A pounding at the door interrupted the moment and Holly turned to look across the room even as Jack continued his ministrations. “Jack,” she hissed. “Who could that be?”
In reply, he kissed the valley between her breasts. “Sounds like a duke’s knock to me.”
Her brow scrunched. Did a duke have a knock? But sure enough, Dash’s voice sounded from the other side of the door.
“Jack.”
“Dash,” Jack replied, planting another kiss on her breastbone.
“Noelle is concerned. She doesn’t know where Holly is.” Then he pounded on the door again. “Open the damn door.”
Jack lifted up on his hands. “Tell your woman to stop worrying. Her sister is right here and perfectly fine.”
There was a pause from the other side of the door. “I don’t think spending the night with you means that she is perfectly fine.”
A smile broke out on Jack’s face, but he rose from the bed and pulled the covers up over her head. “He does not need to see you,” he whispered. She heard him cross the room, her mouth pressed into a tight line. Dash knowing where she slept meant that a marriage would have to follow.
She’d assumed as much anyway. Which was the very reason she’d bared her heart the night before. But a trickle of doubt filtered into her thoughts. Jack had never repeated the words, I love you. In fact, he’d talked of commitment but not affection at all.
A tiny squeak told Holly that Jack had opened the door a crack. “What do you want?”
“I want to know that you’ve made up your mind after last night,” Dash answered.
“Stop worrying,” Jack’s voice sounded amused. “We’ll have a joint wedding.”
Dash snorted and then chuckled. “You sound like a woman.”
“You’re the one banging down my door.”
“That,” Dash started, “is very manly.”
Jack didn’t reply and the door closed again. She popped her head out from the covers. Jack was naked still and as he turned back toward her, she got a full view of his chest, stomach, and then lower. She gulped, reminding herself not to be distracted now. “Jack,” she started.
“Yes, sweetheart,” he pulled the covers back and slid into the bed next to her. His skin was cool and she automatically wrapped her arms about his neck.
“Don’t you think you ought to ask me to marry you before you tell your friends?”
He leaned back a bit to look down at her. “Holly. You shared my bed last night. There is no other option.”
“That isn’t true. There are always options.”
He held her hip, his gaze boring into hers. “Not this time. I’ve taken your maidenhead. You promised you were mine.”
She frowned. She had promised that. “And so I am.”
She felt his arm relax and he gathered her closer. “Good.”
“But,” she started, sliding her hands from around his neck to rest on his chest. “I need to know how you feel about me.”
“Feel?” He scowled. “I feel like I want to wake up next to you every day and make love to you every night.”
Her heart tugged. That did make her feel lovely but was that enough? “Jack.” She licked her lips. “I love you.”
He cupped her face in his hands, pressing his mouth to hers. But he didn’t say the words.
She lost herself for a moment in that kiss. He was warm, strong, and so tender, the touch made her ache.
He lifted his head and pulled her close again. That’s when she realized, he hadn’t said a word.
Chapter Eleven
Jack stared at his soon-to-be wife, wondering how to break the silence that had developed between them. The carriage rumbled down the road as Holly sat next to Noelle. Dash drove the sleigh while Jack sat with the women.
If Holly had been silent, Noelle had talked nonstop. “I think we’ll have a Christmastide wedding. It’s unfortunate that father won’t be there but at least my sisters will be able to attend.” She gave them both a large smile, her hand tapping on her leg. “Doesn’t that sound wonderful?”
“Wonderful,” Holly repeated, her tone flat, her gaze fixed out the window. “I’m so happy for you.”
Jack winced. Whatever Dash had said or done the night before had clearly been the correct words and phrases, while he had obviously erred.
He ran a hand through his hair. “We could also wed on Christmastide.”
Noelle clapped her hands. “That is a fantastic idea. Isn’t it, Holly?”
“I don’t know.” Holly shrugged, still not looking at either of them. “I’ll have to think on it.”
His gut clenched. “What’s to think on? The holiday is two weeks from now. We could be wed by special license. I’ll—”
“Christmastide was my mother’s favorite.” Holly turned to look at him, her face unreadable as she straightened her skirts.
He nodded. “I remember you told me that once before.”
“It was a holiday that was always filled with so much love.”
A knot formed in his throat. He was beginning to understand the problem. “We could—”
“No.” The single word hung in the air. “Dash and Noelle are in love and we’ll celebrate their union on my mother’s favorite holiday in remembrance of her.”
Those words tore at his insides and a bit of anger bubbled in his gut. “I am not special enough for your mother’s favorite holiday?”
Holly’s eyes closed, squeezing together as her lips pursed. “You are special enough. It’s me, apparently, who isn’t all that exceptional.”
Damn. She was angry that he hadn’t confessed his love. “Holly,” he started, reaching across the carriage with his hand. She didn’t take it and Noelle covered her mouth with her hand as she watched the two of them. “Please understand. I’ve been hurt before. I’m trying to give you what I can.”
She didn’t take his hand. “I know that. And if it were just me, I’d marry you anyway and convince myself that you’d grow to love me over time.”
