by Gemma Weir
“You don’t need to be sorry. Talk, get this sorted out. We love you too much to lose you.”
When he releases me, Nova takes his place, hugging me tightly before looking pointedly at Griff, then back to me. “Sort this out,” she says and I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or him.
Valentine presses a quick kiss to my forehead then leaves without saying a word and it’s just me and Griff and a sea of uncertainty festering between us.
Silence stretches between us, but we don’t speak, neither one of us wanting to be the first one to say anything, to admit anything.
“I fucking love you, Emmy,” I blurt, unable to keep the words inside of me for another second.
“I love you too,” she says softly.
This should be it. This should be the moment where she runs into my arms and kisses me, just like the heroines in those books she loves so much, but things with us aren’t that simple. This isn’t the first time I’ve said those words. I’ve been telling her I love her most of my life. Only what she doesn’t know, has never known, is that when I said those three little words I wasn’t just saying that I loved her, I was telling her I was in love with her, that she was everything, that she’s always been everything.
Inhaling slowly, I lift my gaze until we’re staring into each other’s eyes. I need her to be looking at me. “Do you remember the first time we met?”
Her lips lift into a soft smile and she nods. “It was at Duke’s old house.”
“I was sat on the steps crying, and you turned up with your mom and dad. You had yellow sneakers on, and you just marched straight up to me, all that red hair flying behind you and sat your little butt down next to me.”
A small laugh bursts from her lips. “I was such a brat.”
“No, you weren’t. You were the first person I saw that day who didn’t ask me if I was okay. You just sat next to me and put your head on my shoulder. I think I fell in love with you that day, but I didn’t know it was love ‘til the first time I kissed you.”
I hear her sharp intake of breath, but I keep talking, worried that if I stop I’ll never be able to force the words out. “I’d wanted to kiss you for months, but it was never just us, it was always the four of us, so when you took my hand and let me pull you away at the club I knew it was my chance. That kiss was the best one of my life, or it was until I kissed you in your room after your date with Kent.”
“I don’t understand,” she whispers.
Reaching up, I rub at my forehead with the heel of my hand, never looking away from her. “Do you know what Zeke told me the day he found me kissing you?”
She shakes her head.
“He told me that you were too good for me. That you were Prez’s daughter, completely off-limits, untouchable, and he was right. You are too good for me; you always have been. You’re too good for all of us, for this town, this life, and we all knew eventually you’d leave, that you’d run. But then you had your chance and you didn’t take it, you stayed, you stayed with us.”
A sad laugh escapes me, and I run my tongue over my parched lips. “Do you know exactly what schools I applied to? Did you work it out the night we all opened our letters?”
She shakes her head, her eyes brimming with tears.
“I applied to every school within a commutable distance to the Ivy Leagues.”
“What?” She gasps.
“I couldn’t let you go, Em. I couldn’t imagine a life without you being a part of it, and not just at holidays or when we both came home. I don’t want any life where I don’t get to see you every day.”
“Griff.”
Swallowing thickly, I shake my head, desperately begging her to let me finish. “Emmy Grace Devereaux, I am in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you and I will always be in love with you.”
“You’re in love with me?” She asks after what feels like an eternity.
I nod slowly.
“You’ve always been in love with me?”
I nod again.
“Why didn’t I know?” She asks me, tears falling from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.
“Because I didn’t want you to, because we’re best friends so it was easy to hide it, until I couldn’t anymore.” I admit.
Her face crumples and she lifts her hand and covers her mouth.
A lone tear falls from my eye and it feels like a weight settles on my chest. I’ve allowed myself to hope, something I haven’t done since Zeke told me she would never be mine. But right now, when she’s staring at me, her eyes full of tears, I realize that hope is a fickle fucking thing.
She doesn’t feel the same way, and even though I always expected it, actually sitting here and listening to her tell me she doesn’t want me is going to destroy me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
He’s in love with me.
It doesn’t seem to matter how I try to process his words, they don’t make sense. Griff is in love with me. He’s always been in love with me.
I wait for the panic to hit, for the horror or relief or something to consume me, but it doesn’t, and instead all I feel is this huge sense of rightness settle over me. There are tears running down my cheeks, and I want to say something, but the words I want to say are stuck inside. They won’t come out and I reach up and cover my mouth with my hand, wondering if there’s actually something covering it and I just didn’t realize.
It feels like hours later when I drop my hand and open my mouth to speak, but before I can even make a sound, he’s pushing the stool he’s sitting on back with enough force to make it rock and standing up.
“Well fuck,” he hisses, as he steps to the side and moves to walk away.
I feel my eyes widen and my body moves without thought; all I can think about is making sure he doesn’t leave again. Jumping from my seat I spin around and scream. “Griffin Bennett, I swear to God, if you walk away right now, I won’t let my dad kill you, I’ll do it myself.”
His feet stop moving and my heart thumps in my chest, beating so fast I swear I can see it pounding through my skin.
“That’s a hell of a threat, shortcake. Do you even know how to kill someone?” he drawls, not turning to face me, his voice neutral and not giving away any emotion at all.
