by Gemma Weir
My eyes roam the crowd and a thousand possibilities burst to life. From here on out, my life can go in two ways. I can be truly invisible, withdraw in the anonymity that comes from everyone being a stranger, or I can create the version of myself I always wanted to be. My world just got a lot wider.
“Hell yes, free condoms.” Zeke shouts, darting off in the direction of a stall.
Excitedly, I scan the booths, trying to decide where to start. “Shall we meet back here in a bit, then we can go over to orientation together and get our ID’s and schedules?”
“You gonna be okay on your own?” Griff asks, his brow furrowed in concern.
I roll my eyes. “I’ll be fine. I know my dad probably threatened you to watch me at all times, but you know I’m more than capable of looking after myself.”
The wrinkle in his forehead relaxes slightly. “I know you are. It’s just a new place and we all still need to get our bearings.”
“Go have fun, I’ll see you guys back here,” I say, kissing Griff on the cheek, before turning and strolling off toward the stalls. At least fifty booths are spread across the lawn, housing everything from fraternities and sororities, to Young Republicans, with a Wiccan society booth next door. The smile that’s etched across my face is huge and genuine and I can’t help the small laugh that escapes my lips when I spot a booth for motorcycle enthusiasts. If only they knew who my family was.
Without looking back, I step into the melee and enjoy wandering from booth to booth. Within minutes my hands are full of more condoms than I will ever be able to use, and I have the information for four sororities who insisted I should rush. It didn’t seem to matter to the girls manning the booths that I told them I wasn’t interested in joining. They were adamant, and in the end it was easier to just take the baggies full of information about the various sisterhoods and what they could offer me, than argue with them.
Who knew at a small private college like Hayhurst that there could be enough interest in so many random societies? As I stroll toward a stall advertising free book tokens, the guy behind the table catches my eye and smiles. He’s cute, in a preppy, hipster way, with black-framed glasses, a button-up shirt, a bow tie, and khaki shorts.
“Hey,” he says when I reach the table.
“Hey.”
“Would you like a free book token? You can use it at the campus bookstore to either get a free novel or as a credit toward a textbook.”
“Oh, er sure thanks,” I say, reaching out to take the token he’s offering.
“I’m Kent.
“Emmy.”
“So you’re a freshman?” He says, then cringes. “Sorry, obviously you’re a freshman. This is the freshman fair.”
I laugh lightly, but nod. “Yeah, I’m a freshman.”
“Cool, how do you like it so far?” He asks, stepping out from behind his table and leaning against the edge instead.
“Well we only moved in yesterday, but so far so good.”
“Are you in Calhoone or McKenzie?” He asks, listing the names of the girl’s dorms.
“Neither, we’re in a house off-campus,”
“Nice,” he coos approvingly. “I tried to find an off-campus for this year, but everywhere I found that was even half decent was already full, so I’m stuck in dorms again.”
I’m not entirely sure how to respond. Do I commiserate on him having to live in the dorms? Are dorms bad here? Do I apologize for having a nice place to live in? I really need to figure out how to talk to people I haven’t known my whole life.
“So, are you going to the Fresh Meat party at Kappa Tau tonight?” Kent asks, angling his body a little closer toward me. “Frat parties aren’t normally my thing, but the KT’s always have the biggest event during Move-In week.”
“I’m not sure,” I say, fidgeting with the bags of stuff gripped tightly between my fingers.
“Hey, Em.” A voice calls from behind me and I spin around to find a smiling Griffin and Zeke striding toward me.
“Hey,” I say as they reach me. Griff looks from me to the guy in front of me, then drops his arm over my shoulder and turns his hard gaze on Kent.
“Guys, this is Kent,” I say, gesturing toward where Kent has now retreated behind his table. “He was just telling me about a party at the Kappa Delta house tonight.”
“Kappa Tau,” Kent corrects. “They have the Fresh Meat party this time every year. You guys should go, it’s a great way to meet new people.”
