Then again, Leukos was the male who had stepped on his brother when he was down. He couldn’t ever serve someone like that. They’d have to leave…but go where? He still felt that Leukos was the better choice for Claire. Despite their dubious history, he would take excellent care of her.
Chapter 30
Claire finished brushing her hair. She packed her brush away and did her make-up. Nothing major, just a touch of mascara and some lip gloss. There was no use bothering with lipstick since Leukos was going to kiss it off in a little while.
She’d missed him even though she’d had an amazing time with Magnar. She kept hoping that her feelings would lean more toward one shifter than the other. So far, that hadn’t happened. Then again, it was still early days. This arrangement had only just started. It would take some time for her to figure things out. For all of them to get a handle on it.
She packed her make-up bag and put it into her purse, grabbing her toiletry bag off the vanity. Then she headed to where Magnar was waiting. He held her overnight bag in his hands. She smiled as soon as their eyes locked. Again, even though she looked forward to seeing Leukos, she couldn’t help the pang she felt at leaving Magnar. He must have seen a look cross her face because he put his arms around her. “Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Look all sad.” His eyes moved over her face. “I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“I wish…” She stopped there. Those kinds of thoughts were wayward.
“What?” He eyes narrowed into hers. “Tell me,” he pressed.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave you, but at the same time, I’ve missed Leukos. I wish I didn’t have to leave either of you to be with the other.”
Magnar choked out a laugh. “You want us both, sweet human?”
Yes!
“No!” She shook her head. That wasn’t it – of course not! “Nothing like that. Not in that way. I just wish I didn’t have to leave one of you to be with the other. That’s all. I’m not sick,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean sexually,” she added when she caught his smirk.
“Sure you didn’t.” He laughed again. “And it wouldn’t be sick, it would be kinky.”
“Stop it! A relationship like that would never work,” she pushed out feeling a strange sensation in her belly.
“I’m only teasing.” Something darkened inside his eyes. Magnar leaned forward and he kissed her, making her forget the silly conversation. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered as he pulled back.
She held onto him, squeezing him for a moment or two longer and then nodded, letting go.
* * *
Ten minutes later…
Something had changed. Claire could sense it the moment she entered the house. Leukos greeted her with a smile. It was tight. It didn’t reach his eyes. He was fully dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt. He kissed her without touching her otherwise. A quick brush on the side of her lips. It reminded her of the kind of kiss a friend would give a friend.
His throat worked as he walked behind the counter into the kitchen. The unit was large and open-plan. A bedroom, lounge, dining area and kitchen all in one. Only the bathroom was separate. “Would you like something to drink?” he asked, as he walked to the refrigerator. His voice had a cold edge. What was going on?
“I’m good, thanks.”
He grabbed a bottle of water, slamming the fridge closed with his shoulder while he uncapped the bottle. Leukos drank deeply, not looking at her. “Did you have a good time?” he asked as he finished, looking angry. His eyes…they reminded her of Ekon all of a sudden. It unnerved her how much like his twin he looked in that moment.
“Claire?” He raised his brows. “What is it? You’re looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost.” The expression he had been sporting moments ago was gone.
“Nothing,” she murmured, forcing a smile of her own. “Yes, I had a good time.”
“What did you do together, aside from the obvious?” He chuckled but his jaw was tense, and the bottle made a crunching sound as his hand tightened around it.
“This and that. We spent some time at the house and then we went… Are you sure you’re okay?” She frowned. “You don’t seem like yourself.”
“Yes.” He took a sip of his water, putting the bottle down. It was dented from where he had crushed it.
“Are you sure?” she asked again. He wasn’t okay. No way!
He pushed out a breath, putting both hands on the counter. “I had planned on chatting with you after breakfast but… No, let’s eat first.” He bent down and pulled a frying pan out of the cupboard below. “Can I fry you up some bacon? What about a croissant and some orange juice?” He smiled but it was off. A whole lot was wrong with this picture. Alarm bells were going off.
“I’d rather you talked to me now. I’m not feeling all that hungry. Something is wrong.” Her stomach churned with worry. What was going on? Was he going to break it off with her? Maybe he couldn’t cope with the arrangement. Her cheeks felt hot. Claire wouldn’t be able to blame him.
“No…that’s not it.” He shook his head, but she struggled to believe what he was saying since his expression told a different sorry. “Don’t be silly.” He tried to play it down. “Let me make you breakfast. We can talk while we eat. I’ll even fry up some eggs for you.” He made a face of disgust. “How about an omelet?” He put the pan on the stove. There was a clicking noise as he lit the flame.
“I don’t want eggs or croissants. Please Leukos, talk to me. You’re finding our arrangement difficult to stomach, aren’t you?”
“That’s not it at all.” He folded his arms.
“Come on, just say it. You can, you know. I can take it. You want it to end. You want me to pick now or you want to break up with me.” Her eyes stung. “I would understand if you felt that way. It would hurt me, but I would understand.”
“Are you ready to pick?” His eyes narrowed. “Have you decided?” He turned off the gas on the stove. The blue flame extinguishing.
