by Alex Langley
LEARN HOW TO CONTEND WITH FAME, FOLLOWERS, AND FANS
Fans are phenomenal, amazing, supportive, fun people . . . most of the time. Some fans are fickle assholes who don’t want you doing anything other than the specific thing they want you to do.
Japanese idols—corporately manufactured pop stars renowned for their wholesome sweetness—are generally forbidden from doing anything as risqué as, say, having a boyfriend. Should it become public knowledge that an idol is dating someone, they will usually face severe criticism from their obsessive fans, forcing them to give a public apology and likely end their career.
YouTuber “Angry Joe” Vargas posts complex video game reviews that combine in-game footage with green-screened skits and costumed characters. For all his success, Angry Joe found himself becoming Fatigued Joe and needed to slow down the rate at which he was producing this content.18 He kept other types of content flowing on his channel during this hiatus, and yet many of his followers still weren’t happy and took to flooding his videos with nasty comments.
Not all followers are of the “do-as-I-demand-or-I-will-destroy-you” variety. Plenty can be generous-to-a-fault, kind, supportive, and downright cool people. It may often seem the former group are more common than the latter, only because content followers aren’t as likely to leave all-caps comments on your work. Still, once you begin gaining a following, you’ll experience all types of people, so you need to get a handle on what to expect before they show up at your door with duct tape and a shovel.
To provide you with the most comprehensive guide to the kinds of Internet followers you can expect, I plumbed the depths of some ancient catacombs beneath Chicago to find the definitive guide. Written by Gary Gygax in 1969, this unprinted Dungeons & Dragons manual titled Mordenkainen’s Almanac of Internet Deities details what you can expect from the Internet’s most archetypal denizens.
AN EXCERPT FROM MORDENKAINEN’S ALMANAC OF INTERNET DEITIES:
The Patron Gods of Internet Followers
ZOLOMON THE NORMAL Zolomon is a remarkably average follower. She doesn’t obsess over your in-jokes, nor does she rib you for not adhering to a strict update schedule. She’ll sit through ads but probably won’t back you on Patreon.
EGARTH THE EVER-FICKLE Egarth despises change. Any content that isn’t delivered the exact way Egarth thinks it should be delivered will draw his ire, and he’s more than willing to let everyone in the multiverse know of his displeasure.
AETH’LAS THE ACTIVE Aeth’las likes to comment, Aeth’las likes to tweet, and Aeth’las is more than happy to throw a few bucks your way. She’s a happy, altruistic follower who enjoys your content, likes the interaction, and never overstays her welcome. She wants the Internet to be a fun place and does her best to help keep it fun by supporting her favorite content creators.
CHILLWIND THE GHOST Little is known about Chillwind. What does she want? What does she think about your content? She doesn’t rate videos, doesn’t comment, doesn’t click links. She simply watches and moves on.
FILCH-FINGER THE STALKER Filch-Finger is why you should be very careful about how much personal information you reveal in your videos. Mentioning that you live in Georgia in one video from five years ago, referencing your high school mascot in another, tweeting about your dad quitting his job at your town’s paper mill . . . while normal fans like Zolomon won’t connect these disparate facts, Filch-Finger will. Filch-Finger has serious, untreated mental issues, and once you stop responding to his invasive private messages, he’ll take it upon himself to figure out where you live and track you down, whether it’s through connecting the dots of your online content or some good ol’-fashioned hacking.*
PHTHAGRETH THE BAFFLED ONE Phthagreth doesn’t know how they ended up subscribed to your content; was someone else using their computer? Regardless of how they ended up there, their alien mind is not of this world, and they cannot understand even the most basic concepts you’re discussing. Their comments are often unintelligible, dragging down potential intellectual discourse by getting confused fifteen seconds into your video.
