by Emma Crawley
“I suspect you are not ready to call me Lizzy?” I suggested with a smile.
Darcy made a face and shook his head. “It is how you feel about calling me Fitzwilliam. Far too informal when we are not yet married. I should like to call you Elizabeth, if I may?”
“You may.”
A small smile played over Darcy’s lips.
“Very well, Elizabeth. We shall discuss more later.”
“You are tired of talking to me already?” I gave him an arch look, feeling more secure on familiar teasing ground. “That does not bode well for our future, does it?”
“I am always happy to talk to you.” Darcy looked down at me, his eyes serious. “I have always sought your company. I am amazed you never noticed it. I meant I did not want to discuss serious plans about the future right now. I am still more than happy to talk to you about anything you desire — what think you of books?”
His words were familiar. I frowned, trying to recall where I heard them before. My face cleared as I laughed. He had a remarkable memory for all our past conversations.
“Oh, I cannot talk about books at dinner. My head is always full of other things.”
Darcy smiled. “But you enjoy reading, I recall. In which case, both Pemberley and my house in London will delight you. I have well-stocked libraries in both, and I always have the newest ones brought to me. You shall not be short of reading material.”
“Be careful. My father and Mary will never leave us alone once they get word of that.”
I watched him to see how he’d respond. He seemed to struggle with something.
“They are your family. Of course, they will be welcome and can make use of the library.”
A knot in my chest loosened.
“I am relieved to hear that.”
“You did not think I would prevent you from seeing them?”
“I did not know what to think.” I shrugged. “You made it clear how little you think of them. It is no wonder I might be concerned about how much or how little you would allow me to have them in my lives.”
Darcy stared at me in silence. I wondered what he was thinking.
“I have wondered the same about my aunt and uncle,” I continued. “You made it clear how you feel about my connections with them. Will you forbid them from coming to Pemberley to see me?”
Darcy looked away. His hand gripped the mantelpiece, and his knuckles were white.
“I must admit I am dismayed you would think any of this,” he said. There was an edge in his voice that showed his irritation. “I struggle with the notion that you have been carrying around such an image of me in your mind.”
I started to argue with him, but he stopped me with a look. His expression was not angry. It was sadder than I expected.
“I suppose if I am to be honest with myself no matter how painful it might be, I can see why you would think it. I have spoken harshly about your family. I suppose I have given you a reason to believe I might behave as you imagine. It is difficult to accept, but I can do justice to it.”
He took a deep breath. “Miss Bennet — Elizabeth. Your family will always be welcome at any of my homes. I would never wish you to cut them off. I would think less of you if you did, but I know that is not your nature. I would never do something that would make you so unhappy.”
I found it hard to meet the intensity in his gaze. I blushed.
“I am glad to hear that. It has been troubling me. I could not bear the thought of never seeing them again.” I looked at my aunt and uncle and Jane as they spoke to Miss Darcy and gently tried to coax her from her shell. “And in return for your reassurance, I will offer you one of my own; that I will do all in my power to shield you from the attention of my more embarrassing relations. And my younger sisters will have to behave if they are to visit. No running wild and flirting with half of Derbyshire.”
Darcy’s face relaxed into a smile.
“I shall hold you to that. No matter how hard it might be.”
The rest of the evening passed peacefully enough. Darcy and I spoke together, and I found it was not a hardship. He was clever and well-informed, and I found myself looking forward to having my mind broadened by his knowledge even as I might soften his nature by teaching him to laugh at himself.
But I still could not imagine I would ever love him as a wife ought to love her husband. The best we could hope for was that we might become friends. And if that was the case, then I supposed it was a small consolation to lose my dream of one day marrying for nothing but the very deepest love.
20
My hands shook as I cast one final look over my reflection. Jane sat on the bed and smiled at me.
“How beautiful you look, Lizzy. I know Mama makes much of my appearance, but I have always thought you were quite as pretty.”
“I do not know about that, Jane, though I thank you for saying it. I suppose a bride can be justified in wishing to be the most beautiful woman in the room.” I turned my head from side to side, still having trouble getting used to the sight of the diamonds in my ears. Darcy had brought them over that morning. I had never worn something as beautiful as these and never imagined I would. Was this really the Elizabeth Bennet who ran through woods and walked for hours without tiredness, who delighted in nature with no regard for her hems? Would she disappear beneath this new entity who would soon come into being, this Mrs Darcy who wore fine jewels and clothes? My stomach twisted at the thought.
I turned away to see Jane.
“Are you sure you shall not come with us? The evening will not be the same without you.”
“I am sorry,” said Jane with a pained look. “But I would much rather stay at home. I do not feel up to meeting so many of Mr Darcy’s friends just now. But you do not need me there. You have never needed me or anyone. You will dazzle the entire room with your wit and conversation. And besides, you will have Aunt and Uncle there by your side.”
“Not my sister, though.” I felt a pang of regret at Jane’s expression and relented. “Very well. I understand. Besides, I would not enjoy the evening if I knew you did not wish to be there.”
