No, because spending time with people makes you like them and then love them. Like Stacey. I feel bad that I hurt her because I like her. She’s nice to me most of the time. But when she changes her job she’ll leave, so I don’t love her, so I don’t spend time with her. It’s simple people math.
“Well I draw the best zombies,” Immy says with a soft smile and I can see tears in her eyes. “How do we like them? The crazy virus kind, or the melting skin kind?”
“Guts everywhere,” I tell her, feeling kind of into it now. “Guts and gore.”
“Let’s try and keep this child friendly,” David prompts nervously but Immy either doesn’t hear him, or she doesn’t listen on purpose. The big guy winks at me when my eyes drift his way.
“I’m Kane by the way.”
“I know,” I respond.
“You keep lookin’ at me like you want to say somethin’. Thought maybe you’d forgotten my name.”
I chew on my lip and then let them part. “How’d you get so big? Because Stacey said if I eat my greens I’ll get big and strong, but I don’t wanna get that big. I think I might stop eatin’ broccoli.”
He chuckles and Immy laughs at her drawing.
“Nice try, kid. You’ve still got to eat your veg.” Stacey snaps, winking at me from across the room. “David.”
David looks her way with a happy sparkle in his eyes.
“I’ve got to sort the other girls. Do you need me here?”
He shakes his head at her and she mouths at me before leaving, “Be nice.”
I scrunch my nose up at her.
“Getting arms like his and shoulders like his comes from lifting some really heavy stuff every day and eating right. You gotta work for a body like that, it doesn’t just happen,” Immy explains, looking at me with those soft eyes again. She slides the drawing my way and my jaw hits the desk with a clatter. It’s a really good zombie, way better than anything I could ever draw. “You like it?”
“It’s really cool.”
“Want me to teach you how to draw like that?”
Excitement flutters through me like butterfly wings all over my skin but I jump and stomp on it in my head, making it disappear. “No. I don’t want anything from you.”
Her smile fades and I feel a bit bad, so I quickly look at David, “I want to go back to my room.”
“Connie,” he tries but I slam my hand down on the table.
“I want to go back to my room!”
“But—” He blows out a breath and glances at the strangers that are supposed to be my parents.
“Let her go,” Kane insists. “We’ll be here for an hour, if she decides she wants to come back down, that’s cool. If she doesn’t, that’s also cool. After that hour we will come back tomorrow.”
I don’t wait for confirmation, I exit before anyone can change their mind.
Immy
“I saw her get excited, she wanted to learn,” Kane puts in and it makes me feel a little better as I stare at the door my daughter just exited through.
I rest my temple on his shoulder and smile sadly when he kisses my hair. “Do you think she hates us?”
“I think she’s just overwhelmed.”
David nods his agreement. “Give it time, she’ll come around. She’s stubborn but once she sees she can trust you, she’ll open up and let you in.”
“We ain’t givin’ up,” Kane insists and I agree with every fiber of my being.
“Not a chance,” I put in and tilt my head back. “She looks just like you, Kane. She’s even got the same scowl you constantly wore as a child.”
Chuckling, his eyes drift to the door and there’s a sadness deep in them that only I know is there. “She’s got your attitude.”
“God help us all then,” I murmur and David smiles at us softly. “Can we come back tomorrow?”
“Absolutely. So long as it doesn’t interfere with her schoolwork and y’all don’t try to take her beyond the boundaries of the property, you can come back as often as you like.”
My eyes burn with tears because I know what that means, it means he trusts us and if he trusts us, that means we will eventually get her back.
“It might not be me tomorrow, but I’ll update the other home appointed social worker on your progress.”
“How did we do?” I ask him, chewing nervously on my lip.
“I think you both kept it together better than I ever would have in that situation. Without sounding patronizing, I’m proud of you both, not only for keeping to the plan, but also for never giving up. I wish all my cases had a happy ending like this.” He zips up his jacket and stands and my heart warms in my chest at his words. Truthfully I wanted to break down and sob the moment I saw her, I wanted to grab her and pull her into my arms. I wanted to promise her the world and give her my soul to keep with her at all times but I couldn’t. “Let me show you around the place so you know what sort of establishment she’s living in.”
“Shouldn’t one of us stay here?” I ask, glancing at the door. “Just in case she comes back?”
“She ain’t comin’ back today,” Kane says with a tender smile.
“I’m inclined to agree with him. That girl is stubborn as a mule. You’re gonna have to work for it.”
“Convinced this one she liked me when really she hated me.” Kane tugs on my hair. “We got this.”
“How goes the living situation?” David asks us both while holding open the door for us to go through.
Kane holds it and waits for him, ain’t nobody holding a door open for Kane Jessop unless his arms are full of groceries or something heavy. “We’re doin’ like you said.”
“I’ve put my store on the market,” I say with a shrug. “Already got some interest. Will use what money I get from that to buy a place in Austin and open my own shop.”
“For now she’s commuting between me and Chicago but we want to make the move permanent.”
“So y’all are giving your relationship a go then?”
