“You won’t be here all that much longer than that. Why are you bothering with Veronica?”
Caleb leaned his head back and exhaled. “Archie asked me the same thing last night, and I didn’t have an answer for him. I still don’t.”
“You’re being hypocritical. That’s the answer.”
“Maybe. But I don’t care, if it means protecting you.” He rubbed his temples. “Look...I just don’t want you to get hurt. That’s all it comes down to. If you want to date Archie, I can’t stop you. I’ve warned you. That’s all I can do. I won’t interfere anymore.”
I had no intention of dating Archie. It wasn’t worth it—not only because Archie was leaving soon, but because I knew it would upset Caleb. He was my friend, and I would never do anything to hurt him. Now, to ruffle his feathers a little? Maybe. But it was time to come clean.
“When you said I wasn’t his type, it angered me. I wondered if you meant I wasn’t…sexy enough, desirable enough. That’s when I started playing around with the hair and makeup. I feel stupid even admitting that to you.”
Caleb’s eyes went wide. “I assumed you were doing that to impress him. I never imagined it had anything to do with something I said.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “Fuck, Teagan. You don’t need that mud on your face. You look ten times more beautiful right now than you did last night.”
He immediately looked away. I wondered if he regretted saying it. But it was too late. Those words would forever be happily ingrained in my memory.
“I agree on the makeup.” I smiled. “But I do like my hair down. I might stick with this look.”
“You have beautiful hair,” he whispered, almost like he didn’t want me to hear it.
I felt my loins heat up. “Thank you.”
What was happening between us right now? I honestly didn’t know. Nothing had changed. Caleb still had a girlfriend. And I was still the awkward girl in the basement. Yet the vibe somehow felt different than it had before.
“Teagan,” he said. “Not everyone would’ve admitted what you just did—that I made you feel insecure. I love how honest you are. There are very few people in this world I can count on to be honest. That’s why it makes me so angry when you email me when you’re pissed off. I know you’re capable of so much more. We both are.” He looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve really come to value you as a friend. And my behavior over the past couple of days has everything to do with that. I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s all.” His eyes met mine again. “I’ve grown to care about you very much.”
He looked conflicted.
I didn’t know what to say. My body buzzed with an excited energy, likely fueled by some insane hope that his feelings for me might go beyond friendship.
As much as we’d just opened up to each other, I felt no closure. He was being more honest than I was. My feelings for him had evolved way past an innocent point. But I didn’t see what good it would do to admit that. Aside from the fact that he had a girlfriend, I had no clue if his feelings for me were truly platonic or not. Did he care for me like a sister, or was he starting to feel more? I was terrified to ask directly. I wasn’t prepared for the answer, no matter what it was.
I decided to change the subject altogether. “So, you’re staying here for Christmas?”
“Yeah. I hope that’s okay.”
“I was happy to hear that, although I think your mom might be upset. Can your parents really not afford to fly you home, or do you just not want to go?”
His jaw clenched. “I didn’t want to get into it at the bowling alley, but there’s more to it than cost. Christmas is a difficult time of year for my family. My sister died around Christmas, so the fact that she’s gone just becomes magnified. I’m giving myself a break from it this year.”
I nodded, not surprised by his explanation. “Well, I hope you’ll have a good time here. Maura does a great job making everything festive. We have a party on Christmas Eve, and she invites the entire neighborhood. The house is so cold from the door opening and closing constantly with people coming and going.”
“Will there be a penis piñata?”
“Fortunately, no.” I laughed.
Caleb smiled. “I can’t wait.”
“My situation is nothing compared to yours, but I get more depressed around the holidays, too. It’s funny how that works. It’s supposed to be such a joyous time, and yet for so many people, it’s the opposite. It’s a weird feeling.”
“Well, we can feel weird together this year.” He winked.
I smiled wide. The idea of having him here for Christmas made me so happy—giddy, even, the total antithesis of how I normally felt as the holidays approached. Caleb had changed my outlook on life. The fact that he’d endured so much pain and still had the ability to laugh, to charm people, to bleed charisma, made me realize even if you sometimes feel dead inside, you can live. You can fake it till you make it. You don’t have to live like you’re dead.
I didn’t want to think about how I would feel when it came time for Caleb to leave. I only knew this year with him was something I would never forget.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
* * *
CALEB
The following afternoon, Archie rolled a suitcase into the kitchen as I was making a snack. “Can I talk to you for a second, mate?”
I looked down at his luggage. “What’s going on?”
He parked his suitcase in the corner. “Look, I haven’t felt like you wanted me here from the moment I walked in the door. At first, I thought my sudden appearance had just taken you by surprise, but then I realized it was something more than that.”
I closed my eyes briefly. “You’re right. But it’s my issue more than anything. I’m sorry if I—”
“Don’t worry about explaining. A true friend wouldn’t stick around if it made you uncomfortable, regardless of the reason. Our friendship might not be perfect, but I value it too much to fuck it up for a free room. You clearly want your space. And you want me away from Teagan. Whatever your reason, I need to respect that.”
