by Alan Black
“Come on out here, girl,” Veronica said. “Come on. It’s hot in this sun and I don’t want to keep standing here waiting for you.”
The girl slid out. She was wearing a cheap yellow sundress. It was new and clean, but not well made. She stood with her eyes downcast.
Veronica pointed back in the flitter. “You forgot your war bonnet.”
The girl turned to look where Veronica pointed but did not move.
“Your hat” Get your hat.”
The girl grabbed her hat, slammed the flitter door shut, and with equal force jammed the hat onto her head.
Veronica sighed. She pulled the hat loose, flattened the girl’s sweat-damp hair, and placed the hat properly on the girl’s head. This time it faced the correct direction.
“There. Now you look lovely.” The girl was anything but lovely; still, Veronica knew enough child psychology to know that you never tell an impressionable teenager she looks like a wet pug-nosed puppy. “You’re going to be my maid of honor today, so you get to be with me and my friends, okay?” She took the girl’s hand, but she pulled it away.
“Ma said I got to wait in the flitter until the family comes and gets me.”
“I’m going to marry your brother Maine in a little while. That makes us family, doesn’t it?”
The girl nodded.
Veronica realized she had never had a true conversation with this girl before so she asked her name.
The girl shrugged.
“What? You don’t know your own name?”
“’Course I know my name. It’s Eve, for all you care.”
Veronica laughed. “You’re right, I don’t care. It’s your job to make me care, otherwise, you’re Maine’s nasty little sister. If you decide to like me and you act like it, then I’ll like you right back, and we’ll be friends.”
She took the girl’s hand and led her around the pond to the roped off area. A man started to intercept them, but she shouted “wedding party” and he went away.
“I wonder who hired the security,” she said to no one in particular.
Eve said, “Mr. Tatum did. He told Pa he wanted everything to go smooth without a hitch so you could get hitched right and proper.”
Veronica’s friends sat in the shade under the trees, chatting, laughing, and watching the activities swirl around them. She smiled; realizing most of her friends on this planet had come with her in the truck. She spotted a few friends from Twisted City, but only a few. It was not like her first wedding back on Earth, where dozens of university faculty showed up, her Yoga class and instructor attended, and even her old college roommate dropped by for the open bar. Here, on this new world, she could count her adult friends faster than she could recite the words to the Happy Birthday song.
Many of Peaceful Junction’s leading citizens were scattered about. She nodded to Sheriff Eustace. The Halberd and Smith wedding must be considered a massive occasion because Tiffany Eustace was sitting next to her husband. Three other women were sitting near Tiffany. One of the women waved at Eve.
Eve waved back. In response to Veronica’s questioning look, she said, “That be Dillon’s wife, Tania. My other sister-in-law, Missy, is dead. Pa told me to tell people that she hung herself in the barn.”
“She didn’t hang herself?” Veronica asked.
The girl shrugged. “I don’t know. I wasn’t in the barn. Pa and Dillon was out there when she done it.”
Veronica walked the girl around and introduced her to the Reynolds and the Guirards of Twisted City. She then introduced her to all of the people from her farm. Almost everyone was a little standoffish at first since the girl was a Halberd, but Malina squealed with delight. It was the shrill cry of joy heard in millions of homes with young teenage daughters.
“A girl my age? How marvelous!” Malina wrestled Eve’s hand away from Veronica and began showing her around the wedding area. There was not much to see. There was a flower-covered trellis propped up next to a small six-inch high platform and a few tables off to the side covered with potluck food for the wedding party and invited guests.
Malina and Eve stopped at a table where Malina built two plates of food. The Halberd’s daughter looked hesitant to take anything from the table. The girls sat together in the shade where Malina chattered away as if the two were the oldest of friends. Eve stared at her with a look of fascination.
“Hey, Veronica,” Maslow called, “you find your missing groom yet?” He pointed at the bottle in her hand as proof that she had not located Maine.