“No, not even close. I’m more confused than ever.” She had a horrible feeling that her confusion over the two men was just going to get worse with time and not better.
“You’re falling for both of us?” His voice softened.
Claire nodded. “Yes, I am. I know it sounds crazy, but I am.”
“It doesn’t sound crazy.” He shook his head, his eyes getting that look all over again. The one she didn’t like. “I don’t want to put an end to our arrangement. In fact, I’ve been thinking on something you suggested. Although ‘suggested’ might not be the right word. You made a comment. You asked why we males couldn’t spend time with more than one female.”
Shit! It was something she’d mentioned. It did seem unfair that women got to pick and choose between several men, but that the opposite wasn’t true. Now though, when faced with what she was sure he was about to say, she thought it was a terrible idea. Why had she ever mentioned it? Her stomached clenched so tight she had to put her hand to her belly. Claire felt sick to her stomach. At the same time, she had the realization that she had no right to feel this way.
“We’ve never done it the other way around because there has always been a shortage of females. You pointed out that it’s no longer the case. A new influx of lottery winners will be arriving in an hour. There are six females this time. Our new marketing strategy seems to be working.”
“Oh great.” Her voice was weak and hollow.
He narrowed his eyes on her. “I’ve decided to go and meet them.”
She nodded too vigorously. “It would be right for the king of the Feral to greet the new visitors. Would you like me to go with you?” She licked her lips, working hard at staying calm…or at least at looking calm.
“No.” He was clearly wrestling with his thoughts. “I’m going to see if I am interested in spending time with any of them. It might be…awkward if you are there.”
Why was he doing this? Leukos sounded hard. He sounded uncaring. Nothing like the m
an she had met. The man she was falling in love with. “Yes,” she realized he was waiting for an answer, “it would be awkward if I went with you, if that is your agenda.” It came out sounding short. She couldn’t help it though.
“You don’t mind do you, Claire?” He came around the counter and took her hands. “I have real feelings for you. I just need to be sure before committing. Same as you need to be sure between us two males.”
“It’s not really the same. Magnar and I just happened. It was one of those things.”
“You said yourself that these things don’t just happen, Claire. You are bouncing between the two of us, which is fine, but as long as that is the case, I am going to meet with other females. I might just find one who I would like to spend some more time with. I have quite a lot of time on my hands since my female is with another male every other day.” His voice went back to being hard and flat. “Surely you can’t oppose.”
It sounded like he was trying to push her into a corner. Trying to make her choose. “And if I did?” she blurted, feeling guilty in an instant. She had no right. None whatsoever. Leukos was right to feel this way. She heaved a heavy breath. “Of course I don’t mind.” She quickly added, “I mean, I don’t love the idea but…I can’t say no to you and so I have to agree.” She nodded. “You urged me to explore my feelings for Magnar. Now you need to do the same, I guess.” What the hell was she saying? A lump formed in her throat. She hated the idea. Why was he doing this? Claire couldn’t say any of this. She was sleeping with two men…at the same time. Two men who had once been best friends. It was the worst possible arrangement. She had no leg to stand on.
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He squeezed her hands. “You are my first choice, Claire. If you picked me right now, I—”
“I can’t do that.” She fought back tears, shaking her head. Wishing hard that things could be different.
“Okay. I’m sorry to hear that but I do understand. I need to find a mate before Ekon does. As the king I need to put my throne first.”
“I thought you said you didn’t have a throne,” she prodded, feeling irritated and hurt.
“Not an actual throne, Claire.” He sighed. “Ekon is not a good male. There has always been something off with him.”
She nodded. “I know that.”
He looked down for a moment. “I can’t let him take back the crown…there is an actual crown. I have to do this for various reasons but that is one of them.”
She definitely couldn’t argue that point. It didn’t make her feel any better. Claire wished she could give him a timeline, or assure him in some way, but she couldn’t. All she knew was that her heart ached.
Leukos looked sad just then as well. So sad she wanted to hold him, or say something to make him feel better. Then he slid his arms around her. “You’re not hungry.” He got another look she didn’t like. It was normally a look that would get her heart racing and her mind blanking. It only served to make her feel even more ill. Is this how Leukos or Magnar felt every time she left to be with the other? Is this how they felt when she returned to their arms after being in the other man’s bed? Sick to the point of being ill…and he hadn’t done anything with another woman yet. “How’s about we…?” He nuzzled her neck. The churning only got worse. Claire felt numb. “I’ve missed you so damned much. We have an hour before the chopper lands, and I can think of a couple of things I’d like to do to you that involve—”
“I’m not feeling well.” She struggled to breathe. “My stomach…it hurts.”
“You’re not…?” He pulled back, frowning, his eyes moving about her face. “Is it just your stomach?”
“It’s nothing…I think it’s my menstruation…it’s that time of the month,” she lied through her teeth. “I started today. I get crampy. Very crampy.” She widened her eyes, which felt like they might have tears in them.
“Is there anything I can do?”
She sniffed and cleared her throat. “No. I normally go back to bed when it gets this bad. Some rest and some pain medication will sort me right out.”
