by Kent, Rina
“How…” I clear my throat. “How did you know that?”
“You think I wouldn’t search the background of someone I found in bed with my only daughter?”
“Touché.”
He takes a sip of his drink without breaking eye contact. “You chose to process this evidence despite threats from Jonathan?”
“Yes,” I say without a sliver of doubt.
“Why?”
“Because I want justice for Astrid.”
“How about justice for your father?” His calm question catches me by surprise.
I look down, trying to school my expression. Since Uncle told me about the accident three years ago, I’ve been having a constant battle with myself.
What I want and what I need.
What I lost and what I can have.
The past and the future.
But I already made the choice.
“You already know.” Lord Clifford puts his glass on the table with a clank.
I nod. “But I still want to see where this goes with Astrid and —”
“Absolutely not.” He cuts me off, standing.
“With all my due respect, Astrid and I have nothing to do with what happened in the past or the feud between you and Uncle. We’re our own people and deserve to be treated as such.”
“You’re not naive enough to think that, are you?” He strides from around the desk to stand in front of me. “The feud between me and that scoundrel King is because he blamed Astrid’s mother for the accident, saying she killed your father. I’ve been trying to prove that something wrong happened. Jasmine was a careful driver and never got a ticket in her entire life.”
“It was an accident in which both of them died.” I grind my teeth. “It’s over. It’s in the past.”
He releases a sigh. “Tell that to my daughter who locked herself in her room for days since she remembered the accident.”
I stand up slowly. “She remembers?”
“Yes.”
“Let me talk to her,” I swallow and say the word I never thought I would say. “Please.”
He shakes his head.
“Astrid and I are the same. We both lost our parents that night. I understand her the best.”
“You understand nothing, son. Astrid is locking herself up because she thinks that her mother killed James. She feels guilty towards you. Seeing you is the last thing she needs.”
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath, using the desk’s edge as support.
Does this mean I lost her once and for all?
No. I won’t accept that.
“One time,” I ask Lord Clifford again. “Let me see her just one more time.”
“Seeing your face will only remind her of her guilt. It’ll hurt her and I promised that won’t happen anymore.” He pauses. “Besides, it was indirect but you participated in her accident. It’s best if you both go separate ways.”
“I don’t want that,” I grit out.
“You never get what you want. Welcome to life.”
At home, I stand in front of the glass chess board and stare down at the black King piece.
Dad always liked playing in black and I picked up the habit since he taught me how to play.
On my way out of Lord Clifford’s house, I stood outside, looking at all the windows, hoping Astrid would peek out from one of them.
She didn’t.
“I’m so sorry, Father,” I tell the king piece.
I chose the future over the past, but I lost both of them.
“Look who’s graced us with his presence.”
My shoulders droop as Uncle sits on the white King’s side. He must’ve just returned from an all-nighter in the office. Or two nights judging from his unshaven face and his missing tie and jacket.
“Care for a game?” he asks.
I sit down and re-arrange Aiden’s last game against himself.
Uncle reaches behind him and pours us two glasses of cognac.
I raise an eyebrow when he offers me one. “What did I do to receive a drink from Jonathan King himself?”
He clincks my glass. “You were born a King.”
“I’m more of a vodka person myself, but well…”
He narrows his eyes. “Now I know where all those bottles disappeared to.”
I lift my shoulder and take my first swig. The bitter taste leaves a burn at the back of my throat. Placing my drink on the side, I push my first pawn forward, mimicking Uncle’s first move. It’s good to receive the news of my fall to hell while playing chess.
“I had a call from the deputy commissioner.”
Here we go.
“I’m guessing it’s not because I beat his son to pulp?”
“You did that?” He narrows his eyes on me, twirling his drink. “What did I say about violence?”
“It doesn’t solve anything.” I grin. “But it sure answers questions.”
He shakes his head. “You’re so much like James, it’s uncanny.”
“My father wasn’t a violent man.” After a few moves of my pawns, I push my knight forward.
“Sure was when he was a punk your age.”
Huh. Maybe Father and I are more alike than I thought.
“Did you hate him for that?” I ask.
“James was my oldest brother and only sibling. I never hated him.”
“But you were always breathing down his back.”
“Because he was slowly committing suicide with all those drugs and parties and whatnot.”
“Let me guess, you’ve been keeping me on a leash so I don’t grow up to be like him.”
“Of course.” He swallows my knight in a full dick move. “What do you think it was?”
“Anyone ever told you that you have a shitty way of showing your care?”
He shrugs and takes a drink of his cognac. “I do what it takes to protect my family.”
“By being a dictator?”
“The methods don’t matter. The results do.”
I scoff. Some things never change.
While he’s drinking, I notice an opening and use my queen to kill his bishop.
He raises an eyebrow, probably since I left my king unprotected. It doesn’t matter. My rook is in place and if he makes a move, his queen will be unprotected.
“You made a mess,” he says and something tells me it’s not about the game.
