by D. M. Shane
He was so consumed with my pain that the connection we shared sent all of it spiraling back into me, and I knew. I knew we were inexplicably linked. I knew the storming rage he felt was for every wrong ever done to me. I knew the grief was for all of my suffering. I knew the remorse was for not being there to stop it. And I knew he was determined to make it right. That he would pick up all those tiny pieces and put them back together if I let him.
22
Arkkadian
I held Aislin as she wept, my wolf seething just under the surface. For every hurt. For every ounce of pain. For all the trauma and the torment. For all the times she was alone. I couldn’t let the rage, or the grief, or the remorse consume me. No. I would fix this. I knew then that if I ever laid eyes upon the bastards who’d hurt her, I would tear them limb from limb. She was my mate. The other half of my soul. And no one would ever hurt her again if I had anything to say about it.
As the evening sun slowly set in the distance, the fireflies faded into the shadows, making way for the dark of night falling around us. When her tears finally stopped, Aislin released a heavy sigh and sat upright. She tried to stand and winced in pain. I pulled her back down to sit and reached for her feet. Bloody cuts on the soles of her feet glinted in the pale moonlight, revealing where sharp bits of gravel had sliced through her skin. Dammit. I’d been so distracted by her pain, I hadn’t noticed the injuries.
“Come on, love, let’s go home. You’ve had a long day.”
She wrapped her arms around me, and I carried her back to the cabin where I went to work cleaning her wounds.
She didn’t flinch, she didn’t speak, and I didn’t push. She’d talk when she was ready. I grabbed one of my t-shirts and a warm pair of sweats and set them on the bed beside her. Then I set to work stoking the fire back to life before returning to her side.
“Why don’t you try to get some sleep? I’ll be downstairs in the den if you need me. Do you need anything before I go?” My wolf whined, not enjoying leaving her alone, but also understanding the need for space. She didn’t reply, but just as I turned toward the door, her hand snaked out and grabbed mine.
“Please don’t leave me alone,” she begged.
The desperation in her voice tore at my heart, and I sank down beside her on the mattress and pulled her to me. She held on to me like I was her last lifeline. I traced circles on her back as I focused my energy, and then I sent small waves of it into her. Small enough to hopefully not cause the same trouble as before. I tucked her head under my chin, and I tilted my face just enough to kiss the top of her head.
“I won’t go anywhere. Not if you don’t want me to,” I promised, breathing in her scent and letting it ease away the stress of earlier.
“Okay.”
“Are you sure?” My mate looked entirely lost. The ground beneath her had collapsed, and she’d finally hit rock bottom. I would be here to help lift her back up, but I couldn’t do it all myself. She had to fight. She had to find her own strength, the strength I knew hid way down deep behind her broken and crumbling walls. I could help her find it, but ultimately, it was up to her to grab ahold of it and never let it go.
“Please,” she said, just barely above a whisper. When she didn’t move, I picked up the sweats and handed them to her. “What’s this?”
“I thought you’d like something a little more comfortable to wear. Why don’t you go change and I’ll be right here when you return?”
When she wandered off to the bathroom, I quickly changed into sweats and a t-shirt myself. Exiting the closet, I saw the bathroom door was ajar, so I poked my head inside. Aislin was just standing there in the middle of the room, holding the clothes, staring blankly at them in her hands. Damn that bastard, Kane. Just what had he done? The urge to destroy crept under my skin, but I pushed it away. All that anger, that hatred, none of that was important right now. But she was.
“Hey,” I said quietly, and she jumped. “Can I come in?”
She nodded, and I took the clothes from her and set them on the counter. “Come on, love. You can’t wear these to bed. You’ve got grass stains on your jeans and mud on your shirt. Lift your arms for me.”
She did as she was told, and I lifted the pink blouse over her head. Then I undid the button on her pants and lowered them so she could step out. Aislin wrapped her arms around her torso and cast her eyes to the floor, obvious shame and embarrassment over the disfiguring marks on her body flooding through our shared connection. I pretended not to notice, not wanting to make her any more self-conscious than she already was. She didn’t need words right now. She needed quiet comfort. Tenderness. I held up the sweats so she could slide her legs into them and ignored the racing thoughts in my head.
