“Not exactly. But I’m working on it.”
The higher their offers rose, the twitchier I got about refusing them. After all, wasn’t money in hand better than none?
I could take a deal and keep Lace with me. We could live large on the money they were already offering. The problem as I saw it wasn’t really them anymore, but Lace.
Would she agree to stay with me if she wasn’t in the band?
• • •
Lace
War was acting weird, and so was my brother. The A&R reps were nice, though. Staying this time after the show, I played my role, supporting my boyfriend and discovering that schmoozing with the music reps wasn’t so bad. They paid for our food and drinks. But the later it got, the less supportive I felt.
“You okay?” Bryan slipped into the empty space beside me at the bar.
“Yeah, why do you ask?” I shifted on my bar stool to face him. Well, as much as I could. War was on the other side of me, his hand clamped on my thigh as he talked to the rep from RCA.
“I dunno. I guess I got worried because of what you said earlier.”
“Just feeling the stress,” I said, downplaying my mood.
“Test is tomorrow?” he asked, but I think he knew.
“Yes,” I said, my stomach knotting.
“Morning or afternoon?”
“Eight a.m.” I made a face.
“You should go home. Get some sleep.”
“Yeah, but . . .” I shrugged. Truthfully, I didn’t want to leave and risk a repeat of the argument I had with War the last time reps were interested in the band.
Nodding knowingly, Bryan reached past me, his chest a compelling wall of hardness as he thumped War’s bicep to get his attention.
“What?” War frowned at him, but Bryan took it in stride.
“I’m gonna take off. Get Lace to her place. She’s got the SAT in the morning, remember?”
“Okay.” War shifted and laid a heavy one on me.
Taking what he gave, I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his whipcord muscles flex as he tongued my mouth deep. I got into it. Even with Bryan and the rep probably watching, I was disappointed when War abruptly ended it.
“Good luck.” Lifting his head, War gave me a slow grin.
“Huh?” I blinked at him, my mind completely scrambled.
“Good luck on the test tomorrow.” War extracted my hands from his T-shirt. “I’ll meet you after. Take you out. You’ll kick ass on the SAT, and if this loser from RCA ups Black Cat’s offer, we might have more than just your test-taking prowess to celebrate.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder where the rep was sitting.
The guy from RCA smiled at me, but I didn’t return it. Something was off about him and his smile. Not that I would share. War hadn’t asked for my opinion.
“Ready?” Bryan held out his hand.
Nodding, I placed my hand in his and wobbled when I hopped off the bar stool. Not because of the kiss from War, or from my stiletto boot heels slipping on the stamped concrete floor, but because of the electrical current shooting up my arm and through the rest of me, just from Bryan holding my hand.
Once we were outside, he asked, “Which way should we go? Left?”
He pointed toward the row of buildings hugging the shore, beyond which lay the dark expanse of the ocean. The breeze blowing from that direction lifted my hair and tasted salty.
“Or right?” he asked, pointing in the opposite direction. Uphill from where we were, a dense conglomeration of tall buildings nearly blocked out the night sky.
“I don’t understand.” I gave him a puzzled frown. “The ocean isn’t on the way to my uncle’s house.”
“I thought we could walk along the shore a bit, then get on the train to Southside at Roosevelt. It’s a different way, but it’s possible that a way you haven’t tried before can be exactly right.”
“Sure.” I cocked my head, trying to read between the lines. Was he attempting to convey a deeper truth?
“It’ll take longer, but I owe you a stroll on the beach.”
“Ah, okay.” My heart skipped a beat as I got his meaning, or at least I hoped I did.
“You’re all keyed up.” He gave me a long look under the light. “I think you need the unwinding time. Am I wrong?”
“You’re right.” It was uncanny how Bryan knew things like that without me having to explain.
“C’mon then.” He threw his arm around my shoulders, and I experienced the usual full-body buzz from the connection as we turned away from the club and walked downhill on the sidewalk.
We both went silent, apparently lost in our own thoughts. Curious about his, I glanced at him a couple of times—once as we crossed from one block to the other, as we skirted the cannery by the water, and again as we descended the stairs from the street level to the sand.
The lights from the buildings we passed and the streetlights we walked under revealed Bryan’s creased brow and thoughtful expression, but what his thoughts were exactly, I wasn’t sure. I could sense a heaviness in him, though, and knew without him saying it that he wanted to take this walk for a reason.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, unable to stand the suspense anymore.
“Why do you think something’s wrong?”
“You seem upset. Have I done something to upset you?”
He removed his arm from my shoulder. “No. Not really.”
That sounded ominous, and it was cold by the water, colder without his warmth. I started to bring my arms up to wrap them around my shoulders, to remedy the situation for myself, but he grabbed one of my hands and threaded his fingers together with mine.
My heart raced, and my body flooded with heat. I didn’t need my own remedy. I wasn’t the tiniest bit cold anymore.
“So not really means maybe you’re a little upset with me.” Peering at him with only the moonlight to illuminate his handsome features, I tried to gauge his mood.
“I wanted to talk to you. Away from everyone else.” Bryan stopped walking and moved in front of me. “Somewhere pretty. Somewhere private.”
