by Emma Crawley
Mr Darcy’s eyes held mine for a moment longer before he tore them away to greet my uncle.
“She has, sir. Though I hope she knows there is no need.”
“Yes, well, I do not know that we shall ever stop thanking you. I know my wife will want to invite you to join us for dinner. You and Miss Darcy.”
I glanced up at Mr Darcy from under my eyelashes to see how he would bear this. Surely he was still too proud to accept an invitation to dine at the house of a merchant? London would hold its sides with laughter at the thought of Mr Darcy travelling to Gracechurch Street for his meal. I could not bear the thought of my kindhearted, generous aunt and uncle having their invitation slighted and treated as an embarrassment. I held my breath as Mr Darcy drew himself up.
“I would be honoured, Mr Gardiner,” he replied. I felt a flush of relief. His tone was sincere and humble.
They arranged a time for the following day. I felt a little fluttered at the thought of seeing Mr Darcy again so soon. After the rest of our party joined us, my aunt called for tea. I allowed the rest to carry the conversation as I sat in silence, trying to gather my muddled thoughts. Miss Darcy was as quiet as I though I suspected that was part of her general nature.
“I am glad I finally met you, Miss Bennet,” she said softly when everyone else was engaged. “Though the circumstances were not ideal. I have wanted to meet you for a long time.”
“Have you?” I tried to catch myself, but it was difficult to avoid seeming too surprised.
Miss Darcy nodded. “My brother wrote me many letters from Hertfordshire and told me much about you. He said you were the liveliest, wittiest girl he ever met and I should like you very much.”
I was too astonished to say anything sensible. Mr Darcy wrote to his sister about me? I recalled one night in Netherfield when Miss Bingley teased him about writing to his sister instead of playing cards. Imagine if he had been talking about me while I dismissed him as arrogant and impossible to please?
“Your brother told me much about you,” I said when I finally found my voice. “He says you play the pianoforte remarkably well. He is very proud of you.”
Miss Darcy blushed and smiled. “He is too good to me. When I was last at Pemberley, I took a liking to a room. I am not supposed to know as he wishes to surprise me, but a servant let slip he has had it decorated in my favourite colours for me to enjoy when I arrive. He has even purchased a new pianoforte for me. I do not deserve such a kind, thoughtful brother.”
As she turned shining eyes back toward Mr Darcy, I felt a peculiar twisting in my chest. I knew Mr Darcy was often spoken of as a generous brother. Even Mr Wickham had allowed him that. But to hear it from his sister’s lips and to learn of what he had done for her was another experience entirely. I looked at this man I knew so little about, and my mind whirled with more confusion than ever.
As Miss Darcy and I spoke again, I felt someone look at me. I raised my eyes to see Mr Darcy watching us. There was a softness about his eyes that told me the sight of Miss Darcy and I conversing together pleased him greatly. It was difficult not to feel flattered by his evident desire that his sister and I should like one another.
“We should go,” he said finally. “I do not wish to take up too much of your time.”
We rose with him as he stood up. My aunt and uncle at once demurred he should feel in the way after the service he had done for our family. I stared at him and willed him to look at me though why I could not say. We accompanied them to the door as their carriage was brought around. I stared at the ground in a flurry of confusion, feeling an odd regret that he should leave. He did not single me out for any particular notice, and that offended me though I knew it should not. I had already rejected him. For me to wish him to pay me attention anyway was the height of vanity.
I watched as he handed his sister into the carriage, silently willing him to look back at me though I scolded myself for the ridiculous thought. Just as the carriage rounded the corner, I thought I saw him turn in his seat for one last look behind him. It was too far away for me to know if his eyes searched for me in particular, but it was something, and it helped ease the little tightness I felt in saying goodbye to him.
“You had an exciting day, Lizzy,” my aunt remarked later that evening when we were alone in her sitting room before bed. “I will never stop feeling grateful that Mr Darcy was to hand at that moment. It was courageous of him to save you. He might have drowned himself, but he did not even think of it.”
“It was very kind of him,” I said, keeping my eyes on my needlework. I could still feel my aunt looking at me.
“He is a better man than I expected from your accounts of him.”
“I will own I might have been wrong about him in some ways.”
My aunt sat back in her chair and rubbed a hand across a gentle swell in her abdomen. I smiled to see it. Though we all knew she was expecting, we did not speak of it until she chose to make it official.
“I wonder if you have any regrets in refusing him? Knowing the sort of man he is now?”
I shook my head. “I cannot say I do. He might not be as bad as I expected, but I do not love him. And he is still aloof. You did not hear how he spoke of my connections and how it would degrade him to marry me. Those qualities are still there. If we were wed, no doubt he would think he was performing a great service, and that I owed him endless worship for his condescension in marrying me. I could not endure such a life.” My needle caught in a thread, and I gave it an impatient tug. “No, I do not regret my refusal.”
My aunt sighed. “It is a shame. But if you do not feel for him as a wife ought to feel, I shall not tease you any further. But it might be best if your mother does not find out he offered for you.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh, there is no argument there! She threatened to disown me when I refused Mr Collins. If she discovers I refused a man as wealthy as Mr Darcy, she should banish me from the house at once.”
