by Jill Shalvis
“Does that mean you’re staying?”
Brynn met her gaze. “That’s what family does.”
And then she was gone.
A minute later, Eli came into the kitchen and looked at her.
Kinsey was horrified to find her eyes filling with tears. Her pulse was thundering and her heart hurt. “If you’re here to yell at me, I don’t want to hear it. I thought you were in my corner.”
He gave a slow shake of his head. “Not even you can make me pick between someone I consider family and the woman I’m falling in love with.”
Kinsey lost the battle with her tears. “I know. And she’s . . .” She broke off, unable to find the words.
“Amazing?” he said. “Resilient? Strong? Yeah. All of the above.”
Kinsey nodded, her throat thick.
Eli gave her a one-armed hug as he poured himself coffee. “Stubborn too.”
Kinsey nodded again.
“And in that regard,” Eli said, “you two are like twins.”
She swiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry I keep messing everything up.”
He leaned back against the counter. “You don’t need to apologize to me. What I do need to hear is that you’re going to get it together and stop detonating your life. Because there are people in it who love you, people who stand close to you, at your back, so when you blow yourself up, you blow us up with you.”
She dropped her head onto his shoulder. “I know. If it helps, I’m done doing that.”
He nudged her so that she straightened and he could look into her eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I want to fix it,” she said. “All of it. Starting with you.”
He shook his head. “We’re okay, Kins.”
“Are we?” she whispered past the huge lump in her throat.
“I know what you did, and I know why. I think you can’t get out of your own way half the time, but I love you anyway. Just as you are.”
Her eyes filled. “I don’t deserve that.”
“We all deserve that.”
She knew he’d never been loved or accepted just as he was by his parents. Knew that was a deep-seated issue of his. She’d let him down, but that wouldn’t happen again. She didn’t want to ever be the one who hurt him.
As if he could read her mind, he shook his head. “It’s not me you’ve hurt.”
“I’m working on Brynn.”
“And Deck?”
She bit her lower lip and shook her head. “That’s . . . over.”
“Why? Because you don’t know how to let someone love you?”
“You don’t know everything, Eli.”
“I know that he loves you enough to deal with your bullshit, and that whatever you’ve done to push him away, you could fix. Talk to him.”
“No. He deserves more than what I can give him. I want him to find the woman who can be his forever.”
“And you?”
She dropped into a chair and rested her cheek against her bent knees. “I’m going to live alone with a hundred cats. We’ll eat ice cream and curl up on the couch together. No talking about feelings required.”
“You’re allergic to shellfish and cats, and ice cream makes you gassy.”
“Hey, the ice cream thing’s a secret.”
“It’s no secret.”
She sighed.
He laughed and then, with a quick but warm hug, left her alone.
Chapter 21
At work the next day, a bunch of supplies got delivered to Brynn’s classroom. Construction paper, colored pens and pencils, tissue boxes, tape . . . literally everything she’d had on her wish list. There was no note, but she knew it was from Eli. She called his cell at lunch, and Max answered from a boat in the marina, telling her that Eli was on a dive.
When she got home, she slid out of her car to find Eli and Mini waiting for her, and several reactions hit her at once. Affection. Deep affection, the kind that comes from knowing someone to the core over a long period of time. And there was definitely comfort in that. But it wasn’t comfort racing through her veins. Nope, it was hunger and need, both of which made her ache.
But there was also a little bit of hesitation.
She understood what he’d done, and she could also admit that if she’d been in his position, if it’d been her closest friend’s sister who’d shown up, she would’ve let it play out between them too.
So she thought maybe she’d have to revise her new one-strike rule slightly.
He was leaning against the porch railing, arms and feet crossed, but he straightened when she walked up to him.
Mini leapt to her feet, tail going back and forth with such force it could’ve generated electricity for the entire state. Because the dog was so cute, Brynn bent low and hugged her, getting her chin licked for her efforts. Because the man was so hot, she straightened and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Have a good day?” he asked, his hands going to her hips.
“Yes, since it was Christmas.”
He cocked his head.
“Don’t look so surprised. Santa.”
He still didn’t say anything, and she shook her head and smiled. “Thank you,” she murmured, going up on tiptoe to brush another kiss to his cheek. But he turned his head and their mouths met. “It was really sweet,” she whispered against his lips.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She smiled. “No?”
“No. I’d never try to bribe the woman I’m falling for into falling for me too.”
Her breath caught. “Falling?”
“Fallen.” He pulled her into him, threading a hand in her hair, palming her scalp, lightly kneading. Comforting. “All you have to do is let it happen.”
“But . . . there’s stuff to consider.”
“Stuff like . . . I screwed up,” he said, nodding. “I know. My plan is to never hurt you again and also to be as irresistible as possible.”
She looked up at him. “I like that plan. But . . . I don’t think it’s all you. I’ve failed at every relationship I’ve ever had.”
“Me too. But when you think about it, it only takes one time. The right time. Brynn . . . you’re so good at caring for others. You’re even better at keeping all your wounds buried deep. But you don’t have to do that with me. Ever. I like all your pieces.”
