by Nyrae Dawn
“Talk to him. Let him know you’re here. He needs to hear your voice. Tell him to drink.”
I lean down. “Drink, Caleb. Please drink. We’re going to make you better, but I need you to drink for me.”
Nothing’s happening.
“I don’t know… I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I’ve never done this before.” Gabe actually sounds nervous, anxious like this means something to him too.
Still, I ignore him, focusing on Caleb. “Caleb please. I need you… I love you… You have to drink for me.”
It feels like it’s been hours, but I know it’s only been seconds when his mouth starts moving. “That’s it. More, I need you to drink more.”
And he does. I see his throat constrict as he swallows Gabe’s… blood. Oh, God, he’s going to hate me for this, but I can’t regret it. “More, Caleb. Please take more.”
His hands grab Gabe’s wrist and he starts to suck harder. I can see how tight his grip on Gabe is. Caleb’s eyes jerk open, huge and wide, almost scared, but he keeps drinking.
Its minutes before Gabe starts to groan. “It’s enough.” He’s fighting to pull his wrist away.
“Shh…let go, Caleb. That’s enough.”
But he doesn’t. He squeezes tighter, keeps sucking.
“Caleb… let go,” I’m starting to panic as he keeps pulling at Gabe’s wrist.
Finally Gabe jerks backward, crying out in pain. At the same time, there’s a huge explosion from the house. We fall, sprawling against one another, to the ground. The shockwave knocks the breath out of me.
I claw the ground, trying to get up, half-staggering, running back towards the house. Dad, Dad…. until I see the house in the distance. The whole house is engulfed in flames. “Dad! Dad!” I run screaming, needing him with all my being.
And then I see the lone figure walking out of the wreckage.
Dad.
***
“Will he be okay?” I ask as I hold Caleb’s hand. He hasn’t woken up yet and we’re in Dad’s house.
“I don’t know. It takes a day or so to see if his body accepts the change. He needs rest.”
Caleb’s been screaming in pain for hours. It kills me each and every time. To hear him suffering, to see how much Isaac hurt him, to not be able to help him. All because of me. Caleb was kidnapped, tortured and now he’s painfully being turned into a vampire because of me.
Finally, Dad got Caleb to sleep. He’s been resting for almost an hour, but Dad warns me it’s not the end. Caleb will go through more before it’s over.
More pain because I didn’t trust him. Because I walked away from him like everyone else in his life.
“It’s not your fault, little one.”
I appreciate the thought from Dad. But it is my fault, and I know that. All it would have taken was for me to trust my eyes in the diner that day. He’d been so freaked out, but I was more scared of looking crazy than taking the time to see what was in front of me.
Dad leans down and kisses my forehead. “I love you.” It’s the first time he’s done that and I savor it. Savor him.
“I love you too, Dad.”
He walks out, and Gabe comes in the room as he leaves. We haven’t spoken since we left the woods a few hours before.
“I suppose you want some answers.” His voice sounds so different. Quieter…sadder.
“You think?” I say, frustrated at myself for the anger in my voice. He saved me, saved Caleb, and I know he’s in pain, but everything else? It’s going to be hard for me to forget it.
Gabe sits in the chair on the other side of Caleb’s bed. For the first time, I notice how pale he really is. How could I not have known? Did I know and just didn’t want to admit it? And Caleb. Will he be pale like that too?
“What I told you about my family is true. I just failed to admit it happened fifteen years ago. Isaac told me you were his family. That I was to get close to you, but not hurt you. I had no idea his plans. All I knew is I needed to get close to you, watch you and wait for his instructions.”
“Great. Glad to know my best friend only got close to me because I’m a job.” I’m still holding Caleb’s hand, unable to even look at Gabe.
“You were a job in the beginning, but not for long.”
I shake my head. I can’t hear that. Not right now. “So what was fake?”
“You got the job on your own. We didn’t run into each other by accident though. I put the idea in the human’s heads to put you in the kitchen every night. To let you off early. Not to disturb us when we talked.”
The humans? Wow. Will I ever get used to that? “And Stacy?” I ask.
“She was a bit harder, but yes, I am responsible for her too. I drank from her daily, made her forget it, and put the idea in her head to be nice to you.”
“Aww, how sweet.” I’m trying to be sarcastic because hello? He sucked blood from Stacy. Even if she is a witch, I don’t want someone biting her to make her nice to me. But there’s a part of me… one I’m not proud of who appreciates it. Because he did it for me. In some ways, that makes me feel like it wasn’t a game. That maybe he really does care about me.
