by Londyn Skye
She did not answer. She had her back to him, gathering their bags, maneuvering them toward the tail end of the wagon for James to collect. Her ploy gave her extra time to let her emotions and nervousness subside.
James stood there staring in astonishment at Lily as the bags piled up. It looked to him like she was still not fazed by his plans for her. He suddenly recalled how Lily’s rock-solid inner strength had inspired him as a boy. He stood there now feeling like a fool for expecting anything less out of her.
“Lily, I’ve been callin’ your name.”
“Yessa’, I’s asleep ’til just a moment ago,” she lied.
“Well, I can handle all the bags lata’. Mr. Werthington is eaga’ to meet you,” James told her, offering her his hand to help her down.
“Yessa’,” Lily replied flatly. As she had gathered the bags, she was quietly inhaling and exhaling deeply to gain control over the quivering in her voice and in her body. She quickly cleared her eyes before turning toward James. She was thankful that the darkness was helping to hide any remnants of her tears. She was still determined not to give James the satisfaction of admiring the ways in which he had broken her.
James led Lily up the mansion steps and held the door open for her, as any southern gentleman would do. After Lily walked in, her eyes panned around the foyer. She was mesmerized by the grand dual staircase and the long hallway in front of her that seemed to go on forever. She had never seen a home so massive. It could have easily fit four of Jesse’s houses within it with plenty of room to spare. It made Lily instantly feel sorry for the house slave who had the unbelievable task of maintaining such a place. Just as that thought crossed her mind, an older dark-skinned man approached her and James, carrying himself much like a butler. “Good evenin’,” he said, nodding to them.
“Evenin’,” they replied in unison.
“I’m Ben. Mr. Werthington is right this way,” he informed them. He then guided them toward the dining room.
James and Lily followed behind Ben in silence. Despite her predicament, Lily could not help but be fascinated by the beautiful art, sculptures, flowers, and furniture spread throughout the house. From the elaborate décor alone, she knew William was not a man who dabbled strictly in the sale of tobacco or cotton. She assumed he must have many other entrepreneurial endeavors as well. The grandness of the dining room further convinced Lily that William was no average man. Sitting on top of his massive dining table was silver cutlery, china for sixteen, and a spread of food fit for a Thanksgiving feast. Lily felt it was fitting to walk in and see William sitting like a king at the head of the table, smoking a rather expensive looking pipe.
As Lily meekly approached, William laid his pipe down and stood to greet her. “You must be the Lily that I’ve heard so much about,” he smiled, gently taking one of her hands into both of his.
“Yessa’.”
“I’m William Werthington. So very pleased to meet you. I hope the journey wasn’t too rough for you.”
“No sa’. I feel mighty fine, thank you,” she said shyly, noticing he spoke with an accent that she did not recognize. It made him seem extremely intelligent to her and so, too, did the spectacles he wore perched halfway down his nose.
“I know you must be hungry, so please feel free to eat whatever you like. I wasn’t sure what the both of you preferred, so I asked Anna Mae to prepare a variety of different items. I hope you find something to your liking.”
“Thank you kindly, sa’.” Lily had grown to feel over the years that kindness of any sort by rich white people was usually selfishly motivated. She thought maybe it was important to William that his breeding slaves had access to as much food as they wanted. Seeing that he was obviously a man who loved the finer things in life, she had no doubt that money and greed dominated his every decision, even something as minor as offering a slave an endless amount of food. So, despite his kindness, she felt uneasy with not playing the role of a servant. “Should I fix y’all a plate first before I eat,” she asked, motioning to pick up William’s plate.
“Nonsense,” he quickly replied, gently grabbing her hand to stop her from taking his dinnerware. “You’re a guest here. Besides, I’m plenty capable of fixing my own plate, if you can’t tell,” he laughed, patting his barely protruding belly. “Believe it or not, this body of mine used to be made of stone,” he joked. “Seems that old age has chiseled away at that.”
James gave a faint smile and a nod of appreciation in William’s direction for his genuine effort to make Lily feel comfortable. He knew she probably felt out of place and nervous despite what her demeanor showed.
