“That’s why you stayed?” I snap, feeling bitter that she’s not immediately excited to have me around. “Mee-maw is awful, Mom. She beats me, sometimes she starves me, she doesn’t let me go anywhere or do anything.”
“It’s only for a few more years and then you’ll be out on your own in the world. There are worst places to live.”
Wow, is that really the response that a mother should have when her daughter tells her she’s being beaten? Is that normal?
I glower at her. “You’re not gonna let me stay, are you?”
“You can stay tonight, but tomorrow you have to go back. There’s no space for you here.”
Standing, I rub my eyes with the heels of my palms and clench my hands into fists. “You’re a shit mom. I wish God never gave me to you!”
“Honey—”
I pick up her vase and throw it across the room. “DON’T CALL ME HONEY!”
“You’re being unreasonable.” She looks at the broken glass on the floor and the watermark on the crappy beige wall.
I move towards the door, angry and spiteful and delicate.
“I hate you,” I hiss at her and stomp out the way I came.
“Imogen,” she calls after me but she doesn’t follow.
* * *
“YOU STUPID, STUPID GIRL!” Grandpa booms at me, his face red. “Do you have any idea how worried we were?”
“And how much shame you’ve brought upon us with your actions!” Mee-maw sniffs dramatically and dabs under her eyes with an embroidered hanky. “After the last time you broke curfew, you’d think you’d have learned but clearly you have your mother’s poison in your veins.”
She looks at my grandpa who nods.
“We called the police, we were worried. We had everyone out looking for you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whimper. “I’m sorry I wasted everyone’s time and upset you and scared you. I’m just so tired of being trapped here in this perfect image. I just want to have fun.”
“FUN IS PARTICIPATING IN A BAKESALE NOT DRINKING AND FROLICKING WITH BOYS!” Mee-maw yells so loud her voice sounds demonic. Grandpa starts to undo his belt. “You have humiliated us after all we have done for you and your brother and this is how you treat us?”
“Please try to understand,” I beg, backing up against a wall when Grandpa flexes his belt between his hands. “Please… please… PLEASE!” His belt hits the side of my thigh making me scream and drop onto my hands and knees. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”
He hits me again, this time on my back and Mee-maw stands and watches.
“PLEASE STOP!” I arch when he hits me again. God it burns and bruises. I’ve never felt pain like this. I thought Mee-maw’s slipper was bad, but I didn’t know the full extent of the kind of pain I could feel.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Matthew’s voice is like cool water on lava. He dives at our grandpa and wrestles the belt from his hands. “You’re sick! Both of you are fucking sick!”
“How dare you speak to me like that, boy?” Grandpa hisses, angrier than I’ve ever seen him. They square up to each other as Poppy helps me off the floor, whispering soothing words as I sob uncontrollably. My body hurts so bad. My skin is on fire.
“Swing for me, Grandpa, please give me an excuse to knock your frail ass down. Beating on a girl half your size and for shit you did when you were a teen,” Matthew snarls and Grandpa at least has the gall to look slightly ashamed.
Mee-maw clutches her chest and her rosary beads. “Oh my, the heavens sent me such plagued children.”
“Did you ever think that you’re the problem?” I ask her, hiccupping slightly. “Did you ever stop to think the damage you’ve caused us all by beating us and treating us the way you have?”
“I have punished you accordingly for your sins. No worse than my mother punished me as a child and I turned out just fine!”
Well that self-proclamation is entirely laughable, if I wasn’t so distraught.
“I need to sit down,” Grandpa whispers and moves to my bed. He sits on the mattress side and he too clutches his chest.
Is there no end to their mind games?
“You didn’t turn out fine,” I say to her, clinging to Poppy for support. “You’re a controlling, horrible woman.”
She looks hurt. “I only want what’s best for you.”
“I need some water,” Grandpa rasps, flexing his left arm.
Matthew loses his rage and moves to the old man’s side. “Are you okay?”
