by Gemma Weir
“Nope. Football is done. We didn’t make the playoffs so there are no more practices for seniors. Plus, we have important shit to do today.”
“What important shit? Is Nova okay?”
“She’s fine, but we have decisions to make.”
“What decisions?” I ask, sitting up.
“It’s time to open all those college letters you’ve got stashed beneath your bed.”
My eyes glance to the floor. How could he possibly know that I’ve put off opening my letters? “What?” I say, pretending not to know what he’s talking about.
He flattens his lips into a straight line and arches his eyebrows.
“Fine,” I sigh, twisting my legs off the side of the bed and reaching beneath it to pull out the large pile of letters.
“Jesus, Em, how many do you have there?”
“Twenty-five,” I admit sheepishly.
He shakes his head, reaching out and taking the pile from me as he stands and moves to wait by the door. “Future’s calling, shortcake. You can’t ignore it, no matter how much you try. Now get ready, the others are waiting.”
Resigned, I stand up, pulling down the back of my shorts as I slide my feet into sneakers and palm my cellphone.
Six months ago, I was eager for the future; ready to run off to the other side of the country and start a new life where no one knew anything about bikers, except what they’ve seen on the TV. I was so excited to create a new college Emmy. One who’s unexceptional and who blends in with a crowd.
I had it all worked out: get accepted to Dartmouth and be a ten-hour flight away from this tiny, artificial bubble we live in. Only now I’m not so sure it’s what I want anymore. Nova’s ‘meltdown’ as she likes to call it, changed more than just her. It changed me, Zeke, and Griffin too.
In the blink of an eye I went from distancing myself from my childhood friends, to refusing to leave their sides as we frantically clung to the shreds of Nova’s sanity. That first week we spent almost every moment together, and it made me realize that I didn’t really want to be as alone as I thought.
Back then we needed each other just like we always had. I hadn’t realized I’d forgotten that, or maybe I chose to pretend that our bond didn’t exist anymore. I’m not happy with my life here, but at least now I realize how lucky I am to have such amazing friends. I don’t want to lose that by moving to New Hampshire without them.
Walking behind Griffin, I follow him through the house, pausing as my dad greets him with a manly handshake and Mom fawns over him. My parents obviously didn’t even know he was here. We didn’t knock, we never have. We just let ourselves into each other’s houses because we’re family and family don’t stand on ceremony. They barge in and help themselves to a candy bar, knowing that they’re always welcome.
I have a pretty charmed life. My parents are awesome, my little brother’s a pain in my ass, but I love him, and I have the most amazing extended family. My life is great, but I can’t help feeling this overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction.
Archer’s Creek is small, quaint, and safe, but my dad’s position within the community has meant that I was brought up under a magnifying glass. The motorcycle club my dad is the president of isn’t a lawless club, they’re not 1% or criminals, but regardless of that when thirty guys on huge motorcycles are together in a group, they make an impact.
My dad, my grandpa, and every single one of my uncles are total badasses. They’re men’s men, with traditional alpha male values that rankle my inner feminist. My parents are completely in love, totally devoted to each other; but to my dad, my mom is his. His woman, his property, his old lady. Mom’s no mouse. She could bring him to his knees with a single word, but still, that’s not a future I see for myself.
If I was a guy, I’m sure I’d jump at the chance to be a part of the club, to be a brother and gain all the advantages that come with it, but as the daughter of a biker, if I stay in this town, continue living this life, there’s no future for me beyond ending up as some macho biker’s property.
The need for something new has been pressing down on me for years, and I thought I’d have to leave behind my friends to be able to get it. But maybe that’s not true. My eyes glide to the pile of letters Griff’s holding, and my heart skips a beat. In those envelopes is the key to my new life, to a future where maybe I don’t have to give up my roots to spread my wings.
“So you’re finally going to do something with those envelopes, rather than just have them catching dust bunnies?” Mom asks, pulling me from my internal musing.
“Huh?”
“I thought I was going to have to open them for you,” she smirks.
“I always planned to open them,” I say snippily, defending myself.
Griff scoffs and I elbow him in the side, making him laugh beneath his breath.
“Come on, Judas,” I hiss at him, pushing him as hard as I can and hating that his huge rock-hard body barely moves.
“Aww don’t be like that, shortcake,” he says, pulling me into his side and ruffling my hair affectionately.
“Bye, honey; bye, Griffin,” Mom calls as I let Griff guide me out of my house and toward his car parked at the curb.
He opens the door for me, smiling annoyingly as I slide into the passenger seat, then closes it behind me. “Dick,” I mutter under my breath as he circles the car and climbs into the driver’s seat.
Handing me the pile of envelopes, he looks at them pointedly and arches his brow. “So where did you apply? I can see some pretty fancy names, but there are more than eight schools there.”
“All the Ivy Leagues, the top ten private schools, and everywhere Nova applied to,” I grudgingly admit.
His eyes widen for a second, before a slow, raspy chuckle escapes his lips.
“What?”
“Should have seen this coming,” he says cryptically.
“What?” I ask again.