HARAPHRIM THE WHITE KNIGHT In the eyes of Haraphrim, you can do no wrong. Haraphrim will defend you against any and all nay-sayers, regardless of whether you’re actually right. Sometimes Haraphrim will do it in a way that condescends to you, or he may only be trying to “protect” you because you’re female, and he may also let you know he’s “not like those other guys.” Whether Haraphrim’s behavior comes from an antiquated sense of politeness or chauvinistic chivalry is something you’ll have to figure out, lest you risk having him transform into his dark alter ego, HARAPHRIM THE SPURNED, a former fan turned devoted hater of your content.
TUSKREICH THE TROLL Tuskreich is the youngest of the Internet Deities; some estimate his age to be a mere 1,500 years, others think he’s closer to 2,200 years old. Due to a combination of poor social skills, boredom, lack of parental monitoring, and lack of real-life social connections, Tuskreich derives his joy from making others miserable online. His bad behaviors are sometimes as small as a dislike or an asinine comment; on others he’ll go bigger by posting hateful counter-content decrying the content of others, doxxing, or swatting.†
LEARN HOW TO HANDLE CONTROVERSY, TROLLING, AND HATE
At some point, you’re probably going to have to face off against the slobbering, acid-mawed beast of controversy. Even “Weird” Al Yankovic, a man so nice he gets permission for his song parodies even though he legally doesn’t have to get permission for jack-crap, had to endure the ire of Coolio due to some miscommunications about Al’s parody of “Gangsta’s Paradise.” Kotaku.com’s Jason Schrier received death threats for having the audacity to report that the game No Man’s Sky was getting delayed.19 Yep, a bunch of gamers threatened death to a video game reporter for reporting on video game news—i.e., doing his exact job. When the Fine Bros., famous for their many types of “reaction” videos featuring people reacting to things, tried to trademark the concept of a reaction video, their subscriber count plummeted. So did the view count on their subsequent videos. After that, their comment sections became nuclear wastelands of hate, sarcasm, and ironic memes, eventually pushing them to rebrand as FBE to combat the taint on the Fine Bros. name.
Whether you’re a kind-hearted goofball musician or someone looking to make a quick buck through trademarks, as your fanbase grows, so, too, will your detractor base. Don’t hesitate to ignore (or even disable) the comments; the comments section of any online post is almost invariably a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Your video about the five kids’ toys you liked the most when you were a child has somehow had its comments section devolve into an argument over the merits and evils of capitalism. Your review of the PG-rated film The Little Vampire (2000) has become the go-to spot for people to loudly proclaim how the Catholic church has been hiding real vampires for years. Somehow, your blog post about assembling a replica of Shepard’s N7 Mass Effect armor drew in dummies who want to argue that the Earth is flat. You can never know what the talkback section will be like. Ignore the comments where possible and when needed, and full-on disable them if you feel the least bit like things are getting out of hand.*
While some of you will find the video format enticing, others may find it limiting to focus solely on one thing. Perhaps you prefer a scattershot approach, doing lots of little things simultaneously to see what sticks. You like making videos, but you’re more interested in the performance that goes into it, the craftsmanship behind your props and costumes. If this sounds more like you, you may have yourself a case of professional cosplayer.
CHAPTER THREE
COSPLAY
What is professional cosplay? Is it wearing costumes to conventions and wandering around with your friends? Doing photo shoots? Making costumes? Doing highly skilled makeup work for other cosplayers? Being a booth babe/beefcake for a company paying you to dress up as their character to show the kids they’re “with it” and “one of them” despite their sky-high net worths and decadent lifes
tyles?
The long and short of it is that being a professional cosplayer entails learning a hodgepodge of cosplay-related skills and making money every disparate way you can. It requires hustle, dedication, and a willingness to pose for a zillion pictures. If you’ve got the grit to stick it out, there’s (some) gold in them thar hills. Before we crack into the world of pro cosplay, however, I should probably address a simpler question.
WHAT IS COSPLAY?
