The mouths of both children opened. Jack glanced at Alice, who nodded as if what Logan had just said confirmed something.
Quickly Logan added: "But, when it comes to grownups choosing to live together, there's a whole lot of things that have to be ironed out. Things they need to agree. And that can take a little time. For me and Kirsty. And for both of you, too." Logan lifted a brow and looked at Jack and Alice. "You understand what I'm saying, don't you?"
The children nodded. A bump in the trail forced them to grasp hold of the buckboard. Alice hung onto her hat even tighter.
"Let me ask you a question," he said. Both children gazed, wide-eyed at Logan. "Do you think you might like living on a farm like the one Kirsty owns?"
Both children looked blankly back at Logan. He figured he might have some persuading to do. "It can be a whole lot of fun. And we wouldn't be living in a town. There's plenty of things you can do when you live in a place like this." Logan gazed around at the beautiful countryside. He sighed contentedly. "And this is God's precious earth. He sure made this place special. And you'd have plenty of friends. There are other families close by, and they all have children." He smiled at them. "What do you think?"
Once again, they both looked back at him with steady expressions. He couldn't read them at all. Logan frowned. He still had work to do if he was going to win them over to the idea of life on a homestead.
They arrived at the homestead. As he drew the buckboard to a halt, Kirsty came out from inside the cabin. When the children got down from the buckboard seat, Kirsty went to Jack and Alice and hugged both of them. That sight made Logan's heart warm. He stepped down and went to Kirsty and the children, both of whom were smiling.
"You arrived just in time for some lunch. Come on inside," she said.
Logan and the children followed Kirsty into the cabin. As he strode in, his nostrils were hit by the mouth-watering aroma of fresh cooking. Abby was seated on a chair on the right side of the room. A white dress was draped across her legs and she held a needle and thread between her fingertips. Abby looked up and smiled. "Hello, there," she said. Holding up the dress, she added. "Have you any idea how much work is involved in making a wedding dress?" she asked rhetorically.
Kirsty laughed quietly. "I don't imagine Logan has had much experience of that."
Logan shuffled his booted feet on the wooden floorboards. "I can't say I have. But it sure looks pretty. When is the big day?"
"Hasn't Kirsty told you?" Abby asked, glancing at Kirsty.
"It's in two weeks." Kirsty said.
"A church wedding followed by a celebration over at the town hall." Abby peered in a friendly manner at Jack and Alice. "And you two are certainly invited. Along with your pa, of course."
Alice gasped. "A wedding?" She looked up at Logan. "Are we going to a wedding, pa?"
Logan nodded and smiled at Abby. "Looks like we are." Logan grinned at Alice. "You know what that means?"
Alice shook her head. "Nope."
"We'll need to get a pretty dress for you." He glanced at Jack. "And maybe a new suit for you, Jack." Logan immediately wondered if he'd be able to keep that promise. There were limited options when it came to buying clothes for children. But he figured he'd work something out.
"Maybe we'll be able to do something about that," Kirsty suggested. She smiled at Alice. "Me and Abby are pretty good when it comes to making up dresses. Have you ever made a dress for yourself, Alice?"
Alice shook her head. Logan knew that, living in a decent-sized town like Helena, there had never been a call for her to do such a thing. His brother had always provided for the children.
"Well maybe you can help us make something up that you can wear on the day," Kirsty continued. "What do you think, Abby?"
Abby nodded emphatically. "We sure can."
Alice grinned with delight and anticipation.
Kirsty headed to the cooking area. Abby laid her dress on a nearby table and went to Kirsty. Both women started to prepare the food to be laid out on the table.
"You want some help there?" Logan asked.
Kirsty and Abby gave him matching looks of disbelief. "You're our guests. Don't be silly." Kirsty gestured to the table. "Take your jackets and coats off and sit down at the table."