“Turn around,” I coaxed.
I undid the clasp on her bra and slipped it down over her arms, letting it fall to the floor with the rest of her soiled clothes. Then I handed her the t-shirt so she could slip it over her head before turning back. Aislin kept her eyes downcast, the shame she felt still visible on her face. She hadn’t looked at me once since I carried her home.
“It’s okay,” I quietly told her when she bent to pick up her clothes off the floor. “Leave them.”
Grabbing her hand, I led Aislin back to the bed. Then I folded down the covers and climbed in after her. She lay silently on her left side facing away, but moments later, she scooted up against me, her back to my front. Her smaller frame fit perfectly next to mine.
I shut the bedside lamp off, tucked one arm under my head, and lay there watching flickers of firelight dancing across the ceiling. When Aislin didn’t move away, I wrapped my other arm around her and pulled her closer. For the first time in a long while, my wolf was subdued. Quiet. And I was grateful for it. The constant stress of a high-strung wolf was exhausting, both mentally and physically. As a shapeshifter, my wolf and I were one in the same, but in times of stress and trouble, with heightened instincts, it felt like another being lived beneath the surface of my skin. Invading my body. And if the wolf was stressed, so was I.
I lay awake for a while, just listening to the sounds of her breathing as she cuddled up against me. It destroyed me knowing she was hurting this much, and I didn’t understand how bad it truly was until this evening. Earlier on the sofa, I’d felt the connection spark between us, a sign that the bond was strengthening. I hadn’t expected it to startle her, or for her to fly out the door like a frightened bird.
Her fingers unexpectedly interlacing with mine pulled me from my thoughts.
“You want to talk about it?” I propped my head up to peer over her shoulder and waited, giving her the choice to open up or not. This was her hurt. Her pain. Only she could decide when she was ready.
“I…”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to, but I’m here if you want to.” I wanted her to trust me. To be open with me. But I also didn’t want to push her if she wasn’t ready.
“No. I want to. It’s just… it’s bad, Arkkadian. It’s really bad.”
“Take your time, love. Take your time.”
Control, I told myself. I needed to keep absolute control. I had an inkling, but I would let her lead the way. It was Aislin’s story to tell. Her pain to reveal. And no matter what she told me, no matter how angry it made me, I couldn’t lose myself to the anger. I couldn’t lose myself to the wolf. I would be the rock. The foundation. The support and the love she needed to find her footing and rebuild her life.
23
Aislin
I took a deep breath and tried to steel myself against the emotions bubbling to the surface. If I didn’t tell him now, I didn’t know if I would ever have the courage. What happened downstairs had set my anxiety off like a rocket, and then the flare of the flashback had sent me running out into the night, unable to tell the difference between memories and reality. Arkkadian just being here, listening, giving me the time I needed to work through my thoughts meant everything.
“I’m sorry I ran off like that. I freaked out.” I
could feel Arkkadian nod behind me, but he stayed quiet. His only answer was to brush the hair off my neck and twirl his fingers in slow, gentle circles upon my skin. I let it comfort me. Even now, I could feel the familiar tingle that connected us, and I let it fill me until my entire body buzzed with energy. Only this time, it wasn’t such a shock to my system. Instead, it brought me peace and, with it, the beginnings of the healing I so desperately needed.
When Arkkadian still didn’t speak, I continued. “Did you feel it? What was it?”
“I did,” he answered calmly. “I think you know.”
I did know. The surface of my skin prickled with awareness everywhere our bodies touched, like two atoms bonding at an atomic level.
I couldn’t make myself admit it out loud, though. I wanted him to say it. Until this moment, I hadn’t truly believed anything Arkkadian had told me. Mates? Being able to “sense” each other? That weird calming thing he did when he touched me? It had made me sick. Literally. I’d spent hours puking in a bucket because of it. And even then, I hadn’t believed. Hell, I was still reeling from the knowledge that he and his brother could turn into wolves. Big, scary wolves. That alone, seeing Gideon’s wolf surrounded by flames in my apartment… that should have convinced me, but it hadn’t.