“A party sounds like fun,” Griff says, curling his arm around my neck and pulling me in a little closer. “I’m Griffin by the way and this is Zeke,” he says, pointing to Zeke who has positioned himself on my other side.
“Nice to meet you both. Would you like a book token?” Kent says a little stiffly, visibly swallowing as he takes in my huge friends.
“Sure,” says Zeke, reaching out and taking the proffered token. “Thanks.”
“You ready to go find the others?” Griff asks, turning me toward him and away from Kent.
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “Nice to meet you, Kent,” I say turning back to face him.
“Yeah, you too,” Kent says, his lips pressed into a hard line.
I let Griffin lead me away from the stall, and I offer Kent a small wave before someone else steps up to his table blocking me from his view. He was cute. Not in a ‘Wow! How hot is that guy?’ kind of a way, but in a nerdy, hipster way.
“So, are we going to hit up that frat party tonight?” Griff asks.
“Nova hates parties,” Zeke says.
“Yeah, true,” Griff agrees thoughtfully.
“We can see what she thinks though. I know she wants to try to push herself to deal with crowds, so maybe we can go for a bit. If she stresses, we can just leave,” Zeke suggests.
I nod, crossing my fingers at my sides and hoping that Nova doesn’t want to test her boundaries tonight. Frat parties are not my thing. Maybe they are now my inner voice taunts, and it’s true, I’ve never been to a frat party, they could be my thing. College Emmy might love frat parties full of drunk horny guys and drunk sex-starved girls. Nope, nope, I’m fairly sure college Emmy won’t enjoy them either.
When we walk past a coffee cart, I nudge Griffin. “I need caffeine, you want anything?”
“I’ll get it, you stay with Zeke,” Griff says, unhooking his arm from around my neck and waiting for Zeke to come to my side before stepping up to the cart and ordering us all drinks.
“What’s in the bags?” Zeke asks, snatching them from my fingers with a laugh.
Pursing my lips, I prop my hands on my hips and arch my eyebrows at him.
He ignores my very obvious annoyance and starts rooting through the bags, chuckling to himself at what he finds. A moment later, he lowers the bags to his sides and smirks. “So you’re planning on joining a sorority and having a very well-protected gang bang?”
I try so hard to keep my stern, annoyed expression, but I fail and burst into laughter. “A gang bang?” I splutter, between laughs.
His laughter is low and addictive and I find myself laughing even more. “Fuck, Em. I knew college might change you, but we’ve only been here for a day,” he says, doubling over at his own joke.
“What the fuck’s up with you pair?” Griff asks, his smile bemused, a drinks holder with three cups in his hand.
“The new Emmy is a little racier than I expected,” Zeke says between laughter.
Shoving Zeke, I shake my head, giggles still escaping from my lips as I step toward Griffin and the delicious smelling coffee. “Which is mine?” I ask.
“Caramel latte for you,” Griff says, lifting one of the cups and handing it to me. “Americano, extra hot for the laughing asshole and a filter coffee with hazelnut creamer for me.”
Lifting my cup to my lips I take a sip and sigh happily.
“Valentine says he and Nova are back where we came in.” Griff says.
“Cool, let’s go find them,” Griff says, taking the drinks holder back to the cart,
then striding back to us, his cup gripped tightly in his hand.
It takes us ten minutes to fight our way back through the busy stalls filled with students and when we finally spot Nova and Valentine, I’m glad that I had the guys to shelter me from the hordes of people who have appeared since we first got here.
“Hey, guys,” I call as soon as we get close.
“Hey,” Nova says. “I wondered how long it would take you to get to us. It’s gotten so busy.” She says, looking a little apprehensively at the crowds.
“We’ve had to fight our way back down here. Thank God the guys are so huge and everyone moves out of their way,” I say with a smirk.
Nova chuckles. “What’s in the bags?” She asks.
“Emmys thinking about joining a sorority,” Zeke says derisively.
Something about the arrogant tone in his voice makes me instantly defensive. “Maybe I am,” I snap, glaring at him.