“No,” Grandpa hisses and everybody goes quiet. For a moment his eyes go glassy as he stares ahead. He lets out a horrifying choke and falls onto his side on the floor.
“Oh my God,” Poppy whispers and pulls out her phone. I’m too shocked to move. I thought he was laying it on heavy like Mee-maw does. “I’ll call an ambulance.”
Mee-maw screams and rushes to her husband’s side, shoving Matthew out of the way. She clasps the old man’s hand. “Don’t you leave me now, Regen. You hear me? Don’t you dare leave me now.”
“My chest,” he chokes, struggling for breath.
I press my hand against it, crouching beside him. I can feel it racing under my palm. Its rhythm is erratic.
“DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM!” Mee-maw shrieks at me, shoving me so hard I fall onto my sore rear. “You did this! YOU!”
26 years old
“You ain’t goin’ nowhere till we’ve had us some lunch,” Felicia admonishes, and West Jessop tosses me his helmet.
“I’ve got a really long drive,” I utter, feeling bad when her eyes flash with hurt. “But lunch would actually be great right now.”
I pull on his helmet and follow him to his bike.
“You know I got you,” Mr. Jessop says softly, lifting his leg over his huge Harley and motioning for me to do the same.
“Go on now,” Felicia insists and I climb on behind him.
“Where are we going?” I ask though it sounds muffled.
“To eat, like I said.”
“And to find out why the hell you ran away all those years ago,” West adds and shoots forward before I can climb off and run again.
15 years old
Mee-maw hasn’t spoken to me since Grandpa died a week ago. Though she held my hand at the funeral today as she wept at his graveside. I shed a few tears too. He was my grandfather after all and I loved him, I still love him.
Matthew hasn’t taken it so well, he blames himself, but Mee-maw blames me. Matthew is male, he can do no wrong. I’m starting to see this more and more the older I get.
I’d like to say it’s nobody’s fault what happened but what if Grandpa dying was God’s way of punishing me for trying to take my own life? What if Kane Jessop never should have saved me and death needed to take a payment for his loss of my soul?
The service was beautiful, everybody in town attended. The wake was even more so. There’s so much food, so many well-wishers and people who seem to genuinely care.
And of course in my grandpa’s honor, bikers that he knew back in the day all rode ahead of the hearse. It was amazing. Kane’s father, Mr. Jessop passed me his helmet and offered me the space on the back of his bike. Felicia encouraged me and told Mee-maw I’d be safe as they weren’t going even half the speed limit. They were trying to cheer me up and for a short while it worked. I expected her to argue but she nodded and off I went, holding West Jessop’s waist. Trying not to let my tears soak the inner foam of his helmet.
Mee-maw and I clean up together side by side in the living room after everyone leaves. Matthew is in the yard, smoking a cigarette and saying goodbye to Poppy. Or so I thought because I watch him through the window climb into Poppy’s car and drive away. He doesn’t come in to say goodbye and I bet Mee-maw won’t say anything to him.
We move into the kitchen and place the clutter on the countertop. There is so much to do but that’s good. It’ll keep us busy.
“Do you need to sit down, Mee-maw? I can do this,” I offer when she stops and
looks at the dish in her hand.
She’s trembling, she often trembles when she gets mad. I know the signs. I tense, ready for whatever might come my way.
“It was too much strain,” Mee-maw utters, sounding so broken and defeated. “It was too much strain, what you did.”
“I’m so sorry, Mee-maw,” I reply softly. “I didn’t mean to cause him any stress.”
She stares at me for the longest time before throwing the empty plate in her grasp at me. It hits me in the head, cracking painfully against my temple before smashing on the floor. I feel warm liquid trickle down the side of my face and press my hand to it. Crimson blood highlights the grooves of my palm, making me look yellow and pale in contrast.
It takes a moment for me to register what just happened.