“I suppose I can find him in the saloon or the casino,” she called back.
Maslow said, “It’s already past noon. We need to get this show on the road.”
Veronica waved her arms around at everything going on. There was a group of people swimming in the pond. Someone in the casino had won big and was whooping up a storm. The band had started playing dance music somewhere off in the distance and somebody racing a horse against an air ski.
“Why are you in a hurry if I’m not?” she asked.
Maslow laughed, “I’m not the one putting off sleeping with Maine Halberd. If I was you, I’d be dragging my feet too.”
Everyone laughed, including Eve and those who were supposedly on the groom’s side of the wedding party. Of course, Veronica did not see Tatum or Wiggins in the crowd. She did recognize Lamont, though he refused to respond to her vidcall the other day. He did not look her in the eye, though he did chuckle along with everyone else.
“Okay, Maslow, I get your point. Keep in mind, when I finally do get this ceremony over with, you need to go back to work, so don’t rush me.”
Auggie shouted, “If that’s the case, Mrs. Smith, you just take your time. Oh, sorry, should I call you Mrs. Halberd now?”
“No,” she replied, “you should call me Veronica. I already told you to do that. Besides, Smith was my first husband’s name and Halberd is my second husband’s name. Maybe I should go back to my maiden name. Well, I would, but it’s been so long since I was a maiden I don’t remember what it is.”
Chuck and Sherry Reynolds walked up to bracket her. Chuck said, “Before you wander off again, you have to tell us about the dishes your people brought.”
Veronica winked at Pushta, “What dishes? I don’t think we brought anything special, did we?”
Pushta said, “No Veronica. We only brought what we usually eat on the weekend around the farm. I don’t know what those town folk are talking about. Oh, maybe they meant the barbecued beef.”
Sherry said, “That is not what we mean and you know it. I looked it up on Chuck’s database. There isn’t anyone on this whole planet growing pineapples and you brought us pineapple cake, pineapple cookies, and even pineapple flavored sandwiches.”
Chuck nodded, agreeing with his wife. “Do you have a crop we don’t know about?”
Veronica said, “It’s not mine exclusively. Auggie found it. It’s the product of a local plant. That’s all I’m saying.”
Auggie laughed at Chuck’s stare. “Dude, don’t look at me. My lips are sealed too.”
Veronica nodded. “That’s the way it is until we can check this plant out to see how it grows, how fast it grows, and can it be replanted and domesticated. Until then, we’re keeping it under our collective hats. We’re already wiping native plants indiscriminately off the planet. I want to approach this resource with a little more caution than has been shown by humans in the past.”
“I can see the wisdom in that. But, when you’re ready, you promise to give me first right of refusal to broker the crop?” Reynolds asked.
“I’ll have to take that up with my staff. We still have some research to conduct, but we would like to see about possible market potential. Letting you take some samples shouldn’t be an issue. What do you think, Auggie?” she said.
Auggie had stopped listening to the conversation when Mags jumped on top of him and started kissing him.
After a few moments of delay, Veronica sighed. “Chuck, go ahead and stash ba
ck a few of the goodies we brought. Let us know if you come up with any worthwhile markets. We only have a couple dozen or so fifty-five-gallon drums of the stuff on hand, but they’re in varying degrees of liquidity.”
Reynolds looked goggle-eyed. “You have a couple dozen barrels? Foodstuffs are already selling at a premium and the gourmets are complaining about the lack of spices and diverse flavors. I can have markets and pricing data for you first thing tomorrow morning.”
Sherry Reynolds elbowed Chuck in the ribs. She raised her eyebrows and waved a hand around.
Reynolds said, “Oh, sorry. I guess tonight is your wedding night. Maybe I’ll wait and give you a call on Monday?”
Veronica said, “You call whenever you have good news.”
She glanced around. Eve Halberd was deeply engrossed in Malina’s monolog so she should be okay to leave. Everyone seemed to be relaxing. Polat was asleep in the shade, his head in Kat’s lap.