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, my heart beginning to pound to a new rhythm of anticipation.
Was I reading the signs correctly? It was late. The beach was deserted. The only sound was the ocean lapping the shore. The moon over the water made the sea shine like black glass, the silver sphere reflected in it reminding me of his eyes.
“War,” he said. “Are things better for you with him?”
“How do you mean?” I thought it best to narrow that very broad question.
“Tonight. With all the reps, the setup’s a lot like the last time you took the SAT.” Bryan’s gaze seemed to intensify. “When you and War argued. When you broke up.”
“I had that same thought earlier.” I sighed. “War said he’s making allowances for me, for my dream. But . . .” I sighed and bit my lip.
Bryan’s gaze dipped to my mouth, and my stomach flipped. “But what?” he asked softly.
“But his own dream takes precedence, and he forgets mine. I understand. His dream isn’t wrong, just different, and probably more realistic, less of a long shot now than mine.”
“Your dream isn’t unrealistic.” His brows drew together. “Aren’t your practice scores better? Aren’t you more prepared?”
“Yes, they are, and I am. Thanks to you.” I gave him a soft smile, wishing I could give him so much more.
“I believe in you.”
I swooned. “That’s what I want War to say,” I mumbled, then apologized for speaking the unfiltered truth. “I shouldn’t have said that. He’s your best friend and my boyfriend. I should be more supportive of him, more encouraging and enthusiastic about Tempest. More appreciative to be included in the group.” I sighed again. “With you guys and your shirts off, I stick out back there at my keyboards. I don’t feel like I belong.”
“You’re beautiful. You belong wherever you want to belong. And your feelings are just your feelings. There
’s no right or wrong with those.”
“But I should talk to him about how I feel, not you. Is that what you wanted to tell me?” I asked quietly.
“No, Lace. That’s not it.”
Bryan stepped closer, and I held my breath. He reached up with the hand that wasn’t holding me anchored to him and framed my face.
“Bry.” I exhaled from the bliss, burrowing closer, pressing my cheek deeper into the warmth of his palm.
His eyes dark, he swept his thumb across my skin. “I want to talk to you about us.” His voice lowered to a rumble, a beautiful accompaniment to the surf. “About the future.”
“What about the future?” I whispered, my heart thrumming.
“I think it’s almost here.” His brows dipped. “Everything seemed to be moving so slow before. I thought we had all the time in the world, that things could just continue as they are. But now with prom around the corner, graduation looming, and these reps here talking about a deal, it seems like things are changing, and those changes are coming fast.”
“Yes, they are,” I said, thinking about the scholarship I wanted. “Maybe too fast.”
I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared, though it was great that Bryan believed in me. He and I seemed to be the only ones who believed in college for me. Certainly, I was in a much better position going into the SAT this time around.
But what if I still didn’t get the scores I needed? What then?
In that scenario, if Tempest signed, I’d go on tour with the band. What would it be like traveling across the country in close proximity with War and Bryan? Would I sleep in a tour bunk with one while continuing to dream about the other?
“There’s unfinished business between us, don’t you agree?” Bryan asked softly, gently nudging into my thoughts.
“Yes, there is.” I stared deeply into his eyes, drowning yet floating in his warmth and approval.
As if he were floating on the same currents, his face drifted closer.
Bryan was all I saw. He was all I wanted.
I licked my lips, desperately wanting his mouth on mine. I longed for his kiss, longed to taste him. The air between us was crisp with his scent, and electric with the charge that was always there between us.
In that moment, I knew with crystal clarity why that spark was always there.
I was in love with Bryan.
I’d been in love with him for a long time. Maybe from the very beginning, before I was even old enough to know what this feeling was. Loving him was an abiding part of me, an integral component of my being.
I loved War too, but that love was totally different. War was an agitator. He required a reaction, demanded it. To be loved by him, I had to be changed, remade according to his will.
Bryan was strong, steady, and he understood me. He used that knowledge, not to tear me down but to build me up, because he wanted what was best for me.
I wanted what was best for him too. That was why I’d been willing to give him up, if my being friends with him would interfere with him having his dream.
But loving two men was a problem, especially when those two men also loved each other.
Where did that leave me? What did that do to the three of us? Would I make things better if I lifted onto my toes and pressed my mouth to Bryan’s? Or would I make things worse, only creating more tangles in the twisted ties that bound us?
Not knowing for sure, and afraid to damage the man who meant so much to me, I stepped back. “I think you’d better take me home.”
Lace
Monday morning, I made myself get out of bed for school. Though the SAT had gone better than the last time I’d taken it, it hadn’t gone as well as I wanted. At least this time, I’d finished the math section.
I only felt confident about portions of that section of the test. Whereas I felt one hundred percent unsure about my decision to cut Bryan off at the beach.
Why had I thrown away the only time he’d seemed willing to cross the line of our friendship? Why had I chosen that moment to grow a conscience?
I knew why.
Because I loved him.
Beyond reason.
And well into madness.
Adding to my unsettled feelings, I ran into Chad by the school office. He wasn’t alone.