Nova scowls at her brother, grabbing my arm and linking hers though mine. “Let’s head over to the administration building and get our schedules and student ID’s. I’m so freaking excited.”
I wait for Zeke to make another obnoxious comment, but when he wisely keeps his mouth shut, I let Nova pull me away.
An hour later we step back out into the afternoon sunlight with our brand-new laminated student ID’s and brown envelopes holding our schedules. Holding the small plastic rectangle between my fingers, I stare down at it, surprised by how significant such an insignificant item is. This card says we’re officially students and it somehow makes this whole thing suddenly seem so real. “We need to celebrate,” I say, biting at my bottom lip as I rub my thumb back and forth across the word student.
“Yes!” Nova shrieks. “We can try out our fake ID’s finally.”
“We actually heard about a frat party,” Griff says sheepishly, his expression tense.
“Oh,” Nova says, her eyes widening a little. “We should go,” she says slowly, as if she’s trying to convince herself to say the words.
“Princess?” Valentine says, asking if she’s okay. Checking if she really wants to do this, or if she wants him to punch Griff in the face for suggesting it, with just that one word.
“No, we should go,” she says more decisively. “This is college. We should be going to frat parties and having fun, trying new things. If it gets too much I can leave, just like I did back home.”
“Where is it?” Valentine asks.
“Kappa something or other,” I offer.
“Kappa Tau,” Griff says, shaking his head, an indulgent smile tipping at the corner of his lips.
“I was close,” I mutter, ignoring him and looking appraisingly at Nova. Her smile is a little brittle, but she seems okay, not panicked at least as far as I can see. But then she hid her anxiety from me for over a year, so maybe I wouldn’t be able to see even if she was falling apart. “Are you sure?” I ask her, staring at her intently, hoping to be able to read her, to see something.
“Yes,” she says. “Yeah, I’m sure. Let’s go home, grab some food because I’m starving, then go to our first frat party as official Hayhurst students.”
When she smiles again, it’s a little less practiced and a little more real and it dawns on me that I’m going to my first ever college party, and the first party I’ve been even slightly excited to attend since I was nine years old.
Staring at my reflection in my mirror in my room, I frown. I don’t dislike the way I look. I’m not that girl who hates the person looking back at them, but tonight I’m scrutinizing my reflection a little more than normal.
Nova offered to help me find something to wear. She even suggested I wear something from her closet. But for my first foray into the world of college life, I want to be in control of people’s perception of me.
I’ve no doubt if I’d have let Nova play dress up with me I’d look flawless. I always do whenever she does my makeup and dresses me. But tonight, I need the armor of looking like myself and that won’t come if Nova’s in charge of my outfit.
Glancing at myself again, I rip the white lacy tank top over my head and pull my jeans off, dropping them onto my bed. I step up to my closet and start to flick through the hangers when my eyes fall on the peach colored skirt my mom insisted I buy a few months back. I pause, eyeing it and debating if I’m feeling brave enough to wear it.
My fingers reach out without my consent and brush back and forth over the soft fabric. On a whim I pull the skirt off the hanger and step into it, smoothing it down before I spin and look at myself in the mirror. The peach color complements my fair skin. The skirt hits mid-thigh, not too short, but the perfect length to make my short legs look longer than they actually are.
Turning to the side, I check out my butt and bite my lip at how much I like the way it fits. Spinning around, I step back into the closet and root through my tops, searching for something that will work. A top I don’t recognize jumps out and I pull the hanger from the rail, pursing my lips trying to figure out if this is actually mine, or if something of Nova’s has gotten put in my closet by mistake.
“Hey, Em.” Nova calls, pushing my door open and walking straight into my room. She blinks when she finds me in only my bra and skirt. “Cute skirt,” she comments, jumping onto my bed and flopping back into my pillows.
“Is this top yours?” I ask lifting it up to show her.
“No, but it’s cute. I’ll have it if you don’t want it,” she says on a laugh.
“It’s in my closet, but I swear I’ve never seen it before.”
