by Sadie Marks
"I wish you'd talked to us sooner, pet."
"Why? There's nothing you can do. I have to belong to someone and at least I like you," she said.
"No, but I might have reconsidered the display for refusing if I'd understood better."
"Oh. That." She'd completely forgotten about that in the storm of emotions she'd been dealing with. "Can't you just tell Nikon you changed your mind?"
"No. It was already announced, and a clinician is there now waiting for you. Besides, I'm not entirely convinced you don't need it. The only time you seem to let yourself feel anymore is when you're receiving pain."
One eyebrow went up as she gave him a skeptical look and pointed to her face. "What do you call this then?"
"An overdue emotional release that you interrupted as soon as I returned."
She started to snap back a smart-ass remark, but he wasn't wrong. "I can't cry in front of them," she said instead.
"I know. There are other kinds of emotional release besides tears, Silla. Your behavior was unacceptable, and you know this. If you'd talked to us, maybe we could have worked it through, but you didn't, so this is where we are now, and you'll have to accept the consequences." As he spoke, he rose to his feet and pointed to her clothes. "Strip."
Her mouth dropped open and she gaped at him, full of shock as it settled in that the rules and guidelines that had been put in place regarding displaying a slave would now affect her as well. She'd never expected to earn this punishment again and hadn't really considered how different it would feel to be escorted through the halls in one of those horrid green smocks so everyone would know what was about to happen.
She'd taken to dressing the way the crew did as more slaves arrived on board. Since she was the only human on board with her own luggage, she had begun to feel out of place wearing Earth clothes. The top that left most of her upper body exposed and the tight black pants that made up the standard crew uniform allowed her to blend in with everyone else, and now she had to strip them off to don a punishment shift that would make her stand out in any crowd.
It was hard to make her hands work to unfasten the simple black halter and the pants took even longer to remove, but once they were off, Era'D was holding out the ugly replacement. She shot him a pleading look, but he just stared at her with his dark eyes, waiting until she took it and pulled it on.
It wasn't much different from a hospital gown and was just as unattractive. "I hate this," she said, scowling.
"It's not meant to be enjoyed, Silla, but it's part of the show." He turned her around so he could see the back, nodding as he fixed the ties that made the garment easy to remove with just a few tugs. "The sooner we get this over with, the better."
She would have preferred walking through the ship nude as she'd done before. The Sadecs were more interested in her ability to accept pain than they were her body, and after more than two years, she still wasn't entirely sure they even found the human body attractive by itself.
At least they seemed to have no real preference about size, shape, skin, or hair color. Maybe with their more uniform look, they just found it interesting that humans came in so many flavors. So, a nude body wasn't enough to catch anyone's eye, but a green smock—everyone knew what that meant. They knew she was about to go on display, and they would hurry to be in the front row. It was humiliating.
"If you obey and don't fight it, I'll leave you as you are," he said as they passed through the doorway and into the hall.
She tilted her head, looking up in question.
He held up his hand, wiggling the fingers, and then when she still didn't seem to understand, he clarified, "I won't take away your ability to climax. It will be easier for you if you enjoy some of it."
Sadecs didn't like going back on their threats and her eyes widened in surprise. She remembered the last time and how the pleasure was unending, and part of the torment was how overstimulated she became after a while. But display without being allowed to climax? That would have been so much worse. She knew she should act grateful for the reprieve, but she didn't have the energy.
She did cooperate, allowing herself to be locked into the magnetic restraints without fighting them. Things were slow at first. Many of the warriors were still attending the mating celebration, and that one-of-a-kind event was probably the only thing that could have kept them from rushing to the dining hall. Instead, they trickled in a few at a time.
She tried to lock down all her thoughts and emotions, to focus on the pain and pleasure. When the endorphins began to flood her body, it did offer a sense of relief. She allowed herself to relax. The tension eased out of her body as she concentrated on each separate spank, each whip stroke, each cane mark. Those sudden fierce moments of pain became her whole world and everything else drifted away.
Her body writhed, enjoying the pain and transforming it into arousal. The evidence of it ran down her inner thighs in glistening streams, and as always, the sight of it pleased the watching aliens. They were sadists who enjoyed causing pain but knowing that the pain they gave was turned into pleasure by the masochistic humans somehow made it so much better for them.
Silla had a higher capacity for pain than most, so she put on a better show. And just then, she wanted more pain. She wanted the heat and burn to build and last, because as long as she was feeling that, she wasn't feeling anything else.
The cycle went faster than she expected, and when it ended, she didn't notice immediately. The clinician, a Sadec woman who had patiently watched and supervised, released her and wrapped a light blanket around her. The feel of it settling against her skin pulled her back to herself and she blinked owlishly, looking around at the empty room.
"Is it over?" she asked.
"Yes, we ended it early. Drink," the clinician said, handing her a glass of that overly sweet beverage she despised.
She took a sip with uncharacteristic obedience, before she asked, "Why?"