Lily, on the other hand, still believed that the jokes and the kindness were all an act. She only pretended to be amused and gave a weak smile in return for William’s efforts. “My apologies, sa’. I’ll leave you to make your own plate then.”
“No apologies required, m’lady. It’s quite alright,” William smiled.
Lily forced another fake smile in return, picked up her plate, and began to scan the array of food on the table. After she walked away, James and William both sat down.
“So, James, are you willing to divulge the secret of how you were able to talk your father into this whole transaction?” William asked. “From all that you’ve explained to me about him, I’m surprised that he was okay with this little arrangement we’ve got.”
“Well, truth be told, I don’t think he was okay with it at all. But he’s expectin’ me to take ova’ his farm soon, so I told ’em that I wanted to start makin’ some of the decisions around there right away, especially matta’s relatin’ to the slaves.”
Lily cringed after hearing James boast about his new duties.
“Ahh, very clever!” William exclaimed. “It’s certainly true that there comes a time when a father has to start trusting his son to take over his legacy.”
“That’s exactly the point I’s tryna make to him. But I guess it’s a little hard for a man to let go of the reins sometimes, no matta’ how much he might trust his own son.”
“A statement I’m sure you’ll fully understand when you become a father yourself one day.”
“Yessa’, I’m sure that’s true. I’ll just have to take your word for it for now, I guess.”
“Well, in any case, I guess it’s really not important how you got Lily here, is it? She’s here, that’s all that matters.”
“I reckon it is.”
Lily was thoroughly annoyed by their manly small talk. She did her best to ignore them as she decided what to eat out of the massive spread of food.
“I must admit, I’ve been looking forward to this since the day you came and talked to me about Lily,” William continued. “One doesn’t get many opportunities like this with a young lady such as her,” he said, glancing over at her and smiling.
Lily had her back to William and did not see the way he smiled at her. But his words alone were enough to make her immediately stop placing food on her plate. She suddenly no longer had an appetite. She thought that it would be another one of his slaves that would impregnate her, but now she wondered if William was going to do the honors himself. It turned her stomach to know that he would truly be sick enough to pleasure himself and then callously reap the financial benefits of one of his own children, just as her father had done. Just the thought of it made her instantly deem him as lower than scum.
Lily suddenly turned to look at James. She could not believe that he had the audacity to make her sit and eat across from a man who looked forward to being her rapist. She had confided in James long ago about what her father had done, yet here he was now turning her over to a man with equally perverted morals. She waited for James to turn toward her. When he did, she lowered her eyelids and pursed her lips, hoping that her expression conveyed her vehement disgust for him.
“Mr. Werthington, is it anotha’ table where us servants s’pposed to eat they food?” Lily asked, still glaring at James, not remotely fearful of what his reaction to her may be.
&n
bsp; “Now, you just sit right down and eat your meal with us. You aren’t on the Adams farm anymore. I know that may be a strange adjustment, but I won’t have you thinking with that servant nonsense while you’re here,” William reassured her, with kindness in his tone.
Lily was hoping that he would have sent her away to avoid being in a room with two men who disgusted her. She instead sat amongst them as the pair chattered on for at least half an hour about topics that did not interest her. They were both completely unaware of how she was seething inside while she picked at her food, ingesting just enough to sustain her life. She did not remember tasting any of it. It was yet another symptom of her melancholy state of mind. Nothing gave her pleasure anymore; even breathing seemed like an insurmountable chore. She found herself wishing to find a means of escape from the dining room, from William’s plantation … from her own life.
After sensing James’s lack of remorse for bringing her there, Lily felt her heart further crumbling into pieces. He seemed so content for William to steal her innocence, to emotionally and physically wound her. She detested herself for believing that this very same man had once loved her. Even though there had never been any verbal admission by James about such a thing, she thought she had felt his love at one point in her life. But the fact that he had concocted this heinous life-altering punishment, made Lily realize that the love she once perceived was all an illusion.