Logan grinned. Maybe he'd have to get used to following orders while he was around the MacAnliss homestead.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
By the end of the afternoon, and with the sun heading down toward the tops of the distant trees, Kirsty figured she'd told the children only some of what it took to run a homestead. Even though she knew she'd never be able to explain it all in one afternoon, she'd made a start. For their part, the children seemed fascinated, especially with the animals. Realizing Jack and Alice had both grown up in a large town, Kirsty was sure that being so close to animals must be strange, but also exciting.
She could only imagine what must be going through the children's minds as she led them and Logan around the homestead. Maybe they were amazed at the way she lived. Or perhaps they were appalled at how rough life could be on a homestead. She couldn't really tell. Both children were quietly attentive throughout the afternoon. With Logan also in close proximity, it had made for an afternoon unlike any she'd ever had on the homestead.
Kirsty had first shown them the livestock. Horses, pigs, chickens and the cow. Also the few head of cattle, out in the pasture, which had to be looked after. As he'd followed Kirsty around, keeping close to the children, listening to her as she explained the kinds of daily tasks she had to do, Kirsty had seen Logan carefully school his features, his lips tight shut.
Once or twice he'd looked about to say something. Perhaps add some detail based on his own experience. She didn't doubt that he already knew everything she was telling the children. But, every time, he'd controlled the impulse to speak. It was as if he wanted give her the chance to share the details of her everyday life with the children.
As Kirsty busied herself with showing off the life she'd built for herself, she reflected on what had happened since Logan's fateful declaration on the Sunday after church.
Kirsty understood that Logan had brought the children out to the homestead for a reason. To give them a chance to see what homestead life was really like. He'd said it was part of their schooling.
She was also sure he had selfish reasons for coming to her place, today. He wanted to follow up on the suggestion he'd made. Put an end to the rumors about what might have happened the night he'd stayed at the homestead.
He'd proposed a pretend courtship. But, Kirsty wasn't so easily fooled. She'd seen the look in Logan's eyes when he'd spoken to her on the boardwalk. Logan was hoping for more than just a pretend courtship. Kirsty knew he didn't merely want to put an end to the rumors. Didn't only want to repair her damaged reputation.
No.
Kirsty was sure Logan Kincaid had his mind set on something else. Something much bigger than that. As she'd leaned against the hitching rail on Main Street, she'd felt it in her thundering heart, watching Logan inch closer to her. She'd sensed a determination in Logan. He'd looked at her with such passion, even with longing, that she'd almost given in and let him kiss her. The temptation had almost overwhelmed her. But, at the last moment, she'd dragged herself away from him. And, since that Sunday, she'd done all she could to keep the memory of that encounter out of her mind. And when she had reflected upon it, she'd struggled to make sense of it.
But now he was back. He was on her own territory. And, all afternoon, being so close to Logan, she'd found it impossible to keep her eyes off him. He'd been charming, amusing and entirely pleasant. He'd joked with the children; shown genuine interest in Abby's wedding preparations; and had insisted on helping with cleaning up after the lunch. Standing so close to him in the kitchen area, Kirsty had worked hard to remain aloof and unaffected by his presence.
It had been impossible.
Every time Logan looked at her; every time he made a casual comment to her; every accidental
brush of his arm against hers, caused her heartbeat to quicken. It was futile to pretend that Logan had no effect on her. There was nothing pretend about how she was beginning to feel about Logan. And it was turning her world upside down.
That only made her confusion worse. She faced the prospect of living alone on the homestead after Abby left to live with Lucas. There was also the real problem of what to do about her growing feelings for the cowboy who'd walked back into her life.
Ever since the night he'd arrived at the homestead, her emotions had been a churning torrent, made worse by the growing uncertainties in her life.
Given all of this, she'd come to one simple conclusion. It was crucial she keep Logan at a distance. A pretend courtship which might be ended by mutual arrangement was one thing.
Falling in love with Logan Kincaid was something else entirely.
Maybe the time had come to tell Logan exactly how things stood between them.