Jane stood up and took my hands in hers. She stood back as she admired my new gown. It had been made up very quickly for tonight by one of Miss Darcy’s favourite mantua makers. The silvery silk fit me like a dream though it was a far cry from my usual simple gowns. I still felt a flush of unease at how the low neckline exposed my bosom, but it was the fashion, and I would not disgrace myself by hiding away like a bashful country miss. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror again. Had my life really changed so much in a few days just because of a letter? I still could not get my head around it all.
I came downstairs, expecting to see my aunt and uncle, ready to take our journey to Grosvenor Square. I stopped in astonishment when I entered the drawing room to see Mr Darcy standing there. His eyes widened when he saw me. They scanned the length of my body in its formfitting gown, and I noticed a glow there I had sometimes glimpsed before. Something about this stiff, formal man showing such desire for me as if he could not help himself made me feel very warm. But I was not quite used to it yet. I draped my shawl about my shoulders, hoping to hide some skin.
“I did not know you would be here,” I said.
Darcy snapped his eyes back to my face though he still seemed a little stunned.
“Of course, I would be here. I have come to take you in my carriage.”
“Oh.” I pretended to be busy with my shawl, but I stole a glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He looked remarkably well in those breeches and that jacket. Even at the height of my dislike for him, I had never been able to avoid admitting Darcy was a handsome man. It even used to annoy me. It did not seem right that such a handsome face and figure could belong to someone so unpleasant. Now, well… I could not deny I was starting to feel a particular appreciation for it.
“You look — you look— “
“Tolerable?” I turned to him with a smile. He winced, but he did not look too
unhappy.
“You look beautiful. The earrings — they suit you.”
“Thank you. And thank you for the gift. It was most generous.”
In response, Darcy reached inside his jacket and drew out a small box.
“I would have brought this earlier with the earrings, but I wished to have some stones reset.”
He came toward me and handed me the box. I opened it and gasped at the beautiful gold chain with a delicate leaf pendant inside.
“It is beautiful!”
“I am glad you like it. It belonged to my mother. My father gave it to her when they were married. His father had given it to his mother. My grandmother was also a lover of nature, so my grandfather knew she would cherish it. There is a portrait of her at Pemberley in the gallery. My grandfather painted her among the woods around Pemberley, her favourite place to ramble…”
“It sounds like he loved her a great deal.”
“He did. My father often told me stories. Their marriage caused a stir as she was of lower birth. But he could not help how he felt. He told his own father it was her or no one so if he wanted Pemberley to have an heir, he had better offer his consent.”
I laughed. “And did she love him in return?”
“She did. Very much.”
Darcy fell silent. I knew what he was thinking. How I wished we could have shared an experience like that. Both of us loving one another and wanting to be together no matter what. Not being forced together in this way to avoid scandal, when only one person knew what it was to be in love while the other could offer him nothing more than friendship.
“I look forward to seeing the woods around Pemberley.”
“I know. You will love them. I have already thought about which walks I will show you first. Some fine hills look out over the peaks. One of them even has the remains of a castle. I think it will please you.”
Something about the idea of Darcy already deciding where to take me, of him being excited to show me around his home touched me as particularly endearing. I smiled at the thought.
“I am sure I will love it. All I have heard of Pemberley is that it is one of the most beautiful estates in the country. My aunt grew up near Pemberley, you know. She told me she has rarely seen anywhere more pleasing.”
“Did she indeed? Well, she shall be welcome to stay there as a guest once we are married. Perhaps they might come at Christmas.”
I flushed with pleasure at the thought and nodded. Without a word, I took the delicate chain out and handed it to Darcy. I turned away from him and lifted my hair from my neck. He did not move at first. I was about to look around to see what he was doing when he came toward me. He draped the chain around my neck, and as he closed the clasp, his fingers brushed my skin and remained there for a moment. I caught my breath as a strange shuddering went through me. When he removed his hands, I felt a pang of disappointment.
I turned back to thank him, but he had walked away from me. From what little I could see of his face, he looked rather warm, but as he kept his back to me, I could not know for sure. He walked to the window and stood there looking out over the street, seemingly unconcerned by the chill though I knew that corner to be colder than any other part of the room. I felt oddly embarrassed, and it was with relief I greeted my aunt and uncle when they joined us.
Darcy had given Miss Darcy special permission to stay up for the dinner though she was not yet out. Her face lit up when she saw me. I was just as pleased to see her and embraced her warmly.
“I am so glad you are here, Miss Bennet,” she whispered. “I am always nervous at these things. I shall feel much braver if you are with me.”
I felt a rush of affection for the younger girl and could not resist pulling her closer for another embrace.
“I am glad to see you again. Will you not call me Elizabeth? I would be delighted if you would. We are to be sisters, after all.”
Miss Darcy’s eyes glowed, and she blushed even more endearingly.
“I would be honoured, Elizabeth. And you will call me Georgiana?”
“I would be delighted, Georgiana.”
This time, it was Georgiana who pulled me into another embrace.