“We ain’t complicating things, ain’t usin’ labels,” Kane answers and David nods. “She’ll have a place in Austin regardless and I’ll have my place in Faceless. So long as both are good for Connie does it matter our situation?”
“Not at all, this is a huge change for all of you, don’t rush it, don’t force it and what will be will be. When it comes to Connie coming to live with you, if you’re still living separately we will figure it out. If you’re living together, we will figure that out too.”
I don’t know what we would have done if we got a social worker that wasn’t as kind and as understanding as David.
“But that’s something y’all need to discuss too. Who will Connie live with full time if you’re both separated? Joint custody is fine but if you’re both in different places, one of them has to be the main one. She can’t go to school in two places.”
I look at Kane with concern but he winks at me knowingly and I feel instantly placated. We have a plan already; we’ve spoken about this tirelessly. There isn’t a chance in hell we are separating now. Kane wouldn’t let me leave him if I tried and he told me that in those exact words too.
We share a smile of excitement. The ball is finally rolling and soon enough we will have our daughter at home with us.
Connie
1 week later
They have been coming every single day at random times, never when I’m in classes which isn’t fair because I hate school. I honestly thought they’d have given up by now but they’re like a rash. Still… even rashes don’t last forever.
David, Stacey, and Tiana the other social worker all keep making me spend time with them even when I don’t want to but secretly I kind of do.
Immy bought me a new sketchbook with my name in glitter on the front and some of these really cool crayons that I can smudge with my finger. She showed me how to use them and it was fun, too much fun. It reminded me of when my momma… the fake one… used to help me read stories at bedtime. She’d tickle me every time I’d r
ead a word right. I loved her; I miss her.
I don’t want to love Immy. I don’t want to miss Immy.
“Do you like it?” she asked softly and I immediately started snapping the crayons and ripping up the book. I don’t want gifts from strangers. I don’t want gifts from anyone. Even though I do.
They need to leave.
Stacey grounded me from TV time and made me sit on time out to think about what I’d done.
I saw the look in Immy’s eyes when I did what I did. She was sad and it’s eating away at me. But I thought she’d hate me and leave and never come back. She still came back the next day, without a gift, but she still came back. So did Kane the giant.
The past two days I haven’t let anybody force me to see them. I’ve been in trouble, but I don’t care. This isn’t fair. I should get a choice.
Today David has basically dragged me down to the room and forced me into the chair.
Immy’s arms aren’t covered today and she has tattoos all up one arm from her wrist to her shoulder. I love tattoos. The other girls think people with tattoos are scary. An old lady at Sunday school used to say people with tattoos have the devil in them.
I don’t know why people get worked up about drawings. Once I drew myself stabbing my old History teacher through the belly with a sword longer than me and everybody freaked out. He was an old troll and I had to put a stop to his Tinnary! Or is it Tyranny? I forget.
I wasn’t actually gonna stab him. Duh. Just like Immy probably doesn’t have the devil in her because she has drawings on her arms.
“You like?” Immy asks, catching me staring at her arm. “This is what I do, you know? I put tattoos on people.”
That’s so cool.
“I don’t care,” I snap and look away. My hands ball into fists on the table.
“Why don’t you tell us something you do care about,” Kane puts in and I think back to how my friend Nelly said that he looks so scary. He doesn’t scare me, not one bit. I’ll kick him in the shin just like I did to Stacey.
“I don’t care about anything,” I reply haughtily.
“What about the movie theatre? You like the movies?” Immy questions. “David said we can probably start going out places together as soon as you stop being so difficult.”
I glower at her and feel annoyed when her lips twitch. “I’m not difficult and I’m not going anywhere.”
“You don’t like the movies?”
“No,” I lie. We went once for a school trip a year ago and it was the best thing ever.
“What do you like then?”
“Nuffin’.”
They share a look and I wonder if I’m finally getting through to them that I’m not interested.
“Can I go now?” I ask them, scowling at the table.
“No,” Kane states firmly and the lady shoots a look his way. Her head whipped around so fast. “You’re gonna sit with us, kid. You don’t gotta like it, but you gotta do it.”
“Why?” I’m not liking this at all. Mostly because he said I won’t like it and I really don’t.
“Because we’re your parents and this is how it’s gonna be.” His accent is so thick but I still understand what he’s saying.
“No it isn’t.”
“Give us a chance, Connie, let us prove to you that we aren’t going anywhere.”
“No.” My arms fold across my chest so tight my shoulders are pulling.
“We could have so much fun.”
“I don’t wanna have fun with you!” I yell, standing so suddenly my chair falls backwards.
“Why?” Immy pushes and I also want to kick her in the shin. “Tell us why.”
I stare at them both still sitting there, hardly reacting to my anger. Why aren’t they mad that I’m talking back? “Because I don’t like you.”
Hurt flickers in her hazel eyes and I feel guilt, but not enough to make me stop.
“And I know you don’t like me too.”
“That ain’t true,” Kane responds calmly. “We like you a lot.”