Rolling off the bed she moves to my side, examining the top, her brow furrowed. “It still has the tags on.”
Pushing the top into her hands, I move back to my closet and carefully examine the clothes, finding more things that I don’t recognize towards the back, the tags still in place. My mom hung all of my clothes in my closet and I barely even looked in there when I pulled my dress out this morning. Exhaling shortly, I stomp back to my bed and grab my cell from where it’s charging on the nightstand. Clicking into the screen, I dial my mom’s number, listening to it ring twice before she answers.
“Hi, sweetie,” she says brightly.
“Did you buy me a bunch of new clothes and just put them in my closet without saying anything?” I demand.
Her chuckle is throaty and amused. “It took you this long to notice?”
“Mom,” I hiss.
“Oh, Emmy, stop moaning. Most teenage girls would love that their mom stocks their closets with beautiful new clothes and you complain. Show Nova, at least she’ll appreciate it. Tell her there are a few things in her closet too, and the boys as well.”
“Mom,” I hiss even louder. “You bought all of us new clothes and just hung them up? Seriously that’s way past the realm of normal.”
“Pah,” she spits on a laugh. “Who the hell wants to be normal? Anyway, your brother is with Dill and Leo and your dad and I were in the middle of something, so unless you need anything else, I’m going to go.”
“Ewww, Mom that’s disgusting, I don’t want to know about you and Dad.”
“Okay then, baby. I’ll speak to you soon, love you,” she says, then ends the call, leaving me a little skeeved out and exasperated.
“Your mom bought you new stuff I take it?” Nova asks.
“Yep, apparently there’s stuff in your closet and the boys’ too. She went on a shopping spree for us all.”
Nova laughs then scurries from the room, running into the bedroom her parents think she’s using every night and squealing with joy when she finds the new clothes my mom put there for her.
Shaking my head, I move back to the mirror and bring the top up in front of me. It’s definitely not something I’d buy for myself, but I can’t deny how pretty it is. The black fabric is super soft, and when I slip it over my head, it fits like a glove. It’s cropped, exposing three inches of skin between the shirt and my skirt. The neckline is Bardot, exposing my shoulders, and the sleeves fit tight to my elbow, then fl
are to my wrists.
Somehow, I feel sexy, but covered up; it’s perfect. I slide my feet into nude chunky sandals and pull some product through my hair before teasing it into long loose curls the way my mom showed me how to do. Makeup isn’t really my thing, but I add a couple of coats of mascara then cover my lips in the red-tinted gloss my mom badgered me into trying. I love it, but I’ll never admit that to her.
Adding a spritz of perfume, I slide my purse over my shoulder and head downstairs, ready, if not prepared, for my first college party.
“What the fuck?!” Griff shouts when I push through the door and into the living room. “No! Hell. Fucking. No.”
“What?”
“You are not going out like that. Absolutely fucking not,” he says, jumping up from the couch and stomping toward me.
“What? I like this outfit.” I say, glancing down at my skirt and top and wondering what could be wrong.
“Like. Are you fucking kidding me? Your dad would ground you for the rest of your fucking life if he saw you dressed like that.” Griff says, his brows drawn together in an angry line.
Resting my hands on my hips, I tip my head to the side. “And what exactly am I dressed like?” I ask, my voice clipped.
“Like you’re looking to get fucked,” Griffin rasps, stepping toward me, forcing me to retreat.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I hiss, taking another step back when his chest touches mine.
“You look like walking fucking sin, Em. Is this the new you? Tiny little skirt so you can see how tight your ass is. Tiny little shirt so every fucker at the party can see your perky tits and your eager nipples,” Griff growls, moving forward as I move back, pursuing me, chasing me until my back hits the wall and his chest touches mine.
“Griffin,” I warn. But it doesn’t sound like a warning. My voice is husky and there’s something unfamiliar teasing at my tone.
“You’re too fucking beautiful like this, shortcake.” He inhales slowly, his eyes locking with mine. “You looking to find someone to help you ruin all that innocent Emmy?”