by Dana Burkey
“Amazing job everyone!” TJ called out, cheering along with all of the athletes on the mat as the fliers were brought to the ground. It was less than half of the full pyramid sequence, and would likely be changed between now and the start of the season, but it felt good all the same. “Hands in everyone!”
After a quick “3-2-1-NITRO!” everyone scattered, still fueled with adrenaline thanks to the hard work leading up to the end of practice. After a quick hug with Addison who thankfully kept me in the air on my assisted kick double down, I turned to look for Leanne. While Addison and I were doing our part in the center, Leanne and Emma were both performing a difficult heel stretch once around, meaning their bases were turning them around in a full circle while they were held on just one foot. It was a move Addison landed right away, but Leanne struggled with. I wanted to tell her congrats on landing it on the last run through, but was interrupted when Jade and Connor both approached.
“Emma said she can give you a ride home,” Connor told me immediately, as Jade hooked her arms with mine and began leading me towards my cubbie.
“My dad was going to pick me up,” I explained, although I knew he wasn’t going to leave the house until I sent him a text. I stayed at the gym after practice often enough that he knew to never assume I was going to be leaving on time.
“Trust me, we need to show you some things,” Connor said, bringing my mind back to our conversation at the start of practice.
“It can’t be that big of a deal,” I said with a shrug, assuring them and myself at the same time.
“Trust me, it’s a really big deal” Jade added. “And you need to see it right now.”
“Outside,” Matthew warned, reaching in out of nowhere to grab the phone Connor was trying to hand me. My friends all shared a knowing look, which left me with a rather unsettled feeling.
“You guys are making me nervous,” I said honestly, looking back and forth between them.
When no one immediately assured me it was going to be okay, or that things were only kind of bad, I began to worry even more. But, since Matthew said we had to wait until we were outside I quickly unlinked my arms from Jade’s so I could grab my cheer bag and head towards the exit of the gym. I said goodbye to a few people on my way out, stopping to also thank Leanne again for helping with my bow. The second I stepped into the parking lot I was planning to demand someone told me what was going on. But, as I opened the door and saw Lexi climbing out of her mom’s grey minivan with Halley by her side the real seriousness of the situation officially set in.
Unfortunately, my friends refused to tell me what was going on until we were sitting in the basement at my house. On the ride there Lexi and Halley asked me about camping and the pyramid work we had done in practice, as if to distract me from what was going on. At the time, it was annoying, but once I was sitting with Connor’s phone in my hand I wished we could go back to not talking about the big story my friends had for me.
“I don’t get it,” I managed, as I scanned photo after photo on Instagram. “Why would anyone do this?”
No one spoke, giving me more time to look at what I never thought I would see. When Connor first handed me his phone I expected to see that I had more followers, or even that someone shared a video or photo of mine to a really big cheer account. But instead I was met with post after post that seemed to have been uploaded to attack me on one level or another.
At first, the photos and videos I saw were not the best, but not too bad at the same time. They were photos of me looking less than great, or even videos of me missing stunts at practices. A lot of them were the recent posts Connor or even the gym had posted to Instagram as well as a few from other friends like Juleah or even Emma. But the farther back I looked at posts, the more shocked I was at what I was seeing. Video and photos began popping up showing me working on stunts and skills at open gym times or even in my extra classes with Greg. Trying to understand where they even came from, it struck me then that they were from not only Instagram posts, but also from things posted to Snapchat. Images and videos that were posted to accounts that were private, often that I assumed would be gone for good. If I knew someone was going to repost my cheerleading fails or my terrible hair and makeup attempts, I never would have sent them to friends or put them on my snap story.
“Where did someone even get these?” I asked, hoping my friends were finally ready to answer.
“Someone had to record them from another phone I think,” Matthew explained, pointing to one of the images on the screen. “The photo’s not as clear, so it might have been a photo taken of a photo so it didn’t send you a notification that someone took a screenshot.”
“There are also apps that can record things you open on your phone,” Emma added. “I had a friend who posts about fashion all the time and uses the app to record runway shows on her computer and phone.”
“But this isn’t something like fashion,” I said simply, pausing in browsing the photos to look around at everyone who was gathered in my basement.
While I rode to my house in Matthew’s Jeep with Lexi and Halley, Connor and Jade climbed into Emma’s car as well. We were all sitting in my basement, spread out over the couch, arm chairs, and bean bags in front of the large entertainment system on the wall. After telling my dad we were going to be watching a movie, we put on a random action movie at a low volume while we were chatting. My dad had brought us some snacks shortly after we got to my house, but they were quickly devoured by everyone. Nitro practice was no joke, and no amount of stress or frustration over social media posts could keep us from giving in to our hunger.
“Keep going,” Connor said to me, drawing my attention back to his phone. “You need to see the rest of them.”
With a sigh, I looked at the screen once again and resumed scrolling down the page Connor had pulled up. I was expecting more videos of me messing up, or even of ‘embarrassing’ photos from Snapchat. In a way that would have been a welcome sight compared with what I actually saw.
