by Sara Zarr
Last Thanksgiving when Nadia was there was on Kyle’s list. “That’s on my list too,” Emily had said.
“Really?”
“Yeah. This sounds dumb, but it was like, ‘Oh, yeah, Kyle exists outside my phone and has this life with all these people in it. . . .’ You know what I mean? Like when you see your teacher in the grocery store and you’re like, ‘Oh, they’re real, too. Other people are real.’”
He’d looked at her, a little stunned. “Yeah. Exactly. I know exactly what you mean.”
“Coach Kyle?” It was Flore, one of the new girls. “It’s hot.”
It was ninety degrees in the sun. He jogged over to Coach Malone and asked, “Water break?”
“Yep, good call.” He blew his whistle. “Ten minutes in the shade, sippin’ that water. Come on come on come on. Mrs. Coach will set you up.” He waved them in, and they went over to his wife, aka Mrs. Coach, who organized the schedule and did conditioning with the team at a rec center a couple times a week.
Kyle helped her pass out water, made sure the kids got out of the sun. He had some water, too, before strolling to the pitcher’s mound for a break from their chatter.
At the farm, he and Emily had walked back from the gazebo, slow. “This summer,” Kyle said. “This summer is on my list too, I think.”
“Oh, definitely this summer.”
He stopped walking. “Let’s say goodbye now. Before we get to the cars and stuff.”
“Bye!”
“Okay then, bye!”
They pretended to walk off from each other, and laughed. Kyle didn’t know what to say even though he’d had days to think about it. He was making it too serious.
“It’s not like it’s goodbye forever or anything,” he said.
“No, but it’s goodbye forever from here.”
Here. It was more than just Nowhere Farm, the place. Here was his parents’ marriage like it was. Here was Jacob seeing for the first time how profoundly adults failed. Here was a particular Emily. A particular Emily and Kyle.
“Goodbye forever, here,” he said.
“Adios, here!”
They’d hugged goodbye for real, and Kyle tried to let it sit gently, lightly. Not put every feeling he’d ever had into the one hug.
A few nights before that, after the dance, when they were sprawled out on the patio agreeing to not be sad, Emily had lain down on the cement next to Kyle. “I’m dead,” she said. Pretty soon she was breathing quietly next to him, maybe asleep. Her hand, resting on her stomach, rose and fell with each breath. Kyle tuned in to it, slowing his own breath down.
Megan and Taylor were drinking cups of water to dilute the alcohol they’d had. Martie had snuck her phone out of the pickle crock and was texting with a boy under the cover of the sweatshirt in her lap. Alex, on a chaise, had her arms folded behind her head and was looking up at the night sky through the slats of the patio roof trellis.
“Are you awake?” he’d whispered to Emily, the question he’d asked into the dark on so many summer nights, waiting for her answer.
This time, she’d answered by taking her hand off her stomach and finding his. Kyle closed his eyes. Emily squeezed his hand and let it go, and for a second he wanted to grasp hers again, not be disconnected, cut off.
He’d kept his eyes closed, breathed.
He’d thought about night at the farm. He’d gazed up so many times, like Alex was doing. And without looking he knew: The stars made bright pinholes in the dark blanket of the sky. Some were clustered, some were scattered. A fat slice of moon shone.
Now, his phone buzzed, and after a glance at Malone, Kyle checked it.
I picture you like this when you’re coaching
It was a gif of Gene Kelly goofing with kids, singing “I Got Rhythm” from An American in Paris.
(Only without the rhythm), she added.
That’s no way to talk to your future tap partner.
Haha. We’re not doing that!
“Baker!” Malone shouted. “How’m I supposed to expect these kids to follow the rules if you don’t?”
“Sorry!” He put his phone away and clapped his hands yet again. “Okay, break’s over.”
He called the team back onto the field and watched them run toward him in the summer light.
Acknowledgments
With special thanks to Paula Huston, Kevin Emerson, and Jorge Robles. I’m grateful to the Hultberg family for helping to keep a roof over my head and to writing comrades near and far who work alongside me in the day-to-day. The whole team at Balzer+Bray has been wonderful, and I’m especially thankful for my editor, Jordan Brown. As ever, thank you to Michael Bourret for being in it for the long haul, and to my husband for three decades and counting of loving support.
About the Author
Photo by Cat Palmer
SARA ZARR is the author of six acclaimed novels for young adults, including Story of a Girl, The Lucy Variations, and Gem & Dixie. She’s a National Book Award finalist and two-time Utah Book Award winner, and her books have been variously named to annual best books lists of the American Library Association, Kirkus Reviews, Publishers Weekly, School Library Journal, the Guardian, the New York Public Library, and the Los Angeles Public Library. She and her husband split their time between Utah and California, and you can find her online at www.sarazarr.com.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
Books by Sara Zarr
Gem & Dixie
Roomies (with Tara Altebrando)
The Lucy Variations
How to Save a Life
Once Was Lost
Sweethearts
Story of a Girl
Goodbye from Nowhere
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Copyright
Balzer + Bray is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
GOODBYE FROM NOWHERE. Copyright © 2020 by Sara Zarr. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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COVER ART © 2020 BY FRANCESCO BONGIORNI
COVER DESIGN BY ALICE WANG
* * *
Digital Edition MARCH 2020 ISBN: 978-0-06-243464-7
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-243468-5
* * *
2021222324PC/LSCH10987654321
FIRST EDITION
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