His words make my eyes burn. I don’t want them to say that. They don’t need to. “Well then in a week you ain’t gonna like me, or in two weeks you ain’t gonna like me, and then you’ll leave and I’ll never see you again!”
“We won’t leave you,” Immy promises and reaches for my hand. “I’m your momma, I would never leave you.”
“Yes you will,” I cry, tears streaming down my face. “My last momma did!”
“My blood is in your veins. Her blood wasn’t.”
I point at the door. “Melody’s momma’s blood runs through her veins too and she left her and didn’t come back! All these kids here, their mommas and their dads didn’t come back for them. We’re unlovable. All of us.”
“Connie.” Immy stands, tears making her cheeks shiny too. “Places like this are so tragic and I’m so sorry that all your friends don’t have good mommies and daddies. But everyone’s situation is different.”
“I don’t care!” I scream, backing away from the table towards the door. “I don’t care! I don’t care! I DON’T CARE!”
“Connie,” Kane warns. “You ain’t unlovable. Nobody is unlovable.”
“You don’t know anything about it!”
“Neither do you.”
“Kane.” Immy shakes her head at him and I take this moment of distraction to bolt from the room like a rabbit from danger.
I’m trembling, my entire body is shaking. I’ve never felt so many things at once.
The back door at the end of the kitchen opens with ease and I stumble out into the warm air. They let me go, knowing I can’t get far because this place is a fortress. The only way out the back is through a metal gate and I don’t have the key for it.
I run all the way to the end, my legs are burning, and I grab the metal bars and pull. Sometimes I come out here and pretend I can bend them with my mind, or maybe fly over them, and then I run away to a mall and live in a candy store where nobody can bother me because I’ll blast them all into space with my cool laser beams! I’d make the best super person ever.
Immy
“I feel useless,” I admit, looking at the man I love. “She’s so fucking stubborn she’s not giving us an inch. I don’t know how to get through to her.”
“The good thing about this is, that girl has the will of an iron rhino.” David laughs gently at his own words. “Nobody will stop her from following her dreams once she realizes what they are.”
“Something’s gotta give. She hates us.”
“She doesn’t hate us,” Kane replies with a heavy sigh. “She wants to hate us.”
I walk to the window where I can see my daughter sitting at the far end of the small field, throwing stones at the metal bars that line the property. Apparently, she often goes there to think things through and usually comes back in a better mood.
“She doesn’t like to open up,” Stacey utters gently, also looking towards Connie. “Not even with me and I’ve been with her for two years now.”
“That doesn’t bring me hope,” I admit, feeling my heart break even more.
“She won’t open up because she knows eventually I’ll leave. She knows as much as I love these kids that one day I might change jobs or maybe my bosses will assign me different kids. She’s sharp as a whip. But when she knows you guys aren’t leaving, she’ll open up to you, I know it. That kid has the softest center and the biggest heart.” Stacey places her hand on my shoulder but releases me when Kane sneaks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.
“We knew this would be a challenge,” he says, his voice deep and gruff, a soothing velvet on my jagged nerves. “We’ve just gotta keep on. She’ll crack.”
“Will we damage her in the process?” I ask, terrified that our actions aren’t going to make her inability to open up any better. “I’m scared of hurting or scarring her beyond what she already is.”
“She’s tough as nails,” Kane reassures me. “That kid is not going to let anyone stand
in her way or drag her down.”
“We just need to somehow show her that we aren’t going to do either, that we just want to love and support her.”
Kane releases me and pushes a hand through his hair. “I’m gonna talk to her.”
All eyes, including mine, fly his way.
“Alone.”
David looks uneasy.
“Enough of this pussyfooting around her. She’s gotta listen eventually, it needs to be now.”
“What are you going to say to her?” David questions, trying to be a good protector of our child but I know Kane’s brute energy frightens him.
“What I say to my kid is between me and my kid. But I ain’t gonna threaten her or anythin’ like that.” Resolute, he cups my face with his hands. “Trust me?”
“With our kid? More than anyone.”
He kisses me and looks across the field then around the room. “Save your objections. Your way isn’t workin’.”
David holds up his hands. “Wasn’t gonna object.”
Kane dips his chin, looking so handsome and sexy and determined. Then he strides from the room and we all watch him conquer the length of the field with big steps, looking confident and willful. I keep my fingers crossed that Connie finally listens, just enough for her to let us in.
Connie
I hear his big feet before I feel him sit down beside me. I’m annoyed he is upsetting my moment but I don’t run, not again. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking I’m a brat. He called me that the other day, I heard him. Said I act like a brat and then Immy said, just like you then.
Instead I scowl ahead and scowl deeper when his eyes hit my face and his lips twitch. He thinks I’m funny and cute. He said that the other day too.
“Why you throwin’ stones at open bars?” he questions, an amused lilt to his voice.
“Why do you care?”
He lifts a shoulder. “Guess I don’t. Was just curious about what’s goin’ through your head. Can’t be good things, not with you convincin’ yourself that you’re unlovable and your friends are unlovable. That’s not a nice thing to say about yourself, it’s especially not a nice thing to say about your friends.”
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