“See ya, sis,” Dizzy said. Sensing the vibe, he split, going off in the opposite direction, following the come-hither looks of a girl while I remained where I was, staring slack jawed at Chad with Missy.
What the hell?
“I’m driving you to and from school,” she said to him, her blue eyes flashing with icy heat. “And helping you as I see fit while here.”
“I can carry my own books.” Chad wore a scowl, along with his Southside High basketball T-shirt and jeans.
“You can’t, not with your crutches.” She tossed a long lock of her black hair over her shoulder. “Quit being an ass. Your dad’s paying me to do a job, and I’m going to do it.” With his backpack slung over her shoulder, she gave me a dark look and took off.
As soon as she turned away, I went to Chad, throwing my arms around his waist. “I missed you,” I said, noting he’d lost a lot of weight.
“Missed you too.” He eased back, watching Missy until she turned the corner and disappeared.
“Are you back at school now?” I asked, wondering why he hadn’t told me.
“Half days.” He nodded, seeming distracted.
“That’s good. Right?” I asked.
“It’s something,” he muttered.
“What do the doctors say?” I searched his gaze. “I thought you were on strict non-weight-bearing instructions through the end of the year.”
“I don’t want to talk about doctors,” he said bitterly. “Or their fucking prognosis.”
“Okay.” My eyes widened in response to his vehemence. “So, how about Missy? When did that happen? Is she your chauffeur?”
“Until I get the boot off.” He frowned. “She’s part of my deal with my dad. If I don’t follow doctor’s orders, she reports to him, and he rides my ass.”
“Sounds like that sucks.”
“You have no idea.” Chad shook his head. His blond hair was more unkempt than usual and longer. The ends swept his wide shoulders.
“I guess not. But if you’d return my calls, maybe I would.” I put my hands on my hips. “And maybe we could put our heads together, and I could help you.”
“Can you turn back time? Give me a perfectly healed tendon? A scholarship?” His eyes flashed. “Stay another year at school instead of graduating early and leaving me behind?”
“I have to graduate early.” My brows drew together. “You know how it is with my uncle.” But I felt guilty. I’d never considered how that decision might affect Chad.
“You’re so self-absorbed, Lace Lowell.” He spat out the accusation, and I winced. “You think the world revolves around you alone and your drama.”
“I don’t.” Yet as I denied it, I wondered if he was right. Maybe I was selfish. I certainly needed him desperately, and wished I could talk through with him what had happened on the beach with Bryan, along with my trepidations about the test.
“Your poor me, I have two guys sniffing around me act, three if you ever cared to notice me, has gotten old.”
“You don’t like me.” I narrowed my eyes. “Not like a boyfriend.”
“Not anymore.” He glanced in the direction Missy had gone. “Hey, I gotta go.”
“Okay, but can we talk later?” My stomach swirled as he turned back to me. I didn’t like his expression. It was so cold and distant. “Maybe at lunch?”
“I’m going back to my house after fourth period.”
“Maybe I could come over later after school,” I said softly, my voice small, like I suddenly felt with having to beg for scraps of his time.
“You get walked to school by your brother. Walked home by your boyfriend, or the one you deny is your boyfriend.” Chad’s lips had an ugly curl to them. “You gonna walk three miles
all by yourself through La Rasa territory to come see me?”
“Maybe—”
“Listen.” Cutting me off, he put his hands on my shoulders, and I wanted to cry. “For a while, it worked well, you and me. But not now. Not with all I have going on.”
Again, he glanced away. Missy had returned. At the mouth of the hall, she folded her arms over her chest. He refocused on me, and I noted the crease between his brow was deeper.
“Face it, Lace. Your life is going one direction, and mine’s going another.”
“I need you.” My bottom lip trembled.
“You need to learn to help yourself.” His eyes as dark as my thoughts, he released me.
“Why?” I asked. “Why are you doing this? Acting like this? What have I done wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said, exhaling heavily. “You haven’t done anything. Not really. Only open your eyes. See that you already have a best friend, and he’s not me.”
Chad turned away. His progress was slow on his crutches and cumbersome with the boot. Missy waited for him. She glared at me but was all smiles for him when he reached her. They turned the corner while I just stood there, feeling more alone now than ever, trying to process what had just happened.
• • •
My day didn’t get better. King didn’t sit with me at lunch. No one did. But I could see Bryan through the window. He was outside in the quadrangle, talking to the pretty redhead I’d once seen in a car with Missy. “Talking” being a euphemism for his tongue being down her throat.
So what if I’d shut him down? Apparently, the so-called unfinished business with me didn’t mean very much to him. Maybe he had unfinished business with a lot of girls. And Chad wanted me to think Bryan was my best friend?
Not hardly.
After lunch, the day dragged on even worse than before. I got called on in history class. I wasn’t prepared, and the teacher dressed me down in front of everyone.
“You’re a top student, Lace,” Mrs. Leticia said disapprovingly. “I expect you to set the bar for excellence in my class, not lower it.”
After class, I was dragging my feet and feeling sorry for myself when War jogged up alongside me in the crowded hall.
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