“I honestly don’t know,” she said, “aside from the fact that she left right after I was born.” She swallowed, seeming uncomfortable.
Now I definitely regretted asking.
“You don’t have to talk about it. I know it’s none of my business. I’ve just been really curious. I’ve come to feel close to all of you very quickly. My observation is that Maura, Lorne, and Shelley are like one happy family, and you’re sort of this…outlier, this mystery. It feels like there’s a missing piece of a puzzle somewhere.”
Teagan nodded and looked as if she were pondering my words. I suspected she might be preparing to open up, so I stayed quiet.
“My mother was a stripper,” she suddenly announced. “Were you expecting me to say something different?”
I chuckled, my eyes wide. “Perhaps.”
CHAPTER FIVE
* * *
TEAGAN
I don’t know why opening up to Caleb felt natural all of a sudden. But his eyes remained so intently focused on me that I decided he was just a genuinely curious person, not judgmental like I’d thought. Maybe my attitude had changed because of what Shelley had told me about him losing his sister. I wasn’t sure.
“It feels so strange to admit the stripper thing aloud, but it’s one of the few things I know about her,” I said. “I find it fascinating, in a sense. But the stripper part is only the very beginning of a long and fucked-up story, one you probably don’t have time for.”
The light from the fire caused Caleb’s green eyes to glow. “Look,” he said. “I’ve turned into a marshmallow. I’m not going anywhere for a while. So I have the time, if you want to talk about it.” He moved from across the fire to right next to me. That simple change of position was probably the difference in me trying to get out of this conversation or following through. Something about his nearness, that silent show of support, was enough to make me pull the trigger.
“I don’t really talk about her, but I probably should sometimes.”
“I have stuff like that in my life. Stuff I should talk about but don’t,” he muttered. “Believe me.”
I wondered if he was referring to his sister. I paused, thinking he might elaborate, but when he didn’t, I started telling my story.
“You know my dad is a professor, obviously.”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Well, years ago, when he first started out, he fell in love with one of his students. Her name was Ariadne Mellencamp.”
“Pretty name. Your mother?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright.”
“Anyway, they had a very forbidden and intense love affair.”
His eyes widened. “Wait—affair? He wasn’t married to Maura then, was he?”
“Oh, no. This was before he ever met Maura. My dad was only a few years into his career at the time. He was in his early thirties, and Ariadne was only about twenty.”
“Okay…”
“As I mentioned, she was an exotic dancer. That was how she paid for school. My father thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He kind of became obsessed with her. When he found out where she worked, he went to watch her dance one night without her knowing. He stayed in the corner where she couldn’t see him.”
Caleb laughed a little. “Jesus, Lorne was a stalker?”
“Yeah.” I chuckled. “Eventually, they started sneaking around together. He moved her into his house and took care of her. Their relationship was very…sexual.”
Caleb blew out a breath. “I’m so fucking intrigued by this story, it’s not even funny. Keep going.”
I’d never told anyone this before.
I took a deep breath. “Well, the best part is pretty much over. Ariadne was manipulative. She convinced my dad to quit his job and travel with her—him footing the bill, of course. So they traveled the world for two years. One of the places they visited was England, actually.”
“Sounds like a nice life.”
“Yeah, except she got pregnant with me, and that sort of put a damper on their lifestyle.”
His expression turned serious. “Ah… I see.”
“My so-called mother didn’t want me. She wanted an abortion. But my father begged her not to have one. He loved her so much, and the baby was an extension of that.” I played with some grass. “They went back and forth for a long time about it, and at some point it was too late to abort the pregnancy. So, she suffered through those months while my father took care of her.”
Caleb looked over at me. “And after you were born?”
“She stuck around long enough to give birth to me. And then she packed up and left.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “My father was devastated for a few years after that. He somehow managed to return to teaching. He found childcare for me. He functioned, but his heart was broken. He truly did love Ariadne. And she was basically just selfish. She wanted nothing to do with her own child.” I feigned laughter. “But she cared just enough not to abort me, I suppose.”
Caleb stared off into the fire. “So after she left, your father did the best he could…”
“Yes, as time went on, the effect she had on his life lessened, although he could never really forget her.”
“Where did she go when she left?”
“He doesn’t know. She just disappeared. Nineteen years later, we still don’t know where the hell she is.”
“You never tried to find her?”
“For what?” I threw the pieces of grass I’d gathered to the ground. “She didn’t want me. And seeing her again would likely only hurt my father. She knows where to find him—us—and she’s never tried.”
His eyes filled with sympathy. “Fair enough.”
“Anyway, those early years of raising me alone were not easy on my dad. One day, he realized it would be more economical to find a live-in nanny than pay for the daycare where he’d put me. So he hired a woman full time to take care of me.”
“How did that work out?”
I smiled. “Her name was Maura.”
“Really…wow. Your stepmum.”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Makes sense, I suppose.”