“Wait, this was never posted, was it?” I said out loud, stopping as a photo from a recent Nitro team practice filled the screen. Tapping on the image, I could clearly tell that it was a photo of me throwing up just a few days prior. The image wasn’t half as bad as the words I read. The caption of the photo simply read: “Out of shape or eating disorder? You decide!”
“I don’t have an eating disorder!” I exclaimed, instantly tempted to throw the phone in my sudden anger. “And I’m not out of shape either!”
“We know,” Lexi assured me right away.
“I don’t think anyone believes this,” Connor added.
“Over a thousand people have liked it though,” I noted, then began scrolling down the page again. “Why would someone do this?”
No answer was given, everyone around me quiet as I saw photo after photo from the last few weeks at the gym. They all showed me at key times in practices that allowed for less than kind captions. A photo of me wearing a Nitro tank top while the other girls around me we wore their team sports bras made mention of an eating disorder once again. One video of me messing up choreography in practice suggested I was the weak link on the team. The posts and comments seemed to be endless. Everything was bad but nothing prepared me for the post that left me gasping in shock, as I had to actually turn the phone over to sit facing down in my lap. It was the only thing I could think of doing to prevent seeing the video for a second time.
“What?” Matthew asked. He was across the room from where I was sitting, so he didn’t know what post I was responding to.
“It was the stunt fall,” Jade said simply.
The stunt fall in question was the one that left me sore and gave Juleah a black eye. Other than minor bobbles or errors, I had never really taken a big spill while stunting. Especially not while someone was filming. This was the one exception. The video showed the whole fall, and it was a bad one. After I had a second I picked up the phone and watched the video over again, my stomach churning at the images I w
as seeing.
On the screen, I watched over and over as I began pitching to the left while being held high above the mat. I remembered the moment I started falling, but nothing else. So, seeing myself plummet quickly to the ground with Juleah stepping so she was under me with just seconds to spare was enough to make my heart stop every time. For some reason, I always assumed I had hit Juleah in the face with my arm, something I had done to Halley a few times in the past while in the same stunt group on Blast. But it wasn’t my arm that hit her nose, it was the back of my head. If she had not stepped in right when she did, it was clear that my head would have made contact with the mat instead, causing more damage than I even wanted to think about. What made it all worse, however, was the caption posted below. It said simply: “When level 3 athletes are on level 5 teams.”
“We should take a break,” Connor said, reaching over Lexi to take his phone from me. “This is a lot to take in all at once.”
“When did you find it?” I asked him, glad to hand over the phone and all the images still on the screen.
“Yesterday,” he replied, tucking his phone into his pocket for the time being. “I saw one of the Snapchat ones randomly then started looking around more.”
“A lot of them don’t show up on my account,” Lexi explained. “They probably won’t show on your phone either. I think the account behind all of this has us blocked.”
“Is it the same account posting all of them?” Despite looking at the posts, I hadn’t paid attention to the account or person uploading all of them.
“They were all first posted by the same account, but I’ve found them a few other places just without the super rude captions under them,” Jade explained. “It looks like that main account posted them first and then sent them around a bunch. Some of them have been shared only a few times, but the one of your stunt fall has been popping up all over the place since last night.”
“Why would people want to watch me get hurt like that?” My emotions were a mix of anger and shock as I spoke. “How is that something you should share?”
“Cheer fail accounts post stuff like that all the time, but usually the people in the video know about it,” Matthew said. “I posted a tumbling mess up once and an account actually asked if it was okay for them to repost it. Since then I’ve tagged that account in a few other posts so they could repost if they wanted or whatever.”
“But I didn’t give anyone permission to post those,” I reminded him. “Not to mention someone isn’t just posting these things about me. They’re saying really terrible stuff about me too. I mean, who would do this?”
“Well, it would have to be someone in the gym,” Jade began, her words slower than usual.
“You know, don’t you?” I asked her, instantly remembering her attempt to talk to me when she returned from her run during practice.
Jade nodded, then took a long breath. Finally, her eyes locked onto mine before she delivered the blow. “Leanne. The posts are all from Leanne.”
I stared at Jade, certain I had heard her wrong. There was just no way Leanne could have been posting things about me over the last few weeks. She was finally being nice to me and becoming my friend. But, when I reminded my friends of all this I began to see just how wrong about everything I really was.
“The posts started a little after Worlds,” Connor was explaining. “Which was also just after Summit. Leanne was clearly upset that you won and she didn’t, and it looks like she made this account in her anger.”
“The posts started to get really bad after that practice when TJ moved you to center flyer,” Emma added. “It was like it made her more upset so she started to get really mean. The videos and photos of Nitro practice just started popping up this week though. They were what helped us find the account finally.”
“Maybe she felt bad and wanted to finally let people know it was her so she could move on?” The question sounded weak even as I spoke the words.
