by Kendall Ryan
“He’s moving to Denver. Didn’t he tell you?”
That right there told me exactly where I ranked on Cannon’s list of priorities. “He hasn’t mentioned it.” Because we hadn’t spoken in two weeks.
Allie’s eyes widened. “He’s known for a couple of weeks. I thought for sure you knew.”
I set my glass down with shaky hands, the bottom clinking against the table. The news felt like a knife had been thrust through my heart, piercing the most tender place I’d kept hidden away. Allie knew that we had been sleeping together, but she had no idea how deep my feelings ran, how crushed I was when he just walked away.
Allie focused on her cocktail, not letting on if she saw my reaction. “He’s been busy. I’m sure he was going to tell you.”
“He hasn’t been by for his stuff or anything. He’s been staying with your mom.” Admitting that felt like I’d lost the very last piece of him.
Allie smirked. “That’s probably for the best, don’t you think?”
My world suddenly felt small and dark. It had been nice having someone to live with, even better than I’d expected. Cannon and I got along great, and once we threw great sex into the mix, it had started to feel like the total package. Then he went and ruined everything by telling me he loved me. And now he was leaving.
For weeks, the dilemma I’d thought I was facing was to choose between my friendship with Allie or pursuing more with Cannon. But now it seemed the decision had been taken out of my hands.
• • •
I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed Cannon’s sweet Post-it notes until one appeared on my front door a week later. I peeled it from the sun-faded door with tears in my eyes.
I need to talk to you. Are you free on Friday?
That was still two days away. Why did it feel like an eternity? I was sure that he was going to tell me about Denver.
After letting myself inside, I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.
Paige: Yes, I’m free on Friday. Do you want to come over for dinner?
He responded a few seconds later.
Cannon: I have the day off. I’ll bring groceries and meet you there.
It was settled; I had a dinner date with Cannon in forty-eight hours. Now I just needed to figure out what I was going to say to him.
• • •
You would have thought I had all the time in the world to plan what to say to Cannon when I saw him, but you’d be dead wrong. Somehow two days went by in a blur, and now it was Friday—time to face the music. Cannon had texted when I was leaving work to say he’d gotten to my place early and let himself inside.
When I arrived, I was surprised to see the front door was left open, not unlocked but actually standing ajar. I hurried inside, looking around to see if anything was out of place. The door to Cannon’s room was shut. I imagined, given his long hours at the hospital, that he might be napping.
As I made my way down the hall, I smelled smoke and paused. Not sure what was going on, I knocked on Cannon’s door. With no response after a few seconds, I pushed it open. A can of gasoline was at my feet, blocking the doorway, so I reached down and picked it up, setting it out of the way as my brain scrambled to make sense of what was going on.
A candle was burning just inches away. The edge of Cannon’s blanket was smoking as the candle’s flame licked at it. He was lying there asleep, unaware of his treacherous surroundings.
Confused, I bent down and grabbed a book of matches lying on the floor, then the candle with the intention of blowing it out, but it was already too late. Flames had caught the edge of his blanket, which was now smoldering, and clarity hit me at once.
Michelle had been back.
I screamed Cannon’s name, my voice echoing in the small room.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cannon
After making our statements to the police, Paige and I were exhausted, both mentally and emotionally drained. She stuck close to me throughout the ordeal, and my protective nature, the need to keep her close, flared inside me. With her tucked close to my side, we surveyed her place. Thankfully, the damage was minimal. The fire had barely caught, only really ruining the blankets on my bed before Paige came home and found me passed out from lack of sleep.
She paced the living room, ringing her hands. I sensed that her home was the last place she wanted to be right now.
“Do you want to go out? Get something to eat?” I asked, running my hands up and down her arms. I hated that she’d been put through this. Hated my history and long list of unstable exes.
Paige nodded. Neither of us felt like cooking, but we were both hungry, it seemed.
I drove us to a nearby pizza place where we sat at a booth with paper plates of greasy pepperoni pie. It was about as far from a romantic first date as you could get.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
We’d barely spoken in the hours since she’d come home. The shock and potentially devastating consequences of what could have happened were weighing on us both. If I hadn’t woken and the fire had spread, that gas can at the door would have ensured my demise. I didn’t want to think about that, though.
When the police had asked if anything unusual had happened lately, Paige mentioned that Michelle had stopped by looking for me just a few days ago. Knowing that solidified in my mind exactly which of my exes must have done this. I gave the police a thorough description of Michelle including her car, where she lived, where she liked to hang out, everything. Allie had been right—I should have filed a restraining order back when Michelle broke into my apartment. I never imagined she’d up the ante like this.
“I guess you were right,” Paige said, setting down her half-eaten slice and wiping her hands with a paper napkin.
“About what?”
“Being a god in bed and women falling in love with you.” She looked down as she said this, and I wanted more than anything to see her eyes in that moment.