“I’m ready for the consequences.”
“You know.” He chuckles with nostalgia. “I could never beat James in chess. It drove me insane.”
“No way. You actually lose.”
“I actually lose.” He brings the drink to his mouth then stops. “I was the nerd in the family while James was the popular one. He got all the attention, all the stardom and all the girls. And yet, he kept beating me at chess which was supposed to be my speciality. One day, I asked him how he does it, and then he said, You’re too uptight, little brother. Don’t play the game...”
“Play the player,” I finish for him.
He nods. “I understand the full meaning behind his words now. I shouldn’t have controlled you. It was an epic failure and I lost my holiday home because of it.”
I go to attack his queen then stop. “Sorry?”
He scoffs. “We both know you don’t mean that.”
“I would if you drop the entire case against Lord Clifford’s ex-wife.”
“There’s no case to drop. Both Clifford and I buried the accident for a reason. He didn’t want his ex-wife’s name in the press and I didn’t want the press to broadcast that my brother was drunk and high at the time of his death.” He points his glass at me. “Clifford and I agreed to make each other’s lives hell since then, though. I’m winning, by the way.”
“Of course you are. You always win, Uncle.”
“Not always, punk. No matter what I did, I lost my brother.” He pushes me back using his rook. “I won’t lose you either.”
I hesitate before clutching my bishop. If this is a tactic to make me doubt my next
move, then it’s fucking working.
“You want to play professionally? You have it.”
“I… do?”
“On one condition.”
I eat his queen and grin. “Ha. I’m listening.”
“Checkmate, punk.” He grins back. “Sacrificing the queen for the king is a pleasure.”
No. It’s not.
I stare at my king surrounded by Uncle’s rook and knight.
The bastard couldn’t protect himself or his queen and now their entire kingdom is all fucking over before it properly started.
I shake my head, focusing back on Uncle. “You’ll really let me play professionally or was that a ploy?”
“Both.” He smiles. “Here’s what you have to do in return.”
50
Astrid
Everything ends. Even a war.
* * *
A harsh breath leaves my lips as I watch Levi’s retreating back from the window of my room.
An itch urges me to run after him and hug him.
I want to hug him so bad and not just because I need a hug myself.
When Sarah told me someone by the last name King came over, I nearly had a heart attack. It took everything in me not to go and protect him from Dad.
But I couldn’t face him.
I doubt I ever will.
Levi had a deep connection with his father and once he knows the truth about what happened three years ago, he won’t look at me again.
I hang my head against the window’s frame and hit my forehead over and over again.
A hug. I totally need a hug right now.
Fetching my phone, I open it. I’m bombarded by the notifications. I attempt to ignore them, but then I read a notification from the school’s students’ group.
‘There’s a murderer’s daughter in RES.’
My heartbeat almost leaps out of my throat as I open the original post.
Someone from the journalist group says that he received a tip that there’s a murder’s daughter studying in RES and he’ll soon reveal the name.
My breath becomes shortened and the room starts spinning.
How… How could they have found out so soon?
Only Dad and I knew.
And… Jonathan King. Could this be his way to destroy my father through me?
But wouldn’t that also sully the school’s name?
He owns most of the shares, why would he destroy it?
I’m about to call Dan when someone bangs on my door so hard, I flinch.
Before I can react, Nicole barges inside and closes the door behind her.
She’s dishevelled. Her eyes are bloodshot and tears stream down her cheeks. Her hair goes in all directions.
“What’s going —”
“I had nothing to do with whatever happened that night,” she blurts, eyes shifty. “I really know nothing about your accident, I just wanted Daniel. That’s all.”
“You wanted Daniel?” I repeat incredulous. “As in my best friend Dan?”
“Yes, yes, that Dan!”
“But… you always insult him and look down on him.”
“Defence mechanism, idiot,” she sniffles. “I didn’t mean to drug you. I gave him one shot and the other was supposed to be mine, but he had to snatch it from between my fingers and give it to you.”
Oh.
“Wait. Dan was also drugged?”
“Yes, and he spent the night with me.” She lifts her chin.
“Oh. My. God.” I stomp towards her. “What the fuck did you do to him, Nicole?”
“It’s all because of you,” she snarls back. “Since you came into my life, my house, my school, everything became fucking hell. He was mine first. I saw him first! Why can’t you just leave so everything can go back to the way it was?”
She storms out before I can say anything.
I don’t have time for her anyway.
Oh, God. I’ve been so blind this whole time.
I wasn’t the only one traumatised that night. Dan was assaulted, too. Why didn’t he say a word about it?
I call him, but he doesn’t pick up.
“Dammit, Dan,” My voice chokes. “Pick up.”
I continue calling him as I throw on a hoodie. I need to find him then strangle him for hiding this — after I hug him.
On my way out of my room, I barge into Dad. I step back, my head lowering.
“Uh, Dad.... Sorry, I mean Father. I have to see Dan.”