Sherry said, “I hate to delay your wedding ceremony longer, but I promised some of the Twisted City women that I would ask you about taking their children to your school. Please don’t say no right away. They have been trying to homeschool them, and are sharing teaching duties, but they aren’t teachers. They promised me they would carpool and bring the children over on whatever days you say.”
Veronica was shocked. She wondered if she could say no. She wondered if she should say no. Even with six extra hours to each day, there was not enough time to do everything she already had on her schedule. Teaching children took a lot of preparation time, building lesson plans, writing and scoring tests, grading homework, and handling parent-teacher conferences. “How can I say no to teaching children?”
She could move some of the farm planning over to Steve’s shoulders. He was probably better at it than she was anyway. Still, it was her land and she enjoyed research and planning.
“You tell those women school starts at 8 AM, Monday through Thursday. Anyone late has to stay behind and scrub out the outhouse.”
“The what?” Sherry asked.
“The outhouse, that’s where people went to the toilet before indoor plumbing. People would dig a hole in the ground and put up a small building over the hole.”
Sherry shook her head. “That sounds disgusting. I never heard of such a thing.”
Veronica said, “It sounds like you need a few history classes yourself.”
Sherry laughed. “Heaven forbid. I got married so I wouldn’t have to go to school. I am not about to start again.”
Veronica sighed. “Well, I won’t get married and this won’t be my wedding night unless I get busy and get married.” She went in search of Maine, still carrying the whiskey bottle.
As she suspected, she found him in the saloon. The human bartender spotted her bottle and called out over the noise, “No outside beverages allowed.”
She called back, “It’s my wedding day, so stuff it.” She walked up to Maine and set the bottle down in front of him. “I brought you a present.”
Maine whooped and opened the bottle. He swallowed a third of the bottle before he came up for air, then he jumped up and spun around. “See my new red shirt? Ain’t it a beaut?”
Veronica smiled. True he was wearing a new shirt, but he was also wearing dirty jeans and old work boots. She doubted the boots actually saw much work but she objected to their style. She objected to many things today. She objected to Maine’s drunkenness. She objected to the casinos and air ski racing at her wedding. She certainly objected to the polka music the band was cranking out.
She mentally slapped herself. She had started thinking of this as a real wedding. It must be a hangover from her little girl fantasies about fairytale weddings. Her first wedding was a quiet family ceremony at city hall followed by a small reception with an open bar. This was as far from a quiet family affair as a wedding could get.
“Maine, let’s get your family together so you and I can get married.”
Maine took another long pull from the bottle, then started to put it down and changed his mind. He looked around as if he was afraid someone would steal it while he was gone.
Veronica said, “Bring the bottle with you, Maine. I don’t mind.”
Dillon stood up from the table and chugged his drink. Locating his parents, he shooed them toward the tent flap. He held the flap up for everyone and ushered Veronica through, slapping her on the bottom as she walked past.
She did not raise an objection, but Maine did.
“Keep your hands to yourself, Dillon,” Maine said.
“What? Why the hell should I?” Dillon asked.
“Because she don’t need you bruising her backsides before our wedding night. Yer wife is around here somewhere. You want to slap a woman, you go hit your own.”
Dillon laughed, “Well I’ll be dogged. The man puts on a red shirt and all of a sudden his back stiffens up like he has a spine or something.”
Mrs. Halberd stopped at their flitter weaving a little bit. “Our daughter’s gone. Someone stole my daughter-child.”
Veronica patted her on the arm. “I took her over to the wedding area already. I have some people watching her. She’s doing okay. Come on, folks. Let’s get this wedding done.”
Maine followed along behind Veronica as they rounded the pond and ducked under the rope cordoning off the wedding area. Someone must have been watching because the band stopped playing a polka and started playing the Wedding March.