This should have been the part where I told him he was wrong, that I was sorry, and asked him to stay. But I didn’t. I was relieved.
Specifically dodging the Teagan part of his comment, I asked, “Where will you stay?”
His mouth curved into a smile. “That girl in Dorchester finally got her boarder out. I went today to check out the room—which is brilliant.” He winked. “And it turns out, so is she.”
Ah. Well, it certainly didn’t take him long to move on.
“You’re leaving because the girl in Dorchester is fit?”
He laughed. “That’s not the only reason. I disturbed your peace here. And I didn’t mean to do that.” He shrugged. “It just happened to work out that the room opened up at the same time I had that realization. I’ll still be in the city. You’ll still get to see me, just not right under your nose.”
“Did you tell Maura?”
“Yes. I thanked her profusely for her hospitality. She’s a great lady. You hit the jackpot with this place.”
I blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted.”
“Can I give you a piece of advice?” he asked.
“Sure. What is it?”
“Save yourself the trouble later. Break up with that girl of yours. It’s not going anywhere. She doesn’t make your face light up the way Teagan does. It hit me after we parted ways that night—what was really going on, how much you fancy her. You do realize it’s Teagan you want, right? Because if you don’t see it now, you eventually will.” He smiled. “I’ll call you soon.”
While I said nothing, he patted me on the shoulder, rolled his suitcase away, and walked out the door.
***
A few days later, my stomach was in knots as I watched Veronica pack for her trip home to Minnesota for the holidays.
If there was one benefit to Archie’s recent stint at the house, it was that he’d pushed me to do something I’d known I had to.
I was about to end things with Veronica—not so I could start something with Teagan, but because I didn’t want to lead Veronica on anymore. Being with Teagan wasn’t an option. I would still be leaving at the end of the year, and it wasn’t wise for me to get involved with anyone at this point, least of all Teagan, regardless of whatever undeniable feelings I might have.
Veronica zipped her carry-on bag. “I’m gonna miss you.”
That was my cue to rip the Band-Aid off. Knowing what was about to happen while she seemed to have no clue was excruciating. My heart pounded. I did care for her. I just wasn’t falling in love with her and didn’t think I ever would be. She deserved better.
Rubbing my sweaty palms together, I came out with it, “We need to talk, Veronica.”
She’d just opened a drawer when she froze and looked at me. “I don’t like the sound of that. I don’t like the look on your face, either.”
Spit it out. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been so good to me. And being with you has been a highlight of my life. But I have to be honest, and I just don’t see this working out long term.”
She placed a hand on her chest. “Oh my God. What are you saying? I knew you were going to do this to me!”
Her reaction only made things harder. “I’m going back to London at the end of the school year, and it’s not going to work out between us. I think it’s best if we end things now. It’s only going to hurt more the longer we’re together.”
“So that’s it? You’re breaking up with me right before Christmas? You knew all along that this was our fate?”
“It’s not like that. I only recently realized this needed to happen. My intention is not to ruin your Christmas. I figured this was the best time to part ways. You’ll have your family around you as a distraction, and when you come back, the new semester will be like a fresh start.”
“How thoughtful of you,” she said facetiously. “So you had your fun with me this semester, fucked me repeatedly, and this is my Christmas present?”
Sometimes, you needed to know when to shut up. That question was not meant to be answered. I couldn’t blame her for being upset.
“I know this sucks. I’m sorry, Veronica.”
“Yeah, me, too.” She started throwing a bunch of her clothes in the suitcase. “Go. Just go. There’s nothing more to say here.”
I wasn’t going to feed her a line of bullshit, like we should keep in touch or remain friends. I knew better. That wouldn’t benefit either of us.
“Take care of yourself,” I said before leaving.
Despite feeling like crap for hurting her, I walked home from her dorm with a sense of freedom I hadn’t experienced since landing in Boston.
Relief.
Veronica and I had started dating almost as soon as I arrived. While I’d always look back fondly on my time with her, it had been too much too soon.
Breathing in the cold winter air, I felt euphoric for the first time in a long time, completely unsure of the future and perfectly okay with that.
***
Archie may have left the Carroll residence, but he didn’t go quietly.
Bugger.
When I arrived back at the house after leaving Veronica’s, taped to my bedroom door was a photo of Archie and me taken when we were about ten years old. We wore matching sailor costumes and had on our tap shoes. Our hands were sticking straight out in the same pose.
Shelley giggled behind me.
I ripped the photo off the door. “Did you put this here?”
“Archie gave me that before he left. He said I could do whatever I wanted with it. You guys were so cute.”
Teagan called up from the bottom of the stairs. “What’s so funny?”
Great.
“Nothing,” I shouted.
Shelley yelled down. “You have to see this, Teagan!”
Teagan rushed up and caught sight of the photo in my hand. “Oh my God. Is that you and Archie?”
“Afraid so.”
“You were adorable. Both of you.”
