Dedication
For all of you facing challenges—whether it’s addiction, trauma, physical or mental illness, abandonment, loneliness—I hope Drake and Adria’s happy-ever-after inspires you to find your own.
You deserve it.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Author’s Note
An Excerpt from Waiting on a Cowboy Prologue
Chapter One
About the Author
By Jennifer Ryan
Copyright
About the Publisher
Chapter One
Adria unlocked the front door and stood in the opening, feeling the stillness as intensely as the prickle of awareness that something was wrong. Without thought, her hand dipped into her purse and her fingers closed over her phone and the bag she pulled out. Her purse slid off her shoulder and dropped to the floor.
She felt her sister’s need in every fiber of her being. She “heard” her sister’s cry for help. With their connection, sometimes they didn’t need words to communicate.
Adria’s heart raced as the quiet coming from the bathroom seemed to thicken the air until she could barely draw a breath. Every step toward the door felt like it took forever. Her mind shouted Hurry, but her heart warned of heartbreak beyond the closed door. She pushed it open against the barrier on the other side, found her identical twin lying motionless on the floor, her lips tinged blue.
Adria’s stomach pitched, sour bile rising to her throat.
She swallowed hard and tried to think through the dizzying shock.
Nothing, not even her resigned heart, could prepare her for this.
She dropped to her knees and shook Juliana. “Wake up!”
No response. Not even a flutter of her eyes.
Adria’s heart pounded. Her mind skittered from one scary thought to the next. She warned herself not to believe what was so obviously true.
She leaned down, tilted her sister’s head back, pressed her lips to Juliana’s, and gave her mouth-to-mouth. They’d breathed as one in utero, but she never expected she’d have to take over for her beautiful, broken sister like this. “Come on, Jules, I can’t live without you. Don’t do this to me.”
She gave her three more breaths, then had to use drastic measures to bring her back.
She flipped her phone over, dialed 911, put the phone on speaker, and left it on the floor next to her dying sister.
“Nine-one-one, what is the emergency?”
“My sister overdosed. Heroin. I’m administering naloxone.” Adria unzipped the bag she’d instinctively pulled from her purse, found the syringe, and unwrapped it. She broke open the glass ampoule, used her teeth to pull the cap off the needle, and filled the syringe despite how much her hands shook.
“What is the address of the emergency?”
She rattled off the house number and street for Wild Rose Ranch as she jabbed the needle into her sister’s bare thigh and pushed the plunger.
Waiting for a response stopped Adria’s heart. She held her breath. The world around her paused.
And nothing happened.
Fear squeezed her heart. Hope made her send up another prayer.
Juliana didn’t miraculously wake up, but her barely there breaths deepened and evened out.
“Paramedics are three minutes out. Have you administered the naloxone?”
“Yes. She’s breathing. Shallow, but even.”
The terrifying blue in Juliana’s lips faded as they turned pink once again.
“Roll her to her side if she’s not already in that position.”
Adria turned her sister and brushed the blond hair from her face, relieved but still worried sick. “Why, Jules?” Of the two of them, it was Adria who had reason to want to escape and numb her emotions and drown out her nightmares.
Yes, their childhood sucked. They’d grown up with a drug-addicted mother who prostituted herself out for drugs, and money to buy more drugs.
She always needed more.
She’d done a lot worse than sell herself to get them.
Mom, Christie, now Crystal since she started working at the Wild Rose Ranch, had done so many drugs she’d short-circuited her reasoning, judgment, and empathy. She only cared about herself and proved it to her young twins too many times to count.
Adria hated seeing her sister do the same thing she’d watched their mother do their whole lives—self-destruct.
It broke her heart to pieces.
“I’m not going to let you do this to yourself.” She combed her fingers through Juliana’s hair and tried to breathe through the fear and heartache.
“Paramedics and police have arrived.” Focused on Juliana and making sure she kept breathing, she’d forgotten about the dispatcher on the phone.
“The door is open. We’re in the bathroom.” She checked the urge to hide Juliana’s drug paraphernalia. Even though her stomach knotted at the thought of the police seeing the evidence and possibly arresting Juliana, she didn’t stop them. Juliana needed help. And Adria would make sure she got it.
She reminded herself they weren’t alone in the world. They had their sisters Roxy and Sonya. Without them, without the Wild Rose Ranch, they’d probably both be dead by now.
“Miss, we’re here to help. Please step back.”
Adria leaned down and kissed her sister on the forehead. “Hold on. You’re going to be okay now. I love you.”
The paramedic held his hand out to help her up off the floor. She appreciated the gesture, because even though he was there for her sister, he took the time to help her, too. His presence eased her mind.