“Even the odd ones that don’t quite fit?”
He lowered his head and rubbed his jaw to hers. “Especially the odd ones.”
“I like all of your pieces too,” she whispered, and held her breath. It was a safe admission as admissions went, but it was still a big admission for her.
Looking genuinely touched, he stroked a finger along her temple, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, watching the movement. “I’m not sure anyone’s ever felt that way about me before.”
Her heart squeezed, but then his smile faded. “There’s something else.”
She inhaled a breath. “Something’s wrong.”
He gave a slow shake of his head and reached for her hand, slowly pulling her into him, giving her plenty of time to resist. She didn’t, and ended up against him for a warm hug that stirred all her emotions into a complicated mass. Affection. Desire. Hope.
Because in spite of all that had happened, she really was falling too. “Tell me.”
“In this instance, showing is much better than telling.”
“That sounds promising.”
He laughed softly. Sexily. “That too hopefully, but this first.” He opened the front door and took her inside. There were three boxes stacked in a corner, with Kinsey and Max standing next to them, looking unusually nervous.
The boxes were labeled with her name. She stared at them, the room suddenly so quiet she could hear her heart pounding in her ears. “What is this?”
“Your stuff,” Kinsey said. “Or what’s left of it anyway. Your landlord apologized for not realizing what had happened.”
Brynn stared at her, feeling her face heat. They’d found o
ut her things weren’t in her trunk. “You drove the three hours to Long Beach and retrieved my stuff.”
“I wanted to also hunt down Asshole, but someone stopped me,” Kinsey said, looking at Eli.
“Not worth the jail time,” he said.
Brynn hadn’t taken her eyes off the boxes. “All of you went?”
“Yes,” Max said. “I’m sorry I lied to you when I said Eli was in the water. He was dealing with your landlord.”
Watching her carefully, as if maybe she was on the very edge, Eli nodded, still holding on to her hand. “Before you got up this morning, we decided to do something for you. So we . . . borrowed your keys to get your boxes from your trunk.”
Where they’d found no boxes, because she’d lied. She’d lied outright—when she’d flung their lies back in their faces.
“When we figured out that you couldn’t unpack because you didn’t have your stuff,” Kinsey said, “we wanted to fix it. Your moms gave us your old address. I really wanted to punch your ex,” she said with feeling, still sporting the bruise in the center of her forehead where Brynn’s serve had smacked her. “But I controlled myself.”
“With some help,” Max said mildly.
Brynn stared at Kinsey’s bruise, at the fury on her face, both of which were because of her. She took in Max’s stance. He’d been really quiet, but he also looked pissed off, though not at her. He’d taken hours and hours to help her out, and he wasn’t getting anything out of it except her friendship.
And then there was Eli, who she had a feeling had been the captain of this mission. Like others before him, he’d claimed to care about her, but unlike the others, he didn’t seem to want anything from her that she wasn’t willing to give. That was very new, and very . . . discombobulating.
His eyes were warm on hers, still worried, watching as she slowly came undone by their gesture. “Brynn? You okay?”
In her mind, she answered with sincere gratitude.
In reality, she burst into tears.
Kinsey’s face fell. “Wait. What is she doing?”
“I believe she’s crying,” Max said, looking pained.
Brynn was so mortified, she let herself be pulled into Eli’s arms. “You’ve got all the power here,” he murmured, mouth to her ear. “We just want to help.”
This only made her cry harder.
“Stop that,” Kinsey said. “There’s no crying here.”
“Right.” Max was awkwardly patting Brynn on the back. “Because telling someone not to cry always works.”
Kinsey blew out a breath. “Brynn, that asshole doesn’t deserve your tears.”
“I’m not crying cuz of him!” she sobbed. “I’m crying cuz of you idiots. I can’t believe you did this for me.”
Kinsey huffed out another sigh and slowly joined the hug.
Brynn lifted her head in shock. “Are you . . . hugging me?”
“Yeah, and if you tell anyone, I’ll . . .”
Brynn sniffled. “You’ll what?”
“I don’t know, I can’t think of anything that won’t permanently scar or maim you.”
“Good to know you have some boundaries.” Brynn sniffed and then stared at Kinsey some more. “Why do you smell like my mom’s dry-skin salve?”
“I don’t.”
“You do. You smell just like it even though you said it smelled like dirt.”
“It’s turmeric, not dirt,” Kinsey said with a straight face.
Brynn shook her head. “I can’t with you. And why is your hand on my ass?”
“That’s not me.”
“Oops,” Eli said.
Brynn laughed through her tears and knew that’s what he’d intended all along. So she hugged him again, keeping one arm around Kinsey. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Kinsey untangled herself. “Okay, well, this has been fun and all, but I’ve gotta go be with people who aren’t crying right now.”
“She’s allergic to hugs,” Eli said. “Watch.” He snagged Kinsey around the neck with a long arm and pulled her in tighter.
Kinsey screeched and smacked at his head until he let her go.
“See?” he said to Brynn. “Allergic to hugs, kindness, and cats.”