I’d thought I was going crazy. I had believed none of it. Not until that moment, when the tiny trace of electricity that had been there all along suddenly shot off like a bolt of lightning through my being, striking me right in the epicenter of my soul. That was when I knew it to be true, and it had scared the ever-living shit out of me. That fear lit the match that sparked the flashback to life.
“That was the connection. That was your instinct finally accepting what had been there all along. It was telling you you were finally accepting that here was where you were meant to be, Aislin. Instinct always knows, just as our souls always recognize their other halves.”
I knew he was right. It felt right. I just didn’t know how I felt about it. All of this was too heavy. Arkkadian placed a soft kiss on my neck. My skin tingled where his lips touched me.
“My entire life has been a lie, hasn’t it?” I whispered.
“Not a lie. Just… different. That’s all,” he said. “What’s important is that you’re here now and that you treasure the good parts. Learn from the hard parts. Remember the loved ones you lost. They may be gone, but they will always be a part of you.”
I let go of his hand with a sigh and traced circles on the pillow next to me. He was right. Again. That still didn’t make any of this easier. I mean, I could devour a paranormal romance easily, but to find out the characters from my books were real? And the odds I was part of that immortal world? It was surreal.
“Want to tell me what happened tonight?” He continued gently stroking my skin, his fingers soft and soothing as they moved up and down my arm with feather-light touches.
And we were back to the heart of the matter just like that. The thing that, months later, still plagued me. That would probably forever plague me, just like my childhood dreams always had. You don’t forget things like that. I couldn’t avoid it forever, and I’d already resigned myself to be open and honest with Arkkadian. If he had gone to the trouble of saving me and keeping me safe, then he deserved to know the truth.
“It’s just… everything is moving so fast. When I felt the connection, it startled me. It’s been there from the start, always growing stronger, but this time, it felt like lightning zipping through me, down into my very soul. It was the moment I knew everything you’d told me was true. It was the moment I knew you were mine, and I was yours, but the very idea of it frightened me. I’ve spent months being afraid of men, and yet, here I am connected to one I hardly know, unable to deny it. Then I had a flashback and all these memories of Kane came flooding back. I couldn’t handle everything all at once. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like the walls were closing in and I had to get out of here before I suffocated.”
“Did he hurt you?” Arkkadian stopped stroking my arm and wrapped it around my waist, pulling me tighter against him. I needed that closeness. The warmth. The comfort. The strength. I didn’t know how much I needed that strength until now. I thought I’d been strong all along, doing things on my own and not relying on anyone when all I’d been doing was running. That wasn’t strength. That was me refusing to face my demons.
“He tried,” I answered. I would not cry. I would not. This time, I would hold it together. I would draw on Arkkadian’s strength. I could do this. I took a deep breath and let it all out.
“At first, he’d been charming and kind. Always dressed nice. Clean cut. We dated a handful of times, nothing remotely serious. Then, on the last date, he asked me back to his place. I stupidly went with him. I learned what a creep he truly was that night. He was nothing like the person he’d presented himself to be. We were halfway through a movie when, out of nowhere, he pushed me down and tried to shove his tongue in my mouth. I pushed him off me and told him I wasn’t ready for that.
“The next thing I know, I’m pinned to the wall, and he’s in my face and he’s so angry. He told me I ‘owed’ him for taking me out on nice dates, and that one way or another, he would get what he wanted. I tried to push him off, but he dragged me back to the bedroom. I fought. I kicked and screamed, but I wasn’t strong enough. He hit me so hard I saw stars. By the time I realized what was happening, he’d ripped my clothes off and pinned me face down on the bed. And then he… he tried…” I buried my face in the pillow. I couldn’t say it. Not out loud.
“Ash, love, it’s okay. You don’t have to,” Arkkadian soothed.
“No. You need to know what he tried to do, and I need to be strong enough to say this. I need to be strong for myself. Kane had me pinned. I felt his hands. Back there.”
