scott’s hands tightened on her waist, and she closed her eyes as she felt the wet warmth of his lips on her neck. He really got into his part, his low growl vibrating against her skin as he opened his mouth wide, his teeth lightly grazing her neck. She gasped in shock as he nibbled her gently. Her eyes flew open and she froze as she saw Al glowering at her from across the garden.

  Oh shit! What was she doing? Shame flooded through her like acid.

  She felt suddenly sober, and looked around wildly, desperately hoping no one else had witnessed her behaviour, only to find Jane watching, quickly turning away just as their eyes met. Oh shit, shit, shit!

  ‘Oh-oh,’ Scott said with a grin. ‘I think we might be in trouble.’

  ‘Mmm. I should probably go,’ she said, nodding to Al.

  Oh, God, what had she been thinking, behaving like that with Scott in front of Al’s family. They’d all hate her now. They’d think she was another cheating skank like Cassie. She may not really be his girlfriend, but he was paying her to keep up the illusion and she’d fallen down on the job big time. She’d never felt so shitty and miserable, and she just wanted to run away and hide and never have to face any of the Bradshaws ever again.

  But she forced herself to walk over to Al, who was chatting to Toby, his back to her as she approached. He didn’t turn around, but Lesley knew he was aware of her – and she could tell he was seething!

  ‘Lesley,’ he said coldly, turning to her at last. ‘Are you ready to go?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, if you are.’

  The party was winding down, people starting to leave. Al took her hand, and Lesley was in an agony of anticipation as they made their way slowly through the garden, stopping every few minutes to say goodbye to someone. Part of her was dreading being alone with Al when he could let rip, but at the same time she wanted to get it over with.

  ‘I’m really sorry, Al,’ she said as soon as they were outside. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, I wasn’t thinking. I drank too much, and then—’

  She expected him to shout, but he didn’t say a word, and that was worse – his set jaw, the blazing anger in his eyes, the jerky tension in his body. Then they were joined by Jane, and he couldn’t say anything. The short walk home was passed in tense silence and felt like it took a lifetime. Lesley was quite woozy and unsteady on her feet, and she had to cling onto Al’s arm to steady herself. She knew he was probably dying to shake her off, but couldn’t do it with his family watching.

  ‘Nightcap, anyone?’ Jane asked as soon as they were inside, throwing Lesley a sympathetic look.

  ‘No, thanks,’ Al said.

  Even though the thought of any more alcohol turned her stomach, Lesley was tempted to take Jane up on the offer and delay the moment of confrontation with Al. She could sit out on the terrace, drink very slowly and think about what she’d done – and hopefully Al would be asleep by the time she went to bed. But she wasn’t going to be a coward. Better to face up to it tonight and clear the air than have to deal with The Fear in the morning.

  ‘No, thanks,’ she said. ‘I can’t wait to get into bed … um, with Al,’ she added, taking his hand and giving him what she hoped was a sexy smile. He just threw her a scathing look, and Lesley thought she might explode from the tension as they walked upstairs in stony silence.

  As soon as they were out of sight, he dropped her hand and strode down the corridor ahead of her to their room. He stood back and held the door open for her, staring at the floor as she walked into the room. She flinched when she heard the door close behind her with a soft click. Only then did Al finally let rip.

  ‘What the hell was that?’ he asked, facing her, hands on his hips.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—’

  ‘Jesus, Lesley!’ he shouted.

  Lesley gulped. ‘I know. I was just—’

  ‘You were just behaving like a complete tart! Flirting your arse off with Scott, of all people!’

  ‘It’s not how it looked. It wasn’t even a real kiss – just a vampire one. We were just messing around, having a laugh.’

  ‘You were dry humping him right in front of me. I was right there! Not to mention my whole family.’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry.’ She felt awful. Al was so nice. He didn’t deserve to be humiliated like that in front of everyone. ‘I just had a bit too much to drink – well, a lot too much, actually – and I lost the run of myself and forgot about you being my pretend boyfriend. I’m really sorry, Al,’ she said miserably, tears springing to her eyes. ‘It was a horrible thing to do.’

  He looked a little taken aback, and she got the feeling she’d taken the wind out of his sails by not trying to justify herself. But she was in the wrong and she knew it. There was no excuse.

  He took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. ‘Look, I know you’re not really my girlfriend,’ he said stiffly, ‘but as far as my family and everyone else is concerned, you are.’

  ‘I know, I know!’

  ‘So I’d appreciate it if you could try and act as such, at least while we’re here.’

  ‘Honestly, I feel terrible about the way I behaved. You’re a lovely boyfriend even if you’re not real, and you don’t deserve that, especially when you’re paying me. It was very unprofessional of me. But no one’s going to think anything of it. I mean, it was Scott—’

  ‘Right, of course. I suppose I should have anticipated this.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, we all know how “insanely hot” my cousins are,’ he said bitterly. ‘Who’d blame you? He told you himself he’s irresistible to women.’

  ‘No, that’s not what I meant. It’s not about Scott. I was just drunk, and a bit lonely and—’

  ‘Lonely?’ He frowned.