“I know.”
“I think I know where this story is going now,” he said.
“Yup. So that was that. My father made a life with Maura. And even though she’s the only mother I’ve ever known, I still haven’t given her the respect she deserves—by calling her Mom. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me. I started calling her Maura when I was four, and she’s always just been Maura. Even at that age, I knew the difference between Maura and a biological mother. Perhaps if she’d raised me from the time I was a baby, things might have been different. But I can actually remember the time when it was just me and my dad—before Maura. I knew she was my nanny from the very beginning, so it’s always been hard to view her as my mother. Then when Shelley came along, watching their mother-daughter relationship, how close they are—it’s just innate. The difference is clear to me. Maura is not my mom. I’m motherless.”
Caleb blinked several times. “Is it innate with Maura and Shelley, or is it just the fact that you’ve always put a guard up and haven’t allowed her to be your mum?”
I took a moment to think about that. A lot of it was my fault. “Maybe it’s a bit of both.”
He nodded. “And your dad? How’s your relationship with him? I haven’t been able to figure that out.” He placed his hand on my knee. “I’m sorry if this seems like an inquisition. You don’t have to get into it.”
The brief contact of his touch felt good.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I have a very strange relationship with my father. He loves me, but I’m always afraid he sees her in me. He’s never exactly told me I’m a painful reminder of Ariadne, but I guess I still worry that all he sees when he looks at me is her.”
“Do you look like her?”
“I look exactly like her. He showed me a photo of her
once. When I was thirteen, I threatened to run away if he didn’t tell me the honest truth about my mother and what happened between them. He’d been so insistent on not telling me until that time. All of the information I have today basically came from one very long conversation.”
“One and done.”
“Yeah.” I chuckled. “So, because I look so much like her, I know my father must see Ariadne whenever he looks at me. And that makes me sad. I don’t want that.”
Caleb stared up at the night sky. “Do you think that’s why you’re sort of…aloof around your family? It’s like maybe you’re trying to hide yourself in some way.”
Caleb picked up on things in a way that astounded me. Hiding was a good way to describe what I did when it came to my family. In many ways, I felt like an outsider.
“I do think on some level I feel like an extension of Ariadne, even though I don’t know her—especially since I’m practically the age now that she was when my father met her. It’s odd because, as much as she didn’t want me, I feel this strange connection to her—a connection to her need to flee. I just don’t have the balls to leave.” I knew then that I might have divulged more than I should. Shaking my head, I said, “I just told you way too much.”
“I’m really fascinated, Teagan. Thank you for sharing the story with me. Honestly, it explains a lot.”
I grinned. “Does that count for my first secret of ten?”
“The fact that you hide from everything because you feel like a reflection of your mother who abandoned you? Yeah, I’d say that counts for a rather big secret.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
We sat in a comfortable silence. Then Caleb startled me when he jumped.
“Holy shit, Teagan!”
“What?”
“There’s one last marshmallow in the bag.” He smiled from ear to ear.
He had such a gorgeous smile.
“You scared me.”
“I thought we’d finished them. Gonna char this sucker up now, unless you want it?”
“No. I’m good.”
After a few minutes of watching him roast the last marshmallow, I realized my lips were upturned. And I didn’t know how long I’d been grinning. He’d somehow managed to put a smile on my face tonight, even though I’d just unleashed my darkest secret.
“Alright, Caleb. Your turn. Now you have to tell me your first secret of ten.”
“I already told you my first secret, remember?”
I squinted. “No.”
“Sure you do. You know, that you weren’t the one responsible for the smell in the loo.”
“Ah. Well, that’s sort of a waste of a secret.”
“Still counts.” He gazed into the flames for a bit before turning to me, his stare more incendiary than the fire. “Teagan, I do have secrets, and my biggest one is something that’s very hard for me to utter aloud on cue. But maybe in time I can talk about it with you. Okay?”
Chills ran through my body. “Okay.”
My mind began to race. Is it about his sister? He’d already told Shelley his sister died, so his biggest secret had to be something else.
I realized in that moment that my happy-go-lucky, witty “pseudo-brother” was far more complex than I had thought. Perhaps I was no longer the only one in this house with issues. That knowledge actually brought some comfort to me.
After Caleb polished off the marshmallow, he spoke with his mouth full. “This was fun. Like really, really fun. Thanks for going along with it.”
“I don’t want you to get the idea that I’m going to let you goof off like this all the time when you’re supposed to be studying,” I teased.
“Understood.”
“I’m gonna have to start cracking the whip.”
He grinned impishly. “Well, I didn’t know you were into BDSM. But alright…”
Even in the dark, he must have noticed my cheeks turning red.
Oh, the images that conjures up.
CHAPTER SIX
* * *
CALEB
Veronica and I walked past campus toward the trolley platform so we could go to lunch in Kenmore Square after our classes had ended for the day.