Oh my God. My head throbs angrily with an ear-splitting headache. I blink to rid myself of the dizzy wave that almost knocks me off my feet.
“If you’d just behaved as I raised you,” she hisses at me, absolutely no remorse for the damage she just inflicted.
When she raises a cup, ready to throw that at me too, I run, fearful that she might actually kill me this time. I push open the front door and stumble out into the dark.
I don’t have my phone, any money, nothing.
“You get back here!” Mee-maw shrieks at me but I keep going, keep running as best I can considering my state of dizziness.
My head isn’t too bad thankfully. I go into a local gas stop and use the bathroom to clean myself up. It’ll bruise but the gash stopped bleeding on the way here. It is so sore. I wince as I prod it and grit my teeth as I wash the dried blood from my cheek and hair and pull my braid over one shoulder.
What do I do now?
I could walk to Poppy’s but it’s all the way on the other side of town and she’ll be with Matthew who I’m angry with for leaving me today. If he’d stayed, this probably wouldn’t have happened. I walk for a long time, letting time pass me by. It gets colder and my arms ache from where I hug myself.
I figure Mee-maw might be asleep and I might be able to sneak in, so I go home to check but I see her through the window, sitting on the sofa with a glass of something in her hand. She’s never normally up past ten. She’s waiting for me and like hell am I giving her the satisfaction.
There’s only one place left other than home.
I stand outside Kane’s bedroom window and peer inside. His dad’s bike isn’t here, nor is Felicia’s and I don’t think his car is in the garage. The house is dead silent and completely dark.
Biting my lip and knowing I can’t keep going for much longer, I push on the window, relieved when it slides open.
I’m mental for doing this but I really don’t have any other choice. Frustratingly, it gets stuck halfway, but I can fit. I’m terrified a neighbor will see me and call the cops. Though I wonder how random it is for them to see girls sneaking in and out of Kane Jessop’s bedroom window.
I turn over an empty plant pot, stand on it and climb in. Knocking something off his desk. It’s a photo of him and his dad I discover when I crouch down to pick it up. I put it back where it was and find the same T-shirt I wore last time hidden in his top drawer. It’s black with a picture of the demented teddy from Five Nights at Freddy’s.
I peel off my clothes, drop them in the space under his desk so they’re out of sight but also not a tripping hazard. Then I pull on the T-shirt but leave my panties and climb into bed.
I might never sleep anywhere else again, this bed is so comfy. It’s like lying on a warm, cushy cloud that doesn’t get you wet.
Well…
I think what’s worse about this entire thing is, I feel safer in the bed of my bully than I do in my own at home. What a fucked-up world I’ve been planted in.
When Kane gets home sometime later, he curses because seeing me startles him. I feign sleep so he doesn’t kick me out, although it’s not a complete lie because I am half there. I was asleep when he turned on the light and woke me up.
I’m surprised when he sighs, switches off the light, rids himself of his clothes and climbs into bed behind me. Staying still, I keep my breathing calm and my eyes shut. The bed dips as he gets comfy and I almost squeeze my eyes tight when he shines a light on my face.
He leans over me.
“Imogen?” he whispers and his fingers brush my hair back, lightly touching the sore wound on my head. He seems to stare at it for the longest time before he turns off his torch, presses his chest against my back, his thigh between mine and relaxes.
16 years old
“Move over,” I hiss, giggling drunkenly when his eyes open, startled and confused.
He groans and moves to the edge of the bed so I can collapse face first onto my side. My side. I have a side. After a moment he rolls towards me and prods the back of my shoulder. “Why is this a thing now? You’re a fuckin’ bitch to me in school, why are you always comin’ to my bed?”
“Your mattress is amazing,” I reply, sighing with contentment. “Play with my hair.”
“Play with your own hair,” he argues but his fingers start stroking my scalp and pulling to the ends. A shiver rolls down my spine. “You’ve been drinking.”