He picked her up, cradling her in his arms. Just like that the old Leukos was back. “I’ll help you into bed.” His voice was laced with concern.
She nodded. “Thanks, I would appreciate that.”
He walked her over and put her down. Then he pulled the covers aside and helped her into the bed. “Comfortable? Should I bring your pajamas or a tracksuit? Something more comfortable to wear?”
She winced, but only because of the churning emotions within. She had no right to feel this way, but it hurt. It really hurt. It hurt even more now that he was being so tender. “No, I’m okay,” she whispered, afraid her voice might crack or that she might start crying.
“You’re not okay at all,” he growled. “I’m going to get a healer.”
“No, don’t,” she stopped him. “Really. A healer won’t help me.” She wanted Magnar. She wanted to talk to him about what was going on. How fucked up was that? All kinds of screwed up. “Please fetch my purse and a glass of water. I’ll take the meds and then have a nap. I’ll be much better in a couple of hours.”
Leukos didn’t look convinced. His features were heavy with concern.
“No really…I’ll be fine. This happens to me a lot. Almost every month.” She touched the side of his arm.
“You’re sure? I can get a healer.” He raised his brows.
“Please don’t.”
He scrutinized her for a few long moments before finally nodding. “I’ll fetch your purse.”
She smiled weakly, pulling the blankets up, feeling miserable. Claire had no right to feel this way. Leukos was allowed to see other women. Of course he was. The rules were that until she picked and mated, it was technically open season for all of them. She bit down on her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to feel jealous of someone he hadn’t even met yet. Maybe he wouldn’t meet anyone. Oh lord! How had she gotten herself into this? She couldn’t help that she was in love with two men. Two strong, beautiful men. Maybe she should choose. That would be best. The thought of cutting either one out of her life hurt as well. This sucked so bad. She’d made this bed. Now she was lying in it.
“Here.” He held out a glass and put her purse on the bed. “I’ve put the kettle on. I’ll make you some sweet tea. I’ll also bring a hot water bottle. I did a quick Google search on your condition and heat is supposed to help. Sugar too. I will go and find you some chocolates.”
“You Googled?” She smiled.
“Of course,” he replied. “I don’t like to see you in pain.”
Then don’t date other women. Claire couldn’t say it out loud. She didn’t dare. She rummaged through her bag until she found her pain pills. They were over-the-counter meds for the odd headache and had been in her bag for ages.
He sat down next to her. “I’m not going today. I’ll have Reece greet the human females. I can meet them another time.”
Relief hit her. It flooded her body, but it didn’t last. It was a temporary fix. What about tomorrow when she was with Magnar? He’d meet the other women then. What about next week when the next batch of fresh meat arrived? She couldn’t fake being ill every day. “No.” She tried to keep her voice from trembling. “I’ll be fine. You go. I’d prefer to be alone.” The lies just kept rolling off her tongue. Claire opened the pill container and poured out two pills which she put into her mouth and swallowed down with water. “I will struggle to get some rest if you’re here.” She put the glass down on the bedside table.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’m very sure. You go and do what you have to do.” She worked hard to keep her voice even.
“This doesn’t feel right.” He shook his head, rubbing his brow.
That’s because it wasn’t. None of it was right. It was one big mess. “Go! I’ll see you in a couple of hours. I’m sure I’ll feel better by dinner time. We can have dinner together, unless you want to have dinner with someone else.” Okay, now
she was being stupid. Why had she said that? “I won’t mind if that’s what you want.” She would mind a whole lot. Why was she sabotaging herself? She needed to shut the hell up.
“Are you sure, Claire?” He raised his brows.
“Duh…of course I am.” Shut up already!
“Okay, I’ll go and meet the humans, but I will be back later to check on you. I’ll have Reece keep watch at the bottom of my nest in case you need anything. Have him fetch me if you’re—”
“I’ll be absolutely fine. I’m already feeling quite a bit better. Just tired, since I didn’t sleep very well last night.”
“Was it the cramps?” He tucked some hair behind her ear. “Or Magnar?” His eyes darkened. For the first time she saw jealousy and anger. What had changed?
“It was the cramps.” She nodded.
He visibly relaxed. “I’ll go and make that tea and get you the hot water bottle. I won’t forget the chocolate.”
“Thank you.”
He kissed the side of her mouth. The side. It was quick and stilted. It was breaking her heart.
Chapter 31
For the first time in his whole entire life, Magnar was lonely. No, not lonely exactly. He was…he…may as well admit it, he was missing Claire. Somehow, he felt empty without her and the sensation had brought on this feeling of loneliness. He didn’t want to sit in his nest all day. He’d been warned not to fly beyond the village, as it had been deemed unsafe since Gabin had been captured. He didn’t know the male well. Magnar had spent the morning questioning the trespasser but had unearthed nothing. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been allowed to inflict any kind of torture on the fucker. If he’d been given permission, then maybe they would have gotten somewhere. They planned on releasing the motherfucker later today. He found it ludicrous. At the very least they should give him a beating for trespassing. It was a pussy move to let him go unscathed. A stupid move.
Hate Awakened: Book 3: The Feral Page 24