But then I remember the last part. The one that makes me want to stake Gabe myself. I’m scared to ask. “Caleb?” I whisper.
“Yes… I didn’t drink from him, but I did scare him at night. I lied to you so you thought he was with Stacy. I tried to make you think he was embarrassed by you by not spending time with you at school. I tried to control his mind too, but he proved difficult for me. He fought it well. I tried to get him to stay away from you. Put the idea in his head to stop meeting you, but it never fully worked.”
It all makes sense to me now. Caleb’s dreams, his headaches, they were all from Gabe. My best friend tortured the guy I love. What did I do to deserve this? Any of it? What did poor Caleb do except care about me?
“Nothing.”
“Don’t. Stay out of my head.” It’s all I can say. I’m hurt, angry, confused. I don’t know what I feel right now. All I know is I can’t talk to Gabe. I’m not ready. Can I forgive him? What does it say about me that I want to? Especially with Caleb lying in this bed, everything having happened to him because he decided to be my friend. Because he wanted to protect me from Stacy and Gabe. Because he cared about me.
“The restaurant that night? What Caleb said about seeing you with Stacy?”
He shakes his head. “It’s all true. He did. I don’t know how I didn’t sense him. And just so you know…when we were in the restaurant… I had to try and control the humans from reacting, get them to leave. That’s what I meant about cleaning up. With the owner… I cleaned her mind. I didn’t want anybody to remember.”
I hate him. In this moment I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone. “Get away from me.”
Gabe stands up and walks out of the room. Kicking my shoes off, I crawl in bed with Caleb and cry. My tears soak him, but I can’t stop them. All I can do is hope. Hope he makes it through this, that he doesn’t hate me for it. For signing him up to have the boy he despises as his sire.
According to Dad, for the first few months of Caleb’s afterlife? He’ll have to live off Gabe. Off his sire’s blood to help complete the transition. Caleb saw me turn my back on him, lost his life, and now, to survive, he’ll have to live off someone he hates.
Karma is a bitch. And I feel like I’m one too.
Epilogue
I rush into the house after school and slam the door. It feels so strange going back after everything that’s happened. Everything that’s still happening. Stacy is horrible again. I’m still the vamp freak and Caleb’s not there. That’s the worst part. How can I take more of life there without him? When he couldn’t go back even if he wanted to, can’t be in the light?
“Mom!” I yell, almost tripping as I round the corner into the kitchen. It’s the same thing every day. All I can do is hope for a different answer today. “Did he call?” I’m out of breath, having run almost the whole way home.
“I’m sorry, kiddo.” Mom hugs me. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” And I know she does. Just like I know she’s scouring the internet and books when she thinks I’m in bed, looking for a way to cure me. Hoping and praying she’ll be able to stop what might happen in a few months’ time. I just hope if it does, she can still love me then.
We watch a little TV, have dinner and each head to our own bedrooms for the night. Like I do every night, I sit in my window seat, holding the cell phone Dad got me in my hand. Waiting and hoping he’ll come or call.
“Please ring, please ring.” My eyes are on the phone, pleading for him. There’s an odd feeling, and at first I don’t notice it, I’m so intent on the telephone. But it grows. Like somebody is watching me. And then I feel the eyes on me. At first, my heart jumps in fear, but as my eyes find the figure outside, I recognize him immediately. My whole body sizzles. My heart finds the crazy rhythm only he brings out in me. I jerk the window open, not caring if Mom freaks out, as he slowly approaches the window.
“You have to invite me in,” Caleb mumbles. I feel like someone threw a bucket of cold water on me. How could I have forgotten? It’s a painful reminder of everything that’s happened.
“Please, come in.”
Seconds later, he’s standing in the room. It takes everything in me not to touch him. Not to run my fingers through his midnight hair. Not to kiss the lips that only weeks before I knew so well. He’s pale, but other than that, he looks the same, messy hair, piercing eyes, all sinewy muscles and utterly delicious.
“Wow…now I don’t have to read your blush anymore. You want to talk about delicious? There’s only one of us in the room who now eats people.”
“Don’t,” I shake my head. “I know what you’re doing, Caleb and don’t.”
He runs a hand through his hair, and then shoves his hands in his pockets, making me let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. It’s so Caleb. He would have done the same thing a month ago. He hasn’t changed. After everything he’s still the same.
“Nope. I’m not, Kitten.”
My eyes fall closed, his words hitting me. “Of course you’re not completely the same. Not after everything you’ve been through, but you’re still you. You still have the same body language. You look the same. You still call me Kitten…” Finally, I let my eyes meet his again. They sear me, finding that place inside me only he’s ever been able to find. “You still look at me the same.”