“I suppose I have to own it now, don’t I? I was quite good, actually. Tap dancing was probably the one area where I outperformed Archie, even though it technically wasn’t a competition.”
Teagan arched her brow. “So, if I were to go out today and buy you a pair of tap shoes, you’d be able to tap? Like Fred Astaire?”
My brow furrowed. “Is that a dare, Ms. Carroll?”
Shelley clapped her hands and jumped. “Do it! Do it!”
A brilliant idea came to me in that moment. “I’ll tell you what. I’d be willing to display my tap dance skills publicly through the streets of Boston if you forego your one-thousand-dollar requirement and have dinner out with me dressed in your dolphin costume.”
Teagan’s mouth went agape.
I thought she’d never go for it, but then she said, “Oh...this is tempting.”
“Think about it.”
“Actually, I don’t have to. Provided they let me take the costume home with me this Friday, you have a deal for dinner on Saturday night. Unless you have plans?”
“Nothing more important than getting to see you walk around the city as a dolphin.” I smiled. “I’d better find tap shoes in men’s size twelve before then.”
Shelley stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. “Can I come?”
“Of course,” I said. “The bigger the audience the better.”
***
It was funnier than I ever expected. Teagan looked absolutely ridiculous as we walked down Hanover Street. She was supposed to be a dolphin, but she could also have passed as a gigantic blue banana.
She turned to me. “Why am I doing this again?”
I loved when she turned to look at me because she had to turn her entire body. It was hysterical. Teagan’s face was the only part of her not completely covered in blue fur. She was perpetually peeking through a hole.
Children would stop us occasionally to take photos, and I’d have my camera ready, too.
The whole thing was crazy, but perhaps the best part was getting to see Teagan and Shelley bonding over the ridiculousness. I’d never seen them laugh more together than today. That alone made it worth it.
We’d decided we were going to the most exclusive restaurant in the entire North End. Dinner was on me, of course. A two-hundred-dollar meal was a lot cheaper than the one-thousand dollars this experience was originally going to cost.
My tap shoes, which I was able to rent from a local dancing school, were in a black bag I’d slung over my shoulder. Our plan was to have dinner and then visit one of the famous Italian pastry places for dessert before I topped off the night with a tap dance routine somewhere on the streets of Boston. I hadn’t tapped in over a decade, so I couldn’t be sure if the steps would come back to me.
Shuffle, ball change. That was all I could remember.
When we arrived at the restaurant, the hostess didn’t seem too amused.
She gave Teagan a once-over. “Can I help you?”
“I have a reservation,” I said in my most serious tone.
“The name?”
“Dolphina.”
Teagan chuckled.
The hostess looked up our name in the computer. “Um…I’m not sure she can come in here like that.”
“Why not?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
I had to stop myself from laughing. “Are you discriminating against her? Dolphins are mammals. We’re all mammals. What’s the problem?”
Teagan snorted, and Shelley was practically crying.
The ever-so-polite hostess with no sense of humor rolled her eyes and hesitantly grabbed a few menus. “Follow me.”
Once seated, the waitress was a lot more gracious than the hostess had been, seeming to get the humor in it all.
After I explained that I’d put Teagan up to it as part of a bet, the server said, “I might do anything you asked me to as well.” She winked.
Okay. I hadn’t been expecting that—or the eye-fucking that
went with it.
The dirty look Teagan flashed her was priceless, even though the waitress hadn’t noticed. Teagan’s little face poking through the opening was ten times cuter when it wore a frown.
I ended up ordering the steak, while Shelley got a loaded burger. Teagan insisted on sticking to what dolphins eat, so she ordered mackerel. I also got a beer, hoping it would help me unwind a bit before my dance performance later.
We amused ourselves by laughing at all the strange looks Teagan received, and when the food arrived, it was phenomenal. I knew every last morsel on my plate would be properly demolished.
A little while later, the waitress came back and placed another beer in front of me.
I looked up. “Oh, I didn’t order another.”
“I know.” She smiled flirtatiously. “It’s on the house.”
She seemed to hope I’d give her at least a massive tip, possibly more.
Even Shelley picked up on it. “I think she likes you. Too bad you have a girlfriend.”
That comment gave me pause. I hadn’t yet announced that I’d ended things with Veronica. Now she’d given me a good opportunity to bring it up.
I cleared my throat. “Actually, I don’t anymore.” My eyes immediately went to Teagan, who I found looking down into her mackerel.
She whipped her head up. Her mouth was full. “What?”
“Yeah...we broke up.”
“She broke up with you?” Shelley asked.
Maybe it had been a mistake bringing this up. I didn’t want to get into the details in front of Shelley. But Teagan’s eyes were locked on mine now, awaiting my answer, so I had to explain further.
“I was actually the one who ended things.”
Shelley looked almost sad. “You broke her heart?”
How am I supposed to answer that? “I hope it’s not totally broken. But it was the right decision, all things considered.”
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.” Teagan said, the look on her face contradicting the silliness of her attire. “Are you okay?”
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