Cosplay, short for costume play, is the practice of dressing in costume as a specific character, often while attending a fan convention. Unlike the costumes you’d wear to Mardi Gras, El Dia de los Muertos, or National Pancake Day, cosplaying is about capturing the essence of a specific character more than the essence of an event or culture. These characters are usually fictional (though I’ve seen more than a few bearded dudes dressed as George Lucas or Kevin Smith). Cosplayers often like to act “in character” when interacting with other cosplayers, posing for pictures and reacting to picture requests in a manner reminiscent of the character they’re portraying. Gruff Wolverine cosplayers will answer questions with a terse “Sure, bub,” Deadpool cosplayers shout about chimichangas, etc. Some even go so far as to adopt the character’s persona entirely while in costume and refusing to drop character (if this hasn’t been called method cosplay before, then I’m coining the term here and now).
THE HISTORY OF COSPLAY
Cosplay’s origins stretch back to the beginning of the twentieth century. In 1908, a married couple attended a masquerade party at a Cincinnati skating rink dressed as the then-popular characters Mr. Skygack and Miss Dillpickles. Soon thereafter, a different woman won a costume contest also dressed in Skygack apparel. Fans continued this low-scale, primitive style of cosplay for a few decades, until the first World Science Fiction Convention (aka Worldcon) in 1939, when two people created costumes based on the futuristic pulp artwork of Frank R. Paul. The participants of the next Worldcon held an unofficial masquerade/costume contest, inspiring more fans to dress up as their favorite characters at fan conventions.* 20
Today the hobby has exploded in popularity; with the increased awareness of geek culture comes increased fandom and an increased number of fans willing to put in the blood, sweat, and foam to dress as their fave fictional people.
WHY COSPLAY?
Reality blows sometimes. Cosplay gives a means of escape, letting us spend some time around other people who understand the desire to live in a world with airships and dragons and ancient psychic tandem war elephants or the desire to be someone other than ourselves for a little while. Cosplay is a way to connect with other fans who recognize that you’re not just dressed as Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls; you’re dressed as his clone Tyrone from the episode “Double Dipper” who has the exact same appearance save for the number two on his hat.
Cosplay lets us pay tribute to the fictional characters who have touched our lives with their stories, to give ourselves creative and technical challenges to overcome, and to empower ourselves through this fantastic new means of expression, which has only just begun to flourish.
THE THREE PHASES OF COSPLAY
Most costumed pros don’t start off sanding and soldering their outfits together; they work their way up to it. Expert cosplay scientists* have conducted years of painstaking research† and determined the three distinct phases‡ to this art form, found below.
PHASE ONE: CLOSET COSPLAY
Here we have the most basic way to cosplay, which involves using mostly clothes you already own. Common examples include Daily Bugle Peter Parker, where you walk around with a camera, regular clothes, and a Spider-Man shirt with the emblem exposed from beneath your overshirt, or Daily Planet Clark Kent, which is the same thing but with glasses, a Superman shirt, and that swirly piece of hair in front of your face. This is a low-cost, low-commitment way to dip your toe into the cosplay pool to see if it’s something you want to swim around in.
PHASE TWO: PRE-MADE COSPLAY
Here your hunger for cosplay grows beyond the constraints of your closet. Now you want to cosplay as more ostentatious characters, a desire that begets ostentatious purchases. Sometimes you can buy complete costumes as you would for Halloween; others, you’ll have to search for the different pieces—a harness here, a set of gun holsters there, leather leggings elsewhere—and merge them all together to assemble the look you want.
PHASE THREE: CRAFTED COSPLAY
There’s no stopping you now. By the light of each full moon, your insatiable drive to cosplay has become stronger, burning your veins with the need to become. Now you’re not only buying pieces of your costumes, you’re buying pieces of things to turn into pieces of your costume because nothing in the shops looks right. The shoulder pads are too small, the emblem isn’t the right color, and the gun blade is neither gunny nor bladey enough. So you build, abandoning yourself to the art of the cosplay. Weeks go by where you don’t speak to another human being. Your friends and family are worried; or at least, their texts and voice mails sound worried. Little do they realize that you don’t need them anymore. Thread, fabric, foam, glue; these are your family now.