“Let’s go, the others are waiting,” he says, turning the key in the ignition and letting the engine flare to life.
The drive to Nova and Zeke’s place is quick and only a few minutes later, Griffin opens my door and I climb out, annoyed that he seems smug about something I have no clue about. We walk straight into the house and immediately head for the basement, waving to Uncle Echo and Uncle Sleaze who are watching a baseball game on the huge flat screen TV.
The sound of muted chatter filters into my ears as I push into the room and I’m unsurprised to find Nova, Zeke, and Valentine already in here. What is a surprise are the piles of envelopes on the table in front of them.
“What’s going on?”
Valentine looks up at me with an imperious arch of his brow. “Apparently we’re opening college letters,” he says dryly.
“Why haven’t any of you opened them already?”
“Why haven’t you?” Griff counters, dropping his own pile of letters onto the table before plopping down onto the squishy couch.
“I—” I say, unsure how honest to be with my answer. “I wasn’t ready to make a decision yet.”
“When I spotted that first envelope hidden beneath your bed, I told the others and we agreed to wait and open them all together,” Griff says with a shrug.
Tears fill my eyes, but I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s that tonight could see us all heading in different directions and I’m just not ready. Pulling in a shaky breath, I lower myself in between Griff and Nova and pull my stack of envelopes toward me, the funeral march playing on repeat inside my head.
This should be exciting. I should be over the moon, but instead I’m sad and filled with trepidation. How can a few short months change everything so dramatically?
“Let’s do one each. We can go round the table starting with Griff,” Nova says excitedly, shuffling forward to the edge of the couch and pulling her own pile toward her.
I notice that my pile seems to be almost twice the size of everyone else’s except for Valentine’s whose pile looks tiny in comparison. “Where are the rest of your
letters?”
“Mine came in early,” he says.
“What, all of them?”
“Yep.”
“So did you get in?” I ask.
“Yep.”
“To all of them?” I say incredulously, wondering how it’s possible that I didn’t know Valentine had done early admission applications.
His nod is dismissive.
“So which schools did you get into?”
“None that I plan to attend,” he says vaguely, his eyes flicking to Nova and softening perceptively.
“Come on, we can talk about that later.” Nova cries excitedly. “Griff, open your first letter.”
One by one we tear open the envelopes, celebrating and commiserating with each person in turn. But the more letters that are opened, the more obvious the similarities in the schools becomes. Despite our closeness, we’ve never discussed going to the same college. In fact, I think we all just assumed we’d separate after graduation. Thinking about it now, it seems really weird that we never talked about which schools we were applying to. I mean, sure, I knew where Nova was applying and they all knew I planned to attempt the Ivy League route, but we never really came out and told each other what our choices were.
Only maybe we did know, because consciously or subconsciously, we’ve managed to apply to several of the same schools. “Did y’all know where you were applying?” I ask, suspiciously.
“I knew where Zeke was applying,” Nova admits.
“I knew where Nova was applying,” Valentine says.
Turning, I look to Griff who just shrugs. “I might have had some idea.”
“So did we all deliberately apply to the same schools?”
“I was hoping I’d end up at the same school as at least one of you,” Nova says quietly.
Valentine lifts her up and drags her into his lap. “Princess, I applied to every single school you did. There’s no way I’m not following you to college.”
Her eyes widen and her teeth pull at her bottom lip. “But you got into so many amazing schools.”
“Where did you get early decisions from?” Zeke asks.
“Harvard, Brown, Princeton, Yale, and a couple of others,” Valentine says offhandedly, like he didn’t just casually throw out that he got early admission to four out of the top eight schools in the country.
I open my mouth to speak, but when I see the way he’s looking at my best friend it’s obvious that all that matters to him is her. That spark of jealousy jabs at my gut again. I don’t want Valentine, but for the first time I’m a little envious of the way he so obviously adores her.
Guys aren’t exactly on my radar, but I can’t ever imagine having someone look at me the way he’s looking at her right now, like she hangs the moon, like she’s his everything. Most people look at me like they were expecting something more; like I should be more and instead I’m ordinary and for some reason that always seems to surprise them.
“This is awesome,” Zeke cries. “Which schools did we all get in to?”
It takes us a moment to organize the piles of thick college brochures, separating the single sheets that denote a rejection. In the end my pile has acceptances for Dartmouth, Yale, Cornell, and ten other schools I applied to.
“So if Valentine is following my sister to school, instead of going to a fancy pants Ivy League school, then the four of us could actually stay together while Emmy runs off to be an overachiever,” Zeke says excitedly.
“Emmy’s going to Dartmouth, that’s the dream, right? I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it,” Nova cries, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly.
I hug her back, waiting for my own enthusiasm to kick in. Lifting up the glossy brochure for Dartmouth, I slide my thumb across the shiny card. This is it, the dream I’ve wanted for years, here in the palm of my hand ready to be grasped. Only now I’m not so sure I want it anymore.
It’s one thousand, nine hundred and three miles from my house to the front entrance of Dartmouth college, a nine-hour flight, a thirty-one-hour drive. Going there would be like moving to another world and that’s what I want, or at least what I thought I wanted, what I used to want.