  She shrugged. ‘Just a bit, you know.’

  ‘But we’ve been spending practically the whole time together. My entire family was at the party tonight. You were with Jill and Emma. Aren’t they being friendly to you?’

  ‘Yes, they are! They’re being so lovely.’ God, if he was trying to make her feel like a complete shit, he’d succeeded.

  ‘And I keep you company, don’t I? I didn’t mean to abandon you tonight. But I thought you were fine, and you could have come and found me.’

  ‘I did come and find you, but you were ... busy.’ She knew she had no right to accuse him of carry
ing on with Cassie. He was perfectly entitled to after all, and he’d been very discreet about it. ‘It’s not you. You’ve been a model pretend boyfriend.’

  ‘Well, then—’

  ‘Maybe “lonely” isn’t the right word ...’ Lesley wavered, plucking at her top. God, why did she have to babble so much when she was nervous? She’d said she was sorry, now she should shut up.

  Al looked at her, frowning. Then suddenly his face cleared. It was almost cartoon-like the way she could see a light bulb going on in his head. ‘You have needs,’ he said, looking her straight in the eyes.

  ‘Um ... yeah. I suppose so.’ Lesley hung her head and shuffled her feet. God, could this get any more mortifying? She really didn’t think she should be discussing her needs with Al. Maybe if she concentrated hard enough, she could make the floor open up and swallow her. How hard could it be? All sorts of eejits did telekinesis on the telly.

  ‘Is that it?’ he asked her. ‘You want sex? Or do you have a thing for Scott in particular?’

  ‘Hey Al,’ she said, looking up. ‘I’ve got a great idea! Why don’t we not have this conversation? Let’s stop talking about it now and never speak of it again. What do you say?’

  ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know,’ he said softly, walking towards her. ‘It’s perfectly normal.’ He ducked his head so he could look up into her face. When she kept her eyes resolutely on the floor, he took her chin in his fingers, tilting it up so she was looking right at him.

  ‘Why don’t you let me take care of your ... needs?’ he said.

  ‘Ah, no. You’re grand, really. Thanks, but I wouldn’t want you to go to any trouble.’

  ‘Lesley,’ he said, his mouth quirking up in a smile, ‘it would be my pleasure.’

  Al was so damn polite, she wasn’t sure how to take that. Did he mean it literally, or was it just an expression?

  ‘I am supposed to be your boyfriend, after all,’ he continued. ‘And as such it is my duty to see to it that your needs are met.’

  Lesley shook her chin out of his hand and turned away. ‘No, it’s okay, honestly. It’s really nice of you to offer, but I’ll be fine. I’ll just ... have another shower. There’s plenty of cold water.’ It wasn’t like her to turn down a shag from an attractive man, but it would be super humiliating if Al just had sex with her out of a sense of duty, while he was still hankering after Cassie. She didn’t want to be ‘serviced’ like some brood mare.

  ‘Fine,’ Al said, all the warmth draining from his face. ‘Look, we’re both tired. Let’s just go to bed and forget about it.’

  With that he turned on his heel and stormed off to the bathroom, leaving Lesley standing dazed in the middle of the floor, not sure exactly what had just happened or how she felt about it. All she knew was that she needed to get into bed. She undressed quickly, and when Al came out of the bathroom, she went in. They moved around each other in silence. When she came back into the bedroom, he was already in bed, his stiff back turned to her. But she could feel the waves of hostility coming off him as she crawled miserably under the cover.

  Despite how drunk she was, her mind was whirring and she couldn’t get to sleep. Something had happened when she saw Al chatting with his ex, and it had unsettled her. She’d felt a stab of what felt horribly like jealousy. Had she gone and fallen for Al just when it was too late? Of all the rotten timing. Why hadn’t she appreciated him before, and snapped him up when she had the chance? Clearly he was still in love with Cassie, but he’d asked her out. He’d been making an effort to move on. Maybe if she’d said yes ...

  Oh sod it, she thought. It was probably just that she’d been faking having feelings for Al for so long, she’d started to buy into her own lie. It wasn’t real. It was just that she was horny, and Al was looking very attractive tonight and he was so nice, and it had been lovely kissing him the other day ...

  33

  The next morning Lesley wished she was one of those people who had blackouts from drinking. But apart from being a bit fuzzy around the edges, she remembered the events of last night all too vividly. She was dreading facing his family – and the fact that she was suffering from a whopping hangover didn’t help. At least she could hide behind dark glasses, and she was grateful for them as she joined everyone on the terrace, wincing in the clatteringly bright sunlight.

  ‘Good morning,’ she mumbled as she took a seat beside Jane at the table, trying to shrink into herself.

  She was greeted with murmured acknowledgements. Stella was nauseatingly bright-eyed as ever, but Lesley was glad to see that both Rafe and Jane were looking rather the worse for wear, and Michael was pale and haggard, hunched miserably over a bowl of steaming coffee. At least she wasn’t the only one.