But her heart still clenched when he put his dark hand on her sister’s deathly pale wrist to check her pulse. The wild rose tattoo that started at her sister’s shoulder and wrapped around her arm stood out dark green and pink against her translucent white skin. Four roses. Juliana, Adria, Roxy, and Sonya.
Her imagination had one of those roses shriveling and dying. She pushed the nightmare image out of her mind. She couldn’t even conceive of her sister leaving her.
An officer’s radio squawked behind her, the dispatcher relaying information about a burglary in progress. All Adria wanted was for these guys to care about her sister more than anything else, because right now, nothing mattered more than saving Juliana’s life.
“Miss, can you answer some questions for me?”
She didn’t turn to the offic
er, but watched the paramedic check her sister’s blood pressure. “What do you want to know?”
“Let’s start with your name.”
“Adria Holloway. That’s my sister Juliana.”
“Twins?”
Usually that was so obvious, but Juliana had lost weight the last many months she’d been partying away her days and nights instead of attending school. Adria had just graduated. But as far as Adria knew, Juliana had dropped out. She hadn’t attended classes since the first week of the semester. And it pissed Adria off to see her sister waste the opportunity to do and be something better than this: a drug addict, looking for her next score instead of living the life they’d been given here on the Ranch.
A second chance Adria tried hard every day to embrace instead of her own demons.
“Identical,” she confirmed, though not in every way.
“Can you tell me what happened tonight?”
Adria wished she knew what possessed her sister to think getting high and putting her life at risk was a good idea. Or that it solved anything.
“I’m not sure. I was on a blind date.” From hell.
More than a year after her last dating debacle, she’d wanted to try again. Another chance to see if she could get past her hang-ups and connect with a man and not see him as the monster from her nightmares.
Lonely, she’d wanted to connect with someone. She wanted some physical contact, to feel a man’s hands run over her skin and feel the pleasure in his touch.
She’d never use one of those stupid apps again. “I ended the date early and came home.”
Not because her date talked about sports for nearly an hour, didn’t have any cash or even a credit card—really?—to pay for dinner, and then had the nerve to ask her to his place afterward. But because she’d had a bad feeling.
Like she’d go to his place after swiping on his picture and messaging him twice to set up the date. She knew nothing about him, except for his favorite football team and that he wanted her to give him head before they had sex.
He preferred it that way.
She left him with a big “Fuck you,” and hauled ass home, her mind on her sister and not the Raiders’ biggest fan.
“I walked in the door and knew something was wrong.” She’d felt Juliana slipping away. Like a piece of her that Adria carried in her soul evaporated. The echo of fear and desolation swamped her system again. She wrapped her arms around her middle, wishing her sister would wake up and hug her. “I grabbed the naloxone and ran to her.”
“Has she overdosed before?”
“Once.” She never wanted to receive that call from the hospital again. Another shot of pure terror raced through her. For a split second that time, she’d thought her sister had died. Just like tonight when she saw her passed out on the floor, her face gray, lips blue, and barely an ounce of life left in her.
“Looks like she was getting ready for bed.” The officer pointed his pen at Juliana’s state of undress.
In her red lace bra and a black leather skirt that barely covered her ass, maybe it looked like she’d been undressing. But Adria knew better. “She was getting ready to go out.”
“It’s awfully late.”
Not for Juliana, who had taken to coming home after dawn, sleeping the day away, and spending her nights out partying.
Because of Juliana’s unpredictable schedule, Adria had started sleeping in Roxy’s room, which was usually unoccupied since she inherited a ranch in Montana and lived there now with her new family. Roxy was raising her adopted stepsister, Annabelle, and got engaged to Noah Cordero.
She’d found her home. Love. Family.
Adria was working on finding her own happiness, while Juliana played Russian roulette with her life.
“She likes the nightlife.” Juliana liked driving an hour or so into Vegas. So many strangers looking for a good time. Fun. Frivolous. No strings. No expectations. Just go with it.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Juliana thought that suited her. She thought she could escape whatever drove her.
All it did was make her worse because when you’re that high and out of it, you can’t feel. Not really.
And when you wake up, you still have the same problems and that just bums you out more.
You still can’t escape yourself, because in the end it’s just you and your thoughts and your past and the decision you have to make every day to either leave it behind and move on, or stay in that dark place.
The fact that Big Mama and security at the Wild Rose Ranch brothel caught Juliana selling herself with the other prostitutes who worked at the legal whorehouse only showed how far off the rails Juliana had gone these last few months. They’d sworn to each other that they’d never end up like their mother. But Juliana spent more time with Crystal these days than she did with Adria.