I wanted to believe she was talking about herself, but I knew she was talking about Michelle. “You broke the curse. Guess I should say thank you for that.”
This time she looked up and her eyes met mine, but I hated what I saw in their depths. She looked so unhappy. I wanted more than anything to make that sadness go away, but all I could offer her was a smile. Paige returned the gesture, but her own smile was sad and didn’t reach her eyes.
“I don’t want to leave things weird and unfinished between us,” I said.
“How are things supposed to be now, Cannon? I don’t see you for two weeks, and then your psycho ex shows up out of nowhere. Allie’s still pissed at me, and . . .”
When she paused and let out a shaky breath, I reached over and squeezed her hand. It had been a traumatic day, and I didn’t want to push her.
“I’m just tired, Cannon.”
I nodded. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
Chapter Thirty
Paige
Days slipped past and I fell into despair. The moment I saw Cannon lying on the bed with the flames dancing so near, was when I knew for certain I loved him. A deep, aching love that wasn’t going to go away.
I wished I’d been bold enough to tell him about that night he’d pledged his love for me. But what would it change between us? Yes, I loved him too with all my heart, but I wouldn’t be the one to hold him back.
I hated myself for not confronting him the second I had the chance. I hated myself even more for searching for job openings in Denver on my lunch break at work. I knew things were over between us, but that didn’t stop my brain from fantasizing about what it would be like to start over, to move to a new city, to explore things for real with Cannon.
On the outside, my life had gone back to normal. I worked, ate, slept, and went to the gym, but night after night, alone in my house, I cried myself to sleep. While I still had somewhat of a strained relationship with Allie, I felt sure over time our friendship would recover.
It was Fri
day evening, and Allie was over for an adult beverage and a marathon of our favorite show on Netflix about a pack of single women living it up in the city. It was almost comical how far the scenario was from our lives, but maybe that was why we liked it—it was a chance to escape reality for an evening.
I set a cranberry-vodka cocktail in front of Allie on the coffee table, and then sat down beside her with my own stiffer version. “Cheers.”
She raised her glass to her lips. “Yummy. Thanks.”
Pointing the remote at the TV, I hit Play on the show, our third episode of the night, and probably not our last.
“I want to say something to you, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.” She paused to adjust her skirt while I tried to figure out what was on her mind.
I set my cocktail down in front of me. “Just say it, Al.”
She placed one hand on my shoulder and gave me a small smile. “Don’t look back. If Cinderella had gone back for her shoe, she wouldn’t be a princess today.”
It was her way of telling me I needed to accept this and move on. I guess she knew, or at least suspected, that there were deeper feelings between Cannon and me than I was letting on. And the thing was, as much as it hurt, she was right. I needed to accept the way things turned out. I didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure if I was expected to, but I returned her smile.
“When’s he moving?” I asked after a few minutes of silence between us. I wasn’t sure if she was watching the show or merely staring blankly into space like I was.
“He leaves tomorrow,” she said, squeezing the lime wedge in her drink and licking her fingers. She raised her glass to mine again. “On to bigger and better.”
My eyes might have been on the screen, but I didn’t see a thing. My entire being was focused on the fact that the man who’d stolen my heart was taking it with him when he moved halfway across the country tomorrow. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
Chapter Thirty-One
Paige
Cannon: I fly out this afternoon. Wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me before I left.
Cannon’s text message that morning came as a surprise. I was lying in bed thinking of him and my talk with Allie last night when my phone chirped, signaling a new message. I could only wonder if he was lying in bed across town thinking of me too.
After hearing nothing from him since the fire last week, I expected him to leave without a backward glance. Of course I wanted to see him, but when I thought about how that meeting would go, doubts began to creep in.
What would we say—I’ll miss you? Have a good life? That was too painful to think about. I’d come to terms with the fact that I’d have to watch him move on from afar, that I’d occasionally hear updates from Allie. I was sure he’d be a brilliant doctor and have a beautiful life. And I knew one day he’d meet someone and marry.
Paige: It’s probably better if we don’t.
There was no reply after that.
But two hours later, I found myself Googling flight times to Denver. I hightailed my ass to the airport, hoping to see him before he left with a piece of me I’d never get back. I didn’t care how bad it would hurt, how awkward or stilted the conversation might be. I wasn’t going to miss my last chance at seeing him.
When I arrived at the airport, I navigated to the terminal I’d researched. There was a flight to Denver leaving in under two hours. If he wasn’t on this flight, there was another taking off in about four hours. I had all day, and I would be patient.
I was only there five minutes when his mom’s little silver sedan slipped past me in traffic. Ducking my head, I slid on my sunglasses, hoping no one spotted me.
I waited several car lengths away and watched as Allie and his mom dropped him off at the curb, hugging and kissing him like they were sending him off to war. Cannon was quiet, pensive, but didn’t seem overly upset. I knew he was probably excited for this next phase of his life.