STARTING POINT: STYLES OF COSPLAY
Now that you’ve abandoned the need for your fellow meatbags, let’s talk about cosplay styles. Each cosplay style brings its own expectations with it; while cosplayers have plenty of flexibility to bounce from one genre to another, you should do some research before jumping into a new cosplay style you’re not familiar with.
SUPERHERO
PROS: Superheroes are easily recognizable, their masks provide anonymity that make it more comfortable to stay in character, and the costumes are easy to get.
CONS: Default superhero costumes leave little to the imagination, so if you don’t want your love handles or genitals on full display you’ll either want to do some customization or be prepared to spend the day discreetly tugging things into place.
ANIME
PROS: Anime fans are often a wild and accepting bunch, so cosplaying as your favorite anime character is an easy way of meeting excitable new people, and some anime cosplay can be accomplished with something as simple as a blazer and a wig.
CONS: Hair and weapons. Anime characters tend to have bizarrely ornate hair, which doesn’t always translate well to real life, and carry comically oversize weapons, which are a pain in the ass to haul around.
SCIENCE FICTION
PROS: Sci-fi properties tend to give you a wide range of difficulty as far as costume creation/selection, so it’s easier for cosplayers of all skill levels to find a character whose outfit matches their skills.
CONS: Some of the more recognizable costumes, such as, say, Star Trek’s Borg, are a surprisingly big hassle to assemble. Also, there’s a small, loud subset of sci-fi fans who are particularly prickly about the presentation of their favorite franchises, and they may be more inclined to explain to you in great detail what they feel are inaccuracies.
FANTASY
PROS: Leather armor, a dagger, and pointed ears, and you’re done!
CONS: Fantasy costumes for the guys tend to be suffocatingly hot and heavy in the hubbub of a convention. Fantasy costumes for women, on the other hand, tend to be more revealing than you may be comfortable with. As always, modify those costumes until they look and feel right.
LITERARY
PROS: Cosplaying as characters from literature gives you a bit more freedom to interpret them, as their individual looks are more up to the reader’s imagination.
CONS: Don’t expect to get recognized as often. With that freedom of interpretation comes a lack of recognizability. The way you imagine Rincewind the Wizard might be antithetical to the way someone else imagines Rincewind.
STEAMPUNK
PROS: If you want to go steampunk, it can be as easy as slapping a few cogs on a leather bustier and grabbing a top hat.
CONS: Steampunk often involves dressing in layers—layers that become very, very hot amidst the hustlin’, bustlin’ convention floor. Clev
er steampunk takes on popular characters can be hard to recognize, leading to confused faces from would-be fans.
POST-APOCALYPTIC
PROS: Since your outfit is supposed to be that of someone living in a post-apocalypse world, it’s generally pretty hard to go wrong. Throw on some dirt, rip some holes in your clothes, and don’t worry about wear and tear on your costume since it’s supposed to look beat-up.
CONS: It can be difficult to concisely convey your character using roughed-up, cobbled-together costumes, so don’t be surprised if you get a lot of looks from people trying to figure out who the hell you are.
FURRY
PROS: Utter anonymity, fuzziness
CONS: The furry crowd is a . . . complicated populace. Some are simply folks who like to express themselves through primal, animal alter-egos. Others like to express themselves sexually as these alter-egos. Others still like to express themselves as even more niche, fetishized versions of these alter-egos, engaging in fetishes that I will not be listing because they’re gross and/or illegal. There’s a fair amount of crossover between these three groups, which has led many non-furries to lump them all together. So if you dress in a costume that someone might consider “furry,” don’t be surprised if others make some assumptions about your sexual appetites. Also, those giant animal costumes are probably hot as hell unless you get a really fancy one with a built-in air conditioner and butler.