I clenched my butt involuntarily, and I could have sworn Arkkadian growled behind me. I could feel the anger rolling off him, but I couldn’t stop. I had to tell him the rest. To get it out of me and get rid of the fear. I had to get rid of the shame and find my strength. I couldn’t let it eat away at me any longer.
“I couldn’t move. He was saying something about making me his forever and I didn’t understand what he meant.” At that, Arkkadian swore. “The laughter. God. I can’t forget how evil he sounded. He just… kept… laughing. Then my head went all fuzzy, and I felt like I wanted to puke. Kind of like that thing you did, but I didn’t know. I thought it was because he’d hit me in the head. I took the first opportunity when he let go of my hands to grab the lamp on the nightstand, and I slammed it into his head. When he reared back, I rolled over and kicked his balls, and I ran. Kane disappeared after that; the police never found him. When he showed up the other night, that was the first time I’d seen him since that night.”
“I’m so sorry that happened. So sorry.” He hugged me tighter. I wrapped my arms around his and held on tight. Being in his arms, it felt good. It felt safe.
“It’s my fault. I was stupid. I still feel dirty and ashamed every time I’m reminded of him, even though he didn’t…”
“Stop. Never say that about yourself. It’s not your fault, and you are not stupid. Kane is a creep. He always has been, always will be. If I find the son of a bitch again...” He let the sentence trail off, but I knew what he meant. There was no doubt in my mind Arkkadian would kill him. I hoped he did.
“Do you know how brave you are? How strong you are? You fought. You got away. And you had the courage to tell me about it. You are stronger than you realize, love.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not. I shouldn’t have gone with him. If I hadn’t…”
“Yes, you are. He didn’t get what he wanted from you. It took courage for you to fight. I am so proud of you. And you should be proud of you, too,” he said, his tone turning serious. “Aislin, I mean it. If you hadn’t fought him, you wouldn’t have escaped. When he said he would make you his, he meant it. When your head went all fuzzy, that was Kane attempting to force a bond on you. Had he succeeded, you
would have become his plaything, and there would have been almost nothing you could do about it. Forced bonds are vile, and they’re not permitted among the Pack. The only way to force a bond, well, it’s what Kane tried to do to you. The only ways to break a bond are death, forcing a new bond, or having a Soul Shadow shatter the bond. And they’re all horrible things to experience.”
Arkkadian’s words sat heavily on my chest. The realization that I could have been stuck with that bastard forever terrified me, and I shuddered at the thought. If I hadn’t been able to get away…. No, I didn’t want to think about it.
“Come here, love. Look at me.” He tugged on my arm until I rolled to face him. I was met with the most gorgeous steel-blue eyes. Eyes that revealed the truth of who and what we were to each other. Eyes that promised I’d never be alone again. “I mean it when I say you’re stronger than you realize and that I’m proud of you. It not only took the courage to fight him, but it took courage to confide in me. What you endured, those are hard things to talk about, but you did it. Be proud of that.”
“But I still shouldn’t…”
Arkkadian took my face in his hands. “Stop blaming yourself. I’ll keep saying it until you get it through your head. It’s not your fault, Aislin.”
He was right. I let his words fill me with love and light. The weight lifted off my chest, and at that moment, I realized I was no longer afraid. Not of Arkkadian, not of Kane. Kane had no power. Not anymore. I was no longer beholden to that fear.
“Thank you.” I snuggled closer to him, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. “Thank you for saving me.”
“You’re welcome,” he whispered, and then he leaned in and kissed my forehead, his hand gently cupping my chin.
That familiar little spark zipped through me again, sending every little synapse into overdrive, and I sighed. I tilted my head up and met Arkkadian’s smoldering gaze. His cerulean eyes bored into me, and my heart leaped into my throat. I swallowed, instantly becoming a bundle of nervous energy, and just like that, the evening’s drama was all but forgotten. Right then, I wanted Arkkadian to kiss me. I stared and waited, too nervous and inexperienced to know how to make a move. I parted my lips and licked them in anticipation.