Marry him anyway? What the bloody hell did that mean? “We are getting married. You promised last night.”
“I misunderstood your intentions last night,” she answered, staring down at her lap. “I thought you were confessing emotion, not just making a match.”
The carriage bounced over a rock and his stomach flipped about. “I care about you as much as I am able.”
She shook her head. “It isn’t enough.” Her hands clenched in her lap. “My father, Eve…I need to make a love match.”
Noelle gasped, but Jack leaned forward. “I don’t understand that at all. How is me saying three words going to cure your father?”
She shifted in her seat. “How did Rose denying you love impact your life?” She waved her hand. “You don’t have to answer. We already know it nearly killed you. Now imagine if a relationship around you had shown you the happiness love could bring. Fed your own needs.” She shook her head. “Our love will show my father that there is life after death. Happiness will surround him, grandchildren will fill his home, laughter will be what he feels, love will penetrate the darkness.”
Jack grimaced. Was that true? “I’m not sure it works like that.”
She shrugged. “I have to try.”
Noelle reached over and squeezed Holly’s hand. “I was trying to rescue our family too. I have to confess. It didn’t occur to me that love would mend our family, but I thought marriage would. If we could move forward in life then we’d move away from our grief.”
Jack scrubbed his face. “What Noelle said makes sense to me. And I’m ready to move forward.”
Holly gave him a sad smile. “I know you are. And I’m not giving up on you or on us. Understand that. But I won’t marry until I know that we share a real bond.”
He smacked a hand down on his thigh. She could already be carrying his child. What did she mean she wouldn’t marry him? “That is unacceptable.”
She straightened in her seat, her lovely green eyes looking straight at him.
“We seem to be at a stalemate then because I find your offer unacceptable as well.”
Jack narrowed his gaze. He knew enough about Holly to know what she enjoyed and how he might coerce her into bending to his will. It was time to fight dirty.
* * *
Jack had gone silent again, which both relieved and unnerved Holly. She glanced over at him several times as he sat lounging in his seat, ankles crossed, arms folded over his powerful chest.
He stared out the window, as more sprinkles of snow began to fall.
Noelle had quieted too and Holly was grateful. She was so happy for her sister but Noelle’s happiness seemed to underscore Holly’s pain. Jack wanted to marry her, just not give her his heart.
She twisted her hands together. Was he only worried about being hurt? Or did he just not feel that way about her? Perhaps Rose still held his true affection? That made the bile rise up in her throat and she covered her mouth with her hands. The carriage arrived in Maybridge Falls, just as the clock struck the noon hour. Jack helped her down from the vehicle, bending over her hand and giving it a light kiss. As he entered her kitchen, he stopped in front of the stove. “I’ll need to speak with your aunt.”
Her brows lifted. “What for?”
He leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry.”
That did little to quell her fears. Mr. Clark came in behind them and Jack turned to him. “If you could please see if the lady of the house is available, I’d appreciate it.”
“Jack,” Holly tried to keep her voice calm but it rose in volume, the last consonant, hitting a high note. “No one need know—”
“I know,” he said. “And say whatever you want about love, I refuse to leave you unprotected.”
Her chin snapped back. He was going to use her aunt to force a match. “How could you take away what I am trying to do for my family?”
He squeezed her hands. “I don’t want to take anything away. I want to give to you. A life, a home, babies.”
A sob rose in her throat, but she choked it back down. “You know very well what you’re taking from me.”
He leaned in again to brush his lips against her forehead. “Don’t be cross with me, Holly. I can’t let you go. You’re too important.”
She was cross. Terribly so. Mr. Clark returned and ushered Jack forward. Holly watched him walk away, her anger and hurt threatening to bubble over.
“Holly,” Noelle touched her elbow. “Don’t be too sad.”
“Why not?” she asked tears brimming in her eyes.
“Because,” her sister answered. “He does love you. He just doesn’t know how to say it yet.”
Noelle’s words cut through her middle. “Do you really think that?” Holly asked.
“I do,” Noelle brushed back her sister’s hair. “We didn’t back simple men with untested hearts. They need more time and more love.” Her sister stepped closer, wrapping her arms about her. “I think you’re right about love healing the wounds of our past. And I believe it will heal his too, but deep cuts like his take time. What you need now is patience.”
Holly drew in a long, slow breath. “You’re right. I thought as much myself. It’s just hard when I lay my heart out and he doesn’t offer up his.”
Noelle gave her hand a squeeze. “You’re the strongest of us all. If anyone can tame that man’s affection, it’s you.”
That made Holly smile. “All right. I’ll try.”
“Don’t give up.” Her sister pulled back. “Let’s write to father. Do you think he’s surviving without us?”
Holly shook her head. “I don’t know.” Then she gave a smile. “At least Jack understands that he needs me by his side. I still can’t believe Papa sent us away.”
“He did it for us,” Noelle answered. “In his own way, he was trying to help us move on with our lives. And so we are.”
Holly nodded. She hoped she was moving in the right direction but she’d picked her course now and it was time to see it through.
