Now she lay very still, terrified that if she so much as moved it would start all over again, but after a while, when his breathing returned to a somewhat more normal rhythm, he rolled off her and, cool as a cucumber rose to his feet and began to adjust his clothes.
‘You were hardly worth the wait, slut,’ he growled. ‘Although I won’t be averse to coming back for another taste if there’s nothing better available. Even your little sister is more exciting then you. At least that little whore enjoys it. In fact, she can’t get enough of me.’
Pearl tried to close her ears to what he was saying as she rolled herself into a foetal position, pulling her torn clothing about her, and she knew in that moment that had she had a knife in her hand she would have killed him and suffered the consequences.
And then he was gone and finally she gave way to a paroxysm of weeping as the full impact of what he had done came home to her. He had taken her virginity! No man would ever want her now; she was soiled goods.
Oh Nick, her heart cried, as tears started to roll in rivers down her pale cheeks. He’s taken what should have been yours.
She lay there for a long time, aching in every bone in her body, but eventually she managed to drag herself up and, crossing unsteadily to the kettle, she tipped the hot water into a tin bowl and began to savagely scrub her most private places, trying to ignore the traces of blood and semen on the piece of huckaback she was using as a flannel.
After a time it came to her that no matter how hard she scrubbed, she would always feel dirty now. Already bruises were beginning to show across her breasts, and she guessed that they would be black and blue by morning. Shakily, she lit a candle and on hands and knees began to hunt about the floor for the buttons from her blouse. It wouldn’t do for Eliza or Freda to find them the next day. She would hide them in her room and repair the blouse one evening when Eliza was out of the way.
Wearily, she eventually made her way up the servants’ stairs, praying that Eliza would be asleep. Thankfully she was, so Pearl quickly undressed, bundled her clothes beneath the bed and slid into her nightgown.
Shivering in the cold, she crossed to the window. Somewhere the wolves were howling as the icy wind slapped the thickly falling snow against the window and the tears came again as she remembered the day she and Eliza had first arrived there. They had truly thought this would be the start of a new life for them, but now she felt like a prisoner. Worse still, she was aware that this may not be the end of it. Monty had said he would take her again and if he did there was nothing she could do about it. What he had said was true: the mistress would never believe her word against his.
With a shuddering sigh, she climbed between the icy cold sheets, feeling more afraid than she had ever felt in her life. She had dreamed of a happy future with Nick but that was gone now. How could she ever tell him what had happened, for if she did, she knew that Nick would take matters into his own hands and who knew what he was capable of doing to Monty then? No, somehow she would have to find the courage to tell him that she had made a mistake and that she didn’t love him after all. At least that way he would have a chance of finding a girl who deserved him, even if it meant breaking her own heart. The tears ran faster as she lay in the darkness, listening to the haunting sound of the howling wolves as all her plans for the future turned to ashes.
Chapter Thirty-Two
P
earl was getting dressed with her back to Eliza when she woke the next morning.
‘You’re getting up early, aren’t you?’
Pearl turned to find her sister looking at her curiously. ‘Yes, I didn’t sleep very well.’ She hesitated and dropping on to the bed beside Eliza she said, ‘I want you to promise me something.’
Eliza narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
‘I want you to promise me that you’ll keep well away from Monty.’
Instantly Eliza was on her guard. ‘Why? Is it because you want him?’
‘Of course I don’t,’ Pearl snapped, trying hard to stay calm. ‘But he’s . . . he’s bad – rotten to the core, and I need you to promise me that you’ll give him a wide berth.’
Eliza stared up at her, stubbornly silent, until Pearl turned and left the room with her shoulders hunched, wondering where it was all going to end.
The day got worse when she went down into the kitchen to find no sign of Freda. She was usually the first up attending to the fires, but today the kitchen fire was almost out and Pearl hurriedly raked out the ashes and threw some logs on to the dying embers as she muttered to herself.
‘You’d better go and knock on Freda’s bedroom door, she’s overslept,’ she told Eliza, when she put in an appearance a few moments later.
Eliza gave a sullen sigh and went off to do as she was told, only to return to inform Pearl, ‘She says she’s not feeling well and she won’t get up.’
‘Oh, that’s great,’ Pearl said. ‘That means we now have to cook, clean the house and look after three invalids. Has she got a chill like Cook and Susan?’
Eliza shrugged. ‘She didn’t say, just that she was feeling bad.’
Pearl filled the kettle and set it on the range. She ached in every bone in her body today and would have liked nothing better than to have a day in bed herself, but that wouldn’t be possible.
When Will entered the kitchen shortly after, he saw at a glance how busy they were. ‘I’ll go and light the fires in the drawing room and the dining room, you two concentrate on getting the breakfast ready for the family. And don’t worry if it’s a bit late. There’s no way Mr Forbes will be going out today. We’re finally snowed in,’ he said.
Pearl flashed him a grateful smile as she carried the food she was to cook for breakfast from the pantry.
Will was as good as his word and once he’d got the fire going, he even went back to lay the table in the dining room for them.
‘I didn’t realise you’d have a clue how to do it,’ Pearl admitted when it was ready.