Having spent a couple of hours around the homestead, Kirsty could see that the children were showing signs of tiredness. They all returned to the cabin. Abby, seated and working on her dress again, was pleased to see them all coming back inside. Exchanging knowing looks with her cousin, Kirsty managed to hint that she wanted to speak with Logan outside.
Alone.
Picking up on Kirsty's wish, Abby drew the children closer and started explaining to them how she was stitching the dress.
With the attention of the children distracted, Kirsty looked up at Logan. "Would you like to take some air on the porch before you leave?"
Logan's brows furrowed, as if he realized there was more to her suggestion than a casual conversation. "Sure."
Logan followed Kirsty outside. She closed the door firmly behind her and led Logan along to the far end of the porch. The sun had settled behind the trees on the west side of the valley and the air was becoming noticeably cooler. It would be dark in just over an hour. Logan would have to leave soon to make sure he could get the children safely back to town before darkness fell.
"What's on your mind, Kirsty?" Logan asked abruptly.
Surprised, she looked up at him. "What makes you think I have something to say to you?"
Logan quirked a brow. "I know that look. It's the one you used to get when we were at school." He smiled. "You know. When you just had to make a point about something and nothing was going to stop you making it?" He tilted his head. "That's the look you've got in your eyes, right now."
Kirsty shook her head. "I can see you haven't forgotten our school days."
"I can read you like a book," he countered. "Even after all these years."
Kirsty rolled her eyes. "I seem to recall you didn't much like reading. Every time the teacher asked you to read aloud in class you threw a fit."
"I did not!" he snapped. Lifting his chin proudly, he added: "I was a perfect student."
Kirsty's laugh echoed out across the yard. Logan squinted at her and shook his head.
Kirsty folded her arms and gazed out across the meadow. This wasn't going to be easy. But then, being with Logan Kincaid had never been without its dangers, she told herself.
"So?" Logan asked. "What did you want to say to me?"
"It's about what you said to me on Sunday."
Logan's brows furrowed. "Yeah?"
Kirsty faced Logan. "I know you mean well. That you're trying to protect my reputation. And stop folks from talking about us. Thinking bad about me." She peered into his dark eyes and shook her head. "But it isn't going to work."
Logan's expression darkened. "Why?"
"Because folks have already made their minds up."
He shook his head. "Not everyone. Most folks at the church didn't even give us a second look. Forgiveness is a virtue. I think most folk will forgive. It's their duty to do so."
Kirsty nodded. "You're right. But it's only a matter of time before everyone who doesn't go to church knows. Word will spread fast. Then it'll be too late. Not even a pretend courtship is going to fix that."
Logan was silent for a few long moments. In his eyes, she could see careful deliberation. He was trying to weigh his next words with care, she told herself. Logan moved closer. Then he did something which startled her, sending sensation flaming through her body. He reached out and curled his fingers around her elbow. His touch made her gasp quietly. But she didn't move away from him. It was just like when she'd been with him on Main Street. She was momentarily transfixed.
Logan drew her close to him with the gentlest of movements. Close enough that she could inhale his intoxicating scent. Kirsty's throat tightened as she met Logan's steady gaze.
"Who said anything about this being a pretend courtship?" he asked in a deep, quiet voice.
Kirsty felt her mouth drop open. She dragged in a deep breath and felt her heartbeat race furiously.
"This isn't going to work. You know it, as well as I do, Logan." She heard her voice quivering, and she was startled at how defensive it made her sound.
Logan shook his head. "I've been going over what I said to you. And I've come to a conclusion." He moved even closer. If he wanted to do so, he would only have to dip his head slightly and his lips would be on hers. She gazed at him. "As far as I'm concerned, this courtship is real." His voice dropped to a low growl filled with certainty. "I mean to court you with everything I've got. That's how much you mean to me. How much your happiness means to me."
His words rang in her ears, mingling with the thundering sound of her pulse. Her breath hitched in her chest. For a long moment, all she could do was gaze up at his handsome, determined features.
