by Tara Brown
“I’m not sure I can be happy,” Lenny confessed.
“Don't push away love, my darling,” her mother whispered to Lenny as she cuddled Hilde. “Love is the only thing that makes life worth living. And just because you loved someone and they left you, doesn't mean you have to stop loving them. A soul’s existence has nothing to do with the soul and everything to do with the love others feel for it. Our love for them keeps us with them and them with us.”
Elsie’s words were compassionate and caring, how she had been toward Lenny since the night of Amaya’s injuries. Elsie was uncertain how long she would have each of her children, but she was determined to see them all happy, no matter how that happiness came into being.
“One day we will go home, Lenny. And you will run Quays with your uncle, and farm with your father, and I will be grateful for all the time I am given with you.” Elsie held her arm open, making room for Lenny who climbed out of the window and hurried to the embrace. “My girls.” She squeezed, gripping them with trembling fingers as though frightened she might lose them too.
Chapter 2
“He stares at you for most of the day and speaks to you in any instance he can. I pity him. Your indifference is so obvious it’s painful to me,” Hilde whispered to Lenny as she leaned in at the dining table, though the table was too small to gossip properly, as the princesses and Aunt Mildred couldn't join them. They had taken ill with seasickness and spent the first three days of the journey in bed. That evening being the end of the third day, it was possible they’d spend the entire journey in bed.
“I’m not indifferent,” Lenny muttered back, pretending to eat a bite of roasted duck. She dared a glimpse of Lord Ivor, blushing as he stared at her, as he had been since their talk on the first day of the voyage.
“You are, and worse yet, he knows you’re indifferent and that you have feelings for James.” Hilde held up her napkin and wiped her mouth, hiding the private conversation. “The poor wretch.”
“What does he know? What about James?”
“Well, he questioned me.” She took a sip of her wine. “He asked how long you have pined for the apprentice and when I suspected you would recover from the fact James is visibly in love with me.” Hilde blushed, keeping her tone so low it was barely audible. “He didn’t want to be hasty in attempting to win you over.”
“Gods!” Lenny gasped, a little too loud, earning a stern look from her mother. “I bit my tongue.” Lenny held a hand to her mouth, feigning discomfort for the sake of the eyes now on them.
“Then eat slower,” Elsie scolded her.
Lord Ivor’s lips twisted into a grin, but he lowered his face to hide it, making Lenny wince in humiliation. It was possible Lord Ivor was missing none of the conversation.
“Yes, Mother,” Lenny mumbled as she leaned in close to Hilde again. “What did you say to him?”
“I told him he was certainly mistaken on all accounts and that there was nothing between you and James, nor James and me.”
“Did he believe you?” Lenny hated that her feelings for James had been noticeable. She wondered if James had noticed them also and that was why he had kept his distance from her their whole lives.
“Of course not.” Hilde lifted her glass, drinking then speaking from behind it, “He’s far too astute to be fooled. He’s probably reading our lips right now.”
Lenny lowered her fork, losing her appetite. This meant there was another item she would have to discuss with Lord Ivor. Dread, like a friend, filled her. Would she and Lord Ivor have to converse over intense subjects every time they met, or would this friendship eventually find its way back to mocking one another and small talk?
“You have to say something to him, ease his worries. He loves you, Lenny. Gods only know why,” Hilde said, carefully nudging her sister.
“The captain says we will be in Wetwood Harbor tomorrow. We should get off the boat and allow poor Mildred, Margit, and Alba some time on land.” The queen chuckled.
“That would be nice,” Elsie agreed. “I am ready to be on land as well. I haven’t spent much time on ships either.”
“Have you been unwell, my dear?” Queen Saleen asked as she took a delicate bite of roasted lamb.
“I have,” Elsie confessed. “It’s improving though, and we’re nearly halfway. That’s a bit of good news.”
“Indeed. Hopefully, my daughters recover soon as well.”