“Well, it’s awfully late,” William said, putting his pipe down after his long-winded conversation with James. “And as you know, we’ve got business to take care of come early morning,” he smiled, looking in Lily’s direction.
Lily briefly glanced at William. The way he was joyously smiling over something that was about to devastate her life made her want to vomit.
“William,” James said, standing and reaching his hand out for him to shake. “You’ve been more than kind to allow us to rest this evenin’. And I thank ya’ for this fine dinna’. Again, my apologies for the late arrival.”
“Not a problem at all. Life doesn’t always go as planned, now does it? Better late than never,” he smiled. “Come, come, let me show you to your rooms.”
Lily followed behind William and James with her head hanging low. Absorbing the beauty of the massive mansion no longer interested her. She knew there was no point in it anyway. After James was guided to his luxury suite, she was certain that she would then be escorted to the dilapidated slave quarters.
“You’ll be here tonight, James,” William told him, after opening a set of double doors on the first floor. The room looked more like a miniature home than a guest bedroom. “Anything you need, you can call after Benjamin, the gentleman you met earlier at the door. He’ll be glad to get you anything you need.”
“Mighty kind of you, sa’,” James replied, looking around at the beautiful room in awe, just as Lily would have if the heaviness of her sorrows had not been weighing her head down.
“Benjamin will also be waking you for breakfast, bright and early,” William explained.
James nodded. “I’d appreciate that.”
“Rest well until then.”
“I certainly will. Thank you and goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” William replied. He then closed the doors and turned toward Lily.
Lily stood there with her hands clasped together in the middle of the hallway, now completely alone with the man she was convinced she would have her first unwelcomed intimate experience with. She did everything she could to remain calm as he walked toward her. She continued looking down at the floor as if she would somehow find a route down there to make her escape. She searched her mind for what to do: cry, scream, claw, scratch, run, vomit. Suddenly, though, the only thing Lily found was the strength to accept her fate.
William gently touched Lily on the arm. She jumped slightly and let out a startled gasp. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said, speaking close enough for the sweet scent of his tobacco breath to overwhelm Lily’s sense of smell.
Unable to conjure up a coherent reply in her racing mind, Lily simply stared at William and nodded.
William motioned his hand out in front of him. “Right this way, m’lady,” he said.
Lily fell in step behind William as he led the way. For once in her life, she could not wait until she reached the slave quarters. She was eager to get as far away from William as possible. He guided her down the hallway back toward the front door and turned to go up the stairs. He began marching his way up but then heard the front door open behind him. He turned around looking perplexed. “Lily? Where in the devil are you going?”
“Out to the quarta’s, sa’.”
“The quarters?” William asked, looking confused.
“Yessa’, the slave quarta’s.”
William laughed, making Lily feel embarrassed about her assumption. “Well, m’lady,” he began, as he marched back down the stairs toward her. “As I told you at dinner, you are not on the Adams farm anymore,” he reiterated, as he reached around her to shut the front door. “There will be no fixing food, nor serving it. There will be no cleaning and no washing dishes, and I most certainly will not have you sleeping outdoors.” He motioned his arm in the direction of the stairs. “Your room is right this way. Now, please follow me,” he said, placing his hand on the small of her back.
Lily did not like the feel of William’s hand on her. Even through her dress, his touch repulsed her. The way his eyes lingered on her face disgusted her. The tobacco odor that oozed from his pores made her nauseous. The fact that she had to sleep anywhere in the vicinity of a man she believed to be a twisted pervert made her long for her haystack inside the rickety walls of the Adams slave quarters. She would have slept in a horse’s stall near piles of manure, if she was currently given the choice.
As William guided Lily up the stairs, she saw Benjamin out of the corner of her eye, staring empathetically at her. Her humiliation deepened, knowing that even the house slaves were privy to what was shortly to become of her. Thoughts of William’s “business” plans caused Lily’s legs to fight with her every step of the way as they ascended the stairs. But against her mind and body’s will, she was soon standing at the top of the grand foyer, mere yards away from the room where she was sure her life was about to change.