Thoughts tumbled into her mind. This couldn't be happening. Surely he didn't mean what he'd just said. He'd told her this would all be a temporary situation. An act for the benefit of others. Once it was over, they'd both move on, explaining that they'd agreed to a parting of the ways.
But now he had changed his mind?
"What are you saying, Logan?"
"Isn't it clear? Ever since I came back, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind, Kirsty. I think about you all the time."
Kirsty gasped, realizing just how much he was opening up to her. How far he was willing to go. She felt fear grip her. His words were scaring her because she knew where they might lead. This wasn't the conversation she'd intended to have with him. She'd wanted to tell him that they should both keep their distance. And make sure the children didn't get hurt by raised hopes or expectations.
Realizing that perhaps it was too late for that, Kirsty felt anxiety seize her. It wasn't just about her now. Not just about her reputation. It was about Logan and the children, too. For a moment she felt bewildered.
As if sensing her confusion, Logan continued. "Tell me you don't feel something for me, Kirsty. If you do, I'll admit I've made a mistake. One that I'll have to work hard to fix. But I'll do what's right, if you say the word. I'll take all the blame. Make sure everyone knows the truth, no matter what happens to me."
Kirsty knew the moment for truth had come. All she had to do was look into his eyes and tell him there was no future for her and Logan. And that nothing good would come from pretending otherwise. The words hovered on her lips.
But she couldn't utter them. Couldn't say them aloud because they weren't true. She didn't want to send Logan away. Didn't want to banish him and the children from her life.
She sighed. All of this was happening too fast. She felt as if life was crowding in upon her. Pressing down on her. She needed time to think. Logan had only been back in her life a short while, and he'd already turned her world upside down.
Suddenly, she knew what she had to say. Looking into Logan's eyes, she murmured. "Give me time, Logan. Just give me some time to think. To get used to all of this. Can you do that?"
She'd expected she might see disappointment in his eyes, but she didn't. Instead, his gaze showed something quite different.
Hope.
The corner of Logan's mouth creased with a barely hidden delight. Then he lifted h
is hand and touched his fingertips beneath her chin. She felt a curious lightness in her entire body. That simple touch had ignited feelings she hadn't known existed. Logan nodded. "I can do that, Kirsty. I know everything in your life got turned inside out. And me coming back hasn't made things any easier."
"It's not your doing, Logan," she breathed. "I've known this day was coming for a long time."
His brows lifted. "You knew I'd be coming back?"
Kirsty shook her head. "I knew Abby and Lucas were sure to get wed. I was sure they would. Maybe I just didn't want to admit to myself just how much it would affect my future."
Logan's gaze became intense. "As far as I'm concerned, you do have a future." His head dipped and his brows furrowed into deep ridges. When he spoke his voice was steady. "Your future is with me."
A confusing mixture of delight and uncertainty awakened in her. She lifted up her heart to the Lord. Inside herself, quietly, she asked the one question which burned in her mind.
Lord, where are you leading me?
Gazing up into Logan's eyes, she knew the answer. Panic seized her. Suddenly, she knew she had to take a step back. From Logan and from everything. She couldn't think straight.
Lowering her head, she eased away from Logan. Walking slowly along the porch, she paused and turned, looking at him with a fervent gaze. "Just give me time."
That was all she could say. And then she headed back into the cabin. Holding the door open, she heard Logan's footsteps.
Abby looked up at Kirsty. "I was just telling the children that we should do some shopping tomorrow. In town. What do you think?"
"Shopping?"
Abby nodded and smiled at the children who were both kneeling on the floor in front of her. "If we're going to make some wedding outfits for these two delightful children, we're going to need to buy some things."
A polite refusal hovered on Kirsty's lips. But, before she could say anything, she heard Logan's voice from behind her. "That sounds like a mighty fine idea."
The Cowboy’s Frontier Courtship Page 10