“The harbor in Wetwood won’t be able to accommodate this ship,” Lenny said. “We’d have to take longboats to shore. That might prove difficult in your gowns.”
“What an adventure!” the queen exclaimed. “I’ve never been on one before. I’m certain you and Ivor should be able to assist us.”
“Yes, Aunty,” Lord Ivor and Lenny both said, neither excited about the prospect of getting a handful of delicate women in gowns aboard a longboat. Lenny could already picture it and was dreading the undertaking.
“Excellent,” Queen Saleen said before turning to Hilde. “And are you excited to see Landon again when we return to the city?”
“I am, Your Grace. Truly. He is the kindest and smartest man I’ve ever met.” Hilde was such a delight, even Lenny had to admit she was the perfect prospect for a prince.
“And handsome,” Elsie beamed, teasing a little.
“Oh indeed, my son is the second most handsome young man in all the lands.” The queen winked at Lord Ivor who rolled his eyes and took another long drink from his wine glass.
“Yes, Your Grace, he is handsome.” Hilde blushed brighter.
“Aunt Saleen,” the queen corrected her firmly. “I will be Mother to you soon enough.” She raised her eyebrows and her wine glass at the same time.
“Yes, Aunty.” Hilde nodded deeply, almost a seated bow.
“We will have to toughen this one up, Elsie. She is far too sweet for court.” Her gaze drifted to Lenny. “I suppose you are tough enough already?”
“Me?” Lenny wanted to say she was but saw the hurt expression on Hilde’s face and acted quickly. “Actually no.” Her cheeks reddened as she continued, “I am embarrassed to admit, my first hour in the city was dreadful.” Lenny grimaced through the awkwardness, trying to take some of the scrutiny off her sister. “I rode my horse through the Gates of Eluse and carried on right into town, through the middle of the city. On horseback.”
Elsie, Lord Ivor, the queen, and all the guards, who were eating at a smaller table next to them, paused, hands frozen midair with forkfuls of food, and started to laugh. It was riotous and made Lenny flinch, but she continued for Hilde’s sake, “I was the lone rider in the city. Fortunately, a young man took my reins and led me to an alley, protecting me from the crowds amassing with angry citizens shouting at me.” Lenny’s entire face burned. “Honestly, he might have led me anywhere. I could have vanished into the rough part of the city, never to be heard from again. Foolishly, I let him lead me and Asher through dark alley after dark alley, grateful he had rescued us.” She covered her eyes, shaking her head.
“Gods!” Queen Saleen gasped, still giggling. “You are both hopeless.”
“Perhaps, you will allow me to lead you through the city and instruct you both on how to survive,” Lord Ivor offered after he cleared his throat and managed to stop laughing.
“That would be lovely, and helpful, Lord Ivor,” Hilde said. Her face remained flushed, but she smiled brightly.
“It would be my pleasure,” he offered.
“Yes, Ivor knows the entire city and castle as though the map were drawn on the back of his hand.” Queen Saleen sighed. “When he was a little boy, I was certain he did have a map hidden from the rest of us.” She narrowed her gaze at her nephew but snorted at Lenny again. “What a sight that must have been. You on your beast of a horse, riding directly into the city.”
“How did you miss all the riders keeping to the eastern side once you crossed the bridge?” her mother asked as if it had been obvious where to go.
“I was so busy staring at al
l the buildings and lights and people. It was mesmerizing. I didn’t pay attention to anything beyond the cityscape,” Lenny offered weakly.
“Oh, my girl.” Her mother shook her head, continuing to laugh. “My country bumpkins. I have done you a disservice.”
“At any rate, you will know the city better than anyone after a few afternoons spent with Ivor,” Queen Saleen said with a wave of her hand.
Lenny picked up her fork once more, trying not to meet Lord Ivor’s regard though it was fixed on her again.
The meal continued this way, laughing from stories meant to entertain. It ended with a glass of port which Lenny refrained from. She excused herself and went to the deck, carrying a plate filled with roasted meat, to check on Ollie and Scar.