“Gin,” I answer, closing my eyes and rolling my tongue over my minty tasting lips. “So much gin.”
“With Marshall?” he questions, his tone mocking. “You got a thing for him now or somethin’?”
“Yep,” I admit and think of a guy I’ve known since kindergarten but have never actually engaged with. He’s gorgeous, on the football team, tall, dark and did I mention drop dead gorgeous? He also goes to church every Sunday so now I make it a point to also go with Mee-maw every Sunday looking like a pretty little church going girl in reserved clothing with minimal makeup.
“Why?”
“You’ve seen him right? He is fine with a capital F.” I keep my voice low so his parents don’t hear.
“He’s not into you. He has a type and you’re a train wreck. Too much baggage.”
“Fuck you, Kane,” I snarl but choose not to let him antagonize me.
He shifts behind me, moving closer, making me hyperaware of his presence in this bed. “It’s true. You don’t do much of anythin’ Prudence. Never seen him with a girl that doesn’t put out. We both know you don’t put out.”
“Don’t call me that.”
He grins in the dark but then it fades and becomes a glare. “Why the fuck did you throw my gym bag in the pool today?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie and pat his hand when it grips my hair tight and pulls backwards on my head. “Get off me you psycho.”
“Shhh,” he warns, grabbing my shoulder and rolling me onto my back. He looms over me in the dark scowling down at me.
“Did you know your eyes glow in the dark? But not in a good way, in a creepy way. Like animal eyes at night.”
He crosses them for a moment, exasperated. “Do you want me to kick your drunk ass outta my bed?”
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t, but also, I’m not going anywhere so deal with it.”
“I could drag you out of here and toss you on your ass.”
I flutter my lashes at him, feigning innocence. “And I’ll tell your daddy that you smashed the front of your car into Mr. Bennet’s wall and drove away so you wouldn’t have to pay for the damages.”
“You’re such a bitch.”
“You keep saying that like I care.”
“Fine,” he snaps and my eyes reopen. He looks thoroughly annoyed. “If I can’t get you the fuck outta my bed with force, I’ll just make you want to leave it.”
“Do your worst.”
His smug smile is so apparent, even in the dark. I still hate his arrogance. I still hate him. Even though he lets me stay in his bed on the odd occasion I need to crash, he’s still an absolute dick to me in school.
He logged into my school account in the library and emailed all my teachers an image of my head superimposed onto a nude model’s
body. Luckily, they figured out I was hacked because Mee-maw’s well-behaved granddaughter would never do such a thing, and he’s just lucky I didn’t tattle on him. He’d have been in so much trouble.
So naturally I waited until he had to take in his final paper that counts for a lot of his calculus grade, and I dumped his bag in the swimming pool. It was a handwritten paper that he worked super hard on. So much fun.
Watching him grit his teeth and stand there with clenched fists before uttering my name was the best thing ever. Such sweet revenge.
“You really want my worst?” he asks quietly, and I nod which makes his smile malicious. “I know exactly what to do to get you out of my bed and back into your own.”
“If you fart, I’m holding your head under the blanket.”
“I’m not gonna fart,” he breathes, trailing his fingers up my arm.
It isn’t until I feel his breath against my lips that I realize he’s about to kiss me. That wasn’t what I expected to happen. I tense, ready to push him away but his head diverts, his lips brush over my chin and land on the center of my throat.
A spasm of hot pleasure hits me so hard my blood immediately boils. I inhale sharply. Nobody has ever kissed me there before.
His hair tickles the skin of my shoulders as his lips gently lift. I swallow, surprised by how intense that felt.
“You gonna slap me, Prudence?”
I shake my head and try to roll over but he pulls me back. “I want to sleep.”
“Told you, I’m gonna make you leave,” he whispers, eyes excited.
Scowling at him, I sit up and he follows. “If you want me to leave, Kane, all you’ve got to do is ask.”
We stare each other down, my scowl versus his.
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