"I ordered it." It was a new voice, one she didn't recognize, and she turned to see who had spoken. It was an older Sadec, with a kind, weathered face and silver in his hair. She knew instantly who he must be.
"You—you're the triad general."
"Former," he corrected her with a smile. Then he looked beyond her and motioned for the clinician to help her into a chair.
Sitting was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment, but her muscles were aching too much to stand, so she eased down into the seat with care. She couldn't avoid the wince as her ass pressed against the hard surface.
She watched as the former triad general sat down beside her. "Thanks, but why? I was okay." Maybe not emotionally, she still felt rather distant from any kind of feeling, but physically, she wasn't near her limits. The Sadecs were really good about watching those.
"Were you? That's not what your Master told me. He believes you're pining for a man you were taken from. Is that true?" His voice was rough with age but gentle, and when he reached out to cover her hand in his, she didn't immediately feel the need to pull away. She could feel the kindness in him.
"Trev. I left Earth with him and then—" But how could she explain any of that without breaking down in tears, which, even now, she refused to do.
"I heard the story. Very sad." It sounded like he meant it. She could detect no sarcasm. "Our people have visited your planet for hundreds of years, always attracted to you Pain Receivers. When the law changed, many Sadecs found the idea that no more humans could be brought home difficult to accept. Most were content to wait for the treaties and trade agreements which we hoped would eventually mean you'd join us in greater numbers."
"But not Trev." She sighed. "He was going to sell me. At least, that was his plan at first."
The general was silent for a minute. "What changed?"
She shrugged and then grabbed at the blanket as it slipped down over her bare shoulder, tugging it back around her. "He said he fell in love with me."
"And do you believe him?"
She did. Maybe it was stupid,
but she did believe it. "Yes."
"Silla, if you were given a choice between returning to your home planet or returning to Trev, which would you choose?"
Her head snapped up, eyes flashing angrily. "What difference does it make? We both know I can't have either of those things! Is this part of the torment? You ended the display early so you could torture me emotionally?"
She snatched her hand away from his and turned away from him. If her legs weren't still shaky, she'd have gotten up and tried to leave. Her glance landed on the clinician; she'd forgotten the female Sadec was still there. The woman seemed shocked that Silla had spoken to someone of importance like that.
He didn't seem to mind, though. "My apologies, child. You're right; it was a cruel question. My curiosity got away from me." He patted her shoulder gently and then let his hand drop away as if guessing she didn't want to be touched.
She frowned, taking a sip of the drink she still held as she considered. "I guess, if I had to choose, it would be Trev. I think half of my wanting to go home is wrapped up in the memories I have of doing things with him there anyway."
"Thank you, Silla. I appreciate you indulging an old man. Ah, I see your Masters are here to retrieve you. Please wait here; I just want a word with them." He got up and moved across the room, catching them just inside the doorway.
It was too far away for her to hear what they were discussing, but she couldn't help noticing several concerned looks were sent her way. Her bottom lip trembled, and she pulled the blanket tighter around herself for comfort.
After a few minutes of quiet discussion, Nikon came to get her, swinging her up easily into his arms. He carried her back to their quarters and settled her into the bed. She struggled to find a comfortable position at first. Her body ached with soreness and still pulsed and tingled from repeated orgasms. Every nerve ending seemed alive, and even the softness of the furs seemed to press against the skin.
It settled down eventually, though she was restless through the night. Nikon and Era'D were gentle with her over the next couple of days, caring for her when they were home and making sure she healed quickly with the clinician's healing ointments. But it was her mental state they seemed the most concerned with, and they took pains to be kind to her.
It was irritating, and she had to grit her teeth not to snap at them.
On the third day, Era'D came back from his shift early. "Silla, the general wants to see you."
Her eyebrows came down so fast, they nearly met in the center of her forehead and she frowned. "Why?"
He didn't answer her question but, instead, took her by the arm. "Come, I'll escort you there now."
"I know where it is, Er. I can go by myself." She tried to pull away, but he held tighter and shook his head.
"It's fine; I want to be there with you," he said.
That seemed ominous, and she swallowed hard wondering what she'd done to get in trouble again already. Had the triad general complained that she'd been rude? She discarded that almost as soon as it came to mind. He wasn't the type to do that. She let Era'D lead her because she didn't have any choice, but the general was the last person she really wanted to see just then. She was still angry and resentful.
When they entered the general's office, she stopped short and reassessed the situation because there was the triad general standing next to Tal'aav. They looked up when she entered, and both had serious expressions on their faces.
"Sit down, Silla. We have a lot to discuss," General Tal'aav said as he gestured to an empty seat.
She sat without protest and heard her Master sit next to her, but she kept her eyes on the ranking officers. "What's going on?" It was a question, but there was a demand in her tone, and she didn't bother to hide it. She noted, too, that the older general's mouth twitched in amusement.
"My grandfather has asked me to reconsider your situation on the ship. Certain things have changed since the last time we discussed your place here."
'Your gran—oh! The triad general is your grandfather?" She looked from one to the other.