She knelt with her hounds, which were curled into one another, and hand-fed them. She’d taught them to be gentle enough a babe could feed them.
Ollie licked her fingers, taking meat drippings with him.
“You are my good boy,” she muttered, stroking his handsome, shaggy face. “I’m so proud of you saving Uncle Alek.” She bent forward, kissing him. “But you have to be careful not to endanger yourself like that again. I would die if anything happened to you.” Her mind slithered back to the scene, forcing the pain of that moment on her.
Ollie blinked his amber eyes, panting happily as if unaware of the injured leg.
Scar nudged Lenny, getting into the snuggle. She kissed her brother’s face too.
Lenny lay down between them, curling into both dogs. They were massive, far too large to hug at the same time, but she did her best.
A splash drew her attention. She jumped up and hurried to the port side of the boat, staring at the far-off sunset burning the small waves and white caps in the distance. The splash happened again, but it was the crossflow of water coming from the Fingers, the outcroppings of rocks that hugged the coast between Moyer and Wetwood.
She continued to search for any disturbance in the waves, but all she found was a cool breeze, something she shouldn’t feel yet. The two storms had chilled the heat of midsummer, and Lenny worried the good weather might not return. She wasn’t certain what that meant for fishing since the start of autumn was only a few weeks away, perhaps a month if they were lucky.
As she suspected he might, but also dreaded, Lord Ivor found her contemplating everything on the deck. His footsteps were unmistakable. “You were truly lucky in Waterly City that the young man who helped you wasn't a scoundrel,” he said as he got closer.
“I know.” She turned to offer her best attempt at mending the injury she had unconsciously inflicted. “I need to tell you a story.”
“I’m all ears.”
“When I was a girl—a child—I thought something was amazing in the silence and strength of James Enderby, the apprentice at the smithy. I loved”—she paused—“yes, loved how calm and quiet he was. Animals liked him and parents always smiled when they saw him coming. He worked hard and supported his family, on top of getting an education. To me, he was a perfect gentleman. He never chased a single girl in our town.”
She paused, smiling as the irony stung her once more.
“Because he was in love with Hilde his whole life. And he knew our mother would never allow them to be together. Therefore, he struggled and pined in silence for my sister, as I pined for him in the same fashion.” The confession cut her deeply as she humiliated herself to save him agony.
“You owe me nothing, no explanations.” He lifted his hands.
“Please, let me finish.” She swallowed hard. “My whole life, Hilde told me repeatedly that my being so strong and independent and a tomboy would be a disservice to me. Amaya teased me, saying that no man would want such a wife.” She scowled. “And maybe I never wanted to marry or be courted or fall in love because I believed I’d have to be someone else to have that. And I like being me. I enjoy feeling capable and strong and curious, which I am aware most gentlemen dislike.”
Lord Ivor scowled but kept his lips pressed together, fighting whatever he wanted to say.
“It was proven quite recently when James informed me that I was essentially the second son my parents never had. He saw me as a boy and never considered me an option. It killed me that Hilde was correct in that the boy I liked didn't like me in return because he didn't see me.” She laughed bitterly, easily recalling the conversation but noting how far away it felt now. She cleared her throat and focused back on his eyes. “And then I met you. And you liked me as I was, as I am.”
“I do,” he said earnestly.
“And even though you have seen me working the docks and covered in mud and filth on the farm, you have tried to court me, I suspect from the moment we met. Even though I have doubted your intentions from the very beginning, believing it impossible a man would ever want me, particularly a man such as yourself, you have persevered.”
“A man such as myself?” he asked.
“A lord, a—handsome highborn lord.” She blushed and he grinned in response. “I don't know why you want to disobey all the expectations your family likely has and court me. But for the first time in my life, I feel seen.” Her lip quivered as the realization of her own words hit her. “And I want to be loved and seen and cherished for my oddities far more than anything else.”