Lily walked meekly behind William to the end of another long hallway that led to a set of double doors in the east wing. William pushed the doors open and revealed what Lily reasoned could not possibly be a guest bedroom. The room was so luxurious, she assumed it was William’s personal master suite. There was a canopy bed decorated in lavish décor that sat on top of a stage-like platform. To the left of it was a fireplace with a reading sofa in front of it. To the right were bookcases with leather-bound classics and a writing table nearby. The curtains on the windows touched the ceiling and trailed all the way down to the floor, sprawling out like the train of a wedding dress. It was a room designed for a king, or in Lily’s mind, the owner of the home.
Being offered an actual bed of any kind would normally have caused Lily to be overcome with joy. But under the current circumstances, she only fought to keep her food down. She thought that she at least had one more evening to herself before having to succumb to the evils of the twisted pervert standing beside her.
“This will be where you’ll stay for the evening,” William expressed with joy on his face, walking to the center of the room. “Come, come,” he said excitedly, waving Lily over. “This room possesses some of my most treasured family heirlooms. My father and I built this desk together when I was just a boy. It was one of my fondest memories with him. And these books,” he explained, grabbing one off the shelf. “They were all the books that my father would read to us after dinner every night.” He paused as he thumbed through the one he was holding. “Oh, and over here,” William continued, guiding Lily up the two small steps of the platform to the bed. “My mother hand stitched this quilt herself,” he said, gliding his hand over the folded treasure at the end
of the bed. “She was a master seamstress,” he boasted proudly, pausing and staring into nothing as he remembered his mother for a moment.
With all that Lily was surrounded by, it confirmed to her that the room most certainly had to be William’s. She offered no response or reaction to the excitement of his nostalgia. She was too busy numbing herself in preparation for what she believed was coming next. Standing so close to the bed with William just inches away, her heart began to beat wildly against her chest.
William suddenly reached over and gently touched Lily on the shoulder. Feeling her skin crawl underneath his hand, she flinched slightly. She closed her eyes, and her mind reflexively began to drift away into a parallel world to protect her fragile emotions. Suddenly, she felt William no more. His scent was gone, and she was all alone in the room, at least that’s what her mind had convinced her of.
“Well, Benjamin has set your belongings in the chair over there,” William said with a smile, removing his hand from Lily’s shoulder. “If you need anything further, just let him know. He’ll be glad to assist you. Get plenty of rest this evening my dear, you’ll certainly need it for tomorrow.”
Lily lifted her head and opened her eyes only to see William walking away. He turned, bid her goodnight, and shut the double doors behind him. To Lily’s welcome relief, it seemed as though he was keeping his word about allowing her to rest for the evening. Shortly after his departure, Lily heard another door shut down the hallway, startling her. Although she was alone, she was reluctant to move from the spot she was standing in. She let only her eyes parade around the enormous candlelit room, looking at every corner as if someone might creep out of the shadows and attack her. But all she noticed was the silence. She did not hear crickets chirping or frogs croaking. She did not hear the rustling of hay, as the other slaves tossed and turned to find comfort. If any owls were hooting, she did not hear them either, nor did she hear the growling of her empty stomach.
Lily finally let go of enough fear to step out of the spot she was standing in. She walked slowly to the window and held her hand up to it, then ran her hand along the wall. She did not feel any cracks or breezes. There was no way for the cold night wind to access her tender skin. She looked up at every inch of the ceiling and saw that even the rain had no way of seeking out her face as she slept. She stopped in front of the crackling fireplace and saw that she even had an alternative means of warmth, a luxury she had not had since living with her mother. She then walked back up the two steps on the platform and ran her hand over the king-sized bed, adorned with William’s mother’s bed linens. Lily had never in her life known the comforts of a mattress on her back, nor the softness of a pillow underneath her head … and she did not want to know. She wanted none of it, not at the price she had to pay. She would just as soon take back the croaking of the frogs, the chirping of the crickets, the hooting of the owls, the cold night air, the rain on her face, and laying on a pile of prickly cow’s food while listening to the growling of her empty stomach, if it meant never having to give away her body and her beloved baby to a rapist.