“And you do not mind him coming to dine here tomorrow? I am concerned it will make you uncomfortable, but I do not see how we cannot invite him after what he has done for you.”
“No, I do not mind. It is the least we can do for him. Although I think I have done as much for him,” I added with a smile. “I have given him a story he can tell around many a table for years to come. I have given him the satisfaction of being a hero and saving the damsel in distress. I have raised him in the eyes of everyone who knows him. I wonder if I have made him exalt himself more than he already does?”
“I do not think so. He does not strike me as a man who brags about his own doings. I could not see him being that type. Now, if it were Mr Wickham, I do not doubt the entire country would know about it already.”
“And the part he played. Even if he did not play it. I am sure some other poor man would have gone to the effort of saving me, only for Wickham to lie afterwards and claim the credit for himself.”
“My, how your attitude has changed.” My aunt smiled at me, and I blushed as I recalled how eagerly I had defended Mr Wickham when she had first met him at Christmas. At that time, I would not allow Mr Darcy to have any good qualities and would not allow for Mr Wickham to be without them. I defended all he did, no matter how questionable I should have found those same traits in other people.
“Mr Wickham knows how to charm. But I do not wish to think of him any longer.”
“No. I hope you find a more worthy man to fill your thoughts.” My aunt yawned. “Come, you must retire. After the day you have had, I wonder you are not asleep already.”
With a final order that I should wake her if I felt any illness during the night, I retired to bed where I tried my best to think of anything but Mr Darcy.
17
The next morning, a note arrived from Darcy House. I tensed as my uncle read it. Surely Mr Darcy would not cancel the invitation to dinner? Perhaps he had thought more on it once he had returned home and decided he could not encourage the friendship of tradespeople. If he did that,
I thought, I would return at once to all the enjoyment of my former dislike.
“Mr Darcy enquires after you, Lizzy,” said Uncle Gardiner. “He most particularly wishes to know you caught no illness from the water.”
“I can safely say I have not, though it is still early,” I replied. “Does he mention anything about his own health?”
“No, indeed.”
“And does he still intend to dine with us tonight?”
“He does. He thanks me for the invitation.”
“Oh.”
I turned back to my eggs, feeling my cheeks grow warm. So I would see Mr Darcy again tonight. I did not know how I felt about it.
“I can never be grateful enough to Mr Darcy,” said Jane. “I cannot bear thinking of what might have happened if he had not been there. And to think everyone in Meryton disliked him so much. They do not know the man he is.”
No, they do not, I thought. But neither did Jane. She still did not know Mr Darcy caused her heartache. And I could not bring myself to tell her. Knowing Jane, she would still sing his praises even if she knew.
“I will return the note,” said Aunt Gardiner. “And let them know what time to arrive. Girls, will you come with me to help with a menu? Lizzy, you must have some idea of Mr Darcy’s likes?”
“Why should I…” I began indignantly. But I recalled how many times I had dined with him in many places and relented begrudgingly.
We were in my aunt’s sitting room, looking over a proposed menu when we heard someone at the door. I hardly paid any attention to it. Uncle had many visitors come at different times, usually on matters of business. I showed Jane a recipe I had found in a cookbook, and as we discussed it, my aunt went to the door to look outside.
“Just someone for your uncle, I imagine,” she said as we heard uncle’s study door close.
I had almost forgotten about the visitor as we returned to planning the meal. I already knew Mr Darcy had a fondness for chicken. I was less confident of Miss Darcy, but my aunt decided on a variety of dishes so she could not fail to find something she liked. As we discussed it and laughed and joked about the day ahead, the door opened. Uncle Gardiner put his head in.
“You find us being useful, Uncle,” I called. “Look, we have almost finished the menu already. What do you think of the…”
My voice trailed away as I noticed his expression. His face was pale, and his mouth was tightened to a grim line.
“What is the matter?” I cried. “You have not had bad news?”
My uncle hesitated. Aunt Gardiner and Jane also looked at him in dismay.
“I think I must ask that you come with me, Lizzy,” he said. “This matter concerns you.”
I stared at him in astonishment then rose on legs that were suddenly trembling.
“What is the matter?” I asked again.
My uncle did not respond. He held the door open wider to gesture I should go with him. Exchanging worried looks with my aunt and sister, I joined him outside.
Once the door was closed, Uncle leaned against it for a moment as he rubbed at his face.
“I do not know what to tell you, Lizzy. Come with me. There is someone here to see you. He can explain it all better than I can.”
“What is happening?” I asked. I stood rooted to the spot, refusing to move a muscle. “Come, do not keep me in such suspense. Is someone hurt or injured? Why will you not tell me?”
Uncle’s face was grim.
“My dear niece, why did you not tell me why you left Kent?”
I leaned away from him in horror.
“What does this have to do with Kent?”
“I think you know.” His look was steady. I swallowed and placed a trembling hand against the wall to steady myself.
“Mr Darcy…” I said.