“Can that wait for a bit?” He walks inside. “Besides, Daniel is with the council.”
“F-for what?”
“His school orientation,” Dad says. “He mentioned it to Sarah when he came by this morning and you didn’t want to see anyone. He said he’ll drop by later.”
“Oh, right. Okay.” I release a breath. I don’t know why I thought he was in danger.
Dad continues walking into my room as if he’s seeing it for the first time.
I swallow. “Is there something you want to talk about, Dad?” I wince. “Sorry, I mean, Father.”
“Dad is fine.” His eyes soften. “I’m sorry I made you call me something you didn’t relate to, Astrid.”
“O-Okay.” I don’t know why I feel more nervous now that Dad is allowing me to call him Dad.
It strangely feels like the last meal they offer to inmates before their death sentence.
Will he announce that he’s adopting Nicole now?
He settles on the edge of the bed. “Do you want to sit down?”
I realise I’m hugging the doorframe as if I’m looking for an escape. With a reluctant heart, I release the door and step towards my father.
I sit as far away from him as I can while still on the same bed.
My heart beats so loud, I can only hear the buzzing in my ears. It’s like that time when both my parents sat me down to tell me that Dad won’t visit us as often anymore.
I’m bracing myself for the bad news. No matter how many of them I got lately, it doesn’t get easy.
Before he can speak, I blurt out what I’ve been a coward to say all these weeks. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
“For what?”
“For saying what I said that day. I was angry. I didn’t mean that, you know, wanted you dead. I don’t. You’re my… dad. I just miss my mum and I wish I had both of you beside me.”
He releases a long sigh. “Me, too.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Jasmine and I decided to reunite officially right before her accident.” A sheen of sadness covers his gaze. “It remained as a dream after all.”
“Wait. You planned to divorce Victoria? But wasn’t she your wife since I was seven?”
“On papers, yes. She’s the perfect wife chosen by my parents, but she was never my wife. Your mother is the only woman I wanted to marry.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“I did.” He scratches his forehead and clears his throat. “In Vegas.”
“Vegas? As in Las Vegas.”
“Yes. That’s the one.”
Whoa. I somehow can’t imagine my dad, Lord Henry Clifford, heir to the Clifford household and a member in the House of Lords, visiting Vegas let alone having a Vegas wedding.
“Mum never mentioned that.”
“But she told you, you weren’t illegitimate, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, she did.” Her version was that they registered their marriage secretly and that’s it.
“What is it?”
I shake my head, laughing awkwardly. “Sorry, I’m still wrapping my head around the Vegas part.”
“I wasn’t always so put together, you know. I was quite wild in my youth. How do you think I met your mother?”
“She always left that part vague. She mentioned something about a party?”
“I guess she can call it a party.” He shakes his head with a nostalgic smile. “That was probably her PG-13 version. My friends and I partied and gambled all night. In our drunken minds, we decided it was an epic idea to have skull ta
ttoos. We went to this parlour down the road and Jasmine was there. She was… stunning. And I might have pushed my mates aside so she’d tattoo me. Only she made fun of my skull idea and how ‘unoriginal’ it was. So I gave her free reign to do anything as long as it can be hidden by clothes.” He pauses as if tasting his own words. “She looked out of her skin with joy. I’ve never seen someone look so happy before. Apparently, it was the first time someone gave her artistic freedom. She promised that I won’t be disappointed.”
I inch closer to him. “And what did she do?”
I didn’t realise Dad had a tattoo. Or maybe I did from when he lived with us and forgot about it.
He stands up and unbuttons his shirt. “I’ll show you instead.”
My jaw would’ve dropped to the floor if it weren’t attached to my mouth.
A black and red phoenix tattoo covers the middle half of Dad’s back in a 3D style sketch. Its tendrils resemble flames.
“Wow.”
I’ve seen so many of Mum’s work, but this is her most passionate one. I strive to sketch like her one day.
“That’s not all.” He rolls his sleeves to show me small tattoos in a vertical line along his forearm. A sun. A moon. A star. The sun on Dad’s arm is black.
“Like mine…” I show him my tattoo at the same place as his. Only in mine, the star is coloured black.
And in Mum’s tattoo, the moon is in black. I chuckle. “She got us matching tattoos.”
“I was against it since you were only fifteen, but I’m glad she did it anyway.” Dad smiles as he buttons his shirt and sits beside me again.
“How long did she take to do the phoenix?”
“About a week. We talked so much during that time. It was the first time, someone had genuine interest in me and not in my family name. So afterwards, I hid my real identity from her. We stayed together for months before I took her to Vegas.”
“How did Mum find out about who you are?”
“The horrible way. My parents got involved and it wasn’t pretty. People like me aren’t supposed to be with people like Jasmine. Even though I knew that, I couldn’t lose her. Especially when she was pregnant with you.”
I continue itching closer until there’s no space left between us. “What did you do?”