Chapter Twelve
Jack climbed from the sleigh and walked to Lady Tannenbaum’s back door. He hadn’t seen Holly when he’d left the house yesterday nor had she contacted him last night. The bed at the inn had been cold and lonely without her. When had he become that man?
It was still early but he’d sent a missive, asking her to join him on a sleigh ride. He needed to see her.
Holly appeared in the alley between the cottages, her red cloak freshly laundered and shining brightly in the morning sun. She stole his breath and he reached out a hand to her.
She stopped a few feet from him. Nibbling at her lower lip.
“Hello,” he said, grasping her elbow and guiding her closer. He hated being apart from her.
She resisted for a moment before she allowed him to draw her to his side. “Hello.”
“How was your night?” he asked, wrapping an arm about her back.
She looked to the side, giving a small shrug. “Fine.”
“Are we not speaking?” he asked, leaning closer to nuzzle the bit of flesh exposed on her neck between her hat and her high collar.
Her heart fluttered in her throat. “I am angry with you.”
“I know,” he answered. “I’m a terrible pain in the arse. Always have been.”
He felt her smile. “I still love you.”
The words, I love you too, rose to his lips, but he choked them back down. Did he love her? The rightness of the feeling settled in his chest. He did. So why didn’t he say the words?
He was afraid. He squeezed her tighter. So afraid of being hurt again the way he’d been in the past. “Thank you for saying that.”
She shifted away. “You’re welcome.”
He grimaced, wanting to say more, wanting to pull her close and hold her against his body. Instead, he offered up his elbow. “Shall we?”
She placed her gloved hand in the crook of his elbow as he settled her into the sleigh. Climbing in himself, they set off along the very trail he’d followed her down just a few days prior.
They were quiet as the sleigh reached the field by the lake. He stopped the vehicle, staring out at the snowy scene. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“It is,” she answered. “It’s like a painting of winter. I don’t know when I’ve ever seen so much snow.”
He turned toward her then, placing an arm around her back. “It will make for a beautiful wedding backdrop.”
She looked over at him, her lips pulling up as though she were smiling, though her eyes remained sad. “It will.”
A nervous tic started in his cheek. He couldn’t lose her now. “Have you thought about where and when you’d like to have the ceremony?”
She stared out over the lake. “Not on Christmastide. Beyond that, you pick. It’s your wedding, after all.”
“My wedding?” He straightened, looking down at her. “That isn’t fair. You just told me that you loved me.”
“I do.” She straightened matching his pose. “But you refuse to allow our feelings to develop naturally and you are instead forcing my hand, literally.”
He made a noise deep in his throat. “You stepped willingly into my bed. There are consequences for that.”
She stood, planting her hands on her hips. “I thought you shared my feelings.”
They were going round in circles again. He stood too. “Holly,” he reached for her arms, dragging her close. “Why do you keep pushing this?”
She blinked. “Because.” Her hands rested on his forearms. “I love you.” Then she reached up on tiptoe and kissed him softly. “We’ll be happier if you share in that love.” Then she turned and stepped out of the sleigh. “And when you love someone, you don’t give up on them.”
Those words slammed into his chest like a kick from a mule. She wasn’t doing this out of anger or hurt but because she cared? “I can think of better ways to show how much you love me.”
“Can you?” She started walking the way they’d come.
“Holly,” h
e jumped from the sleigh, long strides carrying him to her side. “If you truly love me, stay here and love me.”
She turned to him, cocking her head. “Did you mean something specific by that?”
He straightened. “I did. Snuggle into my side and finish our sleigh ride. Let’s talk and spend time together and…”
While she didn’t move, he felt her soften. “Spend time together.” Her hand lifted and rested on his chest. “Of course. You’re right.” Her nose wrinkled.
He let out a short laugh. “I didn’t expect to hear you say that. I thought you might never speak to me again.”
“I was angry.”
He quirked a brow. “I thought you were acting out of love, not anger.”
“Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to like everything you do.” But she started walking back toward the sleigh.
“No. I suppose it doesn’t.” But at least he’d have a chance to spend time with her now. And he’d try to make the most of it.
Before he could hand her back in, however, feet crunched in the snow behind him. “Jack,” a deep voice called. “Jack. Wait.”
He turned, half tucking Holly behind him, but it was only Nick who raced over to them. “Is something wrong?”
“No. Yes.” Nick skidded a stop. “Maybe.”
Jack lifted his brows. “I see.” Which was ridiculous. He didn’t see anything at all.
“I need to borrow the sleigh. It’s important.” Nick huffed as though he’d ran here.
“Important?” Jack asked. “What—”
“Please,” Nick was already moving around him to the vehicle. “I don’t have time to explain. Holly, tell your sister I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“My sister?” Holly looked at him, confusion knitting her brow. “Eve?”
“Always,” Nick answered as he climbed into the vehicle and snapped the reins, leaving them both standing in the snow.
“Fine friend he is,” Jack muttered but he gave a grin. “Do you think he and Eve are serious?”
Holly shook her head. “I don’t have a clue but you can bet I’m going to find out.”
My Yuletide Earl: A Wallflower’s Christmas Wish Page 7