He smiled sadly. ‘Ah, you’d be surprised what I can do. My Esme worked here with me when we first married and she taught me how to do it.’
Pearl looked surprised as she flipped the bacon in the frying pan. Will had never spoken of his personal life before. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d been married.’
He nodded, his eyes clouded. ‘Yes, but only briefly. Me and Esme came here on the same boat when we were in our early teens and I think for me it was love at first sight. When we were old enough, we got married, but she died before we even got to our first wedding anniversary.’
‘That’s so sad.’ Pearl’s heart ached for him, so much so that she almost forgot what had happened to her the night before, but only for a moment. It was always there, like a niggling toothache that wouldn’t go away, and she couldn’t feel clean no matter how many times she scrubbed her hands.
While she was seeing to the family’s food, Will prepared three trays for the invalids and once the family was served, they each carried a tray up to the servants’ quarters. It had been torture for Pearl to have to face Monty in the dining room, especially when he smirked at her, but somehow she had kept her calm and not given him the satisfaction of letting him see how upset she was, although she had longed to lunge at him and gouge his eyes out.
‘Are you feeling all right, Pearl?’ Mrs Forbes asked. ‘You’re looking awfully pale.’ She had dressed herself that morning, knowing that Pearl would be busy in the kitchen.
‘Yes, ma’am. I’m fine, thank you.’
And with that she had gathered together what dignity she could and swept from the room, even though she had wanted to blab to her mistress about what her wicked son had done to her the night before.
‘So what’s wrong?’ she asked Freda when she entered her room. She had thought it best if she brought her tray up; she didn’t want her and Eliza bickering again. ‘Have you come down with this chill Cook and Susan have got?’ She had to admit that Freda did look awful. Her face was the colour of putty and her hair hung in damp
rats’ tails about her pale cheeks. There was a bucket at the side of her bed and Pearl saw that there was vomit in it, which would account for the vile smell in the room.
‘I don’t know.’ Freda was clutching her stomach and was clearly in pain. ‘I feel really sick and queasy.’
Pearl nibbled on her lower lip as she glanced towards the window. ‘Well, I doubt there’s much chance of us getting the doctor out to you today. Will said the lane is almost impassable, though I dare say he’ll be going out to try and clear it later on when he’s eaten. But come on. Let’s sit you up so you can eat something. It might make you feel better. I’ve made you some nice bacon sandwiches.’
Just the mention of the food made Freda shake her head and hold her hand up to ward her off. ‘Th-thanks. But I don’t want anything. Just take it away, please; the smell of it’s makin’ me feel sick again.’
‘All right, if you’re sure. But won’t you just try a sip of tea? You really should have something inside you.’
Freda groaned. ‘No . . . but thanks.’
With a sigh, Pearl took the untouched tray away. Thankfully it appeared that Cook and Susan were both feeling a little better, which she supposed was something at least.
The rest of the day passed in a blur as Eliza and Pearl saw to the needs of the family and the invalids, and before they knew it, it was dark again.
‘The damn wolves came close again last night,’ Will said with a shake of his head when they finally got the chance to sit down for five minutes for a well-earned cup of tea. ‘And another two of Cook’s chickens were gone this morning. There would have been more lost if I hadn’t gone out with my gun to scare the buggers off! I dread to think what Cook is going to say when she finds out.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ Pearl assured him, shuddering as she thought of the sound of them howling the night before. Thankfully she still hadn’t encountered a wolf close up as yet, although she had glimpsed a pack of them through the trees in the woods once.
She was glad when it was finally bedtime and she could escape to her room, although she found an excuse to keep Eliza downstairs with her until she went up, terrified that Monty might turn up again and do a repeat of the night before. Thankfully, there was no sign of him and as they climbed the stairs together, she gave a little sigh of relief.
Once Eliza was asleep Pearl fished her torn clothes from beneath the bed and repaired them in the light from a candle, then she bundled them up again ready to go down to the laundry the next day and finally managed to sleep.
Susan was a welcome sight when Pearl went down to the kitchen the following morning. She still had a nasty cough and looked slightly flushed, but assured her that she was feeling well enough to be up and about again, although Cook wasn’t and Freda seemed worse if anything.
Eliza prepared a tray each for the invalids and Pearl carried them up to them but once again Freda refused to eat, although she did manage a few sips of her tea.
‘I really think we ought to try and get the doctor out to her today,’ she told Will worriedly.
He nodded. ‘I’ll try an’ clear a path just as soon as we’ve got breakfast out of the way,’ he promised. ‘And if I manage it I’ll go into town and ask him to come out again.’
Pearl gave him a grateful smile and turned to say something to Susan. But she stopped as she noticed the way her friend’s eyes were fixed on Will and she realised why she had been so keen to be up and about again. If she was wasn’t very much mistaken, her and Cook’s suspicions had been correct: Susan was sweet on him.
It was much later that day as they sat eating lunch that Pearl said teasingly to Susan, ‘He’s a nice chap, Will, isn’t he?’
Susan’s flushed cheeks told her all she needed to know.
‘Yes . . . he is.’
Pearl smiled. ‘And would I be right in thinking you have a soft spot for him?’