“You two are behaving as though you have not seen one another in years,” said a deep, amused voice behind us. I turned around, my arms still around Georgiana, to see Darcy there. His eyes were soft as he noted us and he smiled. “It pleases me to see how you two are becoming friends. I always knew you would. Georgiana, many I borrow my fiancée? There are people I wish her to meet.”
“You may. But hurry back with my sister,” said Georgiana with a shy smile. Darcy quickly touched her cheek in a swift show of affection, then offered me his arm.
“The Portlands you already know,” he said as Mr and Mrs Portland bowed to me. Mrs Portland eyed my gown and did not look pleased with what she saw there.
“Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I must say it did not come at all as a surprise to me when Darcy told me of your engagement,” she said, her eyes glittering.
“Then you have the advantage over me, Mrs Portland,” said Darcy smoothly. “I was more surprised and humbled than anyone when Miss Elizabeth consented to be my bride. If I had your confidence in the outcome, I would have spared myself many a sleepless night and a very anxious journey to her side.”
Mrs Portland’s face fell. Darcy looked down at me with such warmth, I felt something pleasant flutter inside me. I blushed and kept my eyes on him as I responded.
“Darcy is too modest. He did not doubt my response. How could it have been otherwise?”
I caressed his arm through the sleeve I held. Darcy’s eyes widened. His other hand closed over mine to keep them there. I had made the gesture almost without thinking, but I found I was content to allow him to show me this affection. It allowed me to pretend we were marrying for love.
“And Mr and Miss Bingley, you know.”
I tore my eyes away from Darcy, my heart pounding at that name. Mr Bingley came toward me, his friendly face beaming as usual.
“Miss Elizabeth Bennet! I cannot tell you how delighted I was when Darcy told me about your news. I gave him my heartiest congratulations. I know you will be very happy together. It is so good to see you again. If I had known you were in London, I should have come to see you at once.”
I stiffened at that and Darcy’s hand tightened over mine. I was almost tempted to say something of Jane’s having been in London all winter, but I could not bring myself to do so.
“It is lovely to see you again, Mr Bingley,” I said hoarsely. “It has been far too long.”
“Much too long! We have not seen one another since the twenty-sixth of November. When we all danced together at Netherfield. Do you remember? I cannot recall a happier time than those months I spent in Hertfordshire.”
I nodded in a daze. Everything Mr Bingley said pointed to the fact that he had loved Jane and probably still loved her. I could barely look at Darcy.
“Yes, it was a happy time. My family remember you fondly,” I began before Miss Bingley interrupted me.
“Miss Eliza, how different you look in that gown. I should not have recognised you. Pray, have you met our dear friend, Miss Kemp? She has been staying with us while in London. She has a house of her own, but we are unwilling to be apart from her.”
Miss Bingley pulled the hand of a woman I had not previously noticed. The young lady curtseyed to me. I responded as I discreetly looked her over. She was a slight lady with curling red hair. Her skin was pale and made a striking contrast with her brown eyes. She was excessively pretty. She stood at Mr Bingley’s side.
“Please to meet you, Miss Kemp,” I said as naturally as I could.
“I must congratulate you on your engagement, Miss Bennet,” she replied. “There is nothing like a marriage to bring joy to everyone.”
She beamed up at Mr Bingley. I felt rather ill. He smiled though he looked a little uncomfortable. No doubt it must be odd for him to be flirted with by his new fiancée in front of th
e sister of the woman he had recently hoped to marry. I found I could not pity him. I briefly considered telling him Jane had been in London all winter, but I would not allow him the satisfaction of thinking Jane sat around waiting for him. Far better he believe she was thriving and happy without him.
21
Mr Darcy brought me around to introduce me to many people whose names I was sure to forget. I nodded and smiled and made polite conversation, all the while doing my best to avoid the sight of Mr Bingley and Miss Kemp. I wondered what Darcy made of their match, but I could not bring myself to ask him.
“I think we all knew this announcement was coming,” Mrs Portland said in a high voice as we found ourselves near her once again. “Did we not, Miss Bingley? We all heard tell of certain rumours about the two of you in Kent. Indeed, we wondered what the delay was. I am sure Miss Bennet must have been wild with impatience to have it all announced.” She shook her finger at us as though we were wayward children. “Writing letters before you were betrothed. Shocking behaviour, Darcy. I would not have expected it of you.” She beamed at him as though she would have liked nothing more than for him to engage in ungentlemanly behaviour with her.
“I heard it some days ago,” said Miss Bingley. Her smile was as sweet as vinegar. “It was all over London about a letter. I could hardly believe it. Miss Eliza Bennet accept a letter from a man she was not betrothed too? Shocking! Abominable!”
Darcy fixed her with a steady stare. “Who says we were not betrothed?”
Miss Bingley and Mrs Portland’s laughs faded. They glanced at one another, and back to Darcy, clearly wrong-footed.
“What on earth do you mean, sir?” said Miss Bingley, with a nervous laugh. “You did not mean to say…”
Darcy turned to me and looked directly into my eyes. “Yes, it is true.” He did not look away from me the entire time. “I had already proposed to Miss Bennet the evening before. So, you see. She did nothing wrong in receiving my letter. We had every right to talk to one another.”