Some form of self-punishment? Adria didn’t know. She’d begged Juliana to talk to her. But Juliana shut her down and pushed her out of her life.
She missed the closeness they’d always shared.
The closer Adria got to graduation, the more self-destructive Juliana became.
It felt like her fault. They were slowly going in different directions. At some point, they needed to separate, didn’t they? They couldn’t always do everything together and the same.
Didn’t she deserve her own life and successes?
It hurt Adria’s heart to think they’d soon travel down different roads, when they’d spent their whole lives not just going down the same path but holding hands as one. But Adria couldn’t follow her sister down the path of destruction Juliana continued to take despite the risks and how miserable it made her. Juliana’s behavior tore them apart a little at a time.
Adria could only hope that what happened tonight would wake her sister up and make her want to change her ways before things got worse. Because, yes, Adria knew from experience, things can always get worse.
“Do you guys work up at the Wild Rose Ranch?” The officer held her gaze, a look of interest in his eyes.
“No. Our mother does.”
That raised a few eyebrows among the three men there to take care of her sister, but they didn’t say anything.
The paramedics did their job, efficiently stabilizing her sister, putting in an IV line, and getting her settled on the gurney. They covered her with a blanket and strapped her in. Seeing her covered somehow warmed Adria as well.
After the paramedics rolled Juliana down the hallway, the officer took pictures of the bathroom, including the mirror sitting precariously on the edge of the counter, the remnants of powder on it, and the cut straw her sister used to snort the heroin.
Adria stood on the porch while they loaded her sister into the back of the ambulance.
Just then, Big Mama, Madam of the Wild Rose Ranch, pulled into the driveway in her Cadillac. She’d driven over from the mansion across the wide pasture. Someone up at the brothel must have seen the flashing lights. She slipped out of the front seat dressed in a black skirt, black bustier, red stilettos, her red hair curled in waves, and her black-lined eyes glassed over with sadness and filled with fear. “Is she . . .”
Adria shook her head, unable to speak for fear her sister would prove her wrong and die on the spot.
“What happened?”
Adria ran into the Madam’s arms and ample breasts and hugged her close, relieved she’d come and Adria wasn’t alone.
Big Mama had been the only real mother figure she’d had since the older woman had rescued her mother, Crystal, from a shelter. Big Mama had given them a home and made sure they went to school, preventing Child Protective Services from taking her and Juliana to a foster home. Big Mama took care of them. She cared about them. She kept Crystal from ruining their lives anymore.
“She overdosed. I gave her the naloxone just like the doctor showed us after the last time.”
Big Mama squeezed her tight. “Good girl. You saved her.”
“I can’t do this again.” The t
ears clogging her throat burst free on a ragged sob and her sadness and anger poured out.
“I hope you don’t have to.”
Adria stepped back and tried to rein in her wild emotions. “I won’t, because whether she likes it or not, I’m getting her the help she needs.”
Big Mama nodded. “Call Roxy. Tell her to call Sonya. It’s time to intervene.” Big Mama swept her gaze over Adria. “Change into something more comfortable. I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
The ambulance pulled out. Big Mama went to talk to the officer who walked out of the house. Adria’s mind caught up to the fact that she was standing in the too-tight, low-cut, electric-blue tank dress and four-inch strappy heels Juliana insisted she wear on her date. Adria never wore things like this, but Juliana coaxed her to be bold, telling her to “give your date a reason to come back for more.” There was nothing “wrong” about dressing sexy for a date, but she hated that the guy thought it was an invitation to hook up. Based on the way she was dressed, even the officer and paramedics thought she worked at the Ranch.
Not the image she wanted.
She needed to stop doing what people told her to do and just be herself and focus on her future.
Something broke inside her when that man . . . Well, that was in the distant past. It happened. She didn’t know how to make it go away, but dating random men wasn’t the solution.
But God, how she dreamed of a real relationship with a guy who knew how to be kind and made her burn.
She left her nonexistent love life on the back burner. She ignored the heavy, sour ball of dread in her gut and the whisper in her heart that spoke her worst fear, You will always be alone.
She ran into the house, peeled off the too-sexy-for-her dress, tossed the uncomfortable heels, pulled on a pair of jeans, a tank top, and a comfy shrug. She slipped her feet into a pair of Keds and left her hair in wild disarray as she grabbed her cell from the bathroom floor and her purse off the tile entry and met Big Mama at her car.
She dialed Roxy as Big Mama drove and followed the ambulance to the hospital.
Roxy picked up on the first ring. “What’s wrong?”
This late at night, of course Roxy expected trouble. “Juliana overdosed again. She’s in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I need you to make that call.”
Tough Talking Cowboy Page 1