“Well I am the daughter of the president of the Doomsday Sinners, I’m pretty badass,” I say, filling my own voice with a confidence I’m not sure I can even fake right now.
I can’t see his face, but I don’t need to. I can imagine his smile, the same one he always uses when I say something so ridiculous. Slowly, he turns around to face me, his expression guarded, his shoulders tense.
“I tell you I’m in love with you and you tell me you want to kill me, that’s not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.”
I take a step toward him, “You didn’t give me a chance to reply. You were too busy walking away again. You’ve gotten pretty good at that in the last month.”
He swallows visibly and I think he’s going to say something as his lips part, then he presses them back together and just stares at me.
“You were my first kiss,” I say. “It was perfect, and then Zeke found us and it took you seven years to kiss me again.”
His nod is sad and full of resignation.
“Why did you sneak out of my room the other morning?” I ask.
“Because I thought you’d either regret what we did, say it was a mistake, or not remember it at all,” he admits, blinking slowly at me, his long lashes framing his eyes that tell me so much more than his words are confessing.
For a long moment I just look at him. I’ve been so blind, so stupid. I spent so long wanting something more, that I forgot to appreciate what I had already. “I’m in love with you too.”
Griff’s body actually jolts at my words. His lips part and he tilts his head to the side, staring at me like I’ve spoken in a foreign language. “What?”
“I’m in love with you too.”
“You’re in love with
me?” Griff says slowly as if he’s never heard the words before.
“I am completely and totally in love with you,” I say, taking a step closer to him with each word until I’m pressed against him, my chest so close I can feel his heart beating in time with mine.
So slowly it feels like forever, he brings his hands up, cupping my cheeks as he lowers his lips to mine and kisses me. This kiss isn’t like any of the ones we’ve shared before. This isn’t possession, or anger, or manipulation. This is love: pure and sweet and forever.
One Week later
“Oh my god, have you guys actually come up for air yet? It’s been a week,” Zeke says, faux annoyance lacing his words.
Lifting my middle finger, I flip him the bird without even pausing our kiss. Since we confessed our feelings for each other and came back to Hayhurst, it feels like Griff and I are making up for all the years we missed out on and we don’t seem to be able to keep our hands off each other.
“Jesus, you have two rooms upstairs, go dry hump up there or something, your moans are louder than the TV and I’m sick of seeing Griff’s hard-on through his jeans.” Zeke whines again, turning up the volume on the movie he’s watching.
I can’t help the laugh that forms and I giggle against Griff’s lips before wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his neck. I’m sat sideways on his lap, his one hand kneading my ass, the other tangled in my hair.
I kiss up his neck, until my lips reach his ear. “Let’s go upstairs,” I whisper.
His whole body freezes beneath me. Since we got home, we’ve been hot and heavy, making out every time we’re together, but he’s been keeping everything else pretty PG-13, even though I can feel how much he wants me where his hard dick is pressed beneath me.
“Emmy,” he says, my name a warning that I refuse to heed.
Blinking slowly, I climb off his lap and stand on shaky legs in front of him. “Come on,” I whisper, reaching my hand out to him.
He looks at me, his gaze roaming over me, from my face down to my hand and back up again. A look passes over his face and for a moment I think he’s going to refuse, then he places his hand in mine, only leaving it there for a second before he slides it up my arm and he scoops me off the ground.
I wrap my legs around his waist and press my lips to his for a quick, lust-filled kiss, before he pulls back and starts to move towards my room. Moments later, he lowers me onto his bed, dropping over me, but making sure that his weight doesn’t crush me, as he leans down and takes my lips with his.
Our tongues move against each other in a sensual dance that only makes my body heat and my core throb with need. “Griff,” I moan.
“Are you sure?” He rasps against my lips.
“Yes,” I gasp, sliding my hands beneath his shirt and pushing it upwards to reveal his defined abs and hard chest. Running my fingers along his skin, I lift his shirt as high as it will go, until he balances on one arm and pulls it over his head.
If this were anyone else, I’d feel nervous, but this is my best friend, the boy I love, the one I’ve probably always loved without really knowing what it meant. His fingers dance along my skin, moving slowly as if he’s giving me a chance to change my mind, but I won’t.
Squeezing my thighs together, I moan loudly when his fingers glide over my bra, barely touching me, but making my back arch as my anticipation becomes almost too much to bear. “Touch me,” I beg.
“Are you mine, Em? Is this all mine?” he rasps, his voice sounding almost as desperate as mine.
“Always,” I say, my fingers fumbling with the button on his jeans.
“Wait,” He growls, pushing my hands away. Then he rips my shirt over my head and drags my jeans down, leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties writhing with need beneath him.
I watch as he takes me in, his eyes raking over me, his pupils dilating as his dick becomes even harder against my leg.
“Fuck,” he groans, dipping his head down to suck at my nipple through the satin of my bra.