Veronica grit her teeth. Somehow, she managed a smile. She hated that song, even more than she disliked polkas. Her dislike for polka music was beginning to hate. This event was not raising her opinion of the wedding ceremony either.
Maine muttered and spit into the dry grass.
Buckner Halberd said, “Speak up, boy.
Maine glared at his brother. “I do so got me a spine. You push me, Dillon, and I’ll show it to you.”
Dillon laughed, “Yeah, you know what happens to guys who wear red shirts, don’t you?”
Maine took a long swig from his bottle. “You keep pushing. You’ll find out this red shirt don’t die off that easy.”
Mr. Halberd said, “You boys quit bickering. We got a wedding to do. We don’t got the time to listen to you two little girls argue about fashion.”
Maine said, “It ain’t fashion, Pa. It’s about what’s mine and what’s his.”
Sheriff Eustace stepped up to the small group. “I know this is outside of my proper jurisdiction, and I don’t have a say so, but I am responsible for getting this into the records. Maine, are you sober enough to agree to this?”
Maine said, “I ain’t drunk.” His weaving and slurred speech belied his words. He grumbled. “I ain’t sober either. I don’t object.”
Tatum spoke up. “I was there when he agreed to the wedding, Sheriff. He was sober then, so it shouldn’t matter now.”
Eustace nodded. “Okay by me. Mrs. Smith, are you sure you want this?”
Veronica looked at Maine, smiled and nodded. “I can’t think of anything I want more right now. Oh, wait. Where’s my maid of honor?”
Malina said, “She’s over here.” Malina half dragged Eve over to stand next to Veronica.
Veronica straightened the girl’s hat and smiled. “This’ll only take a minute.”
Dillon whooped. “Would you look at my baby sister? Hey Sis, when’d you grow them boobs?”
Mrs. Halberd swung a backhand at her son and missed. She spun about, almost falling to the ground.
The Halberd’s daughter turned and almost bolted before Veronica grabbed her hand and held her still. The girl looked like she was starting to shrink inward. Veronica squeezed her hand. “You hold on to me, Eve, you’ll be fine.”
Sheriff Eustace held up a datapad. “This is hooked directly into the town database. Maine, sign here and put your thumbprint there. Your turn, Mrs. Smith, that’s the last time you’ll be called that. I need the two witnesses.”
Dillon stepped up. “I’m the best man here so where do I sign?
”
Veronica said, “And this young lady is my maid of honor.”
The girl dropped the stylus the sheriff handed her and shook her head.
Veronica said, “It’s okay, Honey. Just put your thumb right where Sheriff Eustace is pointing and press down.”
Eustace said, “Data transmitted and recorded. You are now Mr. and Mrs. Maine and Veronica Halberd.”
There was a ragged cheer, mostly from the people standing outside of the rope used to cordon off the wedding party. It took two breaths before everyone outside the roped off area returned to the festival’s attractions. Most people outside of the wedding party had not bothered to stop their activities to watch the ceremony.
There was a lot more silence inside the rope than clapping and cheering.
Maine whooped, grabbed Veronica, and kissed her long and hard on the lips. He managed to slip his tongue in between her teeth. There was a little whiskey left in the bottle he held, but he managed to spill a bit of it down the back of her dress. He whooped again and drained the bottle. Rearing back, he threw the bottle into the pond, narrowly missing a swimmer. He laughed, grabbed his mother, and danced off a short distance.
Dillon grabbed Veronica and kissed her hard on the lips.
Veronica was determined that if Dillon tried to slip his tongue between her teeth she was going to bite it off. Same as his brother, his breath was stale with whiskey. She tried pulling away, but he refused to let go. Disengaging from his lips, she spit on the ground several times, trying to remove the nasty taste of him from her mouth. Then she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
He said, “That’s just a taste of what’s coming later. See, Maine’s already too drunk to take care of his husbandly duties, but since I’m the best man, I guess I can jump in and do it for him.”