  The atmosphere was very muted, remorse hanging in the air between them. Lesley studiously avoided eye contact with any of Al’s family, but, in fact, everyone seemed a little sheepish, mumbling to each other in hushed voices as they reached for croissants and poured coffee. Lesley had made a run to the bakery first thing as a peace offering, despite her pounding head and churning stomach. She was suffering from a lethal combination of hangover and a bad case of The Fear – made all the worse by the fact that she knew it was justly deserved.

  Only Joy seemed really chipper, and didn’t appear to be suffering any after-effects. She chattered away cheerfully, in an obvious effort to gloss over the awkwardness around the table. Despite the fact that she hadn’t had much to drink, Stella was subdued, and Peter’s mood was gloomy, though he hadn’t been drinking at all.

  ‘I think we’re both in the doghouse,’ Jane whispered to her.

  Lesley turned to look at her, raising her eyebrows in surprise. She knew why she was in everyone’s bad books, but Jane had done nothing wrong. Sure, she had got tipsy and flirted her arse off with Philippe, but she was single, and perfectly entitled. Nevertheless, she was right – Peter was glowering at her from the end of the table, throwing her thunderous looks. Lesley felt sorry for Stella. Peter was making it so obvious he was put out about Jane and Philippe. It was so unfair. She hadn’t misbehaved at all, and look where it had got her.

  ‘Bloody dog in the manger,’ Jane muttered under her breath, but she sounded pleased.

  ‘Good morning.’ Al joined them, looking annoyingly fresh. But Lesley decided to forgive him for it when he made straight for her, put his arms around her from behind and kissed the top of her head. ‘Morning, sweetheart,’ he said, drawing curious looks from the rest of his family. She was grateful for his show of solidarity, but it made her feel more of a shit than ever.

  ‘How are we all this morning?’ Scott appeared, looking sleepy and dishevelled. He flopped into a seat beside Jane and started piling a plate with croissants and pain au chocolat.

  ‘Ugh, I shouldn’t drink,’ Jane groaned. ‘I’m too old. I can’t handle hangovers anymore.’

  ‘How about you, Lesley?’

  Lesley blushed and threw him a filthy look from under her lashes, wishing she could make herself invisible. ‘Not good,’ she said weakly. ‘But no better than I deserve.’

  ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. We’ve all gone a bit “Girls Gone Wild” when we’ve had a few too many. And no one would blame you for wanting a bit of this,’ he said, waving his hands over his body. ‘Everyone knows I’m irresistible.’

  She gritted her teeth, willing him to shut up. There might still be some people around this table who didn’t know what she’d done last night.

  ‘Good party, though,’ Scott said as he smeared jam thickly onto a croissant. ‘Philippe’s a laugh, isn’t he? He fancies the pants off you.’ He grinned at his mother.

  ‘I know,’ she said, perking up.

  ‘So, have you anything to tell us? Will Rafe and I be acquiring two new step-parents this year?’

  ‘Oh, don’t be silly.’ Jane tossed her head dismissively, but her lips curled into a smile. ‘We were just having a bit of fun.’

  Scott had his iPad beside him and started scrolli
ng idly through it, one eye on the screen as he chatted away, occasionally murmuring snippets of news and gossip that he came across, and showing kitten videos to Jane.

  ‘Oh, you’ve made Celeb Watch in Wow! Magazine,’ he said to Rafe, his finger pausing on the screen.

  ‘Oh, what?’ Rafe groaned, with a pained expression.

  ‘Hang on.’ Scott clicked a link and fell silent as he read, his eyes quickly scanning the screen. ‘It seems you’ve been seen in Cannes, out and about with a – oh!’ He broke off, grinning. ‘With a mystery blonde,’ he continued. ‘That’s you, Stella,’ he said, turning to her.

  ‘What?’ She shot up and went around the table to look over Scott’s shoulder. ‘What does it say about me? Is there a picture?’

  ‘Yep,’ he said, grinning up at her, as he pointed to the screen. ‘Not a great one, though. Rafe was spotted with you on the Croisette in Cannes and later you were frolicking on the beach together.’

  ‘Frolicking?’ Rafe rolled his eyes.

  ‘You were looking very loved up, apparently,’ he informed Rafe with a grin.

  Rafe scowled in reply. ‘For fuck’s sake! Bloody gossip-mongers! Have they nothing better to do?’

  ‘We were not looking loved up!’ Stella shrieked in outrage. ‘We were all there, for God’s sake!’

  ‘You do look a bit cosy together here, in fairness,’ Scott said, pointing at the screen. ‘And scantily clad.’

  ‘Can I see that, please?’ Stella’s hand was shaking as she held it out for the iPad. She peered at the screen, frowning. ‘This is ridiculous! Peter was there, on the other side, but they’ve cut him out to make it look like it was just the two of us.’

  ‘I wouldn’t worry about it too much,’ Rafe said, giving her a sympathetic look. ‘It’s not a big deal.’

  ‘Don’t you mind?’ she said fretfully. ‘They’ve made it look like we’re … together.’

  ‘So they’ve got it wrong,’ he said, shrugging. ‘It wouldn’t be the first time.’

  ‘You’re not worried Dad will think you’re having it away with Rafe, are you?’ Scott asked, glancing cheekily at his father.