And then I blush because those words feel so personal, and what if I’m wrong?
I hardly see his hand move and this it’s cupping my face. I lean into him, reveling in the feel of Caleb. His calluses, the warmth he somehow still carries. “I still like this…” His thumb is brushing my cheeks that I know are tinged pink.
I can’t even curse my annoying blush, because hello? Caleb likes it and it’s made him touch me again.
It’s soon, and I know that, but I can’t stop. I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Tears streak down my face. “I’m sorry, Caleb. I’m so, so sorry.” They’re the only words I can manage. There’s so much more I want to say. I should have trusted you. Something told me you would never lie to me, but I ignored it. I love you. But I can’t say any of it, so I just cry, telling him over and over how sorry I am. His arms wrap around me too. He’s holding me tightly against him. I cry until I have no more tears. He never lets go, because that’s not him. Even though I know he can’t forgive me, he’s holding me. Taking care of me the way he always has.
What could have been hours, or minutes later, he pulls me away from him, drying my tears with his hands. “I’m sorry,” I say again.
“I know.” His voice is quiet. So quiet I can hardly hear him. “But I need some time. My whole life… Jesus. At least I don’t have to worry about valedictorian anymore. Hell, I probably can’t do college even—” he stops, his face getting hard. “I’m all fucked up in the head right now. I’m not in a good place, Abby. I need some time.”
It’s more than I deserve, but it breaks my heart anyway, because I know why he’s so messed up. I’ll never forgive myself for it. “Okay… Take all the time you need. I’ll be here, Caleb. I’ll never leave you. No matter what, I’ll never walk away from you. Never again.”
I will make this up to him. I’ll be the one person in his life who doesn’t leave him. Because I love him and I always will.
His whole body tenses. His jaw locks. He heard me, but I don’t care, because it’s true. “I’ll be here,” I say again and then I can’t talk, because he’s kissing me. And he tastes the same, he feels the same. I still know every millimeter of his mouth. His tongue still strokes mine perfectly. I’m dizzy, burning up from the inside out, just like I always do when I touch him.
Caleb hisses and jerks away, almost like he’s in pain. Oh God, is he wanting my blood?
Suddenly his eyes are a different green. Glowing. Yep, that’s definitely different.
And then he’s gone, my curtains moving back and forth in his wake. I touch my lips.
It’s funny how much things can change. Just a couple months ago, I thought Mom was crazy. I didn’t believe in vampires and all I wanted was normal. I was chasing something I’d never have.
Now, I have something different, that I want more.
My mom loves me, even though she’s scared to death she won’t be able to if I change. I don’t know why she hates vampires so much, why it made her hate Dad. But she loves me and now I know she’s not crazy.
Dad is in my life, and he’s a vampire. He’s watched out for me my whole life and I love him. He didn’t fix things like I wanted, but what I have is so much more.
Though Mom still hates him, she lets me see Dad. And he’s working on her, I can tell. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to give up until he earns her trust again. She’s stubborn though; she’s even more mad at him now. I hate that part of that is my fault for leaving with him. But every once in a while, I’ll catch her watching him. I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same way I watch Caleb.
My best friend is a vampire and even though he’s done so much I can’t forget, I’m trying to forgive. How can I move forward if I don’t? No matter what he did, I know he fought for me too.
And yep, I’m in love with a vampire. I want nothing more than to have him in my life. He tried to fight a vampire for me. He wanted to stay in a place he hates for me. He died because of me. He’s everything and somehow, I know he has to love me too.
This is my life. This is my normal and you know what? I’m okay with it. I really am.
Karma, you did pretty darned good by me.
Acknowledgements
I want to thank my family, especially my hubby and kids for understanding how I get when I’m deep into a book. Your support means everything to me. To my “Trio of Awesomeness” Wendy Higgins, Jolene Perry and Kelley York: I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re the best critique partners a girl could have. Last but not least, thanks to the folks at Crescent Moon Press, especially Marlene and Steph, for taking a chance on Abby and me. Also huge thanks to my editor, Katie. You helped me make this story so much better.
Nyrae Dawn
Nyrae Dawn has a passion for character–driven stories and is a total romantic at heart. Nyrae adores exploring the entire journey of a developing relationship—from those first stolen glances and innocent touches to the first kisses--and developing connections that lead to the ultimate moment when characters realize they are head–over–heels in love.
Between spending time with her husband and playing with her two beautiful little girls, Nyrae can be found devouring books--or hiding out with her laptop, working on her next manuscript!
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ble of Contents
DEDICATION
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Nyrae Dawn