Susan’s blush deepened. ‘I suppose I have,’ she admitted. ‘Although I doubt anything will ever come of it. He’s a fair bit older than me for a start off and he’s never been anything but friendly.’
‘Ah well, that might be because he was married once but his wife died soon after the wedding,’ Pearl confided. ‘It could be that he’s not quite ready for another relationship just yet but who knows what might happen in the future. Why don’t you let him know how you feel?’
Susan was horrified. ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that.’
‘Then you’ll just have to let things take their course, but personally I think you’d make a lovely couple and he isn’t all that much older than you. Probably not even ten years or so, I should think and that’s nothing.’
‘We’ll see.’ Although Susan knew that she would wait for him forever if need be.
Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door, and Pearl hurried away to admit the doctor who had come to see Freda and Cook.
‘Well, Cook is much better. She should be up and about again in the next couple of days,’ he was able to tell them when he joined them in the kitchen shortly after. ‘But Freda . . .’ He shook his head as Pearl poured him a cup of tea. ‘Her symptoms seem to be suspiciously like those Mrs Veasey had, so once again all I can ask you to do is make sure that she has plenty of fluids.’
‘Serves her right,’ Eliza said spitefully.
Pearl shot her a warning look. ‘Eliza, that’s a terrible thing to say,’ she scolded, but Eliza was unrepentant and merely went on with what she was doing.
There was yet another visitor mid-afternoon. It was another gentleman to see Master Monty. But he was out, so Pearl showed him into the drawing room where the mistress was doing some embroidery. Shortly after, Mrs Forbes rang the bell for Pearl to come and show him out again and once he had gone, she made a point of finding Pearl to tell her, ‘Please don’t mention the visitor to my husband, Pearl.’
Pearl guessed that Monty owed money to the man, but she nodded. No doubt Monty’s mother had settled the debt for him again and didn’t want Mr Forbes to find out.
‘Of course, ma’am,’ she answered respectfully and went back to cooking the dinner. It was none of her business, but she wondered how long it would be before Monty got his comeuppance. It couldn’t be soon enough as far as she was concerned.
Later that afternoon when Monty put in an appearance there were raised voices from the drawing room, and Pearl’s hunch was proved correct when she heard his mother tell him, ‘I can’t keep digging you out of debt, Monty. Your father would be furious if he knew how much money you were gambling away!’
She hurried on her way so didn’t hear Monty’s answer, but she had heard enough. Just as she had told Eliza, he was bad through and through, although Eliza would never accept it and nor would Freda – they were both still completely besotted with him. As much as Pearl loved working for Mrs Forbes, she knew that somehow she was going to have to get Eliza away from him. That brought her thoughts sharply back to Nick and once again tears stung at the back of her eyes. After what Monty had done to her, they could never be together now, and so it was up to her to save enough to get them both a passage back to England. What they would do when they got there she had no idea, but something would turn up, she told herself as she went about her work with a heavy heart.
Christmas passed in a blur of misery for Pearl, and as they were snowed in, the days all rolled into one with no relief from the tedium.
In February, Pearl received her first letter from Nick and it almost broke her heart to read it. He had no idea what had happened to her and was clearly still planning their future together.
My dearest Pearl,
Well here I am back on our home turf. I hope this finds you well, my love. You are the first one I think of when I open my eyes and the last one I think of before I close them each night. I didn’t realise how hard it would be for us to be apart and can hardly wait to get back to see you again.
I have wonderful news for you, I went to see your neighbour and she was able to tell me that your sister Amy is living
in a market town in the Midlands called Nuneaton. She is happy and settled by all accounts and I promise when we finally come back here the first thing we shall do is track her down. I’d like to buy a little piece of land then and start a smallholding, something we can work on and build together. How does that sound? I’m afraid the sea has no lure for me now. I just want us to be a family. We could perhaps think of settling in Nuneaton, if you’d like to, so that you will be close to your sister? I asked Lil to pass on your address when Amy next comes to London for a visit with Gracie so hopefully when she gets it she will write to you. I shall be sailing to New York from here on the morning tide the day after tomorrow so have no idea when I might get back to you, but I shall write again once we arrive in America.
I miss you so much and can’t wait till we are together again,
Till then,
All my love
Nick xxx
A mixture of emotions swept through her as she carefully folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. There was joy and relief to hear that Nick was safe and well, and excitement at the prospect of hearing from Amy, although as far as Pearl knew, her sister had never had the opportunity to learn to read or write.
But overshadowing everything was heartbreak as she thought of the future that Monty had snatched away from herself and Nick by raping her. In her mind’s eye she could see what might have been: a little cottage with roses climbing around the door and a profusion of brightly coloured flowers growing in the garden, fat chickens clucking in the yard and perhaps a few sheep and cows. A cosy fire with chairs either side of it where they would sit and speak of their day’s work and a warm bed where they would retire together each night.
But none of that could ever happen now. She was too fearful of the consequences of what Nick might do if she told him what had happened and too ashamed to let him go on believing she was still pure. How to tell him it was over was the problem and it broke her heart to know that however she did it, she must lie to him.
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