“Wait. You’re allergic to cats?” Brynn asked. “You never said a word at my moms’ house, either time.”
“She took two Benadryl pills before we got there for dinner,” Max said. “The other time, that first time, she came home all swollen and slept it off.”
“Oh my God.” Brynn’s eyes filled again. “That was so sweet.”
Kinsey looked at Eli while pointing at Brynn. “She’s doing it again. I’m going out.” She headed to the door.
“Is that a euphemism for going to Deck’s to get laid?” Max asked.
“Shows what you know,” Kinsey said. “Deck and I aren’t doing that anymore.”
“Since when?”
Eli was doing an across-the-throat-with-a-finger gesture to his brother, but Max wasn’t getting the hint.
“He’s not home,” Max said. “I got a text from him a bit ago that he’s at the bar and grill with Sam from his work, and that I should join them.”
Kinsey whipped around from the door. “Sam? Sam’s a woman.”
Max, who’d finally caught onto Eli’s warning, grimaced.
Kinsey slammed out of the house.
Eli gave Max a look.
“Right,” his brother said, grabbing his keys. “I’ll go after that and try to settle it down.”
When they were alone, Eli turned to Brynn.
“Why would she leave Deck? He loves her so much, and I know she loves him too.”
“People do stupid things when they’re scared.”
Very true. She was a perfect case in point. She looked at her boxes. “I still can’t believe you guys did this for me.”
“We wanted to help.”
“I’m not good at letting people help me.”
“I’ve noticed.” He gave her a small smile. “But there are people here who care a whole lot about you, Brynn, and just want to be there for you.”
Her stomach did a flip-flop. So did her heart. “I don’t know how to let that happen. What you did for me today . . .” She shook her head. “No one’s ever done anything like that, and I’m not sure how to thank you.”
“You just did.”
She gave a small smile. “Doesn’t seem like enough. You brought a piece of myself back to me. How do I thank you for that?”
“My thanks is you speaking to me.”
“We’re more than speaking.”
His gaze locked on hers. “Are we?”
“I understand why everything went down the way it did,” she said. “I do. But I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Kinsey. No more holding back. No more lies.”
He opened his mouth, and she put a finger on his lips. “I can’t be in this otherwise, Eli.”
He took her hands in his, kissed each palm, and then wrapped her arms around his own neck. “You’re in this?”
Her heart, going against everything she’d ever taught it, took a huge leap of faith. “Yes,” she whispered against his lips, and then she kissed him. The rough male sound of pleasure that came from deep in his chest rumbled through her. She pushed his T-shirt up his abs and chest, and when he tugged it the rest of the way off, she reached for his zipper.
Letting out a choked laugh, he grabbed her hands again.
“You said I had all of the power,” she teased.
His eyes heated. “You do. But I need privacy for what I intend to do to you.”
“And vice versa.” She took him by the hand and led him to her room, playfully pushing him down onto her bed, then slowly crawling up his body. “Do you want me to be gentle?”
“Not even a little bit,” he said, his hands going to her hair, holding it back from her face. “Just don’t let me go.”
They made love like they had all the time in the world. He brought out a side of her that she hadn’t known e
xisted before him, before his touch and his want of her. And then she did what she’d never been able to do with anyone else. Comfortably all tangled up in him, she slept that way for the rest of the night.
BRYNN SAT AT her moms’ kitchen table eating the best banana bread on the planet for breakfast. She’d stopped by on her way to work to visit, and they’d talked about what Eli, Kinsey, and Max had done the day before, and how much it meant to her.
“So you and Kinsey are going to be okay?” Raina asked.
“Yes. And oh my God.” She couldn’t stop stuffing her face. “This banana bread.”
“I know.” Raina grinned. “Right? Olive won’t even try it.”
“Because you use a pound of butter,” Olive said.
“Not a whole pound.”
Olive rolled her eyes and turned to Brynn. “Sweetheart, we know you. Really well. You’ve clearly got more on your mind. Let’s hear it.”
Brynn stuffed another bite into her face. To stall, but also because seriously, best stuff on the planet. When she reached for another slice, Raina took the platter away. “Answer your mom.”
Brynn sighed. “Okay. I want to know about my dad.”
Raina and Olive exchanged long looks.
“What?”
Olive put her hand over Brynn’s. “We knew after that family dinner you’d be back here asking about him.”
Brynn was relieved that they didn’t seem upset. “What can you tell me?”
“You know we’ve tried to talk to you about this over the years,” Raina said. “Many times. You always said you didn’t want to know, that you had zero interest.”
“Things change.”
Olive squeezed Brynn’s hand gently. “Does your not wanting to know back then have anything to do with the bullying you faced at school before we homeschooled you here?”
“No.” Brynn paused. “And you knew about that?”
“Honey, when are you going to realize? We know everything.”
“We went to the administration right away, of course,” Raina said. “But they were useless. The fuckers.”
Olive nodded tightly. “I’ll never forgive that principal you had. He was such a bigoted asshole.”
“We tried to get you to change schools,” Raina said. “You flat out refused.”