“More like she knew you were out of town and got sloppy,” Jade said with a sneer. “She knew you wouldn’t have internet for a little while and was probably hoping when you came home and saw all the posts that you would want to quit cheer or something. But she’s wrong about that one.”
“Right?” Lexi asked quickly. “You’re not going to quit cheer now, are you?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I said honestly. I wanted to add that quitting the gym wasn’t even an option, but even that felt unclear. “If it really was Leanne, then how did she get those videos? No one was filming during those practices.”
“TJ was.”
At Connor’s words, I was suddenly reminded of the ever-present tripod in the gym during Nitro team practices. The camera was always capturing every moment from the start of conditioning to the final team huddle. It allowed TJ to look back over the practice time and see things he might have missed. Things that could help determine who wasn’t going to be staying on the team all season, or what stunt didn’t look quite right. Most seasons the camera wouldn’t come out until closer to Worlds, but this year was different. This year was all about Worlds, which meant the camera was there since day one. It also meant every moment like me throwing up, missing dance steps, and falling out of my stunt, were captured forever.
“How would Leanne have gotten the videos?” I challenged, not ready to believe she could be behind the posts I had just seen.
“We’re not sure,” Halley said slowly. “When Connor messaged us about it we tried to figure it out, but that was the part that didn’t quite make sense.”
“Yeah,” Lexi continued. “But it’s obviously someone who knows about not only the camera but also when there might be stuff on the videos that could be used to make you look bad.”
“But that could be a lot of people, not just Leanne,” I said, although I doubted the words even as I said them.
“No, it’s Leanne,” Jade said with the shake of her head. “Her account has a different name, but it’s her.”
Before I could ask, Jade explained. I sat and listened to her, shocked at what I was hearing. Apparently, the account that Leanne was using had once been her attempt to share cheer secrets and gets lots of attention on Instagram. She wanted to be a cheerlebrity, and thought making a big account that everyone wanted to follow would help. Unfortunately, she didn’t get the fame she was looking for and gave up as she was beginning her first year on Fuze three seasons before. Jade was friends with her at the time, so she knew of the account well.
“Leanne kept complaining that people didn’t like her photos or whatever. So, one day a bunch of us all agreed to share the photo to help her get attention. The photo got over a hundred likes so she was really happy, but after another week or two she told everyone she was closing the account. I unfollowed it, and honestly haven’t thought about it since then.”
There was a time gap that we didn’t know about, but it was clear the account was renamed, and a new theme was also added. Posts were made about cheer in general, about drama in cheer gyms, as well as some posts asking people to send in drama from their gyms that she could post. It made sense considering that the account was now named ‘CheerDramaLlama.’ The name was odd, but it allowed Leanne to post about other gyms around the country, talking about parent drama and even about athletes that were kicked off squads or taken out of certain parts of routines. It was petty stuff, but she gained a lot of followers over time thanks to the content.
“But what does all of this have to do with knowing this is Leanne’s account?” I finally asked, not sure I understood what Jade was trying to say.
“The photo we all shared that one day is still on the account,” Jade said simply. “For whatever reason, she didn’t delete it and it’s still there. I don’t follow the account anymore since I thought Leanne was closing the account, but it shows I liked the post still. And not just me. Kennedy and Amber-Lynn liked that post too.”
I didn’t know them personally, but was aware that both girls were on Bomb Squad. I also k
new they were two of Leanne’s best friends at the gym. Knowing what I was about to ask, Connor handed me his phone once again. I immediately headed to the CheerDramaLlama account that was posting the worst of the video and photos of me. As Jade had explained the account talked about other gym drama, and featured other athletes failing at stunts and tumbling. It looked like a lot of people were sending in content to be shared. But, when it came to the TNT Force gym, I was the only athlete that was being posted about. Posts that made up easily half of the account’s overall content.
Clicking on the first image of myself, I saw it was a collage made of two photos of me, one with Blast and one with Fuze. Both were taken at Summit, our first-place banners making an appearance in both images. Glancing at the time stamp I was planning to do the math on how many weeks ago it was, when I saw the caption. There, under the photo in bold letters that seemed to instantly slap me in the face was written: “Maxine may have two Summit rings, but she doesn't have a mom. So, who’s really a winner now?
“Why would she say that?”
My voice came out in a whisper, and in that moment everything seemed to finally hit me. As much as I didn’t want to believe that Leanne was behind the posts I was seeing, I knew I needed to believe my friends. They cared about me, and were only giving me the bad news because they knew I needed to see the truth. Leanne, on the other hand, was clearly someone that couldn’t be trusted. Not only was she fake to my face, she was saying horribly terrible things behind my back. And not just saying them, putting them out there for everyone to see. She was starting rumors about my health and even my cheerleading ability. Her comment about my mom, however, was the worst thing I could imagine. With my eyes still locked on the photo's caption, I could see the letters blur as my eyes filled with tears that quickly spilled down my face.