I cry out, as his tongue laves and his teeth nip, then he changes side, lavishing my other nipple with the same torturous pleasure. My bra is ripped from me a moment later and he cups my breast with one hand and sucks on my nipple hard enough that I feel a gush of heat pool between my legs and I cry out. His other hand slides down my stomach and he cups my sex, circling my clit through the fabric of my panties. The sensation is almost too much and I close my eyes, fighting off the pleasure he’s creating.
“I want to taste you,” he says, his voice rough and low.
I nod, incapable of words and he slowly, so fucking slowly slides down my body, taking my panties with him before he drops them to the floor. He gently rubs his hands over my thighs, sliding them inwards, parting my legs to make a place for him to lie between them.
“Jesus.” I hear him say, a moment before his mouth is on me and my eyes roll back in my head. His tongue, lips, mouth, and fingers touch and lick me, pushing me towards pleasure I’ve never been able to give myself. When I climax, I cover my mouth with my hand to stifle the sound, as my core clamps down on his fingers that are still moving inside of me.
He rides out my orgasm with me, his tongue lapping at my clit, his fingers slowly pumping in and out of me until my body wilts, sagging into the mattress, my breath ragged. I watch as he crawls up my body, caging me in with his arms on either side of my head.
“Perfect,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss me, his lips tasting of me.
I lose myself to his kiss, until my body demands more, and I wrap my legs around his back and grind myself against his dick.
“Em,” he growls.
“I want you, all of you,” I say against his mouth, pulling away from him so he can see the truth in my eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice shaky with fear.
“You won’t.” I assure him, moving to undo his jeans and using my feet to push them down over his hips.
Lips find mine again and he kisses me until I’m breathless and moving against his fingers that are teasing at my entrance. When he pulls back and stands, I watch as he pushes his jeans down, revealing his hard dick, long and thick and intimidating.
Pulling a condom from his wallet he rips it with his teeth, then climbs onto the bed, reaching for my hands and helping me guide it into place. I expect him to move over me, but instead he drops his head between my legs again, licking me until I’m wet with desire and panting as a second orgasm threatens to explode within me.
His thumb finds my clit, circling and prolonging my climax as he hovers above me, his cock finding my entrance and pushing inside. He pinches my clit and I scream in pleasure as he thrusts inside of me, filling me completely as the burst of blissful sensation counteracts the sharp pain.
I lift my head, searching for his lips, kissing him hard, as he slowly pulls back his hips and slides part of the way out. I gasp, pain and pleasure mixing as he rubs my clit again, confusing my body and making me cling to him, never wanting to let go.
He’s slow and gentle as he thrusts in and out of me, joining me in the rawest, most intimate way possible. “I love you,” he whispers again and again as he claims me and I claim him until we’re only one entity, so much in love that nothing else exists and all that’s left in the world is me and him and the way we love each other.
For years I’ve lived in a world of books, wishing one day I could fall into the pages and exist within the stories that I love. But right now, right here with the boy I’ve loved my entire life, this is so much better than I’ve read about. All those love stories, all those happy endings and none of them could even compare to how perfect this, right here, right now and one hundred percent non-fiction.
“You owe me snuggle time,” I shout at her retreating back as she walks away from me heading toward the stairs.
She shakes her head, twisting to look at me over her shoulder as she sashays away. She’s always been beautiful, but the last six months she’s come into herself,
owning who she is and not being ashamed anymore. “You snuggle me all night every night,” she says with a wink.
I can’t help the smile that spreads across my lips. “I’m a lucky fucking bastard,” I call.
Her laugh is the sweetest sound in the fucking world, and I drop down onto the couch instead of chasing after her.
She loves me.
Even six months later it still shocks the hell out of me. That day at her house changed everything for us, and nothing at all at the same time. She’s still my best friend, still the most important person in my life, only now she’s mine, and when I tell her I love her, she knows exactly what it means.
My beautiful girl still has every guy in a ten-mile radius hoping she’ll notice them, but she only has eyes for me; and Zeke, Valentine, and I make sure anyone who looks more than once knows that she’s taken.
I spent seven years knowing that she was the only woman I’d ever love, a year thinking it was only a matter of time until I lost her, and now I have a lifetime to make sure she knows that she’s my everything.
I have no idea what the future holds. Maybe we’ll move home, maybe we’ll travel, maybe not. All I know is that I don’t care what my future looks like as long as she’s part of it.
I glance one last time at him before I dart up the stairs. It’s been six months since I ran from my new life, straight back to the one I thought I was so desperate to get away from. Isn’t it ironic that my past was exactly where my future lay?
It’s taken me a while but I think I’ve figured out how to blend my past with my future, how to be normal and be me at the same time. Avery, Veronica and I spend a lot of time together, only now Nova comes too, she fits in with my new group just like I knew she would.
I love Griff more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. He holds my hand, keeps me grounded, and encourages me to spread my wings and fly all at the same time.
Admitting my feelings for him didn’t suddenly give me all the answers. I’m still figuring out who I am and what I want out of life, but I no longer think that my roots are holding me back.