She seemed anxious and hadn’t had much to say, but she finally turned to me. “So, don’t kill me.”
“Uh…” I shook my head. “I don’t have any intention of doing that.”
“You might after you hear what I’m about to say.”
I stopped walking for a moment. “What’s up?”
“My parents decided to fly in for a couple of days. They’re here. My dad has really wanted to see more of Boston, so they decided to kill two birds with one stone—come see me and do some touristy stuff.”
We continued toward the platform. “That’s brilliant. What’s wrong with that?”
“When we get to the restaurant, they’re going to be there. We’re meeting them for lunch.”
Ugh. Now I saw where this was going. “Oh.”
“I know it’s too early to be meeting my parents. But they saw my photo of you on Instagram and are just curious about who I’m spending my time with.”
We stopped at the platform to wait for the trolley. This was a bit of an ambush.
Looking down at my ripped jeans and black hoodie, I said, “I would’ve dressed up or something if I’d known I’d be meeting your parents today.”
She placed her hand on my chest. “You look fine. Just be your usual, charming self.”
My mind raced during the trolley ride, which was only one stop. I had no idea what Veronica had told her parents about me. We’d never discussed exclusivity, either, though I hadn’t dated anyone else since arriving in Boston. Did they think I was her boyfriend? Was I her boyfriend? How do I explain myself?
Veronica and I had been having a good time, just shagging and hanging out. But I was nowhere near the meet-the-parents point.
When we arrived at the restaurant, Veronica waved to an older couple, who were already seated. They both stood up at the same time.
“Mom and Dad, this is Caleb.” She turned to me, looking almost as nervous as I felt. “Caleb, these are my parents, Lawrence and Virginia McCabe.”
I extended my hand to each of them. “Very nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. McCabe.”
Her mother smiled. “I just love your accent.”
That was probably the thing I’d heard most since moving here. It was becoming a little annoying.
“Thank you.”
We sat down, and things turned quiet as her parents waited for us to peruse the menu. After we ordered, the inquisition I’d feared commenced.
Mr. McCabe crossed his arms. “So, Caleb, what is your major?”
I took a sip of my water. “Right now, I’m in general studies. I haven’t quite figured out what I want to do with my life.”
He took a moment to let that sink in. “You’re reluctant to commit.”
Here we go. “I suppose.”
“Sometimes in life, son, you have to make a choice and stick to it.”
I straightened in my chair. “Yes, I understand that. Life is all about choices. But I’m reluctant to make a decision about my career right now. So, I’m trying to find my passion so I can really focus on that in grad school. I’m hoping it comes to me soon, though.”
“What made you decide to go to school in the States versus back home?” Mrs. McCabe asked.
“Well, my university has a partnership with Northern, so I was able to study for a year here. And then the other three years will be back home.”
She seemed surprised. “Oh, you’re not here for the full four years?”
“No, ma’am. The plan is to go back home after this year.”
Veronica tensed. “Do you have the option to stay beyond this year if you wanted to?”
I wasn’t sure of the answer to that, but I wished Veronica hadn’t put me on the spot. We hadn’t discussed this before, and the first time should not have been in front of her parents.
“I haven�
��t really inquired, but my plan has always been to return home. I think my mum would have my arse if I stayed longer than a year.”
Veronica’s mother addressed her. “Are you prepared for Caleb to leave?” She turned to me. “Because you’re not taking our daughter to England.”
She said it in a joking manner, but I knew she meant it.
After the food arrived, I did my best to bury my face in my fajitas, hoping the questioning had stopped. I even fantasized about going to the men’s room and slipping out the window.
After her parents left to see Fenway Park, I breathed out a huge sigh of relief and immediately ordered a beer, thanking fuck that I was of legal age to do so right about now.
Veronica cringed. “I’m sorry they were so tough.”
It took me about a minute to respond, my frustration building with each second. “Whatever made you think it was a good idea to bring me here to meet them? Surely you knew how your parents would react toward me.”
“I never thought it would be that awkward.”
“Your father thinks I’m a dim idiot because I have no career path, and your mother expects me to relocate here permanently if I want to keep seeing you.”
Veronica looked like she was about to cry. I hadn’t meant to upset her; I was just baffled by her behavior.
I took a long swig of my beer. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? I’m sorry for getting upset.”
She sat and watched as I continued to sip my drink. As much as I’d urged her to forget it, I was still stewing as I looked out the window at the hustle and bustle of Kenmore Square. Mr. McCabe reminded me a lot of my own father—his critical nature. Perhaps that was why I was having such a tough time letting it go.
I remained in a contemplative state until my phone chimed, signaling a text had come in. It was probably the last thing I ever expected: a message from Maura.
Maura: Teagan is okay. But she was attacked at Syd’s Theater today. She stopped the guy before anything terrible happened. I can’t believe my worst fear came true.
What?
Just One Year Page 5