Now that it’s here waiting, it doesn’t seem quite so bright and shiny as I expected. The thought of being at a new school, alone, while the others start their futures together feels wrong. I thought that a new start in a place where no one knows me would be the most important thing in the world, but if I change who I am, will I forget the person I am at my core?
Normal.
Special.
Invisible.
Seen.
Does any of that matter if I have no anchors?
My heart starts to pound and a herd of elephants burst to life in the pit of my stomach. I don’t want to be left behind, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to forget who I am.
“I’m not going to Dartmouth,” I announce.
Everyone speaks at once and I grimace as Nova, Zeke, and Griffin fire questions at me all at the same time.
Despite the noise, it’s Valentine’s pointed silence that pulls my attention. His lips tip into a small smile, his eyes softening with understanding. He offers me a single nod and I know that he gets it. He understands and that lingering doubt I had about him evaporates because he understands.
“Emmy, you’re going to Dartmouth,” Griffin snaps, his tone domineering and stern.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are,” Zeke cries.
“No, I’m not. I changed my mind.”
Three voices all start to talk over each other until Valentine whistles. The shrill noise silences everyone, and all eyes turn to look at him. “Let her tell you why,” he says slowly, his gaze moving to me as he dips his chin, encouraging me to explain.
Exhaling loudly, I stand up and walk around the coffee table. “I don’t want to go to Dartmouth anymore.”
“But why? That’s your dream, Em. It’s what you’ve been aiming for. Why now when it’s right there and all you have to do is reach out and take it would you change your mind?” Nova asks, her voice pleading for me to explain.
Reaching up, I tuck my hair behind my ears. “Dartmouth was the furthest away.”
Zeke’s brow furrows and he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I wanted to go there because it was the furthest place from here. I picked it because I wanted to get away, to start over in a place where no one knew me or who my family are.”
“So what’s changed?” Griff demands, anger sparking in his eyes, his fingers clenched into tight fists at his sides.
“I have,” I say simply. “You guys love this life, this town, the club, and so do I, but I’m not sure I want it to be my future. I thought that running as far away as possible was the only way I could see what life was like when I wasn’t a Scion. I backed away from you guys. I chose to distance myself so when it came to the time to leave it would be easier. Then Valentine moved here, and everything with Nova happened and I couldn’t be distant anymore.”
“This is bullshit, Em,” Griff growls.
“What’s bullshit? That I want a different life; that I want to be normal and not be the odd one out anymore? I agree it’s bullshit. But it’s how I felt. It’s still how I feel, sort of. But being with you guys, being the Scions and owning it, has made me realize that I’m not ready to start my new life yet. I’m not ready to give you all up. I want roots and wings, Griff, and you guys are my roots. Fuck Dartmouth. It’s not where I want to be if you’re all together somewhere else.”
“I understand,” Valentine says, his voice a low rasp. “I ran, thought I’d be better on my own, but I was fucking kidding myself. Nova, this town, you guys, Brandy and Sleaze, you’re home to me now. I get it Emmy, fuck Dartmouth.”
A shuddering breath escapes me and I nod at him, a silent bond forming between us, an understanding that only outsiders like us will get.
“Fuck Dartmouth,” Nova cries, shocking me. “I want us to go
to college together. I always have. I even thought about trying to get into an Ivy League, but I’m not smart enough. So fuck Dartmouth. Let’s find the best college we can and go there together.”
A smile spreads across my lips and I grin at her. This girl is my sister, my best friend, and I need her just as much as she needs me, if not more.
“Fine, fuck Dartmouth,” Zeke says, throwing his hands into the air and reaching for the pile of acceptance letters in front of him. “Let’s figure out which schools we all got into.”
My eyes drift to Griffin. His lips are still pressed together in a firm line and I can almost see the tension that’s rippling across his body. “Griff,” I say quietly, biting at my lip apprehensively.
“Dartmouth’s your chance, Em.”
I shake my head. “No, it would be a mistake. This is what I want; it’s why I’ve put off opening those letters. I need my anchors so I don’t forget who I am. I love you guys and I’m not ready to give that up. Please try to understand.”
As I watch him, his shoulders relax a little and the fists at his sides unclench. “I do understand. Fuck, we’ve all done the exact same thing, applying to the same schools because we don’t want to be alone either.” Pushing up from the couch, he reaches me in two strides, pulling me into his chest and squeezing me. “Fuck Dartmouth,” he whispers against the top of my head.
“Okay, let’s do this,” Zeke calls.
I reluctantly push away from Griff’s warm embrace and move back to my place on the couch, pulling my own pile of brochures toward me.
“Texas State, Auburn, Arizona State, Wilson Hill, Addington Hall, University of Kentucky, and Hayhurst College,” Nova reads from the notepad in front of her. “Does anyone have any preferences?”
“Texas State is a little too close to home,” I say, hating to admit it, but really hoping they agree.
She doesn’t say anything, just draws a line through Texas State, then looks up. “Anyone else want to veto any of them?”