"Yes. Of course, as a former leader of our people, his advice and suggestions are always considered carefully, and he came to me to discuss you. I've known for a while that you weren't happy here, Silla. But I was limited by the rules. My grandfather has more leeway with those rules than I do."
She tilted her head, eyes narrowing. "So, what are you saying? I can go home?" Her hands trembled and she clasped them in her lap.
"I'm saying we've come up with a way to make that happen if you still want it."
"Of course, I want it!" She jumped to her feet. "When can I go?"
Tal'aav sighed, "Silla, sit down. There's more to it than that."
She gave him a suspicious look. Her joy was already dimming as she wondered what the conditions were going to be.
"He has the power to return you to your renegade if that's what you'd like."
She could feel the blood rushing from her face as she turned her attention to the older Sadec. "Your question wasn't just curiosity."
"No, it wasn't, but I did need to check on some things before I raised your hopes. I had no intention of turning a Pain Receiver over to a renegade just to have her sold off heartbroken," he said firmly.
Oh. She swallowed and licked her bottom lip. "And?"
"All evidence points to him regretting his mistakes and being just as miserable as you are. My men found him three days drunk, in an outpost two jumps from here. When they mentioned your human name, he took a swing at them, even though he could barely stand." He chuffed and shook his head. "He'd have made a good warrior, that one. Took out two of my men before he passed out." He sounded terribly amused by that.
Silla cringed, hoping he was okay. "What does it all mean? Can I go to him?"
"No." Tal'aav shook his head.
Her heart sank. "Oh."
His grandfather frowned at him. "Don't tease the girl, Tal." To the human, he directed a gentle smile of reassurance. "Silla, he's coming here. He should be here any moment, actually. And then you'll have a choice to make."
She was confused, and then she realized, and a look of comprehension changed her expression. "Between home or Trev?"
"Yes. But there's more to it than that." Tal'aav flipped a tablet onto the desk and tapped it, bringing up a file. He pushed it to her side.
She leaned in to look and frowned. The face was vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it. "Who's that?" she asked.
"My new mate, Kenzi. This is how she looked before we gave her a new body." He sounded proud to be able to call her his mate, and she caught a smile on his face when she glanced up.
She examined the picture more carefully and realized the eyes were the same. The face, too, when she looked closer, hadn't changed much. She sat back. "Why are you showing me her picture?"
"Kenzi has a five-year contract to be here, but now that she's my mate, I obviously won't be returning her—ever." That last word was stated with such finality that Silla jumped.
She still didn't understand, and he must have seen the question in her face because, after a pause, he continued. "We couldn't return you because the only explanation would be that you were stolen. We're too early in our negotiations to risk being shut down by the council or by your government. But now, there is an opening to return…using her identity. It would solve two problems."
Silla's mouth dropped and she shook her head rapidly. "I'm not changing to look like her!" She didn't want to change her appearance at all, but if she was going to, she'd have picked something less doe eyed.
"Changing your appearance isn't necessary. We can make small changes to your eyes and fingerprints and you'll register as her. You have no need to look like her because none of the volunteers are going to look the way they did when they left home," he explained quickly. "Fooling your machines is a simple matter."
"But I have a life and—" She stopped, frowning. Was there really anything in her old life that she wanted to retrieve? She was so lost in though
t, she didn't hear Era'D saying her name until he leaned over and took her chin, turning her head so she had to look at him.
"Silla, the important thing is that you have choices. The chance to go home, or the chance to be with the man you love. Take your time and consider before you make a decision."
She closed her eyes and took a slow deep breath. When she let it out, she nodded, and he released her.
"Would I have to wait five years for the end of her contract?" She wasn't sure she could handle that, but maybe, with an end date in sight, she could hold on.
"No, we'll say we're returning you because it didn't work out. As long as they don't lose the bonus, they won't question it."
Could it really be that easy? But how many times had she said she wished she could start over with a blank slate and walk away from her past and the people in it. Stepping into someone else's life wasn't the same, but it was the closest thing. It was just a lot to consider.
It was hard to think with all three of them watching her, and she got up and began to pace the room. She had to have circled the room a dozen times before she stopped. "Wait." She turned back to face them with a pinched look of determination. "Why do I have to choose?"
"Getting you on and off the planet for visits is going to be too risky. The council is still policing the Earth heavily, and now that it's been opened, there is a lot of traffic in and out. It will be years before things are calm enough down there for you to be able to go back and forth freely," Tal said.
She frowned, and then her shoulders slumped. For a second, she'd thought she could have it all. "Wait. What if Trev were willing to live with me on Earth?"
Era'D laughed. "A Sadec stay on Earth? He'd hate it," he said.
Tal didn't reply. He looked like he was considering it. It was his grandfather who shook his head thoughtfully. "I'm not sure about that. Remember, this Trev is a renegade. He probably has little desire to go back to our planet. It might be worth asking him what he thinks when he arrives."
It would solve everything if only it would work. "But Trev did say staying on Earth for too long was a problem because he couldn't absorb enough nutrition from the light. Would he get sick?" she asked, sounding worried.