“You understand nothing, Lenny. I have spent my whole life wishing for someone like you. Praying you existed. The words you used, wrinkling your nose as you said them, they might convince an ordinary man that you somehow make him less, but I find your strength and capability and independence incredibly attractive. To me, a man who wins the heart of such a woman is the sort of man I admire, I strive to be.”
Lenny was certain her face glowed brighter than the few lanterns on the deck.
“I want to love you and watch you shine, on your own, not have you sit on my arm looking pretty.” He laughed. “I did try to tell you when you mistook me for Hilde’s betrothed, that I’m not interested in that sort of girl.”
“And I thought you meant you preferred—” She paused, realizing she shouldn't say it.
“Men?” he questioned with the smirk Lenny had mistaken as mocking. “Compared to a loveless marriage with a docile and delicate female, I guess I would prefer a capable man, though that is not my normal preference,” he admitted freely. “But I don’t have to fear a world where you don't exist. You’re right here.” His tone lowered as he lifted her hand, placing a kiss on it as he had before. This time he lingered, pressing his soft lips to her skin once more, before taking a knee and staring at her.
Lenny’s heart nearly stopped, but she remained stoic as they were nearly the same height with him kneeling.
“I will not rush you into anything, because I see you are not like other girls. Your goal is not to marry the richest man you find and worry about falling in love later. But I will ask, may I court you, Miss Ilenia Ailling?” he requested politely, his eyes twinkling akin to the stars above them.
She pressed her lips together, thankful the light was dim on the deck so he might not see exactly how much she blushed. After a breath, she replied softly, “You may.”
Exhaling a wavering breath, he stood, beaming with delight that even the dim light did not hide.
Still holding his hand, she turned it over, massaging his wide palm for a moment before she lowered her face and pressed a soft kiss into the center of it. “Though you will have to ask my father. He’s not normally formal or traditional, but I believe in this case—”
“I already have.” He stood a little taller, prouder. “And he told me your fate was your own, that a girl such as you comes along once every thousand years.” They both grinned, recalling the queen’s words. “He said he didn't have the right to give away something that had earned its freedom.”
Lenny’s eyes watered, a tear escaping.
Lord Ivor raised his hand and brushed the tear with his thumb, cupping her face.
They stared at each other for a moment. She was certain he’d try to kiss
her, unaware that as much as he wanted to, he worried it wasn't how you courted a girl such as her. She was an enigma.
They were both in unchartered waters and it was better to play it safe.
Chapter 3
The wind was different on the fourth day when they crossed over to the Miota Sea in the West. It was calmer and warmer, slowing the boat’s movement a little. Everyone who was unwell rallied, to Lenny’s dislike even Mildred.
Wetwood Harbor was visible as they rounded the last of the craggy islands. Lenny hadn’t seen the village in a long time, but it didn’t appear to have changed, remaining small and pleasant looking.
“You’re going into town?” Princess Alba asked, interrupting Lenny’s thoughts while lifting an eyebrow at her clothes.
She’d worn her britches and a tunic, her brother’s old tunic, not bothering to tuck it in. And yet, she had never felt more beautiful. “Of course.”
“You are the most interesting cousin we’ve met,” Princess Margit offered dryly.
“As are you,” Lenny gave it back.
Mildred gasped when she saw Lenny’s clothes, and Lenny’s mother wrinkled her nose at her outfit, inhaling slowly, sort of an inward hiss, but neither dared say a word.
“I’m quite excited to be heading for dry land,” Hilde said as she stood next to Lenny, wearing a pale pink riding dress with black boots, bonnet, and pelisse. The neckline of the bodice was puffy, making her ample breasts appear much larger. “I don’t like boats. Or sailing.” Her voice drifted slightly on the wind as though it were lost. “Not anymore. I don’t trust the sea.”
“Don’t say such things. She can hear you, and she is caring for our sister and friend now,” Lenny whispered, scrutinizing her sister for the fine dress she wore as the queen came up top and took Hilde’s hand, choosing her for a walking partner for the day.