When his mom’s car pulled away, I pushed my gearshift into park and hopped out, clutching the Post-it note I’d hastily written before I left.
Hoisting his duffel bag high on his shoulder, he pulled a massive black rolling suitcase behind him. I guessed he was having his other stuff shipped to his new home. Then again, he really didn’t have much. The king-sized bed he’d bought was still sitting unused in my guest room. It was crazy how your entire life could be boiled down to fit inside two suitcases.
As my feet carried me up the sidewalk and closer toward him, my heart began to pound.
He reached the counter for curbside bag check and lifted his bags onto the conveyor with ease. I took a deep breath, now just fifteen feet behind him.
Sometimes there are no second chances. Sometimes it’s now or never.
The attendant, a pretty young woman with a long blond ponytail, smiled at Cannon, and he smiled back. She made some joke that I couldn’t hear, and Cannon broke out into laughter.
I stopped so abruptly, the man behind me almost ran into me. My feet wouldn’t go any further. Cannon wasn’t torn up; he wasn’t heartbroken or distraught. He was smiling and laughing as he chatted with the bag attendant. He obviously never meant that I love you.
I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, chasing after him like some lovesick little girl.
Crumpling the note in my hand, I turned around and headed for the safety of my car. The pain of losing him hurt all over again. As I drove away, tears freely streaming down my cheeks, I knew there wasn’t enough chocolate or alcohol in the world to make the pain of this moment go away.
And the worst part was, I wouldn’t even have my best friend to help me get through this.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Cannon
I’d been in Denver for two weeks, and every day I told myself today was the day I’d start feeling better. Today was the day I’d get over Paige and finally be okay.
The only saving grace was that I threw myself into my work. My days were busy and stressful, and I didn’t have time to dwell on the past. But the persistent ache in my chest made it hard to forget her completely. It was a little too fucking ironic for me that my first weeks as a cardiologist were spent with a broken heart.
After a grueling twelve-hour shift, I was ready to go home. I pulled off my lab coat and stuffed it into my bag. Gathering up my stuff, I closed my locker and headed out. I still hadn’t gotten used to walking out into the bright sunlight after a long night shift. The blackout curtains in my new apartment ensured I slept while the rest of the world was busy.
I fished my cell phone from my pocket and dialed my mom. It was mid-morning in Michigan, and I knew she’d be home.
“Morning,” she sang when she answered.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Just get off work?” she asked.
I fought back a yawn. “Yeah. How are you? Any plans for today?” Though I knew she was doing okay, it didn’t stop me from checking in on her a few times a week.
“Not really. Allie and I might go shopping tonight. Did you decide to join that softball league?” she asked, referring to the doctor’s softball league I’d been invited to join.
“Yeah, I think I’m going to.” At least it would get me off my ass after work.
“Good.” Mom sighed. “I don’t like the idea of you being lonely.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom. Don’t worry about me.” I slipped into my car and started it, pulling out of the employee parking lot underneath the hospital.
“You know . . .” Mom hesitated for a few minutes, and I was so tired that I forgot what we were talking about. “There’s something I want to tell you.”
“What’s that?”
“If there’s one thing I learned with Bob’s passing, it’s that life is too short to spend it unhappy, Cannon-ball.”
In my mind, I saw Paige. Saw her sleepy blue eyes, pictured her soft body curled beside mine. That familiar ache in my chest was back. I wasn’t sure if Mom’s message was about Paige or n
ot, but that was where my brain immediately jumped.
It was time to take a chance. Otherwise, I’d live with regret for the rest of my life.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Paige
I’d done something foolish and reckless, and it was coming back to bite me in the ass. When I first learned that Cannon was moving to Denver, I’d sent off my résumé on the spur of the moment to a company looking to hire a human resources manager. It was a big firm in downtown Denver, and the pay was substantially better than I made now. At the time, I told myself it was a great opportunity, so why not just apply and see what happened?
Well, the recruiter had called me twice in the past week, leaving voice mails on my phone, and I was too much of a chicken shit to call her back. I hated the idea of being unprofessional and dodging her calls, especially when the opportunity was so great, but what was I supposed to do? Cannon might have taken my heart, but I wasn’t going to give him my dignity too.
While I was trying to figure that out, something even bigger happened. It was Thursday night after work, and like usual, I took Enchilada outside and checked the mail. There was a letter with no return address, but the handwriting looked so familiar, the skin on the back of my neck started to tingle.
Without bothering to go inside, I ripped the envelope open right there on the curb. Inside was a plane ticket to Denver, Colorado, and a Post-it note that read:
If we don’t try, we’ll never know.
It wasn’t exactly a declaration of love, but I wanted to jump for joy. Cannon wanted me there. He wanted to try. It was something.
With my heart galloping in my chest, the first thing I did when I got inside was to call Cannon.