“Is here to speak with you. You must go to him at once. And Lizzy,” he added as I turned away. “You must think carefully about how you go about this. This is not an easy situation, but it must be handled with delicacy and care. You are not the only one who shall be affected by how you continue after this.” He held out a hand to me, and I unthinkingly slipped my own inside. “There is a lot at stake here. I will leave it to Mr Darcy to explain. But do not make any decisions too hastily.”
He gestured toward the study. I stared at the oak door and shook my head.
“I do not wish to see him.”
“You must. He has travelled all this way. It is important.”
“It cannot be so important. You must tell him I am indisposed. Tell him — tell him I took ill after all— “
“Lizzy,” said my uncle reprovingly. I shook my head as much in disgust with myself as in despair.
“Forgive me. I would not expect you to lie.” I stared at the door and squared my shoulders, gathering my courage about me like a shawl.
“We are just out here,” said Uncle encouragingly. He patted me on the shoulder. I cast one longing look back at aunt’s sitting room then walked into the study, trying to look like I was not fighting the urge to run far away.
Mr Darcy stood at the window, facing away from me. His hands were clasped behind his back, but I noticed he was flexing his fingers. He must have heard me enter, but he took a moment before he turned around to face me.
“Miss Bennet.”
“Mr Darcy.” My throat was so dry the words hardly came out.
He stared at me in silence for another moment. He glanced toward Uncle’s desk then back at me.
“Perhaps you should sit down,” he said. I bristled at him presuming to invite me to sit in my uncle’s house. But his words were gentle, and I found it hard to hold on to my offence. Besides, my legs trembled so violently I was afraid they would not support me. I could only hope he did not notice my discomfort.
“You wish to see me, sir?” I asked as I looked up at him.
Mr Darcy took the chair opposite me. He leaned toward me, his hands clasped together as he stared at the carpet as though he searched for words. “I am well, as you can see,” I added quickly when I could see he was about to speak. “There is nothing wrong with me. If that is all…”
“Miss Bennet.” His voice cut across me. “That is not all. As I think you know.” His words were harsher now. I tried to settle back into the chair, but though I knew it would make me appear more composed, it also made me feel too vulnerable. I remained on the edge of the chair, fighting the urge to flee from the room. My throat was dry as I waited for him to speak.
Mr Darcy rubbed his face and stared into the fire.
“Forgive me,” he said finally. “It is difficult to find the words. I wish I did not have to tell you this. It is not pleasant. It will not be pleasant for either of us, considering…”
I waited in silence, refusing to help him along by asking him questions. But I could not bear it.
“What is it?” I asked. Or rather, I snapped.
Mr Darcy gave me a searching look. He rose and walked toward my uncle’s desk. I felt a flush of indignation until I saw he was retrieving a newspaper.
“Perhaps you should see this.”
I stared at it as he offered it to me, wanting to refuse to take it as though it were a spider. I closed my eyes briefly and took it.
Mr Darcy told me where to look, but I did not need to. I spotted it almost at once.
“Mr F Darcy of Pemberley is said to be in company with a certain young lady from Hertfordshire known as Miss E B. It seems they were in company with one another at her home last year and again in Kent. A certain letter discovered between the pair makes it almost certain that Mr Darcy is finally to leave the marriage market.”
I read it and reread it, almost hoping the words would have changed. Perhaps there was another Miss E B it referred to. Maybe it did not have to mean me. I put the paper down and closed my eyes.
“How did they find out?” I asked.
“Rumours were all over London. Servants told their mistresses, and they repeated it among their friends.” Mr Darcy’s voice was grave and qu
iet. “I have done my best to quash the rumours when I heard them, but as you can see, it did little good. Even Mrs Portland mentioned it the other night. I replied that her hints were ridiculous. But there is no stopping them now.”
He nodded at the paper again. With trembling fingers, I unfolded the paper to see another piece. This one mentioned the same Mr Darcy having rescued “his lady love” from the waters of the Thames, risking his own life to save hers. I recalled the faces that turned to watch us as we walked together. How many of those same people had already heard the rumours and would take our encounter as a confirmation of them?
“Is it as bad as this? Perhaps it is not. It is just a silly paper. I am sure wiser people will have better things to do than pay attention to such nonsense…”
“It is not just the paper. The paper is reporting what is already being said. I have had men at my club come to me to ask me about you and our supposed engagement. People speak of it as a certainty already.”
I placed the paper on my knee and stared into the fire.
“I am sincerely sorry, Miss Bennet. I wish I had not written that letter. But it is done now, and…”
“Yes, it is done. Mr Darcy, I think you should leave.”
18
Mr Darcy stared at me in shock.
"Leave? You cannot be serious. Miss Bennet, you do not understand how serious this is. I realise you do not wish to marry me, but…"
I stood up from the chair and paced the carpet. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold.
"There is nothing else to be done," said Mr Darcy after some silence. "We shall have to make arrangements."
I gave a little laugh.
"I am sorry. I know this might sound ungenerous after all you have done for me, but I cannot help thinking how well this has all worked out for you. You are getting what you want, are you not? You are Mr Darcy, used to having your own way in all things. I am sure no one has ever refused you anything in your life. And now the situation has come about so you can get the woman you wanted either way. This is not a hardship for you."